#depha

bert

with girls i think he is sexually very normal; he likes girls who are “soft and sweet,” he likes his stomach kissed and his hands held. he likes going down on girls. despite what you may think i believe he’d be really gentle, and he needs an emotional connection to be able to get off with someone. i think he’d be turned off by anything degrading—to his partner or himself. i know that we all know about him trying to fight people when he’s drunk, but in a sexual situation i do not think he’d like hitting someone else or being hit. he needs to feel safe to be into it. and this isn’t to say that he’s never had one-night stands with randos, but in at least one situation he’s described it as “pretty awful.”

when he’s topping boys all of the above also applies, including the emotional connection part, bert describing the one boy he’s confirmed he’s had sex with as being a friend he was “deeply deeply in love with.” i think he’d be good at topping because he knows what it feels like to bottom so he’d know how to make it feel good for them, how to be gentle, guide them through it, etc.

i think there are very VERY few men he would bottom for and quinn is one of them. i think he’d have to be extremely trusting of them because i think he would see bottoming as much more vulnerable and he definitely has/had internalized homophobia about letting a man fuck him. (i’m still mad at him for saying dick is the worst thing he’s ever had inside him. really? worse than meth? you should be thankful quinn wanted to fuck you because back in the day he was way out of your league.) this might seem a little too conspiracy-ish, but i used to think that quinn was the only man he’d bottom for until i saw that he said, about bulimic, “This song is about a poisonous and abusive relationship I was in when I was young. It’s about puking so I can look pretty for you.” now… maybe i’m revealing my own preconceived notions about gender roles here but it’s really hard for me to believe that this is about kate, or tregen (someone he spoke very positively about). to me it seems like this is about someone who was in a dominant position over him, who he felt he had to “look pretty” for, and i don’t see that being about a girl. it could be of course, but i really think he’s talking about a man here.

BUT ANYWAYS back to quinn and bert bottoming for him, in an ultra-trusting situation, i believe he would like being choked (which he wrote a song about), but i think it’s less about the choking and more about getting off on feeling vulnerable, something he could only experience with someone like quinn. there are a few things i think he would only like doing with a male partner: 1. being choked while he’s getting fucked 2. being penetrated, and 3. overstim. unlike jepha, who i’ll get into later, i think bert’s preferences and preferred role when he’s having sex with women vs. a man who’s topping him are very different and separate. when he’s bottoming it allows him to have an entirely different experience and i don’t think he’d be comfortable acting passively or being that vulnerable with a female partner because he’d want to feel like “the man” in that situation.

i think with a male partner he bottoms for, he’d occasionally like overstimulation, bert mentioning “painful, violent orgasms” twice before they played cut up angels, which is a really interesting quote to me. in my opinion, penetration and overstim go hand in hand, so i think in rare situations he’d like forced orgasms that hurt, or being fucked after he cums so that it’s really really sensitive. he seems like the type to cry from overstim during sex, but i think he craves intense feelings and having this type of really vulnerable sex could give him that. also, and this one i have no proof for, i think with a male parter he’d really like praise. i think he was severely lacking any sort of positive male attention or love growing up, so i think being called “good” by a boy who’s topping him that he really trusts and is in love with would really do something to him. as quinn said, he is desperate for attention, and he’d usually act out to get bad attention, but i think deep down he wants to be told he is good and loved (because he was constantly told the opposite by people who proved their love was very conditional) so i think that emotional damage would verge into really horny territory for him, if, perhaps, a hot boy is fucking him and telling him he’s a good boy. he also likes having sex while high but that’s not really out of the ordinary for the used.

quinn

i think that bert is quinn’s exception to being otherwise straight. i also think that sexually he is very normal with women, and he was never into alternative girls like the other guys were; all of the girls he dated were not a part of the “scene” as far as i’m aware.

his naturally caring personality means that he really likes pleasing his partner, so i think being able to make them feel good and do specific things they want is something he would be into. i think he’d, for instance, choke bert even if he doesn’t have a “thing” for choking. i think he’d get off on it because it gets bert off. he’s given advice on how to go down on girls.

i see him as being a dominant caregiver sort of type and i Don’t mean dominant in a bdsm way, i just mean that he takes on an active, caring role in the relationship and it would fulfill him to make them feel loved and fulfilled. i also think he really likes being needed and relied upon (to an extreme degree, maybe moreso than a “normal” relationship) and he mentally struggles when he is no longer needed by someone he loves/loved. i’ve talked a lot about what makes him so caring so i won’t get into that here, but i do see this as being very intertwined with his sexuality and the type of sexual partner he is. he wants to be Everything for his partner, and like bert, he is also a very emotional person, so i think they’d really bond over exploring bert’s specific desires and they could share in the vulnerability and trust of, like, quinn overstimming him until he cries or whatever.

also, his wife has called him “papi😍” on instagram numerous times so you can do with that information what you will.

jepha

i see him as preferring to be in a passive role sexually, even with women. katie was definitely domming him. and i’m not saying that every man who is pegged is being “dommed” but there was definitely a vibe there of her being in charge. i think he likes pain and fully submitting to someone. to me, he is his long-term partner’s sub and bdsm would be a big part of their relationship. like i don’t really see him as having Normal Sex, i think he needs to be like slapped or choked or something to get off. i also see him as truly liking penetration in a way that’s very different from bert—bert would do it to feel close to and share in the intimate experience with his partner, but he’s not Needing penetration every time he and quinn have sex. it’s a very once in a while thing. jepha, on the other hand, i see as liking rough penetration and preferring that over only external stimulation. he wants to feel like he’s Getting Fucked and i do think he’d like being degraded. he wants to be someone’s slut. i also think his rant against groupies is partly because he wants dan to fuck him and he’s jealous that teenage girls are getting all of dan’s attention.

dan

he is the most classic straight man you could find except he isn’t afraid of touching men. i think he could fuck jeph because he could see him “as a girl,” y’know, when jeph had long hair and wore makeup and shaved his entire body and was twink-skinny. i also think that dan’s strength and size aligns well with jeph wanting to be hit and dominated. although dan isn’t that much taller than him, he is a lot bigger than him. i would prefer dan fucking jeph instead of fangirls because i see him being into choking and degrading and “dominating” the women he’s with; there’s a reason a 31 year old man would want to have sex with teenagers and that’s because he can easily control them and i definitely think he gets off on being stronger and bigger than them. so he should really just fuck jeph instead.