#derks

Everyone has been so kind helping me through the problems with Derkeethus, my 17 week old leopard gecko, and I wanted to thank you all for your support and kindness. Particularly followthebluebell and lizardbeans who always did their best to answer my questions. 

Today I made the extremely difficult decision to euthanize him.

He had gone from 8 grams to 7 over the course of just one week, despite strictly scheduled feeding times and the daily doses of Baytril. His joints where getting worse and he had developed urate crystals in his abdominal cavity. His belly was also looking much darker than it had last week. The vet confirmed that if he survived this he would never regain mobility and likened it to 'an infant starting off with the bones of a 90 year old'. At some point Derkeethus would have become a quadriplegic and nothing I could do would give him a quality life. He was in pain then and would always be in pain no matter what I did. 

Derkeethus will be held over the weekend for euthanasia and we will be picking up his remains on Monday. I intend to bury him in the spring. We live across from a gorgeous nature trail that would make a good resting place. 

Because he was so young when this developed, the vet strongly thinks this is a genetic issue and condemned chain pet-stores for breeding animals for profit and not longevity.

So in the morning I am taking Derks to the vet for his follow up. It will really determine where things go for him. I am hoping he's put on weight with the carnivore care diet. He weighed a paltry 8 grams at the last visit :\ He seems to have regain some strength in his hind legs and has been moving around the tank more often. But he's still really fighting taking meds and food from me. He's tried everything from biting the syringe and rolling around with it (!!!!) to pooin' on me ~__~ 

Look Derks, I raised like so many mice. I've been pooed on more than you could ever hope to know.

This ain't my first time at the poo rodeo. 

It was really tough to do but I talked with Boyfriend about the various possibilities that could happen with Derks. About what we would do if he was in chronic pain and sad stuff like that. 

We both agreed that if the vet says Derks can lead a healthy pain-free life, whether or not he would be disabled, we will do whatever we can to keep him happy and comfortable for as long as we'd have with him. 

But if the vet say's Derks will always be in pain and nothing we can do will provide him a high quality healthy life that it would be better for Derkeethus to put him down .__. 

As much as I love him and want to do whatever I can for him I wouldn't be a good owner if I put my desires over his health and happiness. I have to be prepared to make a difficult choice that is best for him, not the choice that I want. 

We discussed getting another gecko should Derkeethus pass away and we agreed that we would but not ever from the chain pet stores again. I've seen reputable breeders who sell 'pet quality' geckos for the same price as what Boyfriend paid at the chain pet store and now that we know there's an exotics clinic we can provide regular wellness exams to ensure that any gecko we get is in tip-top shape. 

I hope it doesn't come to that. Because I love Derks so much and wouldn't ever give him up for an 'easy' alternative. 

It's when my pet's get sick that my anxiety flares up like whoa. No amount of logical reasoning stops the intrusive thoughts and I've stayed up until 5am for the last few days because in my head I am thinking "if i fall asleep Derkeethus will die" and the anxiety just doesn't give me a moments peace from the guilt. My brain loaf wont shut its pie hole.

If he can pull through this I know he wont be normal again. He'll have to deal with arthritis as an adult and there's no guarantee that he'll get back lost mobility. There's no guarantee on how many year's he'll have. But I love him and will do everything I can to make him happy and comfortable with me. Whether that mean's he'll be with me for 6 months or 20 years.