Hey Nonnie!

Here’s a little shot for you. I hope this brings a smile to your face. Let me know what you think. Please know that I am always here for you. I have depression too and I can totally empathize with how it feels. I’m happy to take anon asks from you or however you want to communicate.

If things get bad, please make sure you get help. 1-800-273-8255 is a free and confidential Suicide Hotline here in the US. You can reach out and I can help you find other resources if need be. The world is a dark place sometimes, but better with you in it.

It’s happened again. The long, dark fingers of your subconscious worm their way thick into your brain. The subtle signs were there, but you’ve been so busy that they’ve gone unnoticed. Before you know it, you’re deep in a depressive episode and you’re unsure of how to find your way out. Your therapist is trying to help, you’re actually remembering to take your medicine, but it seems as if, like a virus, you’ll have to ride this one out.

Kylo comes creeping into the bedroom one morning (is it morning? The slanting sun through the curtains says that it is not, that it’s early afternoon). He tip toes, ears perked, listening for your stirring. On a tray he’s got the only sustenance you’ll consume, a ghastly mix of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and snack cakes with a super sweet Snapple to wash it all down. He’s tried feeding you soup, tried making any and all of your favorite meals, by to no avail. You hear the light clunk of him placing the tray on your bedside table and peel one bleary eye open.

“Hi Kitten,” he says softly, guarded. Kylo has tried desperately to not overstep his bounds, to help and be supportive as much as he can. You’ve rebuffed almost every attempt that he’s made so far, but the sight of him today brings a glimmer of light to the darkness in your mind. Raising yourself up on one arm you push greasy chunks of hair back from your face and pull a tight smile at him. “Hey.”

“I brought you a snack,” he whispers. His yellow eyes are concerned, his black eyebrows knitting together on his furrowed forehead. From behind him you can see his long tail swishing, a moving shadow following it along the floor, You sit upright and pull the blanket off of you to scootch to the edge of the bed. You can smell your own body odor in your nostrils and it makes you wrinkle your nose in disgust. Just one more thing to make you feel bad about yourself…

Picking up the sandwich you take a small bite, seeing if your delicate stomach will tolerate the sticky peanut butter. There have been days where you can’t even eat this. But Kylo is patient, taking the tray away, smiling when you shake your head no. Today it seems as if your stomach is ok with the sandwich so you wash it down with some of the Snapple, it’s icy chill drawing a line down your esophagus to your empty stomach.

“Did work call?” You ask hesitantly. Kylo shakes his head. “No,” he responds gently, “I called you in for the week and your therapist faxed over a note. You’re ok for now.” You lower your head, placing it in your cupped palms, a ragged sigh coming out of you. Kylo lowers himself to sit beside you on the bed and softly rubs the shoulder nearest him. “Is this ok?” He asks. You nod and he continues. His touch is reassuring, comforting. You didn’t realize it, but you needed it.

“Ug…” you rasp, your sleep thick voice barely making it out of your lips. “What they must think of me…” tears prick the corners of your eyes, threatening to tumble their way out and down your cheeks. You sniff, trying to hold them back. Crying, right now, seems as if it will just serve to make you feel worse.

“They’ll think that you’re sick and you needed some time to recover, that’s what they’ll think,” Kylo responds, his voice firm but kind. “Because that’s what’s happening.” Hesitantly he pulls you closer, wanting, needing to hold you. You nod and he does so, pulling you into press against his strong chest, his fingers wrapping themselves in your hair.

“Uck…” you say, trying to pull back. Kylo does not let up, pulling you in even tighter. “Shhhh,” he coos. “I don’t care.”

You sit like that for a while, listening to the steady beat of Kylo’s heart in your ear. It feels good, finally, to be held and be close to him. A sharp knot twists in your stomach as you realize how unresponsive you’ve been to his affections recently. “I’m sorry,” you murmur, the fabric of Kylo’s t-shirt brushing against your lips as they form the words.

“For what?” He asks, again patient, kind. The low rumble of his purr begins in his throat and your muscles soften, letting the slow vibration of his purr wash over you and through you.

“For not being the girlfriend you want,” you mumble. The tears are threatening again, but Kylo just wraps himself around you tighter, pulling you down to the bed where he can spoon you, his long leg draped over your hip. His tail brushes against your bare leg every so often as it swishes back and forth and his big hands with their thick fingers open and close against the skin of your arms, kneading you like a baby kitten.

“That’s not the case at all,” he says into your ear, his breath tickling you there. “I love you regardless. I’m here for it all. The good, and the bad. I want to be here. You’re exactly the girlfriend I want.”

A sob hitches in your throat, but it isn’t a sob of sadness, its one of gratitude. For this man, for his acceptance of you, even at your lowest. A light, scratchy flick against your neck as he gently grooms you, just a bit, just to try to soothe you. You snuggle back against him and sigh again, but this one is softer, less weighted with your uncontrollable emotions.

