#deliciousness!

i wanted to share with you guys one of the best dishes at the restaurant i work at. it's sooo yummy. so this is the uyigur style stir fried lamb with rice gnoccis, peppers, and bok choy. since it's like $26 as an entree, i figured if you guys would ever wanna try it, you can make it at home (well, that's usually my solution since i'm always broke as a joke LOL)

Today, I took my hundredth* Bikram class. For real, my hundredth! Yes, I've been keeping track.

(What? That doesn't make me obsessive compulsive or anything! I would only be OCD if I did something CRAZY like, oh I don't know... If I made myself count the tiles in the shower, first in groups of two, then in groups of three, until it came out even or I couldn't leave the bathroom or something. But ummmm, I DON'T DO THAT. So... yeah.)

Anyway, I was so excited about this - you know, since I wasn't sure I would even make it to my SECOND class, never mind my hundredth - that I wanted to celebrate somehow! I thought about getting a cake...

But then I decided NO, that would be silly. I can't eat a whole cake by myself! I mean, I COULD, but it would be BAAAAAAD. Actually NO, it would probably be GREAT, since my fantasy is to one day eat a whole birthday cake right out of the box with a fork while wearing a snuggie and watching 30 Rock reruns on my couch and probably crying softly out of PURE JOY because it would be the most amazing day EVER, but it would be BAAAAAAD later. So NAH, I'll save the cake for my birthday (which is in June! There will be a party. And you are ALL invited. STAY TUNED!).

Then I thought WELL, maybe I should get together with a few friends and go out for a drink!

But ummm, as you'll recall, my track record with drinking lately has been nothing short of ABYSMAL. (See Example A. Also, Example B.) I am a disgrace to my Irish heritage.

But THEN I thought I KNOW! Instead of any of these things, I'll celebrate by going home and making one of my favorite post-Bikram treats: A PROTEIN SMOOTHIE!

I know what you're thinking: Ummm, a PROTEIN SMOOTHIE?! Womp Womp!

But NO, there's where you're wrong! You guys, it has taken me 100 post-Bikram class evenings in the kitchen to get it right, but I have created the best, most amazing, still pretty healthy after-Bikram vegan protein smoothie you will EVER have IN YOUR LIFE. It is my PRIDE. My JOY. My WORK OF ART. Dare I say, this vegan protein smoothie WILL BE MY LEGACY.

And now, so you can celebrate with me, I am passing the recipe on to you, dear reader. ENJOY!

ONE HUNDRED DAYS OF BIKRAM VEGAN PROTEIN MUDSLIDE!!!

Ok. So first thing's first, you'll want to make sure you have a BLENDER. Any blender will do. There are many different kinds on the market these days, and frankly, they all confuse me. Too many buttons! I mean, WHAT is the difference between "Frappe" and "Liquify"? It hurts my brain to ponder. My ideal blender would have only one button, and it would say "OBLITERATE". For this reason, I actually use a Magic Bullet.

WHAT? NO THAT IS NOT SOME KIND OF WEIRD SEX TOY!

It's THIS THING!

Stop being dirty, jeeeeez! Anyway, the Magic Bullet (COME ON, stop giggling, what are you, 12?) has no buttons at all, you just put the stuff you want to blend in the top part, screw it on, and it smooshes it all together into a FRAPPE of LIQUIFIED deliciousness! It is actually the perfect appliance for this task, but as I said, any blender will do!

Put ONE CUP OF WATER in the liquid holding part of your blender, and add TWO SCOOPS (ONE SERVING) OF THIS STUFF:

That's BIOCHEM VEGAN PROTEIN POWDER, CHOCOLATE FLAVOR! You can get it at Whole Foods, or order it online. I guess you can really use any protein powder you want, but I can only vouch for the results of this one.

