#diawrites

I wouldn’t have minded had she been a workaholic, but she uses her laptop for dating sites, always looking for someone. Her dates never go well no matter how hard she looked. More often than not the guys look nothing like their pictures, or most of their pictures were groups and it was ini mini miny moe between which of the dudes she was actually talking to. Other times they look like the picture but act nothing like they did online, in text they were nice and considerate and in reality, they are rude and close-minded.

“Why is it so hard to find a decent guy?”

She always whines to me, while sipping tea from her pink mug, I’ve moved past explaining to her that this was a café, that she should order her drinks and food here rather than bring them. I think about her question and wonder if I enter her category of ‘decent guys’ I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t really make the cut, just like I’ve seen her billion dates she too was there to witness a few hook-ups, a few girls slapping me, and even me dumping girls whose names I had forgotten.

“Maybe you’re not looking in the right place”

“Right…What online dating site do you use Sasuke?”

We help eye contact for a moment and then both of us rolled our eyes. I knew she was joking; I have never used a dating app or site or anything and in my opinion, maybe she’d be a little luckier if she looked around herself in real life, of course when I say this, I mean myself. I’d be lying if I said her constant rejection didn’t intrigue me, but that’s not the only thing that somehow pulls me towards her. I find her day-to-day attire charming, her endless search for love a little idealistic. I got so used to seeing her every day that whenever it is past 1 p.m. and she isn’t here in her pj pants sitting on one of the stools I worry. Hinata actually lives in the building right next door so I often go and check on her. I also found the reason why she comes to the café, her apartment building has no wifi, according to her and most young people that’s a crime, but the price is only half of what she’d pay anywhere else in Konoha so, some sacrifices need to be made.

“Do you think I should stop looking for a while?”

She asks that after each disastrous date. If I’m being honest the more time passes the less I enjoy seeing her waltz around looking all dolled up, holding onto the arm of some random guy that by the end of the night turns out to be a creep. Usually, I answer her question by quoting some random rom-coms that she watches whenever she’s not updating her profiles on dating sites. But today something’s different, her laptop is absent, and her hair is down, but the mug and pj pants were present as usual. It’s a strange combination of both versions of her that I know. The lack of laptop tells me she has made up her mind to take a break, which I am happy about, but she needs some validation that her choice is correct so I say. “Maybe”

Hinata replies with a nod. She looks oddly out of place without typing and staring at the screen. It seems like she doesn’t know what to do with her hands or where to let her eye wander. I know I might regret my net words but I say them nonetheless.

“I want to start by thanking everyone for coming over tonight, especially in such a short notice” it was indeed short notice, Hyuuga events happen 2 times a year on the 20th March and 23rd September; spring and fall equinox. But Hiashi decided a month ago that a mid-June event needed to be held this year. Nobody knew why. “I hope everyone had a pleasant time today, from our oldest friends,” Hiashi said turning to the Nara and Yamanaka leaders “to our newest friends” his eyes moved to Fugaku Uchiha “and everyone in between”

Hiashi started talking about the notion of friendship and how important bonds are in ‘our world’. Hinata could tell the speech would be a long one, and with every bullshit word coming out of her father’s mouth she wanted to roll her eyes. But she couldn’t. The elders were watching her every move, Neji and Hanabi were in the same position, having eyes on them at all times. They all had to smile and nod and act like these events are their favourite place to be, no matter how big of a lie that was. She was tired, the servant woke her up at 5 in the morning to start getting ready, her father didn’t agree with the first two dresses she had put on, the putting on and taking off, took her about 2 hours in total and was extremely exhausting despite the help from the servants. The preparations for the event also took longer than usual. Her father kept telling her how important it was for her to behave. Hinata had never been the one to cause problems during such events, no matter how much she hated them, but for some reasons, it was her that was always given the longest lectures.

The windows were open at least and the night summer wind gently blew inside. The dress Hiashi approved of was a deep red long evening gown. All the skirt layers were extremely heavy and she had been standing on high heels for longer than it should be humanly possible, the corset was so tightly tied, at times she’d have issues breathing and to top it all off the dress had long lace sleeves which were sticking to her skin. It had not been a fun dress to wear in the middle of a heatwave. Her mind was still drifting in space when all of a sudden, her father stopped talking.

“I know many of you have been wondering the reason for this event and we shall let you know. Fugaku would you mind joining me?” The Uchiha leader went to the centre of the room as well. Whispers started going around the crowd, nothing like that had ever happened before. Hinata looked to Neji trying to see if he was aware of any of that, but her cousin would not make eye contact with her. Neji’s head was lowered, his fist was clenched and the hand around the glass was white-knuckled, it was a miracle the glass hadn’t shattered in a million pieced from his grip. Neji was aware of what was about to happen and he was not pleased.

“Today is the first time in over 100 years when the Hyuuga and the Uchiha families meet in peace at an event such as this. The bond between the two is alone a motif to celebrate but we must do everything in our power to keep this bond as strong as we can which is why we have decided to bind the families together thought marriage.” Hiashi’s voice boomed with pride. The crowd’s whispers grew in intensity. Hinata looked at Hanabi, both girls looking shocked and even scared. Hanabi wanted to reach out and hold her older sister’s hand. Grip it tight and pray that they both get over this event intact, but before she could make a move Hiashi started speaking again. “Hinata, my daughter would you please come here”

All eyes turned to her. Her heart beat a thousand times per second, despite her sudden fear her body moved gracefully, her mind was in utter chaos but her body knew the drill, it obeyed whatever her father told her to do. As she was passing by people, a familiar hand gripped her for a moment, trying to say so many is such a small touch. Ino, her best friend, tried to give her all the strength she had, she wanted to assure her everything will be fine, and also thought that touch she said sorry. She said goodbye. Hinata reached her father’s side and turned towards the people. She had never been in the front of the ballroom before, had never had all the eyes on her. Hiashi put his hand on her shoulder and smiled at her, the kind of smile she had never seen before. The smile she had wished to see as a child, there was pride and content in it, but it only made Hinata’s heart break further. The emotions were not directed at her as a human, he was not proud of her, his pride came from finally finding it, a way to get rid of her. He had married her off.

“Sasuke my son, come!” Fugaku’s command was just as loud and even stiffer. Hinata found Ino’s eyes in the crowd. Her friend was crying silent tears. Seeing Ino cry made Hinata oddly detached. It was a strange sensation, she almost felt like her soul had left the body and she was watching from somewhere far away all of this happening to somebody else. The Hyuuga girl moved her eyes from her friend to the man walking towards them. Her future husband.

Once the young Uchiha stood in place Hiashi raised his glass and finished the toast. “To my beautiful daughter and her fiancé,” they cheered for her. They drank for her. And yet she didn’t. The Champaign glass was still full. She was lost… not in thought, her mind was blank but she wasn’t present either.

“Look alive princess” Came a voice from her right. Sasuke took her glass and finished it in one gulp. He placed both his and her glasses on the tray of a waiter and took her hand and kissed the back of it. People gasped and whispered. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. With her on heels, his mouth came to her ear. “Smile sunshine. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Fool them all” His voice was oddly gentle and it broke something in her. She would have cried but Sasuke was right; she had a part to play. Taking a small breath in Hinata fell in character.

Hiashi told them to do the honours and say goodbye to everyone, after all that was their engagement party. Hinata looked up at the man she would spend her life with and gave him a sweet and shy smile, she even managed to make herself blush when he smiled back at him. She smiled and blushed whenever someone congratulated them or made a comment about their engagement. From time to time, she’d steal a glance at Sasuke and look at him with what she hoped came across as admiration. They made eye contact a few times, he winked at her twice. They were both playing their parts flawlessly. One could not tell that they had never met before, that they were not indeed lovers. Fugaku called Sasuke to him and Hinata was left alone to say goodbye to the guests. A few older ladies praised her for being able to catch such a handsome husband.

The next in line was Gaara. Hinata’s heart broke a little more upon seeing him. He too looked sad, which her brain turned to something else despite knowing it not to be true. Her feelings for Gaara had not gone away as she had hoped they would after finding out that he was in a secret relationship. “I am sorry Hinata” He whispered as he kissed her cheek. There was nothing either of them could do, people were waiting in line to talk to her after Gaara. Her father and fiancé were in front. Hinata smiled and thanked him just as she had everyone else. Gaara would not save her, he couldn’t and even if he could…he wouldn’t.

Ino was one of the last people to come talk to her. She had gone to the bathroom to pull herself together after crying. The blonde was stronger than that, but she had cried for Hinata because at that moment Hinata could not afford to cry. The Yamanaka girl hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear encouragements that they both knew would not help.

Everyone had left but the Uchiha family and the main Hyuuga family. Even the Hyuuga elders had seen themselves out. Habani was nowhere to be seen. Neji, her father, Sasuke, Fugaku and Sasuke’s elder brother Itachi were all talking among themselves. To the side was Mikoto, Sasuke’s mom. Hinata was still by the door; now that everyone had left, she was unsure of what to do, under normal circumstances she would be allowed to leave and go to her room, but her father hadn’t dismissed her yet. The Uchiha woman looked to her, smiled and started walking towards her.

“You look lovely dear. I’ve been keeping my eye on you the whole event but Fugaku would not allow me to come and talk to you sooner. Come dear let’s sit down and gossip while the men talk business”. The two women walked to the first table and sat down next to each other. “The event was so long; I thought your father would never make his speech. It must have been hard for you too, staying all those hours on high heels and in that dress, what were the servants thinking giving you such a heavy and warm dress to wear; do they not know it’s summer?” Mikoto went on about trivia things a moment longer. Hinata had yet to say a word, however, her future mother-in-law didn’t seem to mind her silence, for she filled it with mindless talk.

“I know it’s a difficult time for you,” The woman said and took Hinata’s hands in hers. “They were unfair to you, they should have let you know earlier.” Mikoto touched a strand of Hinata’s hair. “You have nothing to fear. We are a good family. My son will take care of you. It will take a while for you to adjust I know, but this is not the end of the world.”

Hinata opened her mouth to say something but found her throat was so dry she couldn’t say anything. After clearing her throat, she tried again. “Will I be leaving with you tonight?” the idea of leaving tonight and not being able to say goodbye to anyone was unboreable.

“No sweetheart. The Uchiha is an old family with old traditions, you will move in with Sasuke only on the night of the wedding. It is a sin to live under the same roof before that.” Hinata nodded. At least she still had some time before that.

“When is the wedding?”

It was easy to see Mikoto was an affectionate person, she moved her chair to be closer to Hinata and hugged her. Something about the woman put her at ease, her voice and hair reminded her of Hikari, her own mother, it was a strange feeling. “The wedding will be in three months. Before that we have to pick a dress, everything else has been pretty much done, you can look over everything and make the last-minute decisions. Of course you and Sasuke will spend some time together to get to know each other and-“.She was cut off by Sasuke himself when he addressed her “Mother” Mikoto squeezed her harder one more time before letting Hinata go. The woman got to her feet and kissed Sasuke’s cheek. “Goodbye Hinata, I will see you soon dear”

She and Sasuke were now alone. He took a seat in the chair Mikoto had emptied. For a moment they didn’t talk. It was all moving along too fast for Hinata to comprehend. Just under 2 hours ago, all she wanted was the event to end so she could sleep. Nothing could have prepared her for the change her life took. It almost felt like it wasn’t real; or that it was all happening to someone else. She had not made a single decision about this.

“Tomorrow I’ll come and we will have lunch together and talk more. It has been a full and exhausting day.” His voice was just as gentle as it was when he whispered to her before. “What would you prefer we eat? I will make reservations ahead of time”

“Anything will do, I don’t mind” Hinata answered. She appreciated that he didn’t want to ‘get to know each other’ then and there. She was indeed tired and needed to think about everything a little more, in order to realize that it was all indeed real. Looking up at Sasuke she had to say she was lucky; he was very good looking and so far, had shown her kindness. If what his mother said was true her destiny wasn’t as cruel as it could have been.

He got up and extended his hand for her to take, which she did. Hand in hand they walked back to where both families were still discussing. Neji would still not look at her, Itachi offered her a kind smile, Fugaku only a nod.

“I see that the two of you hit it off.” Her father said, it appeared he was really happy with the arrangements. Sasuke nodded to her dad. Hinata was certain that if Hiashi had his way she would leave with the Uchihas that very moment and never return.

“Hinata is tired, it is quite late so we should go. I will return tomorrow at noon in order to take her out for lunch Hyuuga-san.” Sasuke had not asked permission to take her out. He had simply stated that he would. That was the moment she realized her father was no longer the one to command her. Sasuke was. She wasn’t sure if what she felt was fear or excitement.

“Yes of course. Hinata you may leave” Hiashi said but Hinata didn’t move for Sasuke was still holding onto her hand.

“I will walk her to her quarter.” Hinata barely had time to bow to what would soon be her family before Sasuke started pulling her along. “In my presence you will not follow his word. My word is absolute, his is barely wind blowing by you.” Sasuke appeared to be annoyed by the fact that her father dismissed her. “If he says go but I am standing still, you too will stay unless I decide we will leave”

“Yes.” She knew how their world worked; despite them living in the 21rst century where women were seen as equals more and more every day, their world stopped evolving. The husband was the ultimate master while the woman was a possession. First, she was owned by her father, then by her husband.

They walked quite fast when leaving the ballroom, but once they were out of sight Sasuke slowed his steps. He was aware of the difficulty of walking in heels, his mother always made sure to complain about it. Her hand in his felt small and fragile, he had never been given something to take care of, sometimes that was his and his alone. He had been against the marriage at first. He wanted to wait until he was the Uchiha head later in life before taking a wife but his father insisted, he needed to marry young and have heirs because Itachi could not. His older brother had been his father’s favourite from a young age; that was until Itachi was 18 and Sasuke 13, about 10 years ago. On his 18thbirthday Itachi gave up his title as the heir in a very public way only to than later inform his father that not only does he not want to be head but he would not be fit for the role, for he could never give heirs to the clan. Itachi’s infertility came as a shock to the whole family. Sasuke was tested as well as soon as possible but thankfully the tests proved that he would be able to have children.

Fugaku had learned in the past 10 years to accept Sasuke as his heir, his relationship with his father was better now than it had ever been, but even so they were not as close as Itachi had been with him. But Fugaku put in all his efforts to try to make Sasuke the best, he taught him everything he could and allowed Sasuke to do as he pleases as long as what he did would be useful to the family. So, when he informed Sasuke he had picked a wife for him it came to no surprise that he had chosen a girl from a very important family, a family even older than the Uchihas and just as influential. The girl was known among her people as an angel and was believed to be the most beautiful Hyuuga girl to ever be, so of course, Fugaku wanted her for his own heir.

Upon seeing Hinata for the first time that night Sasuke had concluded the rumours had not been false. He had not been disappointed in the slightest. He was actually impressed. He expected two outcomes: either the girl to cry and make a fuss about the marriage or to be the ditzy kind of girl he had seen around that throws herself at him. She had been neither. For the shortest moment she had faltered and shown her true feelings, disbelief and numbness, but she pulled herself together as soon as he spoke to her. She had acted and played her part perfectly.

