#diary2

Does anybody know how to stop feeling everybody secretly hates you? And anybody being nice to you is just being polite?

i‘m in love and i want to cry from happiness every day. today i thought: being happy in a lesbian relationship makes me realize how much society instilled the belief in me that gay relationships just don‘t work and that you just can‘t be happy if you try to pursue them, and how after all these years of complicated dating i caved resisting that belief. how i felt that it just can‘t work out for me. and now i have it, now it‘s right in front of me, no voice inside of me expected it, it just fell into my lap... and i feel i really have to be present and do my fucking best, yknow?

hello i saw stefan today and we smooooooched

i still wonder about my sexuality but i‘ve come to a bit of a conclusion for the moment. i currently think a lot of my repulsion for men grew from my many negative experiences with hetero sex + my growing feminist understanding rather than homosexuality. additionally, i think some of it came straight from my own insecurities and communicative negativity. the more i work through those, the more amicable i feel towards individual men. nonetheless, my attraction to women remains immense. time will tell if my peace with the male sex will help grow my...dare i say it again...bisexuality