ill be honest i kinda wanna be a mom, but i also dont want to be a mom. the idea of being mom sounds lovely, except giving birth thats terrifying, but im so scared i’ll end up as the worst of my parents.. like they’re really great! but sometimes there are days that i wish they didn’t have me and maybe they’d be happy. and also, the idea of being trapped in a loveless marriage, that terrifies me. my mom has always joked about how i should marry a man that’s rich and doesn’t get angry fast, which are obvious cries for help, but when i mention how i dont want to risk it and get married she is always shocked. like who gave me the idea of the scary life of marriage!!!!! i don’t want to marry someone who won’t love me forever. i don’t want to waste my years away in the house, i’d make a terrible traditional wife. i don’t think i’d ever date rn or in college. and also finding someone who loves me would also be impossible!! i want to be rich, so i can take my mother around the world. but right now, i’m scared i won’t be able to achieve that. i don’t wanna be that sibling that always has to ask for money because she can’t afford rent. why does my highschool life have to reflect my future its so scary! im also so lonely in class i don’t have any close friends it sucks. whenever there’s a pair work the guy who doesn’t do a single thing  always looks at me then i’d be forced to pair with him ugh. well atleast two girl ( who are just absolutely pretty and kind and smart) offered me to group with them next time ugh kind people are treasures in this world