The pavement was old and uneven towards the main house. Almost nothing had been altered from the time the house was built, only maintained, so cracks and unevenness in the pathways happened. Hinata was trying her best to walk over them in her heels. Normally by that point in the night, she would take her heels off but she was not alone. Noticing her slowing down Sasuke stopped.

“Would you want me to carry you?” The offer was unexpected and it made Hinata quiet for a moment which Sasuke took as ‘yes’. He slightly bent and placed an arm under her knees and the other around her back. On instinct, Hinata placed both her hands on his shoulders to steady herself.

“You didn’t have to do that” Despite saying that she was thankful. Her feet were killing her.

“How high are your heels?”

“About 6 inches. Why?”

“6 inches and I’m still 6 inches taller than you.” He made a humming sound. Hinata didn’t know what he was thinking but she didn’t try to figure it out either. It was hard enough trying to figure out what she was feeling, there was no energy or time to uncover the mysteries of Sasuke’s mind. Her body was tired but her brain was even more exhausted. At this point not really caring anymore, she placed her head on his shoulder and just enjoyed the ride. Upon getting to the main house Hinata instructed him to go to the 2nd floor to the left. There was a guard outside her door that did not stop him from entering her room but actually held the door open for him. Two servants were inside waiting to help her undress and wash before going to bed. Sasuke put her on the edge of her bed.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” Hinata said. She felt a bit shy now, not really knowing how to say goodbye to him. This was the first time a man beside her dad and Neji entered her room. Not even the guards were allowed inside.

“Goodnight Hinata, I will see you tomorrow” Sasuke said, he kissed the back of her hand once more and left. Not waiting for her reply. Once again, a choice was made for her that day, but she was grateful for it this time.

The servants were gossiping about her fiancé and how gentle and beautiful he was, about how he had looked at her and how he had carried her like she was the most precious thing in the world. They guided her to her feet and to the full-length mirror to the side of her bed.

All their words were flying around her but none of them really registered; her brain was still not processing much of anything. She was still in the ballroom holding her Champaign glass praying for her dad’s speech to be short.

The servants untied her corset and Hinata took in her first deep breath in what felt like ages. They peeled off her sleeves and pulled the skirt away from her body. She was left in her underwear and heels in front of the full-length mirror. Her arms were splotchy and red from place to place from the itchy lace, her breasts and abdomen had red traces from where the corset was too tight on her. Her panties were red to match the dress, her legs were white and smooth but they were barely holding her at that point in the high heels, they were visibly shaking. Her eyes moved back up over every inch of naked skin until it reached her face. She wasn’t sure what she expected to see there, maybe something different. Some kind of evidence of the announcement from that night, but everything looked just as it did that morning.

One of the servants had just finished putting the dress away for it to be cleaned the next day, while the other filled her bathtub with hot water, salts and oils. Hinata would usually take off her heels and walk on her own to the bath but she was still looking at herself in the mirror, her eye make-up wasn’t smudged at all, her lipstick had gone after eating and drinking halfway through the event, so she excused herself to the bathroom several hours ago to take it off, her updo had lost some of its volume and a few strands had fallen around her face. She was too close to the mirror, her image being all she saw. Hinata took a few steps back and tried to picture Sasuke next to her naked body. They would make a beautiful couple even she could admit that.

Not being able to stomach the image she had in her head anymore the Hyuuga girl finally turned around and sat on the bed for a moment to take her heels off. She walked to the bathtub and took off her underwear as well and lowered herself in the hot water. Her head was resting on a soft towel; one of the servants started taking her make-up off and cleaning her face with scrubs and putting gels on her face and gently massaging everything in.

“Haruhi, could you please put some music on?” Hinata asked the servant that was not busy at the time. A moment later soft music started playing in the background. Once the facial massage was done a charcoal mask was applied to her face and finally, her hair was taken from the updo. Mina, the servant washing her poured some warm water on her head in such a way as not to get it on her mask. Her hair was shampooed twice and conditioned and rinsed and finally, put in a towel.

Haruhi came to help with washing her body, they scrubbed at her neck, collarbones, arms, hands, breasts, back and every other part of her. Her body was rinsed and washed again, more gently with moisturizing lavender soap and rinsed again. Her facemask was taken off, the water drained from the tub and she stepped out of it allowing the servants to towel her off. Mina placed a large towel over her bedsheets and Hinata laid on her back and enjoyed as both her servants massaged every part of her body with more oils, once they were done on one side she turned on to her front and they started to work again.

Her massage was almost done when Hanabi busted through her door. Hinata lazily opened her eyes, she was tired and finally relaxed, thus on the edge of falling asleep. Her sister was in her night attire, her hair still wet from her own bath most likely. Her eyes were red, she must have cried, but she looked angry at the moment. Hinata’s servants did not stop their massage despite the company of her sister.

“How can you stay there and enjoy your massage?” Hinata asked sounding astonished.

“You had enjoyed your bath time, why shouldn’t I?” Despite all of Hinata’s efforts over the years she and Hanabi weren’t as close as she wanted. Hanabi had always resented her for being older, the firstborn, the heir. When Hanabi was 3 and Hinata 7 the younger spent her days playing and reading stories and being watched by the elder women while Hinata was studying with the men. Hanabi had asked once why that was the case and an elder said “Your sister is the heir. She has to know how to be a leader, while you my dear, you will be a wife to someone” Despite that incident, things slowly started changing over the years, Hinata lost her father’s favour and Hanabi was taught leadership skills while Hinata was toughed to cook. Despite the obvious manner in which Hiashi favoured her now, Hanabi had always felt jealous of her sister, for she always believed what that old woman said to her in her childhood, she resented Hinata for she was to be the one that would not be married off. What an irony.

“Why aren’t you upset?” Hanabi’s voice was breaking and she was shaking. “Why aren’t you angry?” her fists were clenched and she looked like she wanted to start a riot. “Why aren’t you in dad’s office demanding he change his mind?”

“There’s nothing to change Hanabi.” Hinata finally got up and gestured to the servants to leave. She took the towel and put it around her body as the two bowed and left the room, left the sisters to talk among themselves. “Dad did it in such a way that it cannot be undone.” Hinata walked to her closet looking for something to wear to bed. “He didn’t tell me before so I couldn’t contest it, and now I can’t. Everyone that matters in this world knows about it. Unless I have a good reason, a very good one, there’s nothing that can stop this. In three months I will not be here anymore” Hinata finally picked a silk shorts and tanktop combo and put it on. “And you little sister.” The older one said as she walked towards her sister “You will be a Hyuuga forever, this will be the only house you know, these will be your people.” Hinata wanted to finish her sentence with ‘just as you’ve always wanted’ but stopped herself short.

Hanabi was crying again. She had prayed and wished to be the one to stay for so many years. But she had never thought about her sister leaving. She had always been bitter and held Hinata at a distance even when the older one tried to make the gap between them disappear. She had never taken the opportunity to get to know Hinata, and now she couldn’t.

“I’m sorry.” Hanabi said and hugged Hinata. They hadn’t hugged in ages. This time it was Hinata who pushed away.

“It’s over for today. I have not yet realized that this is not a dream. We will speak tomorrow. I’m going to bed now” She was a bit angry at Hanabi for only now trying to act like a sister. She had tried before that evening too, right before Hinata’s name was called, but even then it was in a moment of weakness, of fear, it wasn’t out of love or care. For most of her life Hinata tried to convince herself that she was fine with the way her and Hanabi’s relationship was, after trying for a few years to bond with her and being rejected, Hinata became content with what they had because she believed Hanabi not to be able to connect on a deeper level. She didn’t connect with Neji or Hiashi either. But seeing that she is indeed able of that connection, that she just didn’t want it before, hurt her more than Hinata would ever admit.

Hanabi left and Mina and Haruhi peeked in Hinata’s room. “Good night Himata-hime” they said in union and Hinata wished them a goodnight as well. Them calling her hime reminded her of the way Sasuke had called her Princess. ‘Smile sunshine. Fool them all’ he had said. And she did. She smiled and fooled them.

Now that her head was finally on her pillow, hair still damp, sheets cool and comforting, the room dark and quiet she allowed herself to admit a few things out loud. “I am getting married. I will be an Uchiha. Sasuke will be my husband.” The silence in the room was deafening “I am scared.” A little voice in the back of her brain whispered ‘I am excited’ but she didn’t say it out loud. With those thoughts in mind, she fell asleep.

________________________________

The next morning felt normal. She woke up, brushed her teeth, washed her face, got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. She didn’t feel different. Upon reaching the dining room she realized for once she was the last to arrive. Hanabi was in her seat looking upset, Neji was frowning at his phone and her dad was reading something on his pad. That is what the house would look like in three months. She moved from the doorframe and all eyes turned to her. Hanabi still looked sad, Neji looked sorry and her dad was happy. Hinata walked around the table and sat in her chair.

“Good morning sunshine. How did you sleep?” Hiashi had stopped calling her sunshine when she was 4 years old and Hikari died.

“I slept very well, how about you father?”

“I did as well”

Neji was looking at Hinata almost expecting her to cry or scream. He was looking at her face trying to find proof of tears from the night before, but her face wasn’t red or puffy. She looked well-rested.

The breakfast was finally brought for them to eat and they did so in silence. Hiashi was the first to finish and instead of leaving to go do work as he would normally, he started talking.

“Sasuke will be here at noon. You should start getting ready after breakfast” Hiashi too wanted to test his daughter and see how she would address the situation. He wanted to know if he had to give her a lecture about her behaviour around the Uchiha heir.

“Yes, I know. I already thought of what I want to wear. I will change and come seek your approval as I would for an event.” Hinata said between bites. “He didn’t mention where we were going but he did say he will make reservations so I am assuming it is a dressy place despite being a lunch date”

Everyone was taken aback by her answer. Hinata had not lied, she slept very well and woke up early. She accepted her fate almost entirely, she picked what she wanted to wear and even thought about a few things she wanted to ask Sasuke. In all truthfulness, she was a bit excited but was trying to keep her expectations low, that way she would not be disappointed if this change was not for the better. The only thing she didn’t particularly like about this was not seeing Ino and Neji. They were her best friends despite Neji’s behaviour in those 2 days.

Seeing as nobody spoke anymore Hinata excused herself and went to her room to start getting ready. It was only 9 in the morning. Sasuke would only come in about 3 hours but there wasn’t much else she could do.

She didn’t even reach her closet to take out the outfit she had thought of wearing when Neji came into her room. He walked to her and bowed. “I’m sorry” he was apologizing for not telling her, for not being able to stop it, for the way he treated her.

“It’s ok Neji. Everything could have been worse.” She wasn’t lying. She heard of many girls that had married old and abusive men. Their whole life they were raped and beaten. She didn’t know Sasuke at all but from the 2 interactions she had with him, he didn’t appear like he would hit her. Mikoto too seemed nice enough. “What is one prison exchanged for another?” She wasn’t allowed to do much in the Hyuuga household anyways, read and study. She was a bit eager to see if she had a bit more freedom as an Uchiha and if not, she was already used to being a caged bird.

“I couldn’t convince uncle not to do that. The bond with the Uchihas was apparently necessary. And Fugaku requested you to marry his son. Uncle couldn’t deny a direct request like that. Plus...” Neji decided to stop there.

“Plus, dad would rather Hana be the leader.” Hinata continued what Neji wouldn’t say. “I know that Neji. I’ve known that for a while now.”

“If one of the leaders were to request to marry you as well uncle might need to reconsider” He didn’t sound sure at all.

“He wouldn’t change his mind. The relationship with the Uchihas is more important to him than any other family at the moment. In addition, nobody would risk their bond with both us and the Uchihas for my hand in marriage” Hinata absently replied while looking through her collection of necklaces while sitting at her vanity.

“If we ask Gaara maybe-“

“He wouldn’t. and I would never ask him either” Yesterday she might have jumped up at the idea of marring Gaara. But something changed and made her realize her feelings for Gaara were never really for the man, but the freedom he represented. Gaara was her friend, he was a leader and if he would have been her husband, he would have offered her the most freedom a woman can have in their world. “I would never ask your boyfriend to marry me” Hinata said this while watching Neji’s face in the mirror.

Her cousin blushed and looked alarmed. “You are mistaken Hina-“

“Stop” I know I’m not. Her eyes softened. “It took me a while to realize but I did. And I confirmed my suspicions when I told Gaara about my feelings a few months ago and he said he was in love with someone himself. I asked why he wasn’t marrying this girl and he replying that his relationship was taboo. I thought she was a married woman maybe, a commoner. But it clicked when I saw him look at you.” Neji was still not moving or breathing.

“I will not tell anyone about the two of you Neji. It is nobody’s business but yours.” She got up from the vanity and walked to him and hugged him. “For what is worth…I wish you both happiness.” She knew that their relationship would not be accepted in their world and her heart wept for both cousin and her friend. The world was cruel. “I hope you find a way to be happy and free” She wanted that for herself too. Happiness and freedom to find who she was and then be herself.

Neji hugged her back. “That means the world to me Hinata.” He sighed long and his body felt like it was deflating. “I hadn’t realized how it would feel to hear the words from someone other than him or me. How much I wanted someone to validate the way I feel” Neji took a step back and kissed her forehead. “I wish you happiness and freedom as well Hinata. I hope your life as an Uchiha to be better than your life as a Hyuuga has been.”

She hoped that as well. After another hug, Neji remained in her room and the two of them chatted while Mina and Haruhi were doing Hinata’s hair and make-up for her date. The dress Hinata had chosen was a black beach dress with daisies and sunflowers on the skirt. The skirt was cut on one leg to her mid-thigh. The upper part was like a tank top in the front but the back was almost bare, only a few strings places in a random pattern kept the front from falling. She would pair the dress with gold wedges and a gold choker and her normal hoop earrings. Her makeup was done also in soft golds and whites. Her hair was braided in the front like a crown and she asked Haruhi to braid some small daisies in as well. The rest of her hair was free and in waves from not drying it properly before bed. Neji had left right before she changed her clothes about 10 minutes ago. Being finally done she did as promised and went downstairs to get her father’s approval, it was still only 11 so if he had any complaints she would have the time to change, or so she thought. After knocking on his office door and being granted access Hinata opened the door only to find Sasuke in the room with her father.

Hiashi looked up at her and he only nodded his approval for her attire. Sasuke had on a white button up with the last 2 buttons undone and the sleeves rolled to his elbows and a short pair of black slacks.

“Come in Hinata, Sasuke came early so we had a talk while you were still getting ready” Hinashi beckoned her to enter the room but she didn’t move to which Sasuke smirked.

“Actually, I think we will be leaving now, seeing as she is ready as well. I will see you later Hiashi-san” Sasuke greeted the older man, took Hinata’s hand and closed the door of the office. Neither of them said anything as they walked to Sasuke’s car.

Hinata was starting to get nervous, not only for the date and being alone with Sasuke, but because she hadn’t been outside without her father or at least Neji. Sasuke opened the door of her and she got inside his car. He walked around and go into the driver’s seat. Before starting the car though, he kissed the back of her hand.

“You look lovely today as well.” He turned her hand around and kissed her wrist. “You were a good girl Hinata, not listening to you father.”

