Dear diary,
Today is Sept.13th, on a Wednesday mid afternoon, the time is 11:45 as I'm posting this currently. I woke up with a moderately stable mood surprisingly. That's been happening every once in a while, but recently its sped up just a tad a couple of days ago.
I know I'm still not quite there but I'm able to at least smile now, which is process, hell more then process in my eyes, more like a leap of faith due to the last guy i put my heart & soul into thay broke all the molecules in my cerebral cortex 🤭
But at this point I guard myself from anything & anyone coming in between me & my will to be faithful with the same sex --
It's still a part of me that's scared to give him the whole 100% of me 😥..I'm still fighting my anxiety about it & trusting him with my heart (mind you he hasn't fully gave me a reason to doubt him & all that he's been saying, so) I should be fine, but there's that voice in my head poisoning my reasoning with my conscious cause I have a habit of being to wrapped up in a man's words & not focused more on his actions & what his intentions are.
Idk, we'll see once my birthday comes around, he'll be coming to see me for my birthday for the first time & I'm excited yet really nervous plus scared out of my mind that something will go wrong or he might not like what he sees up close, or even worse, he won't be who he says he is 😥 & will just come to fuck me & spend time with me then never come back.
Please don't let it be the third thing, I won't know how to feel ever again ..I'll probably be scarred for my entire life.
Please just let everything go smooth once my birthday comes around & he's ready to come & see me 🤭🩷🤍.
@d3ar--d1ary
