#diaryblogging

I’m looking at the hopepunk tag and getting happy and hopeful

I want to… I want to live

The way we are living now is barely surviving

I want to live

Unfortunately we will be unable to be fully free of our family for a few years yet

But… until then, we’ll try

Try to get what freedoms we can

Try to be kind to ourselves

Try to rest when we need it

I… hey, if anyone’s reading this.

Hype fronted most of the day and spent some time with our girlfriend yippeee!!!

It got tired and left front to me though, so now I’m left wondering what the hell to do

I should like. Look at more ways to rest. Today was a rest day

I’ve lived in the city for six months now, and it’s unreal how quickly the suburbs have become a strange and uncanny place that I loathe to return to. Every time I go to my parents’ house, I’m reminded how purposefully removed from humanity and the earth as a whole the suburbs are. They’re a carefully crafted bubble that feels otherworldly in the worst ways. Every yard is a wide open lawn with nobody in it. I’m not opposed to having a lawn-ish area if you’re going to use it, and I will say my nephew and his friends use the lawn to play soccer and whatever else, but it’s wild to me that all these adults have just fully bought into the idea of maintaining a pristine and weedless (read: lifeless) lawn that they rarely even venture into (because they’re all inside, on the tv, as I’ve previously stated). Why are you so content to hide away inside and never experience the world you’re so naturally connected to? How do you simultaneously feel safe enough to leave the door unlocked, yet so afraid of strangers that you never let me walk to the park alone as a child? Don’t you want to see the flora and fauna? Why are you so content to steal this piece of land from the earth without giving anything back to her? Haven’t you realized yet that your bubble of ignorance is boring and vapid and soulless? That it’s killing you slowly and poisoning your mind?

Don’t you want to feel connected to the thing that gave you life?! Isn’t that why you turn to religion? The way you reach for the divine while distancing yourself from humanity would be laughable if it wasn’t so pitiful and sad. Come join me in hippie-land, where we all sing and laugh and smoke and dance and fuck and spend time in each others’ arms. We’re happy here. We’re all connected. The earth is our mother and we are her children. She is our most precious resource, and caring for her should be our most urgent priority. Come join us in debauchery. There is love and life here.

But… our friends & found family were nice to us, so that’s a win!