Her breath hitched due to the second kiss, no man touched her wrist before, let alone kiss it. During her talk with Neji they discussed Sasuke as well. Her cousin said that he is known to be cold and quite cruel. But he had been anything but that to her. He had been gentle and affectionate, something she had never experienced. Nobody in the Hyuuga household hugged her or kissed her hands.

Sasuke looked at her and smirked at her blush, he could tell this was the real deal and not a fake like the ones from last night’s goodbye charade. He finally started the car and drove down the Hyuuga driveway till he reached the first gate, one of the security men opened the gate for them and they continued down the driveway to the second and final gate, this was opened for them as well and they were finally on the road.

“I have never left without father or Neji the premises of the house.” Hinata admitted.

Sasuke looked at her for a split second from the corner of his eye. She was looking out the door with a small smile. “Not even to a friend’s house? I noticed you talking with the Yamanaka girl a lot. Were you never allowed to visit her just with a guard or two?”

“No. Neji always had to come along” Sasuke’s reply was a small hum. He hadn’t realized that the Hyuugas were that strict.

“I will assign my best guard to you once you move in with me. When I am at work; because unlike your father I am away from the house quite a lot, you will stay with him. You are free to go as you please as long as he’s with you”

‘You are free’ was what Hinata heard. She had wanted to be free for such a long time but now that I was so close to her, she wasn’t sure what she’d do with said freedom. The rest of the drive she spent trying to come up with what she would do the first chance she got.

The restaurant was in the centre of the city, where she had never been before. The amount of people walking around was mind-blowing. There were kids laughing, people talking walks and strolling around just because they could. Her whole life the thought of public space being dangerous had been drilled in her head. Other families could be around, they could hurt her. ‘People are mean and cruel’ that was Hiashi’s go-to answer when one of them wanted to go somewhere. Despite Hinata never really believing what her dad said, his words were on repeat in her head, so without really meaning to she took a step closer to Sasuke, held onto his arm with both hands and tried to hide away. Even if one does not believe the things they are told, if they are told them often enough, they become involuntary habits; she had been taught to think she was always in danger, paranoia was not easy to let go of.

When he had said they’d go eat at a restaurant she thought he meant one owned by the Hyuuga or by the Uchiha family, a restaurant from their respective part of Konoha. She knew what part of the city belonged to the Hyuugas and looked up what parts belonged to the Uchihas and this part wasn’t owned by either.

He noticed her stiffening in the car when he parked it. He noticed her fear and the way she clung to him for dear life. “What’s the matter Hinata?”

She looked up at him with big eyes, she looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Aren’t we in danger?” Her voice was low and trembling. Sasuke stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and took both of her hands in his. Hinata took a step in front and pressed her body to his, still trying to hide.

“Why would we be in danger?” he was genuinely confused.

“People are mean and cruel. This isn’t our territory. Someone could try to shoot at us.” The reply rolled off her tongue without much thought. She had heard them so many times they felt natural.

Sasuke placed one of her hands on his chest and the other on his back above the waistband of his pants. Hinata’s eyes grew even larger when she felt both guns. “This is neutral space. We’re not on anyone’s territory.” He said softly and let go of her hands but they stood in place. “And even if someone was to try to harm you, I’d kill them all” he whispered in her ear in the gentlest way possible. The threat should have scared her, but it made her feel secure. “I will protect you with everything I have. Nobody will dare touch a single hair from your head for the fear that I’ll destroy them all” Sasuke tucked a hair strand behind her ear as he continued to spill threats to any future danger. “Do you feel better now?” he finally asked.

“Yes” Hinata answered but couldn’t look at him. She felt silly and embarrassed for being worried. They were a few steps from the restaurant and had been standing in place being an inconvenience to people passing by. “Let’s go inside” she turned around and started walking to the door and Sasuke followed. He could see her flushed cheeks but allowed her to think she had hidden her discomfort from him. There were things on his mind, her fear had been real. She had been taught that if she were to ever leave her house she would die, her father hadn’t been above lying, traumatizing and manipulating her emotions to keep her in place and in control. He had always stayed home to work so he could keep an eye on all of them. Sasuke did not agree with his methods at all.

They were finally seated at a private table on the second floor. Hinata was looking at the menu with a sparkle in her eyes. “Do you know what you want to order?” Sasuke asked her. The restaurant was fancy enough to have steak and lobster but it also had hamburgers.

“I think I’ll take a chicken cheeseburger. I tried making one in secret home and it was good enough but I’m curious to see what a real one tastes like” She said with enthusiasm. “What about you? What are you ordering?”

“I think I’ll have a burger as well, the extra spicy one” Just as the two closed the menus the waiter came to take their order. Sasuke ordered for them the burgers and a big portion of fries and onion rings with a side of all of their 4 sauces, neither of them wanted soda so they decided to order a large bottle of water.

“You’ve never eaten a burger before?” Sasuke asked trying to go back to what she had said before.

“Only the one I made. Our cook usually makes food for 2 days so he has Tuesdays and Thursdays off. In those days I like cooking something that I want to try rather than just help him with whatever dad ordered he cooks…Most what dad wants is traditionally Japanese food and I like it, but I see some foods in movies and I want to try them.”

“So, you like watching movies?” He wanted to know what her hobbies and interests were in order to provide her with them so she wouldn’t get bored alone at the house when he was away.

“I watch a movie once every 2 weeks when Ino comes to visit me.”

“She only visited you two times a month?” He had believed the Yamanaka girl to be her best friend.

“Yes, that’s how many times father allowed her to come over…” Her voice so far had been light but it had a tint of sadness when she had revealed this last part.

“What about other hobbies. What do you do usually in a day?”

“Hobbies? Oh well, umm…Usually I wake up and if it’s a day where the cook is at work, I help him make breakfast, lunch and dinner. In between I had a few classes that the elders taught me about leadership. Neji and I usually have tea in the garden when he has the time…”

He was furious. Hiashi was killing her. He didn’t allow her to leave, but she couldn’t get visitors, she wasn’t allowed to do anything but exist. He wasn’t sure if he could wait three months for her to move it. Hinata was his and she was unhappy. He could tell Hinata was feeling a bit awkward because of her answer which is why he didn’t push it. The food came and they ate in silence. Hinata had loved her burger. She tried all 4 souses and really liked the sweet chilli and the honey mustard one. After the waiter took their empty plates Sasuke ordered dessert.

“Did you enjoy the food?”

“I did. The burger was much better than the one I made home…” Her smile had returned on her face. Despite the fact that he had been against the marriage before, Sasuke was eager for it now. From the moment he had laid his eyes on Hinata this feeling overcame him, the need to protect and please her. She was his and he would keep her safe and happy no matter what. Whatever she’d ask for he’d give her, if she wanted the moon, he’d find a way.

“I’m glad you liked it. Next time tell me what other foods you want to try and I’ll think of a place to go.” Hinata agreed. They talked a little more about the food when the dessert finally came. He had ordered a lava cake with vanilla ice cream, according to many people that was the best dessert the restaurant offered.

“There’s only one. Do you want to split it?” Hinata asked but Sasuke only shook his head and pushed the plate in front of her.

“I don’t particularly like sweets so you can eat it.” He watched her enjoy the cake. She had giggled after cutting into it and seeing the molten chocolate pour out. She had never eaten a lava cake, of course. His chest felt tight, like something was squeezing his heart and wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Hiashi had sheltered her from all these small pleasures of life, he wanted to hit the older man, but at the same time, he couldn’t wait to see Hinata experience everything for the first time. It was like watching a child, she had the same big and innocent eyes.

When Hinata finished the cake, the waiter took the plate and brought the check for which Sasuke paid but they didn’t get up to leave yet. “I have a few things for you” he said. And pulled from his pocket a new phone with the charger and its pair of headphones. “I already programmed my number there and Naruto’s; he will be your bodyguard. If anything happens during these months when you are still living with Hiashi call me and if by any chance I can’t pick up call him.”

Hinata was staring at the phone like it was alien technology. “You’re giving me a phone?”

“Yes. I want to be in touch. Sadly, I can’t come and eat with you every day so on the days we can’t meet I want you to call me. I’ll call you as well when I get home if it isn’t too late and we can talk, you can tell me about your day and such” Hinata nodded and took the phone from him and stared at it for a second longer. “You can add any number you want, Neji’s, Ino’s, your sister. It will be helpful to have them for when you come and live with me and feel lonely.”

“I can add other numbers…?” Hinata was once again hit with the realization that Sasuke was offering her freedom and she didn’t know how to take it. She was overwhelmed by the fact that she had a phone, let alone that she could use it to call Ino.

“Of course. It has an unlimited number of minutes and internet too. You can watch movies if you wish. Also, if you want to buy something online use the phone, I programmed it so it would automatically take money from my account and I’ll be notified.”

Hinata was trying her best to keep tears from spilling. For some reason the fact that he allowed her the freedom of a fully functional phone felt like a huge step, he was putting his trust in her. At that moment Hinata made a promise to never betray his trust. In the few hours that Sasuke was the one in charge of her, he had been more indulging and kinder than her father had been during 22 years.

“And the last thing” Sasuke said as he took a red velvet box out from his other pocket. He opened it and inside was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. The band was made of white gold and it had a big red ruby in the middle and on each side three smaller diamonds. The ring wasn’t overly huge, but it was beautiful. “I didn’t have the time to give this to you yesterday, I’m sorry” Hinata shook her head, there was nothing he should apologize for.

Sasuke held out his hand for her to place hers in so he could slip the ring onto her finger. It fitted perfectly and looked gorgeous on her finger. It felt a little strange, she had never put on rings on her left hand because it was considered bad-luck, so the feeling was foreign but she knew it would go away soon enough and the ring would turn into something that brought her peace at all times just from looking at it.

“I love it thank you” The squeezing was back and more powerful this time. She was wearing his ring. He had proof to show to the world that she was his. Sasuke was the one to get up first and Hinata followed. They walked out of the restaurant and back to the car hand in hand.

It was barely 2 in the afternoon. “I’m sorry I can’t spend more time with you today.”

“It’s ok. It was more than enough. I had a wonderful time, thank you” Hinata was still looking at the ring with a smile on. It was weird how something that yesterday felt like the end of the world, today felt like the beginning. Her heart fluttered when Sasuke opened the box and showed her the ring and it violently beat in her chest as he was putting it on her finger. Maybe marrying her off was the best thing her father could do.

They reached the Hyuuga house faster than either of them would have liked. “I’m not coming inside this time” Sasuke said as he walked her to the door. Hinata just realized that that had been her first date. She saw similar scenarios in the movies she watched with Ino. The boy walked the girl to the door after their date and he would kiss her. Would Sasuke kiss her? Did she want him to? A part of her was scared but the other part of her was screaming ‘KISS ME’. But Sasuke didn’t kiss her, at least not on the lips. Just like last night he kissed her forehead and left saying goodbye.

Hinata walked inside the house and it felt even colder and duller than normally. She wasn’t sure she could survive another three months there, not when freedom with Sasuke was that close. Hinata didn’t go to tell her father she was home, instead, she ran up the stairs to her room where Mina and Harushi were waiting for her. Her servants were a few years older than her, yet Hinata had never considered them friends because Hiashi drilled the belief that servants were to be servants since she was small, but her dad had been wrong before, so maybe he was wrong on this occasion as well.

The two girls bowed to her and Hinata stopped. She wasn’t sure how to act, a sudden image from a movie popped into her mind. When one of the girls would tell the others about her crush and they’d all jump up and down and screech. So, she took in a deep breath.

“You can raise your head” she said in her normal tone. The girls did as she asked. Taking in another breath she extended her left hand for them to see the ring. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Her energy was overflowing and she couldn’t contain it anymore. She started jumping up and down and laughing.

“Today was the best day ever. He was so lovely and just everything was amazing.” Hinata took one of Mina’s hands and one of Haruhi’s and started jumping up and down. The servants looked at one another before starting to laugh too and jumping with her.

“The ring is lovely” “And he’s so handsome” “I’m glad you had a lovely date Hinata-hime” “Did he tell you when the next one will be?” The two were talking alternatively.

“He didn’t but he gave me a phone and said he’ll call everyday he can’t see me” She showed them the phone as well. Hinata wanted to call Ino as soon as possible but she didn’t know her friend’s number. Whenever she wanted to talk to Ino she’d use Neji’s phone. Hinata started walking towards the door to the hallway, she wanted to look for Neji to get him to put his number and Ino’s in her phone.

The rest of the day went by faster than most of her days do. She talked to Ino on the phone for hours then took a bath and as she was changing in her night attire her phone rang. Sasuke had kept his promise to call her when he got home. She told him about talking to Ino and asked about his own day. Their conversation wasn’t very long but it still made Hinata smile. She fell asleep with a smile on her face and thoughts of Sasuke in her mind.

________________________

The following morning the first thing she did upon waking up was to check her left hand to make sure the ring was there and that it wasn’t all just a dream. She couldn’t help but smile upon seeing the piece of jewellery.

Sasuke’s question about hobbies bothered her a little, she had never really had the means of finding a hobby, she either didn’t have the time or didn’t know what to try besides cooking recipes she made up. But now she no longer needed to attend the leadership classes, her father informed her of that at breakfast, and she now had access to the internet, she could try learning a new skill, discover what she liked to watch or read, find out something she enjoyed doing. That was on her to-do list until she met with Sasuke the next time, get a hobby.

Ino liked gardening and making flower arrangements, Hinata liked helping her around the garden as well but doing the arrangements themselves was always difficult and not particularly enjoyable. The one thing she knew she’d like was drawing but was a bit scared. She had always doodled on her notes but had never tried to do an artwork. So that was the first thing she looked up on youtube, drawing videos. She found many and every single one was more amazing than the one before.

Hinata immersed herself in the videos and all the different ways in which one could create art.

________

Despite being in the middle of work Sasuke couldn’t help but think about Hinata and the things she said during their date a few days ago. She was basically a teenager getting her first phone. Sure, she knew a shit ton about leadership, her family and their world but she knew nothing about the outside world, technology and real human relationships. She didn’t know herself either, that part, seeing her figure out who she was as a person, what she enjoyed and what she didn’t, would be lovely to watch. But Sasuke was still confused about how Hiashi thought he could shelter his heir from everything, had Hinata been the leader she would have been lost, not because she wasn’t fit for it but because she didn’t know how to navigate her way through the outside world, she didn’t know what to do when someone wasn’t giving her orders. Her father had succeeded in turning her into someone submissive not because she was weak but because she had never been given the opportunity to be independent. Hinata had amazing skills, she knew over 5 languages and was taught how to fight, but she didn’t know many basic things.

Sasuke kept thinking of the best ways to slowly expose Hinata to more of the outside world and its customs, the Yamanaka girl wasn’t as sheltered but she wasn’t exactly well versed in ‘normality’ either. Naruto would spend a lot of time with her too but he couldn’t entrust the blond to teach her things, who knows what dumb stuff he would fill her head with. Of course, the obvious solution would be his mother, she was the sanest out of everyone he knew and she could help her prepare for the life of ‘the wife of the Uchiha leader’, but he would like to assign someone that’s around their age as well, someone Hinata could consider a friend and not feel overly anxious around.

