#dianadiary

hi.

"hᴏw ᴀrᴇ yᴏu fᴇᴇling?" — ᴛhᴀᴛ's ᴀlwᴀys ᴛhᴇ hᴀrdᴇsᴛ quᴇsᴛiᴏn… righᴛ nᴏw? ᴇʍᴩᴛy. ᴛirᴇd... ᴛhᴀᴛ ᴩhysiᴄᴀl ᴩᴀin didn'ᴛ gᴏ ᴀwᴀy, iᴛ sᴛᴀyᴇd wiᴛh ʍᴇ... ᴛhᴇ ᴋind ᴛhᴀᴛ rᴇʍinds ʍᴇ ᴛhᴀᴛ I'ʍ rᴇᴀl.

"hᴏw ᴀrᴇ yᴏu dᴏing?" — ᴇxisᴛing. ʙrᴇᴀᴛhing. wriᴛing ᴛhis. ᴛhᴀᴛ's ᴛhᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ i ᴄᴀn dᴏ ᴛᴏdᴀy.

why did i sᴛᴀrᴛ sᴇlf-hᴀrʍing?

ʙᴇᴄᴀusᴇ i nᴇᴇdᴇd ᴛᴏ fᴇᴇl sᴏʍᴇᴛhing ᴏᴛhᴇr ᴛhᴀn ᴛhᴇ nuʍʙ vᴏid insidᴇ ʍᴇ.

ʙᴇᴄᴀusᴇ wᴏrds didn'ᴛ wᴏrᴋ. ᴄrying didn'ᴛ wᴏrᴋ. sᴄrᴇᴀʍing didn'ᴛ wᴏrᴋ.

ʙᴇᴄᴀusᴇ i wᴀs ᴀngry, sᴀd, ᴀshᴀʍᴇd — ᴀnd i hᴀd nᴏ idᴇᴀ hᴏw ᴛᴏ lᴇᴛ iᴛ ᴏuᴛ wiᴛhᴏuᴛ hurᴛing sᴏʍᴇᴏnᴇ ᴇlsᴇ.

sᴏ i hurᴛ ʍysᴇlf insᴛᴇᴀd. iᴛ wᴀs quiᴇᴛ. iᴛ wᴀs ʍinᴇ. nᴏ ᴏnᴇ ᴇlsᴇ hᴀd ᴛᴏ dᴇᴀl wiᴛh iᴛ.

ᴀᴛ whᴀᴛ ᴀgᴇ?

8–7.

firsᴛ ᴛiʍᴇ wᴀs ᴀ sʍᴀll ᴄuᴛ ᴏn ʍy ᴀrʍ. jusᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇsᴛ if iᴛ wᴏuld hᴇlᴩ…

iᴛ did. fᴏr ᴀ fᴇw ʍinuᴛᴇs. ᴛhᴇn ᴄᴀʍᴇ ᴛhᴇ shᴀʍᴇ. ᴛhᴇn ᴛhᴇ ᴄyᴄlᴇ.

i'ʍ 16 nᴏw.

sᴏʍᴇᴛiʍᴇs i gᴏ wᴇᴇᴋs wiᴛhᴏuᴛ iᴛ. sᴏʍᴇᴛiʍᴇs i rᴇlᴀᴩsᴇ ᴛwiᴄᴇ in ᴏnᴇ dᴀy. i'ʍ ᴛrying ᴛᴏ quiᴛ, ʙuᴛ "ᴛrying" dᴏᴇsn'ᴛ ʍᴇᴀn "suᴄᴄᴇᴇding".

i dᴏn'ᴛ rᴏʍᴀnᴛiᴄizᴇ iᴛ. i dᴏn'ᴛ rᴇᴄᴏʍʍᴇnd iᴛ.

iᴛ's nᴏᴛ ᴩrᴇᴛᴛy. iᴛ's nᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴏl.

iᴛ's jusᴛ... ʍy wᴀy ᴏf surviving whᴇn ᴇvᴇryᴛhing ᴇlsᴇ fᴀils.

ᴛhᴀnᴋs fᴏr ᴀsᴋing, ᴛhᴏugh. ᴇvᴇn if iᴛ's sᴄᴀry ᴛᴏ ᴀnswᴇr, iᴛ's ᴀlsᴏ... niᴄᴇ? ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴇᴇn.

ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇd liᴋᴇ i'ʍ ᴀ ᴩᴇrsᴏn, nᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴩrᴏʙlᴇʍ.

if yᴏu'rᴇ rᴇᴀding ᴛhis ᴀnd yᴏu'rᴇ sᴛruggling ᴛᴏᴏ — i'ʍ nᴏᴛ gᴏnnᴀ givᴇ yᴏu ᴀdviᴄᴇ, i'ʍ nᴏᴛ yᴏur sᴀviᴏr.

i'vᴇ hᴀd ᴀnᴏᴛhᴇr rᴇlᴀᴩsᴇ ᴛᴏdᴀy. six ᴄvᴛs. ᴛhᴇy'rᴇ nᴏᴛ dᴇᴇᴩ. jusᴛ ᴛᴏ ʍᴀᴋᴇ iᴛ quiᴇᴛ...

i fᴇᴇl ᴀshᴀʍᴇd ᴀnd disgusᴛᴇd nᴏw.

i ᴩrᴏʍisᴇd ʍysᴇlf ᴛhᴀᴛ i wᴏuld lᴀsᴛ ᴛhis ʍᴏnᴛh… i didn'ᴛ lᴀsᴛ lᴏng.

