#devotionalthoughts

This week, I officially became a solo artist in the grand symphony of life. My wife has moved on, the divorce will be final in a few weeks, and I am now living on my own—well, technically at a friend’s house while he’s off cruising the Caribbean. Lucky me, right? Let’s just say, adulting is harder than it looks. I’ve got practically no money for food or gas, and trying to find help turned into a…

This past year, my cousin Jim walked through one of the hardest seasons of his life. Cancer in his jaw led to a brutal surgery that took part of his jawbone, muscle, and skin. He endured radiation, countless hospital visits, and financial strain. But by God’s grace, Jim is now in remission, back at work, and recently baptized. There is so much to praise God for. Yet in the middle of all the…

Romans 8:26 (ESV) says: “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” In yesterday’s devotion, I talked about Alex. Today, I want to talk about the other half, his wife Velvet. She has such a gentle and kind demeanor. There is always a smile on her face, and it’s the…

So, you are about to go and do something great, but do you know why? You are about to give of your time to something greater than you, but do you know why? You are about to serve others, but do you know why? What’s your reason? What’s the motivation? Is there a purpose? Is there an answer to the question “Why?”? Why am I living a different life than before, because God met me back in 2000 at a…

Proverbs makes a lot of promises about how much better your life will be if you search out wisdom and instruction from God.

Proverbs 3:4-5 specifically states: Let not mercy and truth forsake thee...so shalt thou find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man.

“Knowing ourselves is something so important that I wouldn’t want any relaxation ever in this regard...it is good, indeed very good, to try to enter first into the room where self-knowledge is dealt with.” St. Teresa of Avila

“Self knowledge requires the ability to be very honest with yourself and a desire for self-responsibility. It means that we no longer blame others for the state of our soul or project our old wounds onto new or old friends. It means that we are able to acknowledge to ourselves and speak clearly to others, the thoughts, and emotions we are experiencing.” --Meditations with Teresa of Avila

This devotion is especially pertinent to my situation right now. I have fallen into the trap of projecting my wounds and my emotions on to others around me. I would say that I project these emotions and thoughts mostly on my therapist, my mom, and the DBT therapy group I participate in weekly. I have struggled to fight this behavior. I know that it’s not the way I want to treat others. I desire to be kind and loving; my sarcastic and caustic words are anything but kind. I am in the middle of reparations of relationships which have fallen prey to these projections. I know that humility is key. If I want to get past the projection behavior, I must humbly approach those I have hurt. I need to tell them the truth about the situation and ask for forgiveness in earnestness. As Teresa says, honesty is key. Honesty takes vulnerability. It’s laying out one’s self for all to see; ugly mess ups and all. 

Consumed a long shot of espresso first thing this morning.

Read the Biblia.

I even went for an afternoon 'clear my head and seek the Lord' jog. Barefoot in the aftermath of rain.

Each of these brought about the expected highs of the day, only to crash and burn in due time.

Read some more Biblia and later realized: Every day is a fight, a war, an epic battle of opulent proportion.

Faced with reality, the determination sets in. I must fight, less I fall. Every. Day.

Failure to do so leads to apathy. Victory leads to Jesus.

Now, apathy is a place I have dwelt that I shall never return to. This is not a matter of want, this is a necessity for growth in life. So help me God, I shall not return to a place of apathy.

Victory means closeness to Jesus. In this sense, victory may not always feel like victory. This, of course, is why we are not lead by that which we feel. This is fact.

The struggle to be closer to Jesus, to find Him in the midst of the storm and fog is not a struggle struggled in vain. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Not only is this a fact, this is a promise.