Before he could find the perfect candidate, his cousin Shisui came to inform him his father wanted to talk to him. He forced himself to focus on work, but lingering thoughts of Hinata distracted him every now and again. He was still worried about her being in the Hyuuga household still, time seemed to be moving in slow-motion, the beginning of September appeared to be years away.

________

Her eyes were sparkling as she was telling him all about the painting tutorials she watched the past three weeks, she apologized for wasting so much money on ordering acrylic paints and brushes. When Hinata mentioned the money issue his temper almost got the best of him, Hiashi had so much money, enough to have a Rolex to ear for every day of the year, yet he couldn’t allow his daughter under 100 dollars to buy paints? Not to mention, but Hinata’s perception of money was off, she apologized for spending 12 dollars on a tube of paint without knowing that the phone she ordered it with was almost a thousand times more expensive. Hiashi only ever spent money on his daughters if it fit his needs, he dressed them well so people could see their wealth, Hinata had been nothing but a trophy.

“I’m sorry I asked for your address, but I just don’t want the order to come to the Hyuuga estate, I’m sure father would destroy everything I bought…” Hinata said, the tips of her ears red, as if she was embarrassed for having him as a father. It wasn’t her that should have been embarrassed but Hiashi.

“It was a nice surprise, seeing you order and send things over to my place already made it even more obvious to me that the wedding is going to happen soon” That wasn’t a lie. When her first order of brushes and canvases arrived Sasuke asked the servants to clear a whole room downstairs, one that had a glass wall towards their garden and turn it into a painting studio. Besides what she ordered he got more, he bought every type of paint there was, acrylic, water, oil and many others. He even talked to Sai, one of his workers that is a famous painter and asked if he would be open to giving Hinata a few hours, of course, provided she was fine with the idea as well.

“H-how do you feel about the marriage…? I can’t imagine you were pleased with it…” her face was lowered, her eyes watching as she was playing with her hands in order to distract herself from the question. She was scared he’d say he hated the idea, especially since over the past month since the announcement, her feelings slowly turned to happiness and excitement.

“I was slightly annoyed when dad first told me. But I’ve changed my mind and I cannot wait” Sasuke answered and placed one of his hands on top of hers to calm her down. “It drives me mad knowing you’re stuck in that house for another 2 months. I have to constantly fight the urge to just sneak in and kidnap you” His tone was light thus turning his words into a joke, Hinata giggled at it, but Sasuke was dead serious.

“I’m glad” Hinata admitted and grabbed his hand with both of hers and brought it to her lips and kissed his knuckles. Her feelings for Sasuke were complex, they started out as indifference when they were simply just individuals belonging to the same world, then they turned to fear and maybe a light form of hate the moment Hiashi announced she had been sold off, but after spending the slightest time with him, she felt relief, admiration and gratitude towards him. He represented a better future, one with freedom and happiness, a future away from her father. Sasuke was her saviour, but even those feelings started to change, her heart would flutter whenever his voice echoed from her phone, she’d constantly check for new texts from him, the days in between their meetings were the longest, while the time spent with him seemed to be so short. Every time he kissed her hand or her forehead she wanted to grab onto his face and bring it down to her face, she wanted to hold his hand, to hug him, but the urge she had most often and the one hardest to fight was to ask for the wedding to be held earlier. Whenever Sasuke drops her off at the Hyuuga estate she wants to ask him to marry her right that moment so she could go home with him.

She spoke to Ino about her feelings and about Sasuke, Ino told her that she was so glad the Uchiha was so nice to her, but that she should be careful, her feelings appeared out of nowhere and they developed so fast, she shouldn’t get too attached to him, shouldn’t become totally dependable of him because in their world ‘love’ was never one to last. Ino’s view on love was jaded after her parents’ divorce, Ino’s father was devastated when his wife left him and his daughter was there to pick up the pieces. Hinata was aware her friend was trying to warn her and shelter her from future heart break, but the thought of Sasuke hurting her seemed outlandish.

They ate pasta this time around, and with every bite, her eyes got bigger and bigger. “This is the best thing I have ever eaten. How can something be this delicious?” She kept praising the food throughout, whenever the waiter came to ask if they needed anything else Hinata would ask him to tell the chef that he is a genius, that his food is the most amazing thing ever. Sasuke smirked and shook his head every time.

“I can stay for longer today, is there anything else you’d like to try?” He asked her as they were walking around the pedestrian central part of Konoha. Hinata had been utterly confused with the concept of a part of the city denying car access, whenever they crossed a street, she’d still check for cars despite Sasuke assuring her that there was no way for one to get there. The central part was crowded and busy with people, Hinata stood a step behind Sasuke trying not to bump into anyone, looking over his shoulder at her to see if she heard his question Sasuke realized she had not, she was far too focused on not hitting anyone to concentrate on anything else. Reaching for her with his hand, he placed his arm around her waist and drew her close to his body. Her face instantly turned beet red and she looked up at him. He lowered his face towards her and Hinata’s brain picked up speed, he would surely kiss her, but there? In front of all those people? Wasn’t a public kiss a bit too much? However, his face passed by hers and only stopped when his lips were next to her ear “I asked if there is anywhere else you want to go. It’s too loud and you couldn’t hear me”

Due to her embarrassment and agitation, she simply pointed at a random building, which turned out to be a Starbucks. The two of them walked together, Sasuke still holding her by the waist, but upon walking into the café he let go, she was disappointed, but only for a moment, for he was simply letting go in order to hold her hand. Their fingers intertwined and the world fell into place, the smell of coffee wasn’t overpowering, actually, the café smelled more of chocolate. Sasuke stopped before reaching the end of the line.

“Take a look at the menu, being here for the first time can be overwhelming with all the options. If you want, we can buy so pastries as well” He already knew well that she enjoyed sweets very much. “What do you usually get?” Her eyes were glued to the menu reading all the ingredients for each beverage.

“I don’t think you’d like what I get. I get a large Americano with 3 espresso shots and no sugar.” Upon hearing his order Hinata scrunched her nose in a disgusted expression, she looked up at him. “So you drink just…black coffee, willingly?” he couldn’t help but laugh at her disbelieve “My dad drinks it that way too, says that putting anything else in coffee is blasphemy. I once asked for sugar and he got so mad… I hadn’t had coffee since then” Her story left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Maybe I’ll get a large Latte with 3 shots of espresso and one cube of sugar after all…” That conversation made him realize that there was nothing he’d hate more than her believing him and Hiashi had anything in common, he’d drink sweet coffee with milk from now until forever if it meant distancing himself from her father’s image. The change in his order made Hinata smile. “I decided as well, I want a vanilla and cinnamon Frappuccino with almond milk” Sasuke placed their orders and out a few fruit tarts as well. Their lunch date turned to a dinner date as well, which had been the longest period they had spent together in one day, thus making it especially hard when it was time for Sasuke to drop her off. Hinata watched from the hallways window as his car slowly disappeared behind the huge gates of their estate, watching him leave made her heart hurt. She knew Sasuke hated leaving her as well, still, she couldn’t help but feel abandoned.

“Are you back?” Hanabi asked as she exited the library, she probably had just finished one of her classes. All of Hinata’s bitterness towards her sister disappeared, now she only felt pity. Hanabi would be stuck in the house forever and she would be free, it was scary how one’s view on certain events could change so fast. Barely a few days ago Hinata thought she was the one being punished, but now realized it was her sister.

“Yes I’m back” Despite her pitying Hanabi, the two weren’t close enough to offer kind words of encouragement and support. “But I’m a bit tired so I’ll go to sleep”

“He didn’t hit you, did he?” it was barely a whisper, but it made Hinata’s blood boil. Her alliances changed the moment Sasuke treated her nicely, hearing Hanabi badmouth him made her want to scream at her sister, but she didn’t. She turned around slowly and smiled. “He didn’t. He would never. He won’t. he isn’t father, there is nothing about him similar to father” Hinata didn’t stay behind to hear Hanabi’s reply. She ran up the stairs and the moment her bedroom door was closed she called Sasuke, he picked up on the second ring.

“I miss you” The words were out of her mouth before she even realized, but she didn’t regret them. “I miss you” she repeated, to show to Sasuke, to herself that she meant them.

“I miss you too” his voice was softer than she had ever heard it, it was a shame she couldn’t see his expression. She closed her eyes and wished for the weeks to fly by.

________

Despite her newfound freedom in the form of a phone with full access to the internet, Hinata’s days seemed to move slower than ever. The time in-between her ‘dates’ with Sasuke were dragging on forever. She’d talk to Ino on the phone, watch videos, read from an ebook, listen to music, cook and barely 2 or 3 hours of the day would have passed. The highlight of her day was always her chat with Sasuke. Apart from their night calls, they kept texting throughout the day as well, but he was busy with work so his replies were few and far in between. Wasting time and dreaming of her future became her routine, each day seemed to be a carbon copy of the previous one. Not today, however, today was a special day, today she, Mikoto and Ino were going to choose her wedding dress. Hinata was practically bouncing, eager to leave the house, eager to try the dresses on, eager to see herself in white, the dress would be proof not only that the wedding was getting nearer, but also that it was indeed reality and not one of her daydreams.

She had been worried her father wouldn’t have allowed for it, but both Fugaku and Sasuke assure him that Naruto, her future bodyguard, was the best and he would be able to protect the three women for the day. Thankfully her father was just as excited about the wedding and would not go and do anything to potentially ruin his newfound friendship with the Uchiha head.

The plan was for Naruto and Mikoto to get to her house around noon, then they would drive to Ino’s and to the dress shop. After picking up the dress they’d go to eat and see the wedding venue and all the plans Mikoto arranged, to make sure Hinata liked everything and if she didn’t so they could change everything by the wedding which was 3 weeks away. Hinata woke up at 7, unable to contain her longing to be outside, she got dressed up, ate and has spent the last 4 hours pacing around the entrance hall.

When her father passed by her early in the morning he lectured her, telling her how she should behave, be respectful, yet vigilant because ‘people are mean and cruel’ because ‘the shop isn’t on out territory’, because ‘you are always in danger.

Neji also spent about half an hour with her talking about her feelings about the wedding, her impression of Sasuke. Her stories and happiness eased his mind and guilt, for he had not been able to stop the arranged marriage. He truthfully wished for her excitement to never die; he hoped the Uchiha household would be a proper environment for her growth.

The only one in the Hyuuga household that was not on board with the marriage was Hanabi. She continued making remarks about Sasuke’s renowned cruelness, hinting that Hinata would not know happiness in her marriage with him. She constantly asked whether he had any violent tendencies towards her, whether he ignored her, whether he cheated on her. Hinata always tried to not let her words get to her, Sasuke was wonderful and more than she had ever hope for, she had no reason to doubt him, so all of Hanabi’s words never had any impact but annoy her. Hinata always defended Sasuke and Hanabi would answer ‘my foolish sister’, patronizing her, making it seem as if she knew more than Hinata herself. Hinata tried to understand where Hanabi was coming from…all of her life she had hoped to be the heir and now she was. But Hinata’s happiness was yet another source of jealousy for Hanabi, she was slowly realizing that once again, she was the one who had the short end of the stick, thus all of her remarks weren’t for Hinata to believe, but for herself. She tried so hard to convince herself Hinata’s future was bleak and Hanabi had to pity her, not the other way around.

Once again, right before Mikoto and Naruto arrived Hanabi made a remark that hurt Hinata’s feelings, a remark which Hanabi too regretted instantly, her remorse could be read on her face, but her ego stopped her from apologizing. “Make sure you pick a pretty dress Hinata, that’s what you’ll be buried in when he kills you on the wedding night” she said loud and clear, for the servants around to hear, had Hiashi been there he would have punished Hanabi for trying to destroy the Hyuuga-Uchiha Union, but all Hinata did was give her a sad smile and answer with “Good luck to you too little sister” Their relationship could never be fixed, not when jealousy was the primal feeling Hanabi held for her, not when her ego stood in the way of a sincere apology, not when Hinata was resigned and no longer wished to try.

Mikoto came like a hurricane, she entered the house without knocking, she hugged Hinata and kissed both of her cheeks, she complimented her on her dress and make-up. Behind her was a blond young man that gave her a warm smile. “This is Naruto, he will be your bodyguard when you enter the family”

Naruto took a step closer but made no attempt to touch her, he simply smiled wider and bowed his head slightly. “It’s a pleasure to meet and protect you Miss Hinata” Naruto’s use of her name and not of Hyuuga felt odd, but freeing; she wanted to move past this family. She would not forget them, for they were part of her, they made her who she was at that moment, but she wanted to leave them and this variation of herself behind, she wanted to become independent and someone she chose to become.

After picking Ino up the group was ready to go to the dress shop, Mikoto had asked Ino to sit in the front seat for she wanted to talk to Hinata in the back. Hinata couldn’t help but notice her friend’s red cheeks whenever she looked Naruto’s way. Hinata couldn’t tell if the flushness was due to the fact that Naruto was a man Ino had never had contact with when she was young, thus she wasn’t used to his company, or whether her blush had a deeper meaning. In the backseat, Mikoto explained certain details about the wedding preparations, her tone was light and she talked without any formalities. Whenever Hinata answered it was an awkward mix of formal and informal language and she refrained from addressing Mikoto directly, for she didn’t know what to call her, Mrs Uchiha, or was that too formal for someone to be her mother-in-law in 3 weeks? Mikoto, but wasn’t that rude to address in such a manner to an older relative?

Upon reaching the dress shop, the designer working there assured the women that she had reserved the whole shop just for them. She was eager to help and to please any and all of Hinata’s requests. “Call me Sakura!” she said as they met “no need for formalities, after all I am here to help you find what you will be wearing on the most important day of your life”

Hinata tried on 5 dresses before finding ‘the one’. It was perfect in every way possible. The bodice was made entirely of lace that was a bit see-through, thus had white material around the chest area in a heart shape. The skirt was long and flowy but not overly heavy, it had beautiful lace details on the bottom of the skirt and a split on the left leg until above the knee. It was a stunning dress, but so were all the ones before, however, the moment Hinata tried it on, it felt different, it felt right. Seeing herself in the mirror her eyes got a bit misty and in her overflow of emotion turned around to hug Sakura who just finished buttoning the last button at her back. She told her how she felt the dress was the one and Sakura’s eyes got a bit misty too. This is what she did that job for, these moments in which a young woman found her perfect one and only dress to wear on her wedding day, she lived to see the happy tears and all the smiles.

“Stay here for a second, I’ll announce that this is it, this is the dress” She learned in the years of doing this job that whenever an instant click between woman-dress happened it should always be said to the party that came to help pick the dress as well so they would not criticize anything and break the magic spell of the moment. “Hinata found it, her perfect dress” Sakura said just moments before Hinata walked in wearing the most radiant smile ever, Ino screamed and ran to hug her and shower her in compliments, Mikoto watched from the side-line as the three young women discussed how perfect the dress was. After a short while, Hinata turned to Mikoto with bashful red cheeks “What do you think Mrs. Uchiha?”