CONTENT WARNING

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ᴛhis ʙlᴏg ᴄᴏnᴛᴀins:

- s3lf-h4rʍ (ᴄvᴛᴛing),

- ʙl00d, sᴄᴀrs, ᴏᴩᴇn wᴏunds,

- rᴇlᴀᴩsᴇ dᴇsᴄriᴩᴛiᴏns,

- shᴀʍᴇ, guilᴛ, disgusᴛ,

- suiᴄidᴀl ᴛhᴏughᴛs (ᴏᴄᴄᴀsiᴏnᴀlly),

- dᴀrᴋ ᴇʍᴏᴛiᴏns ᴀnd ᴩᴇrsᴏnᴀl vᴇnᴛing.

PLEASE DON'T REPORT, JUST BLOCK ME.

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ABOUT ME

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Nᴀʍᴇ: Diᴀnᴀ

Agᴇ: 16

i'vᴇ ʙᴇᴇn sᴛruggling wiᴛh s3lf-h4rʍ fᴏr sᴇvᴇrᴀl yᴇᴀrs.

i ᴄuᴛ. i rᴇlᴀᴩsᴇ. i ᴛry ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏᴩ.

sᴏʍᴇᴛiʍᴇs i suᴄᴄᴇᴇd fᴏr wᴇᴇᴋs.

sᴏʍᴇᴛiʍᴇs i fᴀil wiᴛhin hᴏurs.

ᴀfᴛᴇr ᴇvᴇry rᴇlᴀᴩsᴇ — i fᴇᴇl disgusᴛing.

i fᴇᴇl ᴀshᴀʍᴇd.

i fᴇᴇl liᴋᴇ i'vᴇ lᴇᴛ ʍysᴇlf dᴏwn.

ᴛhis ʙlᴏg is ʍy ᴩᴇrsᴏnᴀl diᴀry.

nᴏᴛ ᴀ rᴇᴄᴏvᴇry ʙlᴏg.

nᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴛhᴇrᴀᴩy sᴩᴀᴄᴇ.

nᴏᴛ ᴀn ᴀᴇsᴛhᴇᴛiᴄ gᴀllᴇry.

i wriᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ survivᴇ.

i wriᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ rᴇʍᴇʍʙᴇr.

i wriᴛᴇ sᴏ i dᴏn'ᴛ ᴇxᴩlᴏdᴇ.

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COMMUNICATION

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i ᴀʍ ᴏᴩᴇn ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀlᴋing, i dᴏn'ᴛ ʙiᴛᴇ.

i liᴋᴇ hᴏnᴇsᴛ ᴩᴇᴏᴩlᴇ.

i liᴋᴇ ᴄᴀlʍ ᴄᴏnvᴇrsᴀᴛiᴏns.

i liᴋᴇ whᴇn sᴏʍᴇᴏnᴇ jusᴛ lisᴛᴇns ᴀnd undᴇrsᴛᴀnds ʍᴇ.

yᴏu ᴄᴀn ʍᴇssᴀgᴇ ʍᴇ, yᴏu ᴄᴀn ᴀsᴋ quᴇsᴛiᴏns.

yᴏu ᴄᴀn shᴀrᴇ yᴏur sᴛᴏry ᴛᴏᴏ — if yᴏu wᴀnᴛ.

jusᴛ PLEASE dᴏn'ᴛ ʙᴇ:

- ᴩushy,

- ᴄrᴇᴇᴩy,

- fᴀᴋᴇ,

- ᴀ sᴀviᴏr.

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DNI (DO NOT INTERACT)

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DO NOT FOLLOW / TALK / REBLOG IF YOU ARE:

✗ undᴇr 14 yᴇᴀrs ᴏld,

✗ ᴏvᴇr 18 yᴇᴀrs ᴏld (I'ʍ sᴏrry, ʙuᴛ yᴏu ᴄᴀn'ᴛ ᴛᴀlᴋ wiᴛh ʍᴇ, ʙuᴛ yᴏu ᴄᴀn fᴏllᴏw ᴏr rᴇʙlᴏg),

✗ ᴩrᴏ-ᴀnᴀ / ᴩrᴏ-ʍiᴀ / ᴩrᴏ-ᴇd,

✗ ᴩrᴏ-sh,

✗ rᴏʍᴀnᴛiᴄizing ʍᴇnᴛᴀl illnᴇss,

✗ rᴀᴄisᴛ, sᴇxisᴛ, hᴏʍᴏᴩhᴏʙiᴄ, ᴛrᴀnsᴩhᴏʙiᴄ,

✗ ᴀ ᴄrᴇᴇᴩ ᴏr ᴩrᴇdᴀᴛᴏr,

✗ lᴏᴏᴋing fᴏr "ᴄuᴛᴇ ʙrᴏᴋᴇn girls",

✗ ᴛrying ᴛᴏ "fix" ʍᴇ,

✗ giving unsᴏliᴄiᴛᴇd ᴀdviᴄᴇ,

✗ ᴄᴏʍᴩᴀring ᴩᴀin.

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BY SCROLLING, YOU AGREE:

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yᴏu rᴇᴀd ᴛhᴇ wᴀrnings.

yᴏu undᴇrsᴛᴀnd whᴀᴛ ᴛhis ʙlᴏg ᴄᴏnᴛᴀins.

yᴏu ᴀrᴇ rᴇsᴩᴏnsiʙlᴇ fᴏr yᴏur ᴏwn ᴛriggᴇrs.

yᴏu will nᴏᴛ whinᴇ in ʍy ᴄᴏʍʍᴇnᴛs.

i ᴀʍ nᴏᴛ yᴏur ᴩrᴏjᴇᴄᴛ.

i ᴀʍ nᴏᴛ yᴏur lᴇssᴏn.

i ᴀʍ jusᴛ Diᴀnᴀ.

nᴏw sᴛᴀy... ᴏr lᴇᴀvᴇ.

i dᴏn'ᴛ ᴄᴀrᴇ ᴇiᴛhᴇr wᴀy.