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I’m considering i might need to straight up unfollow literally every black sails blog and tag i follow for a bit because of this whole weird thing i’m going through so i’m just gonna write it out here because i have no other place to do it. fair warning im aware this isn’t the best place to do this but i also literally /do not have anywhere else/. oh the mortifying ordeal of cutting yourself off from everyone believing yourself to not be enough for them.
Anyway the divide of ‘silver did nothing wrong and was sacrificing himself’ or ‘silver is an asshole who deserves to die’ between people i follow is really not doing good things for my mental health right now.
the whole plan to betray madi and flint in order to not lose them in a way that wasn’t in his control is ...lmao something i still do. and seeing people either dismiss the gravity of how badly he hurt both madi and flint with that - about the fact that it was a /really/ shitty thing to do and had nothing to do with saving either of their lives but especially flints - and how they absolutely should NOT be around him after that. and frankly not seeing any kind of actual growth from that in any readings of him. or seeing people condemn him for it and indulging that because of all the self hatred i harbor(and like, because it WAS a shitty thing to do, but at least half because i genuinely hate myself for having done very similar things multiple times) i just. blarg.
and like, i’m writing something else that’s more coherent and meta-y about why that is but i just feel like i might need to just completely cut myself off from everything right now. (HEY REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LIKE GEE I PROBABLY STILL DO THAT) lmao me @ me and john silver
and in conclusion god i wish i could afford therapy lmao