Mikoto went to her and hugged her close as well. “The dress is perfect, it’s everything I hoped you’d find and more” she made a short pause for she felt this pressure in the back of her throat as id she too was about to cry. “and please, call me mother, I know that the wedding will only be in 3 weeks, but you already are my child Hinata dear” Mikoto’s kindness and warmth only made Hinata cry more. Naruto watched with a smile the whole event, he too liked Hinata from what he had seen of her, he was glad his friend was lucky enough for the arranged marriage to lead him to her. Even before he met Hinata he saw Sasuke’s expression when talking about her, he heard the soft tone in which he spoke about her and could tell that his friend held a deep affection for his fiancé.

After the dress picking event, Hinata asked for Sakura’s number to call her in the instance of the dress needing anything done day-of the wedding, that was the excuse anyway, in reality, she simply felt as if the moment they shared in the dressing room was special and wanted to try and keep in contact with her. Their next destination was the wedding hall, followed by other shops to get the wedding shoes, jewellery and her second wedding outfit in which she would change after their first dance. Just like the days in which she had dates with Sasuke, the time flew by and soon enough it was dark outside and time for them to return. After dropping Ino off, instead of driving back to the Hyuuga estate, Naruto took a sudden left turn which led to Hinata’s confusion, doubt and for the smallest second fear. Mikoto placed her hand on her knee and smiled at her, letting her know there was nothing to be afraid of. Despite being quite late, it wasn’t dark out yet, the summer sun refused to set.

The car stopped in front of a restaurant Hinata knew. “Are we getting dinner as well?” She was wondering why did they drop Ino off, maybe Mikot had something to discuss with her in private? Before she could come up with any other speculations, her car door opened and a familiar face greeted her with a smirk on. Her heart started beating faster the moment her eyes met Sasuke’s. She placed her hand in his and was smoothly pulled out of the car and into his arms. “Thank you, mother for dropping her off.” He said and then nodded towards Naruto expressing his thanks to him silently. Hinata was still in a daze and looking up at him as if he was a mere hallucination.

“I finished work earlier and Naruto told me you guys were still out so I asked him to bring you to me” He explained the situation to her and ushered her towards the entrance of the restaurant. It was the same restaurant in which they ate that pasta, out of all the things they tried together those were her favourite. Looking up at Sasuke Hinata kept wondering how Ino could expect her not to fall for him when he treated her this way, he had brought her more joy than she had experienced in her whole life, the memories she had of him were her favourite. He was slowly and steadily becoming the centre of her universe.

Since the moment they got seated and he reached out to hold her hand and slowly brush her wrist with his thumb, Hinata had been fighting the urge to simply utter ‘I love you’. Was it too fast? They met about 2 months ago, they went on dates about twice a week maybe three times if Sasuke’s work allowed for that, however they talked daily, her thoughts were filled with him. She wasn’t confused, these feelings might have started as gratitude for being saved, but they were romantic, she was in love with him, that much she knew. Sasuke noticed how distracted she was during their meal, she barely complimented the chef, but he decided not to pry yet, however, her silence during their walk after dinner bothered him more than he cared to admit. He loved how her eyes sparkled when she spoke about things she loved. She stopped walking and turned to face her, cupping her face in his hands, her eyes fluttered shut for a moment. She looked so lovely, and so utterly small and fragile, he would protect her with everything he had, he would help her build her strength enough to be able to protect herself, but even then, when she was capable, he’d do everything in his power to destroy anything that posed as a threat to her, whether physical, emotional or mental.

“What’s the matter Hinata? You’ve been in deep thought all night” he had been excited to hear all about her day, Naruto kept him updated every hour, but hearing the events from her would have been much more entertaining. Hinata looked into his eyes longingly, he wasn’t sure what she wanted but whatever it was he would give it to her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in.

“I have been...thinking whether I should tell you something the whole night and I cannot seem to find the right answer, what do you think I should do?” her eyes were still closed, too scared to see his reaction. Sasuke was the one confused now, why would she be struggling in such a manner? She should always tell him everything, anything no matter how trivia, he wanted to know every single thought that went on in her mind.

Sasuke took a step closer to her, their bodies were almost touching and he was still affectionately holding her face. “I think you should tell me; I think you should always tell me everything” Hinata’s heart was beating out of her chest, she was scared to look into his eyes as she said it, but she wanted to see him as she said it too. Choosing to be brave today, choosing to believe that Sasuke would catch her when she fell, Hinata opened her eyes, placed both of her hands over his on her face and smiled.

“Ok, I will tell you” Her mind was made, but she still needed a second to compose herself. “I love you”

The feeling Hinata had when putting the dress on was similar to what Sasuke experienced upon hearing those words, however, the magnitude of his feeling was much stronger, it felt as if the planets aligned, as if all the events ever in the world and its history happened as they did in order to lead to this very moment. A star exploded that lead to the creation of a galaxy, to the creation of a planet, to the creation of humanity, all for this one single moment.

He had not thought in depth about his feelings for Hinata, not because he didn’t want to admit them, but rather because it was unknown territory, but the moment she uttered the words he knew them to be true on his side as well. “I’m glad” he answered, his voice cracked so he cleared his throat. “I’m glad you decided to tell me” Hinata’s smile was stunning, she had told him and he was happy, he was moved, she could see a myriad of emotions in his eyes, all slowly falling into place. Sasuke wanted to say the words back but felt oddly fearful and uncertain, he had never experienced that level of awkwardness. “I do too” he muttered feeling defeated, he had chickened out and took a shortcut, but he will try to work harder, he will be able to express his feelings.

Hinata wasn’t mad or sad or disappointed by his answer, she could tell he was trying his best and if she were honest, it was lovely seeing him be the flustered one for a change. They were still in the same position, their faces close to each other, so Hinata once again took the initiative and raised on her tip-toes and kissed him, it was merely a peck. She knew the Uchiha traditions now and wished to follow them thus not being able to fully kiss him, however, the moment felt monumental enough for a small peck to be excused, plus nobody would ever know.

Sasuke stared at her for a moment longer, she was such a complex antithesis, she was weak yet strong, afraid yet brave, clueless yet intelligent, and everything about her made him glad for all the decisions he ever took that led him to her. He was thankful to his father which without even realizing he showed, since his and Hinata’s engagement was announced he and Fugaku have been getting along much better, everything at work went smoother and he often worked harder and faster in order to get a day off to spend with her. Hinata too helped him, their relationship was equally beneficial to both, they both took and both gave.

________

All of the final preparations for the wedding were coming along beautifully, the big event was the next day, but for Hinata even that was too long, the past three months had felt longer than her whole life before her engagement. Everything was better in the Hyuuga household, Neji and her were closer than ever, for he was finally able to be fully honest with her and she too was much happier and open. Her father mostly left her alone, apart from a small incident in which he admitted that he had spoken to her doctors to have her fertility tested almost half a year ago when he and Fugaku were first talking about the union, the test came back positive, but Hinata still felt like that was a huge invasion of her privacy and complained to Sasuke, who in turn argued with both of the older men, but the deed was long done and there wasn’t much he could do but think even lower of Hiashi and treat his father coldly for a while, until Hinata assure him that she had moved past that issue. Even Hanabi stopped her remarks after the incident on the wedding-dress day. After choosing the dress she and Mikoto went out to spend time together a few more times, she even met up separately with Ino and Sakura twice. When Hinata talked about her new friendship with Sasuke he was, in her words ‘delighted’; Sasuke had hoped for the wedding dress girl to become Hinata’s friend after she first told him about her. He had wanted her to have a friend that was well-versed into normality in order to help Hinata at times navigate society, however, he wished for that friendship to bloom naturally, sure he could have done as others would, namely bribe someone into being her friend, but that would only cause issues later, plus being close to Hinata is payment enough.

The weekend before the wedding Hinata was invited to have dinner at the Uchiha estate, she and Mikoto were already very close, however, Fugaku still scared her a little while Itachi seemed nice, but maybe a bit cold and detached, unwilling to fully interact with this world. He reminded her a little of herself when she still lived at the Hyuuga household. Being able to form that connection, after dinner she sought him out and talked to him alone, trying to relate his feelings with her own. Itachi wanted to be freed from his family much like she did, however, the ties keeping him there were much stronger, he loved all of his family but could not fully function and integrate into their world of organized crime.

After her talk to Itachi ended, Fugaku apologized for breaching her privacy and welcomed her to the family. She knew how much that meant, her father had never apologized for anything, so she could only imagine how hard it must have been for Fugaku to step over his pride and ego, she appreciated it more than she let on.

The night before the wedding Hinata had a dream, in that dream, she and Sasuke were laying together on a bed just looking at each other while holding themselves close, she felt at peace with her surroundings and Sasuke’s eyes on her made her feel seen and loved. The whole dream was peaceful, they sit in silence, then talk a little followed by kisses and laughs, which would quiet down to silence and the circle would start anew.

When her servants woke her up at 5 am, she wasn’t annoyed as she normally would have been before any other event, she had taken with her the peacefulness of her dream, she had waited so long for this day it almost felt like this was just another dream too, but the scrubbing her servants did during her bath stung, letting her know that this was reality, the happiness she felt was going to be a constant, for Sasuke will make sure to keep her smiling throughout their whole lives.

Unlike the preparations for other events in which Hinata didn’t particularly care about her looks, she was very specific this time around, she and Mikoto picked together her hairstyle too, her makeup colours and every little detail. Time seemed to dilate at times and a minute felt like an eternity, while other times it felt as if it were on fast-forward, she’d close her eyes for a second and a full hour would have passed.

By 9 am she was completely done, looking at herself in the mirror she remembered the day the engagement was announced, how picturing herself next to Sasuke felt strange, but now, picturing herself without him felt unnatural, her brain and heart finally agreed and they both knew Sasuke was her everything, he would be the one and only to ever stand by her side. While she was admiring herself in the mirror Neji walked in, telling her it was time to go to the church, the wedding was about to begin.

Nothing could ruin her perfect day, not even Hiashi holding her hand proudly as he walked her down the aisle, not even Hanabi refusing to make eye contact with her, all she could see and all that mattered was Sasuke at the end of the red rug, standing tall and handsome. Everything that had happened before in her life almost didn’t matter, this was the moment her life began. She barely heard anything the priest said, her answers were mostly done on auto-pilot, only when it was the moment for the rings to be exchanged did her eyes water, hearing Sasuke say ‘I do’ was a memory she’ll treasure forever. Their first official kiss was short, much shorter than she had hoped it would be, but even that didn’t ruin her mood, for she had walked inside a Hyuuga and left an Uchiha.

It was during their first dance that Sasuke whispered “I love you” he softly into her ear, only for her alone to hear, it had taken him a bit longer than her but he got to the point in which he could express his feeling in words too, for he had told her he loved her countless times with his actions alone. “I love you too” she replied and pulled his face to her for a kiss, not caring remotely that people were watching her. She would not be punished for causing a scene, Hiashi had no more power over her and Sasuke would never cage her or treat her like an inferior. She had the freedom to do whatever she wanted, and her first choice was to kiss her husband in front of all of those people on her wedding night.

“Ignore? What do you mean Hinata? That alarm indicates that spring has to come and you must return to the world above.” He was running his hand over the white and silky skin of her upper thigh. Hinata didn’t answer immediately but rather sighed and let her head fall back onto his shoulder.

“Must I really? Can’t I just stay here this year, I’m sure they won’t miss me at all up there” the trial was fully forgotten now, so much so that Sasuke made a set of signs teleporting himself and Hinata in the privacy of their room.

“You know how much I’d love that, but they need you there, you are the queen of the gardens after all, without you spring and summer do not exist. Nature would be dead” He hated that she had to leave him for half a year just as much as she did, but they made a deal with her family and that could not be broken. If it could have, he would have broken it aeons ago.

Hinata turned around in his lap so she was facing him. “what’s a little longer winter” she murmured and leaned in to kiss him. “what’s a little chaos in the world” the mere fact that she was considering allowing humanity to suffer for her selfish reasons was proof of how many centuries had passed since they met. She was sweet and innocent at the time, putting humanity above all else; but being present at the trials, seeing just how wicked and selfish human beings are slowly jaded her. Hinata placed her hands on the nape of his neck and slowly moved them upwards, entangling them in his hair “what’s a bit of human suffering when I get to be with you” her kiss was more aggressive, but Sasuke wasn’t one to argue, thus matching her forcefulness.

“We can’t break the deal Hinata, you know that. If we do, they’ll make it so that you will no longer be able to enter my kingdom” she hated how reasonable he was in times like this, she knew he was right but she honestly just did not want to leave. What could they do if she never ever returned?

“Who cares if I can’t enter, I’ll just never leave and that won’t be an issue” she stood on her knees, her chest being perfectly in front of him. Reaching under her dress Sasuke ran his hands up her tights, up her waist taking her dress off with the same move. Her reasoning made sense, but was it really worth the possibility of them not being able to be together anymore? “I’ll just stay here with you forever” Hinata whispered into his ear, trying her best to convince him that her idea was the best one.

Was it worth it? Sasuke kept weighing the situation even as he was touching every part of her body, his mind was fully working even as he kissed up her neck, even as she ripped his clothes off of him. “Stop thinking, come back to me fully” Hinata insisted as she placed both of her hands on his tights. His eyes focused on her and the image he had in front of him, she was naked and stunning and laying barely inches away from him, that distance in itself was too much, he couldn’t even imagine sending her to the above world, how had he managed aeons of spending only half his time with her? “you’re right” he finally answered. “Stay” his voice was much lower when he said that word, it felt like an order, like a plead, like a wish.

For the following days, the King of the Underworld and the Queen of the Gardens ignored all of their duties, choosing to simply spend their time alone in their bed. The trials with the King only started again weeks after. The above world was still chaos-free, they simply treated it as a longer winter, Hinata had stopped being punctual many centuries ago, always dreading leaving the world. Chaos only started when it was March and it snowed still, when it was April and the lake waters were still frozen.

“THE GARDEN QUEEN DIED!” “THE GARDEN QUEEN ABANDONED US!” “CURSE THE UNDERWOLD KING”

Freezing temperatures in June led to the beginning of the chaos, people were chanting on the streets about Hinata, about Sasuke. All the crops died, people were starving and dying from the cold. Hinata’s family tried to bring back spring and summer but they had relied on Hinata since the beginning of the world and were unable to do it on their own. They tried to reach her but were unable to step foot into the underworld without being severely hurt. Hinata’s ability to thrive in Sasuke’s kingdom was proof of the superiority of her powers.

Sasuke and Hinata once again were alone in their house, Sasuke was reading a book as Hinata had her head in his lap, he was running his fingers through her hair. Hinata was a few seconds away from falling asleep when she said ‘if I had known it would be this easy and with almost no consequences on us, I would have stayed here exclusively from the beginning.”

Under normal circumstances, Sasuke would be opposed to the break of a contract, but he couldn’t help but agree, the 4 extra months she had stayed behind had been some of the best and he couldn’t wait for all of the billion months to come of them being together. He bent down and kissed her softly on the lips in her sleep. “You were right, you are always right” he murmured as their lips were still touching.

