#didn't write

Holiday AUs

I’m a famous actor and you’re the novice actor that got cast as my love interest in this cheesy holiday movie and oh my goodness why do you suck so much let me show you how it’s done you imbecile and now we’re staying after the stage crew’s all gone home and okay you’re really attractive and now we’re reading the romance scene together and here comes the kissing scene now what.

You’re Santa Claus at the mall and I’m a passerby that happens to be dressed in a red dress like Mrs. Claus and oh great now all these parents and their kids think we’re Santa & Mrs. Claus together and everyone’s asking for a picture and wow I’m pretty peeved that I got dragged into this but beneath the white curly beard you’re kind of cute and you’re offering to take me out for hot cocoa to make up for it so alright

We work together at the local soup kitchen but you have don’t know the first thing about baking holiday cookies and you’ve burned the first batch so now we’re behind by a whole hour and ugh here leave the baking to me and you just pile on the sprinkles 

We absolutely hate each other but our close friends are convinced we’d be cute together and now we’re under the mistletoe and they’re all chanting “kiss kiss kiss” and neither of us what to hear them nag anymore so let’s kiss but woah you’re kind of a good kisser and hey is your hand around my waist?

We want to decorate the tree together but each in our own way so we each decorate our respective trees and goodness mine looks like the tree at the Rockefeller Tree but yours is more poorly decorated than the one from A Charlie Brown Christmas so no, we cannot put that in our living room. 

You love eggnog and I love peppermint hot chocolate and every day we come in at the same time and argue about which one is better and now it’s the night before Christmas and the coffee shop has long since closed and we still haven’t come to an agreement and oops it’s ten minutes until Christmas so is it really worth it? 

I got your the absolute perfect Christmas gift this year and I’m just about to give it to you but when I reach into my pocket it’s gone and I’m freaking out and on the verge of tears but you tell me it’s all okay and that I didn’t ruin anything because I’m your perfect gift and good golly now i’m bawling even harder

It’s Christmas Eve and we’re both at the airport waiting for our plane but the flight was delayed by a huge snowstorm and hmm it looks like we’re going to be spending Christmas together

I heard that you wanted to go visit your family for the holidays and I’m not doing anything soooooo how about we have a road trip?

I love Christmas but we’re both broke af so here have some mistletoe which is really just radish and lettuce with ribbon

We’re the only ones on our dorm floor who haven’t gone home for Christmas break and now we’re actually really good friends wtf

We’re both new and got invited to the neighborhood Christmas party.

I accidentally slipped while I was out ice skating and now my tailbone hurts and you’re the only doctor on call right now.

We’re both interns/newbies at a hospital and got stuck doing midnight shifts on Christmas.

We are both at a Halloween party, and bobbing for apples at the same time. It gets very competitive very quickly. 

We decided to go camping with a bunch of our friends on Halloween. We’re telling ghost stories around the fire when we hear a sound come from the woods…turns out you just went to go pee; Jesus, you scared us. 

We’re starting out YouTubers, and we dedicated all of October to playing scary games like Slenderman, FNAF, Indie Games, Until Dawn, Etc. Because of our pansy ass crybabying over the horror genre we get really popular really fast, though we aren’t exactly sure why that happened. 

Pregnancy AUs

the new nursery in our house is covered in highlighter yellow paint, our baby is going to hate this I told you we should have gotten purple

the closer I get to the due date the more antsy you get, every time I call you, you pick up screaming and asking if my water broke

the ‘eat for two’ thing is a myth please stop shoving extra food onto my plate I’m stuffed already okay

you’re so excited about the baby that every time we go out you buy another toy, what is our child going to do with 25 stuffed teddy bears wtf

you’re extremely nervous of being a parent that you’ve baby-proofed the entire house and bubble wrapped every single surface 

“the baby keeps kicking you, free them” “please stop”

please stop suggesting stupid names for our child no one is going to take them seriously if they’re named McKiley Kenzyls or Lakynn Qartleen.

Fantasy / Science Fiction / Superpowers / Superheroes AUs 

You’re an angry rage fire wielder and I’m a chill ice wielder and every time you get too worked up I’ve got to give you a bear hug to cool you down and then steam goes everywhere

We’re in a team and I’m the only one who can’t fly but you always pick me up and carry me instead, it’s kind of humiliating but I don’t want you to stop either.

“Don’t freak out, but I think I just saw your friend turn into a fucking fish.”

Just because you can travel through shadows does not give you the right to jump scare me in the middle of the night holy shit

I’m trying to keep my powers a secret but I accidentally tripped and I created a crater in the pavement and you saw everything

I’m a shapeshifter and I was transformed as someone else when we started flirting and I’m really into you but you don’t actually know what I look like oh no

“dude, you have wings. I thought you were just really into trench coats.”

I was wondering how on earth are you able to sprint for hundreds of meters and not break as single sweat so I tailed you because I thought you were on drugs or something, but turns out you have powers??

The fact that you can turn invisible explains a lot, I thought I was haunted and oh my god how many times have you seen me do something humiliating?

I’m royalty and being forced to marry this douchebag but I think I’m falling in love with the court wizard.

I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillian and I’m supposed to stop you but you never kill innocent people and I kinda agree with what you’re doing...

Random AUs 

After applying for a new reality TV show, i find myself involved in a scavenger hunt that takes place across the USA. With a gopro camera, their dog, and you in the passenger seat, i have to take one hell of a road trip for a chance to win 1,000,000 dollars.

We're both famous YouTubers, and i was watching you videos, and i think you'r'e talking shit about me. get ready for war; your'e going down!

My friend has been posing as me on a dating website, and now i have a date with a complete and total stranger, who thinks i enjoy home cooking, screamo music, sky diving, and thinks that I've climbed Mt. Everest.

Even though you’re the wildest and craziest person I know, you’re a very timid driver and really, really cautious

Even though you’re the quietest and shyest person I know but you are goddamn insane behind the wheel I think I’m going to hurl

You and I bonded after getting stuck in a bank during an armed robbery.

I have a Skype interview with you and when I call you , I realize how good looking you are, and want to hire you on the spot. But I keep their composure and begin asking questions. But mid way in you burst out laughing and I am about ready to end the call. But I learn you are laughing because you tapped googly eyes around Web cam to maintain eye contact and now you are loosing your shit because googly eyes.  

I saw you typing furiously away on your laptop through the window of that coffee shop by my house, surrounded by four empty coffee cups and when I came back an hour later to grab some coffee on my way home from work, I saw you passed out with your face smushed into the laptop keys and the barista didn’t look like she was going to do anything about it so now I have to wake you up but holy shit you’re cute, especially with your messy hair and bleary eyes. 

We’ve been through thick and thin together but whoops, I slept with your ex and then we sort of accidentally fell in love but you’re the one who left them at the altar so we’re cool, right?

We’re both straight, attractive members of the opposite sex but it won’t go any further than friendship because you’ll always be the guy who puked in my bed that one time.

I play the cello and have a performance at my college as a sort of graduation celebration and all are invited. Never attending a formal concert like these, You go for moral support. But when you walk through the doors, I hide behind their instrument and my stand partner asks who the fuck just walked through the door with my name painted on it in bright pink.

You mistook me for a hooker and offered to pay me $1000 an hour and because I’m broke and lonely, I went with you and now I’m $5000 richer and developing a new crush.

I’m not a morning person so I really can’t be bothered to deal with your shit right now.

I’m a math/science major and you’re a liberal arts major and neither of us is sure if our hatred of each other is due to the dislike of each others life choices or sexual tension ... or both...