“Thank you,” you respond simply. For the first time in days, your brain is silent. For the moment, it has refrained from telling you what an awful and worthless person you are. You try to enjoy the silence because you know that it may not last for very long. “How long has it been since I showered,” you ask, your own aroma hitting your nose again as you shift slightly, stretching the muscles of your back.

“It doesn’t matter, Kitten,” Kylo responds kindly. But suddenly you’re itching to take a shower, to stop smelling yourself, even though a part of you knows that Kylo likes it or just doesn’t care. You pull away from him and sit up, your head swimming for a moment. Taking another bite of your sandwich and another sip of your drink, you clear your throat.

“I think I’m going to take one now,” you announce, your voice sounding louder and braver than you had intended. Kylo sits up alongside of you and nods, looking into your eyes with his yellow ones.

“Would you like some help, Kitten?” He asks. You nod silently and he stands, his enormous height towering over you, and offers you his hand to help you up. You rise to your feet delicately, your tight muscles pulling you back in protest but you push on. Kylo leads you into the bathroom and pulls out a fluffy towel for you, helping you out of your shorts and t-shirt and starting the water.

Once the water is the temperature you prefer, Kylo pulls his shirt over his head, his black curls obscuring his cat ears for just a moment until he shakes his hair back in place. Pulling off his jeans he takes your hand again, leading you into the tub for your shower. Stepping in behind you he picks up the soap and shower floof you like and works it into a soapy later. “Turn around, Kitten,” he says and you comply.

The scratchiness of the floof feels good on the skin of your back as he massages it over your body. He cross his arm across your chest and rubs the lather in there as well, and once your whole body has been scrubbed thoroughly, he rinses your skin squeaky clean. Next he has you turn to face him, extending your neck so he can wash your hair with the sweet smelling shampoo you use. He digs his strong fingers into your scalp and you can feel some of the pain of your existence washing away with the lather. Combing conditioner through your locks, Kylo takes a break from washing you and suds himself up, rinsing quickly. He skips his hair, although its plastered to his scalp as his ears flick with the patter of the water hitting them from the shower head. He smiles softly, lifting your chin slightly and rinses the conditioner from your hair, leaving it silky smooth. When he’s finished he turns off the stream and steps out, grabbing your towel and wrapping it around you.

“C'mon, Kitten,” he says, coaxing you out of the tub. You set foot on the shower mat and he rubs you dry with the towel. Leading you back into the bedroom he pulls warm pajamas over your head and legs, placing your slippers on your feet. You take a seat on the edge of the bed again and blink, taking in the low light of the room and the piles of clothing that have gathered all over. Soon you will have to tackle these, although you know Kylo has been doing as much and taking care of as much as he can.

“Kylo,” you mewl, your voice soft, maybe a bit pleading. He turns, his crooked grin tugging at your heart. “Yes my love?” He asks.

“I may be a bit hungry,” you respond. Kylo smiles wider and nods his head. “Is there anything in particular you would like?” He asks. You know he’ll cook you anything you ask for, but right now your tastes are plain and you just want food,

“Pasta and butter?” You venture. Kylo smiles again, nodding. “Sure!” He says brightly, “do you think you may want to sit on the couch for a while? Maybe watch some TV with me?” You nod and follow him out. He sits you in your spot and wraps a thick blanket around you, making sure your feet are tucked in so they’re kept warm. Placing a gentle kiss on top of your head he inhales the clean scent of your hair.

Hello, I have a problem. My mother just pointed out that I have lost interest in so many things that I loved. I have also become really negative about everything too. I realized that I really have been negative and lost interest in so many things. I honestly don’t know what to do. She says that I just need to find myself but I just don’t know how. Please help me! Thank you.

Hi sweetheart,

I want you to have a read of THIS, it’s a page on symptoms to depression. I’m not saying you are or could be but I think it would be a really good idea for you to read through it and see if you connect to some of the symptoms, if you do then I think you should go and see your doctor and speak to them.

(2 of ???) It was getting really late (10:30 pm, about) and his mom had been trying to get ahold of him. Once she found him at the carnival, she told him he was grounded and took him home. I know that's a reasonable punishment, as he should have had his phone on him since it was getting late and his mom had to have been getting worried from not hearing from him yet.

(3 of ???) The thing is, we never got to see the fireworks, and I was so upset and worried that I ran home crying without watching them myself. I have depression and I'm very impulsive and knowing that I texted a close friend and ended up at her house, which is where I am now. It's 5:00 am and I've gotten 2 and a half hours of sleep. I'm worried sick about my bf even though he texted me later that everything will be okay.

(4 of ???) He said that his mom isn't mad at me, just at him, and his phone will be taken away tomorrow. He's my safe person whenever I have a bad day, he's the one I go to for emotional support, he's what helps me stay rational.

(5 of ???) I'm tearing myself about worrying about him, plus my mind keeps jumping to the fact that I can never have just a purely good day like yesterday was supposed to be, and that what if his mom forces us to break up? I'm just really upset and disappointed and sad and I don't know what to do now.