“Are you ready?” Sasuke looks down at me, his face may look expressionless to others but I could see gentleness in his eyes, I could hear softness in his voice and I could feel his support in his steady grip of my hand. I push open the cemetery door and we make our way slowly to where the ‘big’ clans have reserved places of rest. This is where we met three years ago, I was on the ground crying in front of Neji’s grave, feeling just as much sadness as I did at his funeral, Sasuke was a standing statue in front of Itachi’s grave, unable to move, having no idea how to properly ask for forgiveness, how to honour him. During the festival’s ending fireworks, we both looked at the sky, looking at the colours that danced into the dark sky, listening to the loud booms of the explosions, and when they ended, the cemetery felt darker than before, the silence was loud enough to drive one mad. That’s the moment when I looked around me, maybe hoping to find another lonely figure, and I found him, already looking at me. I watched as he slowly walked to where I was.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said in a low voice and placed his hand onto my shoulder. His touch made me feel better and worse at the same time. I was glad not to be the only one there, but he also opened the gate of my sadness and all the pain I thought I locked up came rushing out. My silent cries turned into loud sobs that I wasn’t able to contain, sobs that made it hard to breathe, made my stomach hurt and made me dizzy. After a few moments in which he only watched while having his hand on my shoulder, Sasuke lowered himself to the ground, pulled my body to his in such a way that my face was on his shoulder, not caring that my tears would wet his shirt. He allowed me to cry for as long as I wanted and only rubbed my back from time to time.

When I finished crying, he helped me up and with an expression filled with pain thanked me. He said I had cried enough for the both of us, that I had mourned his brother too in ways he was unable to. As fast as he appeared he disappeared too. I had not seen him for a full year until the following O-bon festival. Much like before, we were the only ones in the cemetery, but this time we weren’t strangers linked by coincidence, a connection was formed between us regardless of our lack of contact. We mourned in different manners, I cried and he stood still looking as if he was suffering greatly. After the fireworks, we started talking reminiscing our most prized memories with our older brothers, the talk changed to our mothers which we found to be similar, I listened as he told me about many of his deceased relatives and this time, I was the one holding him in a hug. When the sun rose that night, we went our separate ways once again for a year.

Three weeks before last year’s O-bon festival I received a massager crow from Sasuke asking whether I was able to house him in the village for the week of the festival. He wanted to restore some of the graves, plant some flowers maybe and all in all, take better care of everyone in his clan. I sent him an immediate reply that he was welcome to come whenever he chose and to stay for as long as he wanted. When he turned up at my door 3 days later, I offered to help him with the graves and we worked slowly and in silence, having finished with his clan we moved on to the graves belonging to the Hyuugas. Each day we’d work together, each night we’d go back to my apartment to eat dinner together and sleep in different futons, yet in the same room. This went on for almost two weeks until the festival, thus went it was time for Sasuke to go, the separation was much more difficult. I had grown used to being in his presence and the first few days after his leaving I found myself preparing two cups of tea, arranging two futons. A week passed and I received a message from him which brought immense joy, I replied and got a reply back a few days later. Our communication went on for a year uninterrupted, so when Sasuke showed up at my door two weeks before the festival my heart sped up. I had almost forgotten he was a real human being and not a simple idea I created with who I exchanged messages. I hugged him close just enjoying his presence once again.

We spent this past two weeks together, feeling as if that is our normal, I had feared that I would need time to accommodate to him being here just as much as I needed when he suddenly left, but that wasn’t the case at all. The only thing I was conscious about was my own feelings, the way my skin would flare red and heat up whenever he was close, how my eyes would follow him around, how my heart sped up with each little bump of the hand.

The picture was there, I liked it, I looked through the comments, I saw all the negative ones, I saw them misgendering her due to her short hair and baggy clothes, I saw them calling her names; and then there was nothing, because the picture no longer existed. Much like in school, the bully applied pressure on her, and she caved in on herself and chose to hide.

I wish I had taken a screenshot of the picture to post myself, but that would have been an invasion of privacy. She looked older and more mature, her hair was much shorter than in middle school, almost a buzz cut. She had always worn baggy clothes, but her style developed to streetwear, all in all, the picture was, in my opinion, a work of art. But as soon as it appeared, it disappeared. I can’t explain why it bothers me this much the fact that she took it down, but it just does.

I hate all the entitled fucks that think people own them anything. Females do not own them femininity, males don’t own them masculinity and gender non-conforming people don’t own them an androgynous appearance. Gender and fashion style are different issues, they can reflect each other or not. People use clothes for various reasons, as art, as means of expression, or they use them to hide. We talked about this during one of my courses in gender studies in university and it fucked with my brain how many people, young people that are supposably ‘woke’ heard that for the first time. I was shocked how many were unaware of things that I consider common sense.

I have the urge to reach out, assure her that the shit those incompetent fucks commented is the furthest thing from fact. Maybe I also feel guilt, because I was aware she was bullied in school and never helped, my apathy always made me so sure that it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t my issue to fix, it wasn’t my battle to fight, and this isn’t either; but I’ve also learned to understand that being quiet might not be as hurtful as actively attacking the person, but it’s damn near close enough. So, I click on her blank profile and shoot her a short message. ‘the pic looked nice. U didn’t have to delete it just cuz some ppl don’t know what style is’

It was partly to comfort her, and partly to prove to myself that I’ve become better even in the slightest. I press the lock button on my phone and the screen turns black, I put it screen down on my bed and leave the room trying to fool myself and the universe that I don’t care if she replies or not.

I return to my work desk, continuing this charade, I am actively trying to not think about it, but the more I try not to think about it, the more I think about it. There is something about a 24-year-old Hinata looking the way she does, yet listening to haters, that just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m still in deep thought about the issue when my laptop dings, letting me know I received an email. I half expect it to be Hinata, but it’s work-related and my focus turns to that for the time being. Work keeps me busy for the remaining of the day, enough to push the whole issue out of my mind for real. In a blink of an eye over 9 hours have passed.

I wasn’t able to fully finish everything I wanted, due to some issues but I have to call it a day, since I worked overtime quite a lot. I go back to my bedroom and pick up my phone ready to order some delivery for the night when I see that Hinata responded.

“That was very thoughtful of you, thank you for the kind message.”

“I agree that I shouldn’t let myself be brought down, but it’s devastating in the moment.”

“I’ll try again.”

Her last message makes me click back on her profile to see that she reposted the picture with the caption saying ‘fuck you’. A sense of pride flows into my body, and I can’t fight the urge to comment as well, ‘fuck them all’. I go back to our little chat.

“Im glad u decided to post it again.”

I’m trying to formulate a compliment that doesn’t sound weird, I don’t feel like we are close enough for me to call her beautiful or pretty without it sounding like I am flirting, stunning sounds extreme, sexy and hot feel somewhat disgusting; yet all these five adjectives describe her, because she is beautiful, pretty, stunning, hot and sexy. I’m in the midst of this internal battle when I receive a reply.

“I am too. Thank you again”

I don’t feel like I deserve thanks, so I decide not to write back ‘you are welcome’, but I still want to compliment her so I click back to look at the picture, seeing whether having the picture in front of me will help. I’m lowkey annoyed when I get a notification that I have a new message from her, I am hell bound on finding a compliment and she is hell bound on stopping me. Either way, I click on the message, but upon reading it, my annoyance dies.

“I’m actually in Konoha for the first time in forever. I was thinking…if you maybe want to meet up? I’m here for a month, let me know if and when is a good time for you 😊”

Under normal circumstances, an invitation to ‘hang out’ from any former classmate be it elementary, middle or high school would annoy me further and I’d turn it down immediately. But for some reason, the idea of meeting Hinata after so many years, seeing what she is up to, interacting with her now as adults, makes me oddly enthusiastic. I reply before I can overthink the issue.

“Sure, we can meet, I’m free every Wednesday and throughout the weekend.”

I was the only one in the room when her eyes opened, she looked confused and for a moment I was sure she had amnesia and would not remember me, us. But for the briefest moment her eyes rested upon my figure and recognition was there, relief was there, gratitude, affection and many other nuances that I can never seem to read or fully comprehend reflected in her eyes. I took her hand and kissed the back of it, allowing myself a small selfish gesture before leaving the room to inform the medics she woke up. Sakura gave me a strange, questioning look when I told her Hinata had woken up, but I didn’t care about subtlety at that second, I just wanted them to check her for any issues, I wanted her to be physically fine.

She didn’t have many memories of the war when she was first questioned, but they came back in waves and waves. I could tell that the questions overwhelmed her, much like the people that littered around, there were over 10 visitors in her tiny hospital room, from her father to Naruto, Kiba and many others. I just watched the whole situation from outside her window. I noticed her looking around, searching for someone that wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t me, she knew I wouldn’t be there when other people were, I knew exactly who she was searching for, that’s why I wanted to be close by. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, I knew things would take a turn for the worse soon enough. I saw it, the exact moment the fog raised off of her memories, the moment in which reality hit her, the moment in which the remaining light in her eyes died.

She asked for Neji, Naruto cringed, her father was the one to inform her of his passing. She asked when the funeral was going to be and silence fell onto the room. Sakura tried to slowly explain that the war ended two months ago and all the dead were already long buried. Hinata cried, she cried for her fallen cousin, she cried for missing his funeral, she cried for herself. They all gave her hugs and condolences, they reassured her that none of that was her fault. They all expected her to mourn and soon enough bounce back to the façade she always kept around the people in the village. They were unaware of the emotional depth her sadness could reach. I knew their expectations would never be met, I could tell that the headspace she was in was similar to the night I found her on the forest floor, she had the same look in her eyes as when she constantly begged me to let her die. Knowing all of that, I expected her to make certain choices, yet, despite knowing what was to come, I was unable to help, there wasn’t a single moment in which she was alone for a week to come. And when it all happened, I panicked at the notion of her death and responded wrongly to her actions.

I wasn’t watching her when she attempted to kill herself, I was with Tsunade who kept insisting that I accept their fake arm. I was in the midst of refusing once more, when I could feel a commotion in her room, I left without a word and ran there. The image that was in front of me wasn’t surprising but it was just as heart-breaking. Hinata’s bed was covered in blood, her left wrist was being treated by Sakura but you could still see the long and slim-cut along her wrist, Naruto was holding her other arm trying to put pressure on her wrist to stop the bleeding. It scared me, the amount of blood on herself and the bed, her light-headedness and indifference indicated that she had been bleeding for a long time. She waited for a moment in which I wasn’t there either, she wanted to escape me too. Had Naruto and Sakura been late they might have found her corpse instead. I left the room to calm myself down, I couldn’t cause a commotion. I tried my best to come up with kind and comforting words to tell her later when I would return to her room, but when I did, the image that greeted me, her arms strapped to the bed, made me lose my composure. I screamed at her, I can’t even recall what I said but I know it was very inappropriate, she laughed, she cried. Trying to comfort her with only one arm was difficult, that was the very first moment when I even considered accepting Tsunade’s offer, but in the end I didn’t. I spent every night that followed with her, after the initial shock I was able to recall the words I meant to give her, I knew they weren’t going to miraculously fix everything but I felt that she needed them nonetheless.

She apologized for considering that path and acting on her thoughts. I undid her chains and pulled her to my lap as she talked. “The moment my eyes moved past Naruto’s shoulders and I saw you in the door frame I regretted my choice, I wished I could undo it if only to never have to see that look on your face” I placed my face into her hair and just breathed her in. “I think I understand a little better now…what you felt when Itachi died, when you found out the truth. Our situations aren’t the same but I remember how…” she stopped, searching for the perfect word.

“Crazy? Unhinged? Mad?” I provided, but she frowned and shook her head.

“No, no, none of those…how anguished, sorrowful, wretched you were at the time. You come to me in a very agitated state, I was scared and concerned but couldn’t grasp that feeling. Now I do” If I’m honest I don’t remember how felt at the time, I don’t remember many things about that period of my life, all I know is that I wanted to give up, I thought I had made only wrong choices in my life, but I saw her and I remembered that even I could save someone.

After a few more nights she assured me that she was now mentally stable, her sadness was still very much present, but she had not had any self-harming thoughts. The decision to leave the village was very difficult at the time, but Hinata assured me that she enjoyed our routine and wished to continue it. I left but our correspondence was much more frequent than before the war, I would write her every other day and she’d reply as soon as my messages reached her. It took a bit over 3 months for her to resume her work as an ANBU, and a bit over 8 months in total to convince Kakashi to promote her to ANBU Black Ops. Her missions became more difficult and longer, she even had a mission in Amegakure that lasted half a year. When she first sent me the message informing me of the location of her mission it reminded me of our first encounter after I left the village. Our encounter that summer isn’t a memory I think of fondly, I was cruel, I was insane, I abused my knowledge of her trauma. Whenever I remember my actions, I want to go back and rewind the time, I want to apologize to 15-year-old Hinata, she was meek and fragile and I broke a part of her. She was doing her best to survive and to keep going and I was a huge obstacle in her recovery. When my feelings for her started changing I was always self-conscious whether they were genuine or not, wasn’t I using her? Wasn’t I just feeling guilty?

Hinata, age 15

I am nervous as I pack my bag for this mission, it is my first solo mission ever. 6 months after I became a Jonin and Tsunade finally trusts me enough to allow me to go alone in a mission. The destination is Amegakure and the mission is supposed to last for about to 3 weeks. The difficulty level of the mission is only B which I’d be pretty annoyed at, but the distance factor and the solo factor make up for it so, I am equally nervous and excited. When I told Neji about the mission he was concerned but didn’t show it much for my sake. Instead, he congratulated me and we had a small picnic in the outer skirt of the Hyuuga estate as celebration.

Now I am looking through my dresser for appropriate clothes for the rain to pack, I have to look for another set of kunais just in case and prepare myself a couple of bentos to have on hand. Slowly, the closer the night before my departure gets the less anxious I am, excitement seems to be the winning sentiment.

The morning of, I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and am unable to sleep longer. By the time I am fully dressed and ready to go it’s only 5:00 a.m. and the sun is barely raising, but I decide that it is light enough outside for me to leave. As always whenever I pass through the forest there’s a chill going through my veins and my enthusiasm is a bit dampened, I actively try and avoid that specific place even if it means it will add to the journey time. On the schedule, Tsunade gave me I’m meant to spend 8 days on the road to the village, approximately 4 or 5 days into the village and 8 more days back.

The mission itself isn’t supposed to be that difficult all I need to do is meet with different people in the village give them the scrolls Tsunade gave me and wait for their replies. All in all, there should be no fighting, I’m mostly a messenger but the large amount of people that need contacting made it impossible for a summon raven to deliver the scrolls. My adrenaline rush of being on my own, experiencing what freedom feels like made me speed up during the journey, I took less stops and didn’t even spend the night in one of the Inns I was supposed to. Thus, not only did I depart earlier than planned but I arrived into the village almost a day and a half ahead of the schedule. Since it’s still barely past noon I decide to start the mission a day early and I am able to cover a fifth of the task on the first day.

People usually when talking about Amegakure call it gloomy and depressing, but I enjoy walking around in the rain, the temperature isn’t too high despite it being the middle of a heatwave everywhere else, the smell and sounds of rain also add to its charm. The Inn I’m supposed to stay at for the duration of my mission is on the outside of the village, it is away from the noise of the centre, but not far out enough to say it isn’t part of the village at all. Walking into my room I sit down and finally grasp that I am days away from Konoha, I am alone. The realization makes me emotional; I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be on my own, how good it would feel to put distance between me and everything that Konoha entailed.

