#depressingmadness

Lately I haven't been feeling so good or had the time to answer y'all/ even post.

I have a lot of asks and messages but right now I just don't have the strength to answer them and at the same time I feel so so bad for not doing so because I know that some of you don't have anyone else to talk to..

I'm behind in school, recently I quit my meds, for the past 2 weeks I've been feeling sick and not really up for anything, personal problems that just eats me away and the fact that it's my 18th birthday in just a couple of days and I don't even care.

(Also I no longer have a computer since my school decided to upgrade it to Windows 10, which fucks me up every time, and at the same time I got a new computer, who also fucked me up since it was so different from mine,and yeah I refused to accept it..)

I have no idea what I wanted to say with this actually, just a update on my life rn and a explanation for not answering for so long. Also a way for me to say sorry to everyone of you who needs me but I can't help since I'm so fucked up rn..

I hope, no scratch that, I know that you'll understand and I thank you, I adore you for that.

Thank you.

Love ~ DepressingMadness

I don’t know why, but today when I saw how an old friend of mine felt I just broke down.

I don’t have any contact with him anymore but today when I saw his posts a part of me died. We were once the bestest friends in the whole world, and I just realized that I don’t know anything about him anymore.

He isn’t well, he self-harms and I.. I just don’t know what to do. I just want to hold him and help him just like he once did to me. I wanna be there for him, just like he was once. 

My heart is aching, it hurts to see him like this. 

A friend of mine told me that I couldn’t possibly have known, it’s true, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

I honestly cried as I saw this, maybe because I know he doesn’t want me in his life, maybe because how much I want to help I know that I can’t, or maybe just the fact that he won’t ever know how much he still means to me. 

This person was my first best friend, someone I won’t ever forget, someone I always will love, because he did nothing wrong, just a misunderstanding between us made us part ways and I wish I could turn back time and make it right.