7 Stages of Diet Grieving

By: Briana Michel, Holistic Nutrition Coach

www.MyThrival.com

  I have noticed throughout my years as a personal trainer and weight loss consultant, as well as through my own bouts of having to diet down for certain events (before I realized life is my event and I want to be in my best body ALL the time!), that the stages one goes through when beginning a new diet and implementing new lifestyle changes really mimics that of the seven stages of grief. There is a feeling of loss and giving up your old life, self and habits. It can be an emotional rollercoaster until you finally reach the “Aha!” that propels you into the next phase in your life and health.

  Shock & Denial –Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.  You may deny the reality in order to avoid the pain that is associated with it. It may be some bad news handed down from your physician, or seeing a photo and realizing that the person staring back at you is not the person you once were or see yourself as. That can’t possibly be how I look in a bathing suit. Those test results cannot be accurate.  I don’t really fall into the “obese” category that’s impossible. I’m terrified of what will happen if I don’t make changes and I'm scared that I won’t be able to stick with them.

Pain & Guilt- The shock begins to wear off and the unbearable pain of reality sets in. Normally you may have turned to food in other situations to squelch the pain, but in this instance, it is that very “comfort” that has caused this pain. The guilt associated with your negligence can be paralyzing at first.  How did I let myself get like this? How could I be so oblivious to how I have been harming my body? Why am I this person now? My family is so hurt by my health or seeing me struggle, how could I not see what I am doing to them? My children are following in my footsteps, how could I have let this happen? I’m humiliated to be out in public or see people from my past.

Anger and Bargaining- Frustration gives way to anger. You may lash out at the very people trying to help you now. You may point the finger and not want to bear responsibility. Why do I struggle with my weight when my sister is skinny as a rail! My co-worker eats whatever she wants and doesn’t gain like I do! It’s not fair that this is happening to me. I can crash diet and get this off fast, right? Can have a little bit more dessert if I promise to walk extra tomorrow right? Can I have my latte if I skip my dinner? I’ll start over on Monday.  Look at all the people who eat way worse then me but they don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes, it’s not fair!

Depression/Reflections/Loneliness- Sad reflection may begin to take over. You reminisce of a time when you were healthier, felt good in your own body, or you may not be able to ever remember a time where you didn’t struggle and that saddens you. You realize the true magnitude of the situation if you do not start making changes immediately. I’m embarrassed to eat around other people, or put on a dress. I hate that all I do is think about my next meal or can’t pass by a bakery without being tempted. I feel like I am the only one dealing with this. It is so overwhelming the amount of weight I need to lose, I don’t see how it will ever happen. I don’t know what to do or how to start. I’m alone on my island trapped in a body I don’t feel in control of anymore. It’s hopeless to even try sometimes because I am just going to mess it up sooner or later.

The upward turn- You reach out for help and start to put a plan in place. You set mini-goals to work towards. I’m learning how to eat to fuel my body. I’m starting to exercise and it feels great afterward. My clothes are starting to feel loose. I’m having more and more “aha!” moments that make me want to stick with my healthy changes.  People are starting to notice. My doctor says we may be able to lower my medication dosages! My family is getting on board with the new program and they are benefiting as well.

Reconstruction and working through it-.You start setting realistic goals and expectations with appropriate solutions.  I still have my lapses from time to time, but instead of beating myself up about them, I use them to learn from. I evaluate what triggered it and can plan better next time for that situation. I keep a detailed journal that helps me track not only my food, but times of stress and high emotions. I am finding other things to be interested in. I’m starting to walk taller and stand prouder.

Acceptance and hope- You learn to accept and deal with the reality of situation. Your only choice is to make those changes and you are ready. You start to let go of the pain, embarrassment and grief that you formerly felt. Look at all I have accomplished. I don’t ever have to go back to my old unhappy, unhealthy self again. I am moving forward and my future is much brighter. I have my health under control which now helps me take control in other areas of my life as well. Things are falling into place because of the hard work and mindset changes I have made. I have great support from my friends and family. I am proud of myself and hopeful for my future.