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so i briefly went to a 4th of july party hosted by one of my mom's colleagues yesterday, and she's from wales so the whole party was british-themed. like, there were british flags everywhere (even the napkins), they played nothing but the beatles and god save the king at one point, and they served a LOT of trifle. they called it dependence day and it's hilarious
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Dependence Day by John Daniel (via Poetry Foundation) link
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/dependence-day
The Pool King: Dependence Day
*it was the Fourth Of July and tons of people had been having fun at the beach, when the Corvene family walked in*
Paul: Ah, Independence Day. The day we celebrate drinking beer and lighting things on fire.
May: What about independence from Mexico?
Trevor: Mom, the day has lost all its’ purpose. I mean, come on. It’s a holiday. What do you expect?
Arlen: I know what I expect!
Trevor: Arlen!
Arlen: Why do you just randomly shout out my name? I mean, we all know who I am. I’m a newscaster. There really is no point.
May: You two know each other?
Trevor: Yeah, and he’s a jerk!
Arlen: Now, why’d you say that? You didn’t ask if I was a jerk or not, she asked if we knew each other. It’s like you’re trying to stretch out your sentences or something.
Trevor: *facepalm*
Arlen: If you’d just follow me into the ocean...
Paul: Welp, nothing safer than a 26 yearr old man bringing a 9 year old into the ocean, hey hun?
May: You’re not drunk alredy, are you?
Paul: What? Of course not! *grins nervously, holding multiple empty bottles of beer behind his back*
*cut to the middle of the ocean*
The Pool King: Well, we sure got here quick.
The Ocean Destroyer: Well, that’s what happens when the writer’s a 13 year old year.
The Pool King: What?
The Ocean Destroyer: Nothing.
The Pool King: So...uh, Happy Independence Day.
The Ocean Destroyer: You mean Dependence Day!
The Pool King: What? Uh, no, it’s Independence Day.
The Ocean Destroyer: Well, not anymore, it’s not!
*a giant machine soon rises out of the ocean, The Ocean Destroyer jumping on top of it*
The Pool King: Wow, that thing’s really ugly.
The Ocean Destroyer: Pft, what do you know about fine decor for evil devices? You’re just a kid!
The Pool King: A kid that’s gonna kick your butt!
The Ocean Destroyer: Not with my Dependence Day Fireworks Machine here! Once it blasts you, it’ll weaken your powers, making you incredibly independent on others!
The Pool King: Oh, so you mean like you?
The Ocean Destroyer: Exac- Hey! *he growls, activating the machine and sending multiple fireworks towards The Pool King, knocking him back into the ocean*
*time skip*
*two kids were digging through the sand when suddenly they found Trevor*
Tommy: Gah! Sand zombie! *he and his sister run away*
Trevor: W-What happened...?
Arlen: Hey, hey, hey Trevor! Enjoying your dependence?
Trevor: This won’t last long, Arlen! *he struggles to get up*
Arlen: *smirks* Sure it won’t. *walks off*
Jacob: *walks by* Trevor, what are you doing?
Trevor: Trying to get out of here.
Jacob: *sighs, helping him out*
Trevor: Hehe, thanks Jacob.
*time skip*
Trevor: *sitting in his room* I gotta stop Arlen before he makes everyone dependent! I’m gonna need someone who knows tons of things about the ocean!
*cut to the ocean, where The Pool King was standing next to a sandtern*
The Pool King: I can’t believe I chose a fictional animal to be my guide to the ocean!
Sandtern: *growls at Pool King*
The Pool King: Hehe, sorry Sandtern! What’s your name?
Sandtern: *speaking in a rather high-pitched voice* Tahoe.
The Pool King: Oh, right. You’re an aninal. You can’t talk. Well, anyway, teach me about the ocean!
Tahoe: Yeah...I don’t think so. The ocean’s a terrible place, why would you want to know about it?
The Pool King: Yeah, I still can’t understand you.
*suddenly a giant wave comes by, knocking them both down in the ocean*
Tahoe: *struggling to breathe* Oh god! Agh! I hate this place! Why must nature put me here?!
The Pool King: Wow, you’re even more hopeless than me.
Tahoe: *he glares at the other*
The Ocean Destroyer: *floating by on his Dependence Day Fireworks Machine* Oh hey, Trevor. Having a good Dependence Day? *chuckles*
The Pool King: You’re still holding onto that same joke, aren’t you?
The Ocean Destroyer: Indeed I am.
The Pool King: Well, you may of made me independent with those stupid fireworks but you’re not making anyone else?
The Ocean Destroyer: Oh, contraire, Trevor. The fireworks show starts in five minutes and I kidnapped all the other fireworks people so it’s up to me to deliver the punch!
The Pool King: Don’t you mean the fireworks?’
The Ocean Destroyer: Well, it’s a metaphorical punch.
Tahoe: Wait a minute...that’s the machine that made this weirdo dependent on me. If if I can turn him back, i won’t have to deal with him!
The Ocean Destroyer: Shut up, stupid animal!
Tahoe: *growls, kicking The Ocean Destroyer off the machine and quickly shooting more fireworks at The Pool King*
The Pool King: Gah! *struggles to swim away, not moving an inch, when the fireworks finally hit him, blasting him far off into the ocean*
The Ocean Destroyer: Welp, he’s gone.
Tahoe: *soon begins tearing apart the machine with his teeth*
The Ocean Destroyer: Hey, you’re messing up my machine!
*the machine shoots a firework at The Ocean Destroyer, blasting him off as well, before completely falling apart*
Tahoe: Well, I got rid of those weirdos.
*cut to the beach*
Paul: What the hell?! Where’s the fireworks?! WHERE’S THE FUCKING FIREWORKS?! *falls to the ground*
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Happy day of pyrotechnics. I mean fourth of Julio. I mean July. It's crazy that over 200 years ago our founding fathers wrote this long ass document about freedoms and independence; whereas I can barely write 3 page short story (not in calligraphy). So burn those explosives and watch them soar into the air all free and majestic like. And thanks for giving us the right to party, George Washington. But always remember, we might be free as can be, but continue to SMILE CUZ YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!!!!!!! I love you all. Stay classy. Peace bitches.
A couple years ago, my brother who lives in England had a "Dependence Day" party. Dressed up in costumes and everything.