Now this protein powder on it's own is SUPPOSED to taste like chocolate, but, as is the case with most things that are HEALTHY, it doesn't really taste like what it's supposed to. If I had to label it for what it ACTUALLY tastes like, I would probably call it "Communion Wafer" or perhaps "Sugary Aftertaste" flavor. I guess the marketing people at BioChem thought "Chocolate" sounded better.

But WHATEVER, we just need to add a little extra FLAVA to this mix!

Now, as you probably know from all those trips to TGI Fridays when you were in college (AHEM), a REAL (read: ALCOHOLIC) Mudslide has coffee in it. And ours will too! So take 1-2 TEASPOONS OF INSTANT COFFEE (I like TWO! But it depends how much you like coffee, and how strong you like it), and dissolve it in A TINY BIT OF HOT WATER. Just enough hot water to dissolve it! The result should be sort of syrupy.

WARNING: If you are making this delectable treat in the evening and would like to sleep that night, or if you are sensitive to or opposed to caffeine, use DECAF INSTANT COFFEE. Still delicious, but you won't be shaking back and forth with crazy saucer eyes later. If you feel like you could use a little buzz, or if, like me, you've become immune to the effects of caffeine, use the regular stuff.

Once the instant coffee is dissolved, add this syrupy goodness to the blender.

IT'S STARTING TO LOOK GOOD IN THERE, RIGHT?!

Next, you're going to need AN UNMEASURABLY SMALL QUANTITY OF ALMOND EXTRACT. If I was FORCED to give you a measurement, I would say NO MORE than one-eighth of a teaspoon. But really, don't bother measuring. Just add a couple of drops... COME ON, we're not doing ROCKET SCIENCE here, we're MAKING A SMOOTHIE!

Oh, if you have a nut allergy or whatev, you can leave this out. But I like the extra complexity the sweetness of the almond adds to the flavor profile of this dish. (Can you tell I've been watching too much "Top Chef"? TOM, PADMA, CALL ME!)

Finally, you're going to add A HALF TEASPOON OF CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY STEVIA.

Wait -- WHAT THE HELL IS STEVIA?!?!

Ok. Stevia extract is sold in little bottles in health food stores. It is a non-caloric sugar substitute made from the leaves of the stevia plant!

YES, it's a PLANT! Of all the non-sugar sweeteners, this one is supposedly the healthiest. You know, since it comes from NATURE and isn't manufactured in a perfume factory or in the back of a van somewhere. Two awesome things about stevia: 1) It takes only a teeny tiny bit of it to have the same sweetening effect as sugar! You literally use a medicine dropper to get it out of the bottle! And 2) It comes in a variety of AWESOME-BALLS FLAVORS! Like the aforementioned chocolate raspberry.

If you can't find the ridiculously delicious chocolate raspberry flavor, you can really use any flavor you want, or even unflavored. In that case though, I would definitely add more coffee and more almond extract. But hey, that's just me.

So toss your stevia in the blender, and now put the lid on and give everything a quick mix. If you have the Magic Bullet, just switch it to ON. If you have a real blender, set it to... oh, I don't know... MIXIFY or something. Once everything is mixed thoroughly, stop the blender.

Here's the fun part, where it actually becomes a DELICIOUS SMOOTHIE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. Remove the pitcher part of the blender and add APPROXIMATELY TWO CUPS OF CRUSHED ICE. If you've got a Magic Bullet, just fill that thing to the top with crushed ice.

Mix it all around a little, then put it back on the blender/Bullet, and set it to KILL. Oh wait - we're not supposed to KILL things in yoga. Ahimsa, ammiright? Ok, so set your blender to SMASH (better?), and blend until the mixture is... well, smoothie like! Remove from blender and pour into appropriate serving vehicle. Personally, I find a short martini glass to be the ideal serving vehicle for most things.

Garnish as desired (clearly, I like paper umbrellas and plastic monkeys) and ENJOY!

And there you have it yoga-peeps! The perfect 100 DAYS OF BIKRAM VEGAN PROTEIN MUDSLIDE!

DELICIOUS-ASANA!