Sitting alone in the dark, only with the occasional lightning brightening up my room, I make a decision, I promise myself to only ever come on solo missions. I’ve endured years of discomfort so I deserved to feel this way, if only during missions. I take a shower and go to bed, I’m not as physically tired as I thought I would be after the journey and that worries me. I don’t want the nightmare to come and ruin my mood, but I close my eyes nonetheless.

It feels like barely a second passed when I open my eyes and see the cool light coming from outside. The sun is hidden behind the clouds of rain, but its light still pushes through to an extent. I had no dreams, no nightmares. I rested well and I feel better than I did in many years. I walk barefoot onto the cold wooden floor and I open the window, not caring that the rain is getting both me and the floor wet. I close my eyes and feel immensely liberated, the heavy chains that dragged me down at all times disappeared. Nobody here knows me and I don’t know them, I am but a face in the crowd, this anonymity offers me the independence I never knew before.

I complete the mission in under 3 days. I feel faster, stronger, happier here. It feels like I can do anything and everything. I have about 3 days I can waste in the village, under normal circumstances I’d return immediately to Konoha to get another mission and the cycle would repeat. But I decide to stay here for a while longer, I want to enjoy this feeling to the best of my ability. The day right after completing the mission I simply stay inside and sleep almost the whole day. I’m recharging my batteries which have been on low for 3 years now. I forgot what being well-rested felt like.

The following day I decide to wander around some more. The mission had me walk all over the village’s centre so, I decide to check out its outskirt more. I go and eat delicious food at a small booth owned by an older couple. Due to its relatively small scale Amegakure’s buildings are much much higher than those from Konoha so I climb on top of one that I deem to be among the highest and sit there, in the rain just watching the busy streets, looking over all the sky-high buildings and enjoying the feeling of being unrestrained by people’s gazes and expectations. For the smallest second, I feel someone’s gaze on me but I discard it as being the locals looking at the strange outsider that’s standing in the rain. I refuse to let my mood be dampened, not when I am just as high as this building is.

I return to the Inn and decide to take a shower, tomorrow is going to be my last day here and I feel like time is moving far too fast. I’m rinsing my hair when I get the same feeling as before, like someone is watching me. Before I can dismiss it again, I hear steps behind me, my mind goes blank. I’m suddenly turned around by a powerful hand, before closing my eyes I see a pair of black dead, unfeeling, cold, cruel, scary, scary, scary, scary eyes. I close my eyes and clench my jaw; I can feel tears trailing down my face. I’m hyperventilating, I can’t move, I’m weak, I’m small. I whimper when I feel his hand touching the scar right above my pelvis. The touch transports me back to when I’m 12 and on the ground, my legs no longer support me, the only reason why I’m still standing is because the man is holding my arm in an iron grip. The moment passes and his hand is gone allowing me to fall to my knees and then onto my butt. I have no idea how long I stay there in a trance. When I’m finally able to regain strength in my limbs to feel and make small movements I notice the shower water is freezing cold despite it being set to warm. I turn it off and walk into the room, there’s no trace of the man anymore, he didn’t do anything beyond touching my arm and my scar. Maybe he was simply created by my brain, yea no one was here, how could they be, why would they be.

I can feel myself slipping into hysteria as laughter bubbles up into my throat. I look around the room again searching for proof again and I sigh in relief when I find none. I’m finally calm enough to get dressed but I make the mistake of looking in the mirror. There’s a handprint on my arm where he gripped me. The print is red and turning a weird purple colour in places and yellow in others. He was here. He was real. I take small breaths in order to calm myself, I am fine, I am here, I can’t even picture the face of the man that was here, I try to force myself to forget the handprint, it was just a dream, another nightmare.

I pack my things and leave that very night despite being tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t want to return to Konoha, and I can’t stay here, I don’t know where to go. The freedom I felt before gave me an amazing sense of accomplishment, but now it is a source of unease. I feel lost and like I do not belong anywhere. I feel insignificant. I feel lonely. I close my eyes and just sit on the floor outside of the village, waiting for something or someone to come get me. But nothing happens and the weather is turning cold despite the summer so I pick myself up and start walking wherever the road will take me.

I don’t remember the journey back home, I can’t even tell in how many days I completed it, I didn’t stop at all, I just ran. I ran from the man, the past, I ran from my weak self. I thought myself to be strong now that I am a Jonin, but I froze and was unable to do anything all the same. I need to be more than I am, I need to be stronger, braver, untouchable, more perceptive.

I hate myself for hesitating to enter the Konoha, I hate myself for hesitating to take on a new mission when Tsunade offers it. I hate myself when I have to walk through the halls of the Hyuuga compound, I hate myself when I hide from Neji. I hate myself when I walk into my room and burst into tears. I hate myself for getting my hope that high in Ame only to have them all crash and burn. I hate that I feel more broken today than I did 3 weeks ago.

Sasuke, age 16

I’ve been in a weird mood since a week ago when I saw Hyuuga in the Village Hidden in Rain. I hadn’t heard or seen anything related to Konoha since I left during the Chunnin exam. She was my first contact with it. Hinata Hyuuga, I remember her name clearly, she holds a special meaning to me, she is a life I saved. I saved her back before I was caught up in any business with Orochimaru, when I still thought following Kakashi was the right path to take, back when I was stupid and naïve. I hadn’t thought of her since that moment, but when my eyes fell onto her, I felt proud that she survived, but I also felt the need, the urge to utterly crush her beneath my feet. Her life belongs to me; I saved her so, I have every right to destroy her.

I could tell she was uncomfortable with me there, I felt her flinch as I traced the scar above her pelvis, I heard her whimper when I turned around, and I saw from the corner of my eye, as her legs have in and she fell to the floor. She looked small and pathetic and I felt strong in comparison.

However, now, days later I feel…guilt. I feel as if I used something against her that I shouldn’t have. At the time her image was blurry and not something I paid attention to, but I can clearly see it now whenever I close my eyes. He white skin had almost no imperfections besides the three scars, her eyes were shut tight, her face was red and wet, at the time I gloated at the thought that the water droplets were tears, now I’m hoping they were from the shower. Her long dark hair was wet and clinging to her body. She did her best to hide from me with her hands, with her position slightly bent. She was helpless, she didn’t even try to stop me, she didn’t scream or fight back, she froze in place and allowed me to do whatever I wanted. At the time that too made me feel powerful, I deluded myself into thinking that my presence as Sasuke Uchiha made her cower in fear. Now that I am analysing things once more, I realize it was her trauma that rendered her powerless, it was my presence that caused her fear, but she wasn’t scared of me, Sasuke, but rather of me, a male; she didn’t see me as an individual but as the image of the man that hurt her in the past.

Realizing that in her mind I was equal to that disgusting piece of trash makes me livid. I clench my jaw, pick up the first thing I see, a jar of whatever substance from one of Orochimaru’s labs and I throw it to the wall. The green liquid escapes its container and slowly eats away at the wall and ground, the sizzling noise and putrid smell don’t even bother me. I’m angry at her, I want to find her and scream in her face that I’m not that man. I wanna shake her until she understands. I am mad at her, at myself. Kabuto comes in and curses, he drags me out and talks under his breath, his presence adds to my anger.

“What do you want?” I ask him, I’m looking down at him. I grew taller these past few weeks, taller than him. I want him to pick a fight, I want a reason to smash his face in. The image of his bloody face as he lays unconscious on the ground would bring me the satisfaction I need. He looks mockingly at me, that’s enough to start a fight.

Less than 20 minutes later the fight is over, he’s not unconscious, he’s still standing, more precisely, walking away. But he is bleeding and so am I. The fight didn’t help. I still feel angry, but my anger is slowly being overshadowed by guilt.

The sudden urge to find her and apologize overcomes me, but I dismiss it. She’s long gone…I checked. The two of us won’t meet anytime soon and even if we do, I’ll never apologize, not to her, not to someone that…weak…

Hinata age 22

After sleeping in until 11 after all, I wake up to Sasuke’s face next to mine, I feel at ease, I feel happy. I cup his face and place a kiss over his closed eyelids. I feel his change in breath when he wakes up but his eyes remain closed. His arm comes around my waist and pulls me closer to him, slowly he opens his eyes and offers me a lazy smirk. For a while I forget that we’re in Konoha, I forget everything about people trying to control me. All my worries just disappear with his presence.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks and brushes my bangs out of my eyes. ‘You’ I want to say, but I decide to be selfish instead. I sit up and he does too, I move towards him and place myself on his lap, we are chest to chest, face-to-face. “I am unsure how long they’ll make me stay here. This... sensei job…they could stretch it for months, who knows.” I hate that that’s true, I hate that they’re trying to cage me into the village. “it’s difficult being here for an indefinite period of time, especially since I don’t have out missions to look forward to. So…” I stop talking, rethinking what I’m about to ask, wondering if it’s worth it, but he looks at me with no judgement, he’s waiting patiently. “So…I was thinking. Maybe being here in Konoha would be better…if you were here as well” Part of me initially regrets the words and wants to take them back.

“You want me to stay here until you can go back to your normal missions” he didn’t formulate it as a question so I didn’t reply, mostly because I didn’t trust myself not to say no, to act like it was a joke, so I stay silent. “Ok, I will” his hand is on my wrist and it’s slowly moving up under my tank top. “You should already know that anything you ask of me, I’ll do Hinata” I do know that, but this was something that I had been afraid to ask for a while. Would staying in Konoha be better with him here? It must be.

We talk some more about his stay in Konoha and then proceed to eat a late breakfast. “I passed by the cottage outside of Amegakure on my way to Konoha” that cottage will forever represent my safe space, all my memories in it are out-of-this-world happy. The cottage itself is pretty much outside every territory of every village, it belongs to nobody, yet that’s the place I feel I belong in. I stayed there for my thirst or fourth mission as an ANBU, as usual Sasuke met up with me and we live together there for months. Sasuke and I worked together for most of my missions, we completed them faster than it was estimated they would take and we spent the remaining of the time just being together outside of all the rules of everyone. That was the place in which after much deliberation and inner-fights I decided to put my trust in him. By then we had already expressed our feelings verbally and with actions such as kisses and hugs, but I wanted to move past that because I craved that closeness with someone, I wanted a stronger bond between us, but also out of spite, I wanted to prove that I was able to enjoy sex. I wanted to prove that what had happened no longer affected me. Out first time was a bit awkward, we were both virgins, Sasuke was overly conscious of making me feel comfortable and I just wanted it to be done with so our desired speed didn’t match, but it happened and it was fine. The second and third time around it was much better and now we reached a point in which intimacy with him doesn’t scare me in the least, I love it and it makes me feel amazing. I am aware that I’m not fully over the incident, the close proximity of strange men that I don’t know still bothers me at times, however, I am much stronger and able to protect myself, I am just...wary.

I end my train of thoughts by going back to the memory of our first time and it makes me giggle a little. Sasuke asks me with his eyes what I’m laughing about and my reply is only a smirk, I see the wheels spinning in his brain and the connections being made. I love that after so many years we’re able to just understand each other in this manner. He gets up from his chair and walks around the table to place his hand on the nape of my neck. “I can show you how much I’ve improved since than” he whispers and bends down to kiss me. I smile against his lips and loop my arms around his neck allowing him to pick me up.

I must have fallen asleep again because I am woken up this time by Naruto loudly knocking on my door. He left me alone yesterday because Sasuke was around but I guess even his long-lost best friend can’t keep his attention off of me for more than 24 hours. I look next to me and my heart hurts because Sasuke isn’t there. I tell myself it’s because he felt Naruto so he left, but I still don’t like that.

Naruto keep knocking on the door and I’m sure he’s about to tear it down if I don’t open it soon so I walk to it in my pjs with my hair a mess. When I open the door, he stops in his tracks. “Oh…” his eyes linger onto the scar on my shoulder, he has an obsession with it I’ve noticed. Does he believe that’s my biggest scar…if only he knew. “I didn’t know you were sleeping, I’m sorry”

“After yesterday’s mission the kids have the day off so I wanted to rest” I don’t assure him that it is ok even though I know that’s the polite thing to do. I am bitter and annoyed that Sasuke isn’t there. For a split moment when I woke up, I thought I had imagined his presence.

“I just wanted to bring these to you.” He says and presents me with a pile of papers. “I know you were given them before when Kakashi assigned you as their sensei” hah, like it was Kakashi’s idea. Hokage-sama wouldn’t have pushed me into being a sensei from a Black Ops and we all know that. I know Naruto pulled all of the strings to get me here, however, Kakashi-san is also to blame for allowing all of this to happen “but I think you should really read them well, you said you have a free day today. I can stay here with you and read them together”

I look at him and his easy-going smile. On normal days I’d try and be nice, but all I want to do today is spend my time in peace. “I heard Uchiha-san is back. Are you sure you want to spend the day with me reading about some kids rather than catch up with him?” I feel sorry for guiding Naruto towards Sasuke, but I know Sasuke and if he’s one thing, he’s good at not being found.

I tried approaching Kurenai about the issue, tried to ask her to allow me to stay behind, but they needed every one in our team in order to track a run-away criminal, they needed Shinos bugs, Kiba’s nose and my eyes. Naruto’s team was in charge of fighting him if necessary and bringing him into the village. Kiba had been furious when he heard our job was to be a map basically, but I was glad we wouldn’t have to fight. However, my relief was short-lived when Kurenai mentioned that it was an A-class criminal so there was a high chance that team 7 would need our help in combat as well.

The day of the mission started pretty similarly to my usual days, I got dressed, packed bentos for everyone and left bright and early for the training ground where we were told to meet up. The whole way there I kept thinking about what I should do if Naruto was already there, what if it were just the two of us there, what would we talk about? Or would we just sit in silence? However, my worries were futile, Naruto wasn’t there, it was only Shino, I and Uchiha-san. Shino greeted me, but Uchiha-san didn’t acknowledge my existence, the three of us stayed in silence which usually I wouldn’t have minded but my thoughts were hectic and I would have liked any sort of distraction. Slowly more people joined, Kurenai, followed by Sakura and Kiba and soon there was no longer silence, Sakura was talking to Sasuke and Kiba was complaining to Kurenai-sensei. After a few minutes of being ignored Kiba let it go and came to talk to me, he was telling me about some of the new dogs his older sister rescued and Akamaru placed himself in my lap for pets, it almost felt like a normal day and for a moment I forgot all about Naruto and the joined mission, that was of course until Naruto appeared, he had been running to get here on time, you could tell he was hurrying by his slightly red cheeks, the rapid way in which he breathed and the droplets of sweat rolling down his temples.

His sunny disposition was wonderful from far away but it was maybe a bit too bright and blinding from this close. I followed him with my eyes as I were so used to do, not even registering he was walking to me until he was barely a few feet apart, his eyes focused on me with a smile.

“Mornin’ Hinata-chan” I loved how my name sounded on his lips, I blushed hard and murmured a reply, before any more talking could occur Kakashi-sensei arrived as well. Kurenai laid down a map for us and told us to gather around, I was too conscious of Naruto’s presence so I moved as far away from him as I could, I needed to focus on the explanation, my distraction could already be seen for in my attempts to distance myself from Naruto I bumped into Uchiha-san. I screeched, took a step to the side and apologized but he didn’t acknowledge me this time either. The only nod I got from him was when I gave everyone their bentos right before we split into smaller teams.