(6 of ???) I just realized that I never clarified this, and this doesn't have to be added, but it would probably help you to know that he and I are both teenagers and so his mom has a lot of power over him still. It was probably implied, but a clarification never hurts. Again, you don't have to add this part to the ask, I just wanted to tell you.

Hi darling,

His mum won’t force you two to break up I promise, what happened was just something that happens in life. I whole heartedly believe she isn’t mad at you and won’t force anything okay? You did nothing wrong in this situation and she won’t be mad at you. Your boyfriend was the one who forgot his phone and is the one who is in trouble, not you. I want you to remember the good things that happened that day, how much you had fun and how much you enjoyed the day out with him. Yes it ended on a sour note but that doesn’t mean it ruined the day, those fireworks will be back and you can go see them together next time.

(2) ...He usually ends up helping if he does stay, but I don't want to force him through something just for my sake. It isn't his fault I have depression and I feel like it shouldn't be his job to deal with it, but I also really want his support in times like this because it means a lot to me. Should I just let him leave me alone at these times or should I tell him I want his support or should I just not show him how I'm feeling?...

(3) ...I don't know what to do, I know he loves me and I love him, but my mental health issues just get in the way and I don't know how to get around them. Can you help?

Hi love,

I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to get to you, I do think you should speak to him and explain that he helps so much and that having him with you during the bad times gets you through them easier. You aren't guilt tripping him at all, you’re telling him the truth that’s all. I’m sure he will want to do everything he can do better you and help you in anyway, so I don’t thin he’d see it as you guilt tripping him.

You wouldn't be forcing him at all, he has his own voice and he should speak up if he does have a problem. Maybe when you do speak to him you can tell him that if he ever needs to have some time to himself or he isn’t able to be there for you then you won’t be angry and you’ll understand. It isn’t his job you’re right but that doesn’t mean he can’t help you get through your depression. I strongly stand by that depression can be pushed through with friends and family helping you through it. It isn’t his job but as someone that cares for you then he should help you through it.

Hi babe,

I’m sorry to hear about your parents, I know going through a divorce isn’t only hard on the couple but also on their children. I want you to know that just because they’re divorcing doesn’t mean they love you any less. Sometimes couples need to do what’s best for them and in some cases that’s splitting up. I’m sure they’ll do everything to make this easy on you.

I think you should speak to a doctor/processional about your depression, in tough times like this depression can come back so I think it would be wise to speak to someone and get it helped. You don’t deserve to feel bad, you deserve to be happy. You can have a read of THIS page on getting help, hopefully it can help you in some way. THIS is some helplines you can look into, also THIS is some web counsellors you can speak to if you’re unable to get help or would prefer to speak to someone on line.

There is also THIS page, it has some useful websites you can check out and see if they can help you in anyway. Going through a tough time is hard and it’s all you can focus on, so I’m going to give you THIS link which tells you numerous distractions you can try out. I think the distractions could help you focus on something else instead of the divorce and your depression. It’ll give you that time out you deserve.

Maybe you could find a tumblr you really like or someone you want to get to know and send them a message. It could just be hi, I promise you they will love it. Tumblr is a great platform to meeting new awesome people. It can be scary but that’s a good thing about it being on line, you don’t have to speak to them ever again if you don’t like them. Remember you can always speak to me, about anything.

Hi baby,

Yes. When you’re going through depression anything can get to you and upset you, anger you or annoy you. I think the best thing you can do is speak to your father and explain what he said may have been light hearted but it upset you. Hopefully he will apologise and you can both try and move on.

I also think it would be a good idea to speak to your doctor/professional about it. It’s always good to tell them if something is happening to you, they will be able to help you figure out what is best for you and guide you in the right direction.

Hi sweetheart,

First, I’m not a doctor or have any medical background so I really think you should speak with a doctor or professional about how you feel okay? I think it could be depression, but you should really see a doctor so they can help you through this.

I’m going to link you to a page which will tell you a lot about depression and what happens. You can find it HERE. Depression involves a lot of symptoms and can affect people in different ways so just because you may have some symptoms but not others doesn’t mean it isn’t depression okay? Again please speak to a medical professional.

I know exactly how you feel, I have no idea what purpose I have and what I can give to the world and it is heartbreaking because it can really get you down and break you. However, I promise you that you do have a purpose, you have something to give the world. It just takes time to find it. Don’t judge yourself on other people, just because they may have found their purpose doesn’t mean you have none. Everyone is different and we have different paths. Millions of people go through life not knowing what they should do with their life, for some they know from the age of 16, others don’t know into their 30′s and even some don’t know in their 70′s. But that’s okay, it’ll come to you.

Hi honey,

I know how you feel, it is a horrible place to be in and I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. Life is hard and unfortunately when you suffer from mental health issues it can cause a lot more of those problems. However, it will get easier and better and I know that sounds like I’m just saying that but I promise you it does. You will find a doctor or professional that will help you and give you the things you need to get better. Maybe have a read through THIS on getting help. Hopefully there is something in there that will help you.