#depressionade

2016 was weird. It was fun and it was a time to wear Asking Alexandria tees, take selfies and everything was so different. I was like some 2010 kid that hijacked a time machine and found out that everyone was trying to grow out of their edgy phases. Really wanted the emo/scene shit to come back so bad, it was kinda funny.

9-9-20 / 7-28-21 what a time to be alive.

We were definitely something.

Edit: now we aren’t and that’s for the better.

NineStagesOfEmoHell ?

Can’t really pinpoint when all of these were taken since these were before I got an iPhone.. safe to say these were before and a bit after high school so 2016-2018ish.

So the updates kinda just lead to now. Not saying I’m not gonna dip into the past because that would be a lie. Most of my music is going to be from the past, from my ups and downs. Late nights, early early mornings and everything that made me the person you’re reading this from right now. Best I can do is just keep going. Keep growing.

4-1-23 / 2-19-24

More events took place. Got to watch EV grow from a tiny little munchkin into a loyal, talkative ball of joy. There’s been some fun moments, times where I’m glad that I made a future happen that otherwise never would’ve happened at all. There are times that hurt though. Jokes to make, situations to relate to and I was the only one there that would’ve gotten it. Another year went by and it still hurt.

No matter how I try telling myself that this is what’s best for me, or how things are more secure now than they ever were, I just feel dormant.

I just wonder to myself now, Did I start these routines that happen now, that make things just feel boring, or was life really that much different back then?

Were you drastically different, was there more risks or just more opportunities that I’m not seeing now?

So many questions. No answers. I have to find them. I need to move forward with my life.

4-17-22 / 3-21-23

The me that you knew had pretty much passed. The quirks had changed because I knew that I had to move on, I had to find things to keep my mind off of the relapses. Got tattoos, piercings and the red hair. Even becoming what I always wanted didn’t change that something was missing. Guess that is what hurt the most.

10-31-21 / 4-12-22 we’re nearing the end of what you might remember of me. I was so disappointed with myself, so conflicted because I moved out of my childhood house but inside and out I felt gross. Dressed up whenever we went out and you were really fun but I was so miserable with me.

6-19-20 / 9-4-20

Fun times, finally got a chance to start expressing myself more. Got funds and I met a pixie.