Thankfully I was able to focus on the plan and understood my part in it. I was to be in front of the team together with Kakashi-sensei and Uchiha-san, I’d use my Byakugan at the beginning until my chakra level was about half and then took small breaks if we hadn’t found the criminal by then. I was glad that Naruto wasn’t directly next to me, however, I was extremely uneasy around Kakashi and Sasuke as well, I had hoped at least Kiba would be next to me, but he was with Sakura and Kurenai to the left while Shino and Naruto were in the back.

“Ok Hinata, you can turn it on whenever you want, if you see anything unusual let us know immediately,” Kakashi said as we stepped outside Konoha grounds. The scroll with the mission information had a portrait of the man and information about his chakra type as well, which all in all helped me a lot, I knew exactly what I was looking for, thus being able to ignore all the movement around me that belonged to the team. The criminal had escaped from Suna three days ago and from their sources, he would pass through the forest outside Konoha somewhere today or tomorrow depending on his speed.

We had been running for almost 3 hours when I felt my chakra levels falter for a moment. I had never used it for such an extensive period of time, plus Kakashi and Sasuke’s speed was much higher than I was used to, all in all, I was having a tough time keeping up with them. I turned off my Byakugan when I felt my left eye hurting badly. “My chakra needs to recharge” I let them know and Kakashi nodded. We didn’t stop running, however, we slowed down significantly in order for Shino and Naruto to catch up with us, Shino too had been using his bugs and was tired, thus it was only Kiba that was still actively searching. Once my chakra felt stable enough, I turned on my Byakugan again, I could still feel discomfort in my left eye but ignored it for the time being.

Another hour passed when Akamaru barked loudly and not even a second later I spotted the criminal, he was far to the left, Kurenai’s team was maybe 45 minutes away from him, I informed Kakashi of that and we too turned to run that way, slowly increasing our speed.

“Hinata, we need you to keep your Byakugan active and let us know exactly where he is going, Shino if you can send some poisonous bugs ahead, our best plan is to knock him out without much fight needed”

The closer we got the more I felt his chakra overpowering me, the faster we ran, the faster he ran too, I wasn’t sure if he knew we were on his tracks, he had made no movement that indicated he knew. It was a split-second event, he was one, he was alone and then there were two others. before I could even open my mouth to tell everyone I felt a sharp pain at the back of my neck and the world slowly started getting blurry and black, the last thing I saw was Uchiha-san’s hand reach out to me.

Sasuke POV

The mission started about 2 hours ago but I could hear Hyuuga’s breath getting heavier and heavier with each step, I kept waiting for her to tell us she was tired, but she didn’t. Kakashi was quite far ahead of me and her but I’m sure he knew she was tired as well. Finally, an hour later she admitted to being tired, I turned for a mili-second to look at her and her left eye was closed, you could see the eye twitching underneath her lid, she had exhausted herself. We met up with the dobe and Aburame, I expected Hyuuga to lose her composure just as she had at the meeting place, but she was either too focused or too tired to give Naruto any attention. Even Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet.

The mission had been a long run thus far, that was until Hinata finally saw the suspect in the distance, we changed our path the way she guided us and kept increasing our speed. Kakashi told her to keep her Byakugan on and she made no comments. Out of everyone I was the closest to her and I could hear her getting more tired by the second, I kept mental tabs on her just in case she was going to pass out. For a split second, I heard her breath patter change, as if she was about to speak and I turned to look at her, her left eye was bleeding and from behind her came a man that hit her hard with the side of his hand on the nape of her neck, I reached out to her and barely caught her, held her against me before we hit the ground. Before checking how Kakashi and the others were faring I cupped her face and brought it up to my ear, for an agonizing long second, I couldn’t hear or feel her breath, but thankfully she was breathing, she was alive.

“Sasuke, take care of Hinata” Kakashi ordered, he had already knocked out the man that attacked us and was carrying currently carrying him on his back while writing a scroll and running at the same time. I picked Hinata up and continued running too.

“Is she ok?” Aburame asked and I nodded trying to ease his worry. I had been worried too, for a moment there I panicked, what would I have done had she died? Her left eye was still bleeding slowly, it looked as if she was constantly crying blood, I could feel my shirt getting wet with her blood, having her blood on me made me feel even more in charge of her safety.

“I found them too, I put a bug on each of them, there are three men in total” the information was welcomed “Kurenai-sensei’s team should reach them about 10 minutes before we do, I managed to inject with a small dose of poison one of them, the other two killed my bugs” Despite Hinata’s approximation beforehand, the criminal and his partners, apparently, were running too, all we could do is try to catch up to them in due time.

Holding her into my arms I felt oddly detached from the mission, for the majority of it I had been distracted, more interested in her state of being than the mission itself. Today had been one of my first interactions with her, what was it about her that caught my attention? Her blush and stutter when Naruto was concerned? Her loud scream when she bumped into me? The bento she offered me with no alternative reason? Either way, her presence distracted me and I did not appreciate that, her weight in my arms felt comfortable and even that annoyed me.

“Sasuke, you turn around with Hinata, I trust that there are no other men involved with the criminal. We can’t be sure how long the chase will take, Shino will keep trying to poison them and we hopefully will be done soon, however Hinata needs medical attention”

My detachment to the mission only furthered, I asked no questions, I gave no reply but simply turn around and run towards Konoha. Despite the extra weight and the long run thus far I wasn’t tired, I was oddly energized, my blood was boiling and I was running even faster than I have ever had. We were about 5 or 6 hours away from Konoha, but I wanted to reach it in 4 if possible. My focus returned and I heard every little leaf crunch on the ground, every little branch being moved by the wind.

When we were getting closer to Konoha, meaning maybe under an hour away Hinata moved into my arms, I stopped abruptly and looked down at her, her eye had stopped bleeding 2 hours ago thankfully, her complexion which had been white before was rosier and I could feel her sweating under her enormous jacket. I lowered myself to one knee and propped her legs onto my knee thus using that hand to undo her zipper, then without much thought I took off her jacket and threw it on the forest floor, it was covered in blood, sweat and dirt anyway, she wouldn’t miss it. I got back up and adjusted my grip on her, my hand was touching the skin of her upper arm, it was moist and hot but soft. I was about to start running again when her eyes fluttered open. The sclera of her left eye was blood-red, her right eye was also red but not quite to the same extent.

“Uchiha-san…? Where are we?” her voice was meek, but for the first time, she was looking me straight in the eye.

“We are maybe 1 hour away from Konoha”

“D-did the mission end…? where is everyone else?”

“The mission hadn’t been over when we departed form the group. Kakashi sent me to take you to the hospital. I am sure he assessed the situation and decided they could finish without us and that this was the best course of actions”

I had no expectations of how she would react, but her sudden sobs took me by surprise. Without even realizing it, I brought her body closer to mine and raised it a little. “Hold onto my neck” I ordered, Hinata looked at me with glossy eyes but obeyed nonetheless. I resumed running in that position. Was I offering her privacy to cry? Was this meant to comfort her? Even I couldn’t say.

The rest of the run went by fast, after crying for a while Hinata fell asleep, in the meantime, I started nothing things that I was grateful for. I was grateful for her short hair since the wind couldn’t blow it in my face, I was grateful for the soft skin of her arms since they felt nice onto my neck, I was grateful for her height since it made her the perfect size for me to carry, I was grateful that she was asleep and not dead.

When we reached the hospital, I placed her onto the bed in the room a nurse guided me to. She didn’t let go of my neck for a moment and whispered “it’s a-all my f-f-fault, I ruined another m-mission. I’m so s-s-sorry” her voice broke, and for some reason hearing her say that hurt me as well. I didn’t know how to comfort her, so all I did was rub circles on her back with my hand, I sat down on the bed and allowed her to keep holding onto me for a bit longer. “You did nothing wrong, thanks to you the others knew where the enemy was. We failed you because we didn’t notice the man behind” I had heard about the Hyuuga blind spot from father, but had forgotten about it until that moment. I wasn’t sure f my words or actions were of any help to her, but she didn’t cry, she was just hiding, and even that didn’t last long, for the doctor came to check on her.

I walked out of the hospital and went home to rest, in the middle of the night, hours later I heard a knock at my door, it was Kakashi-sensei. He came to let me know everything went well and to ask about Hinata. I told him what the nurse told me, a blood vessel busted in her left eye, she was knocked out and had a slight concussion, but nothing major. They were going to let her out of the hospital in the morning. After Kakashi told me some more about the mission he left for the night and I made a sudden decision.

I found myself in front of the hospital. I knew which window belonged to Hinata’s room, I had seen her through it when I left that evening. So instead of going through the door, I decided to jump onto one of the trees and then right outside her window. I tapped it lightly, not wanting to wake her if she were asleep, but thankfully she wasn’t.

“Uchiha-san?” she said as she opened the window for me to get into the room. She looked confused and embarrassed. I walked to her bed and took a seat on the side of it.

“I just wanted to let you know the mission was a success, everyone is fine.” Her eyes widened. “You didn’t ruin it, as I said before they couldn’t have done it without you” it felt odd o say that and the more the words gained meaning into my mind the more embarrassing they became. “Either way, I just thought you’d worry so I came to tell you that there’s no need for that”

I got up and wanted to leave, the room felt small and warm, but Hinata grabbed the back of my shirt. “Thank you” she mumbled the words about a dozen times, each time a little quieter and broken than before. I wanted to stay and comfort her some more, but I also didn’t want to see her crying anymore. My feelings were confusing me and so was she, so I simply replied ‘go to sleep’ before going out the window and leaving her behind into the dark hospital room.

I miss walking down the riverbank holding in my hand the worn-out leather dog leash of an old Huskey that I don’t even own while its owner walks alongside me, maybe a step or two in front, I miss the silence of the walks and the way in which I felt totally comfortable with simply watching the back of his head, I miss thinking that I was exactly where I was meant to be, that there was no place I’d rather be but next to him in utter silence.

I miss being over at his house laughing so hard at random things that weren’t even meant to be funny. If I close my eyes, I can see this particular moment in which he asked me something while I was drinking and to me, that was the funniest thing ever so I sprayed him all over with soda and spit which led to another uncontrolled fit of giggles, I miss crying and my stomach hurting from laughing too much, I miss my throat being sore after spending a day with him indoors.

I miss laying down on an old uncomfortable sofa in his grandparent’s basement, yet feeling like that was heaven. I miss looking up from that spot on the sofa and seeing his face right above me, giving me a cocky smirk that was meant to be cool but to me looked goofy. I miss his eyes that always lit up whenever we hung out, I miss his hand when he held mine after punching another kid for calling me names, I miss so many parts of him and our friendship, yet I do not miss him, I cannot. Despite all of the lovely moments in which he made me feel like I belonged, his person always brings with him unfortunate memories as well, memories dark enough to outweigh the good ones, dark enough to make it impossible for me to utter or even think his name.

He may represent my childhood, but he also is a constant reminder of my childhood’s tragic end.

I try to change my train of thoughts; however, I know that whenever his image pops up into my brain, it likes to stick around for a while, almost like it’s making up for lost time since I rarely think of him, I haven’t thought of him for almost 2 years until today. I close my eyes and try to drift to sleep, I know I’ll dream of him and the accident because I always do in these cases, I know I’ll wake up shaken and distressed. I can feel my anxiety rising just thinking about it.

-----

I’m so glad school is over, I liked Iruka sensei but I am excited about highs school, but before that, I’m more excited for the summer. Hmm, maybe I should have brought my backpack and put the bentos in it, I hope the pickles won’t go bad because of the heat until I reach Sasuke’s house. Should I run? But I’m wearing new sandals and I don’t want to dirty them. I chose to wear my new sunflower dress too, mom bought it for me and I think it’s pretty I wanted to show it to Sasuke, I hope he’ll like it. I wonder what we’ll do after we eat today? Does Dai need a walk? I think it’s too hot for him to be out though, so he might be stuck in the house until they take him to Itachi’s place. I hope dad lets me go with them this year to Itachi’s. The summer there is much cooler because he lives in the middle of a forest. I’m scared of bugs but Sasuke will be there so that’s ok. I wonder if he saw the last episode of Avatar, I like Zuko he reminds me of him at times, I maybe shouldn’t say that, he might be embarrassed. Should I run after all? No, no I’m almost there, I hope he’s awake I didn’t think to call before I left, if he’s not awake I can just wait and play with Dai. I think that-

“HINATA!” I look up and Sasuke is running towards me, he’s wearing fully black, I wonder if he’s not dying from the sun. If he were a pickle, he would have surely gone bad.

“Hey, I was just coming over to yours,” I say as he gets nearer, I didn’t notice when he first called out to me, but he looks panicked and that makes me panic, I can’t even ask what’s the matter, because he takes hold of my arm and continues running. I let out a surprised noise when the bentos fall from my grip, yet Sasuke doesn’t stop. All thoughts about whether i should run or not in my new sandals are out the window, I try to look at his face but he’s two steps ahead of me and I can only see half of his face, but he looks…distressed. I call his name a few times but he ignores me.

“S-SASUKE….W-WHAT’S WRONG?” I shout trying to get his attention. I still get no answer and my focus is on his face so I don’t see a small rock in the road and I trip over it, the belt on one of my sandals snaps and I fall and skin my knees and palm, my fall makes Sasuke stop for a moment but he continues running. I feel betrayed, he didn’t help me up, he didn’t ask if I was fine. The fall hurt and the damage done to my feelings make me cry, but Sasuke keeps running away and I want to know what happened. I get back up and continue running with one foot bare onto the hot asphalt. I try again to scream for him but he doesn’t turn around at all.

My eyes are filled with tears and I can’t see well, my knees and palm are bleeding and my foot hurts from the heat and all the rocks and bumps, that’s when it happens. One moment I’m on the street running and the next I’m flying, it’s an odd sensation, but soon gravitation comes back and I’m on the ground. That’s when it all starts to hurt and when I realize what had happened, I was hit by a car. The images turn blurry, I think I hear someone screaming, but all I see is Sasuke still running away, is that true? Is it a hallucination? I cannot tell. I close my eyes and moments later I open them again, only to find myself in a hospital. Two weeks passed, thankfully all I got from the accident were a contusion, a broken arm and an injury on my left knee which they had already done surgery on while I was in a medication-induced coma.

The image changes, the dream is no longer in the first person, I am merely a spirit watching the action unfold. Time speeds up and days go by in an instant, people come and go, they talk to the small version of myself and wish her a smooth recovery, my whole class comes to see me once. In the myriad of people, there’s one missing.

“Where’s Sasuke?” my past self’s meek voice seems to boom and echo with this question.

“He left the day of your accident, what a jerk” Neji mumbles. I can see the moment my little heart breaks and that’s when the first person pov returns.

I feel the world's collapsing onto me, the feeling of concern and betrayal had been equal when he left me on the ground after my fall, but now…I was drowning in betrayal. He left me alone on the street to die. He didn’t care, I loved him and he didn’t care.