#detectivedickgymshoe

Dear detectivedickgymshoe,

Admittedly, it would be nice to have some chairs. Thankfully, after my first year as an attorney, I got more used to standing for a longer period of time.

That, and they make it easier to block attacks from prosecutors.

by popular demand (ie an anon also asked), here is Spider™

Why I like them:Scary, powerful villain with a memorable aesthetic and MO. Her scheme was clever, and her grandiose selfishness makes for an interesting dynamic against the Klaww Gang and Interpol alike

Why I don’t:What even is she? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid and striking character design. But having a humanoid woman’s upper body burst out of a spider abdomen, centaur-style, is kinda pushing the limits of this talking animal universe. She works well as One Villain, but I kinda have difficulty picturing an entire race of people who look like this, y’know?

Favorite arc:Her war with Neyla, with the Cooper Gang rattling around as a tiny force massively outgunned by both sides. Super interesting dynamic I’d like to see again sometime

Favorite line:Can’t ignore the classic:“You’re an ignorant child playing dress-up in his father’s legacy.”More Sly’s line than hers, but also from the same scene, I love love love:“I’m beyond all that! Beyond good and evil!”“…And you think I’m gonna hand the Eye over to someone who’s ‘beyond good and evil’?”

Favorite outfit:her funeral wear :}

OTP:nope nope nope nope

Brotp:I’ve said before that I imagine she and Arpeggio considered each other intellectual peers. Certainly compared to Dimitri, Rajan and Bison, anyway…

Headcanon:Interpol agents tend to refer to her simply as ‘the Contessa’, rather than, y’know, her actual rank and surname. She does not make any effort to change this.

Unpopular opinion:i like it when characters have real names

A wish:It’d be funny to see little miss ‘beyond good and evil’ interact with other villains. She’d probably psychoanalyse them. Accurately.

An oh-god-please-don’t-ever-happen:sanzaru don’t interactI’m satisfied with her current level of gothic gauntness, we don’t need her to slide either more towards Sexy or Ugly (the two types of woman Sanzaru has thus far identified)

5 words to best describe them:Pspooky Pscary Psardonic Pspider Sychologist.

It’s........ uneven.

Like, some parts are great. Playing as either Carmelita or Tennessee makes for very satisfying free-roam stuff, just going around shooting dudes en masse. By and large, the team succeeded in capturing the gamefeel of the series. Sly and the other characters feel right, which is vital, frankly

Counterpoint: Spark Runner.

There’s a lot in Sly 4 that’s straight-up garbage. The boss fights feel a lot more repetitive than earlier games. Tenny’s Special Cooper Power(tm) is brilliant but the other four are all boring as hell. Some missions end way too early, others drag on so long. On a broad view, the gameplay design is solid, but moment to moment there are often weird hiccups.

And I can’t stress this enough so I am going to repeat it:

Fucking Spark Runner. Kill me.

Dear detectivedickgymshoe,

A foolish assumption.  My whip was a gift from Papa himself, and I have made sure to use it to its full potential from that day forward.

I could provide a demonstration if you’re interested.

Dear detectivedickgymshoe,

Never met any of them personally, but the name “Gavin” sure rings a bell.  Uncle Ray isn’t much for rock and roll, but you have to hand it to someone who can fill a courtroom or a concert hall with the same voice.

I’m primed and ready to test my wits against the other two if I get the chance.  I know one of them’s been “waiting” for it, so to speak.

Dear detectivedickgymshoe,

He’s quite the persistent one, to say the least.  I suppose I owe him a debt of gratitude for revealing the true nature of my former client, but I see no immediate need for me to repay him.  I already provided him with a gift of my own before the trial started, after all.