It's A Party, Not A Picnic

Oh hello. It’s been a minute, I know. But Facebook tells me people are still reading this... I mean, Facebook could totally be a LIAR. I wouldn’t put it past them. But, you  know, if Facebook ISN’T lying, and you guys ARE still here, here’s what’s up!

I barely do Bikram anymore. BUT, I do tons of other fun shit. All the time. 

I’m working full-time in fitness and yoga. I teach Hot Power Yoga and High Intensity Interval Training (think: bootcamp on crack). I ride bikes, I run really long races (think: longer than marathon distance), I box, I’m training for an IROMAN(!), you know LOTS of things are going on.

I’d love to have you with me if you wanna follow along -- let’s travel together for a while! Here’s where to find me:

Classes!

I teach at PURE Yoga in NYC. You can find my schedule on their webpage. Come try a class! Feel free to message me on this site or any of my other socials if you wanna dig in.

Privates / Personal Training!

I also LOVE working one on one with peeps such as yourselves. I’m central out of NYC but do travel around from time to time so hit me up if you’re interested, let’s chat! Shoot me a message on here or at: aoc dot in dot nyc at gmail dot com  (I think you know the word ‘dot’ is actually ‘.’ and ‘at’ is actually ‘@’. Freaking spambots.)

Blog!

I had to start another one because this one was too narrowly specific in its focus. I’m writing haphazardly on a site called ‘The Shit That Scares You.’ So named because it’s about tackling fears, cultivating courage, and creating change. And really whatever else I feel like talking about. Right now it’s a LOT about my Ironman training. Since that is some pretty scary shit. Follow along if you want... 

Socials!

I’m all over this shit. Here are the links:

Snapchat (bits about training, motivating, slices of life, music, EVERYTHING -- (download the app for your phone and search my username)---> aoc.nyc

Instagram (same as above, but in photo not video form): @aoc_in_nyc

Twitter (snappy one-liners): @AOCinNYC

Facebook (my personal page, but message me if you want an add).

I finished that 30 day challenge. Like, 298356 years ago. Never finished writing about it though, woooooops sorry ‘bout it!!! 

I’ve had about a trillion fitness adventures since then, only SOME of them involving Bikram yoga. Most of them involving other yoga. And HIIT classes. And teaching. And a lot of them involve riding stationary bicycles (aka ‘Bikes To Nowhere!’ which is maybe what I would title this chapter in the autobiography of my life) for reasons that are easier left unexplained for the moment.

ANYWAY.

I still practice. Not every day, but at least three days a week most weeks. I wish I could get it in every day but the truth is there are only SO many hours in the day and only SO much energy in my body for all the teaching and other yoga and bike-to-nowhere riding that I do on the regs. 

And it’s all good. Things may shift again (in fact I’m pretty much certain of it) but for now I do what I can, when I can, and I feel good about that.

…I'm halfway the-ere, WHOOOA-OHHHHH LIVIN' ON A PRAY-EERRRRR!!! 

Ok guys I know, I suck, I have't written anything about any of these classes in like, a week. But you know what? It doesn't matter, because I'VE STILL BEEN GOING TO BIKRAM EVERY DAY and that is what the challenge is REALLY about right?! 

So truth be told I don't remember most of what happened in any of these classes. Some of them were hot, some of them were REALLY cold (PLEASE Bikram yoga studios, DO NOT put a teacher on your schedule unless they KNOW how to operate the heating system!!!), some of them were hard, some were pretty easy. Whatever, it's all good. It's happening every day, which is really the biggest idea here. 

And overall I have to say, I feel AMAZING. It's interesting when you decide to commit 90 minutes (plus a bit of extra time for travel, showering, etc.) for yourself every day. I've had to say no to a couple of teaching gigs, and a couple of social things just so I could get my practice in. And each and every time, it's been empowering. Not like a ball and chain at all, it's been so damn FREEING to be able to really commit to myself, for ONCE! 

It feels GOOD. 

My body feels better than it has in a long time. And I feel like I'm doing something good for myself. 

So cold or hot, easy or hard, heavy breathers or snot rocketers next to me, I still feel GOOD for being able to show up to my mat every day. 

Today was Day 14. I had to go late, after a loooooooong day of teaching. I normally would have gone home. But not today, I showed up. I was proud of that. And my class--while unpleasantly chilly due to some fuckwit keeping ALL the windows in the studio open until right before class at the end of freaking November in New York City--made me feel accomplished. I'm a stronger and better person for being able to keep my commitment to myself. And really that's what it's about.

Gahhhh I am behind on recapping my classes! Oh rest assured, I HAVE been taking every day! But finding the time to write every day is somehow even more difficult!

I have Saturday mornings off, so get the luxury (unless I'm subbing) of taking class whenever I want! Such a treat you take for granted until you're no longer in control of your own schedule!

I chose a class that's notoriously hot and crowded and full of crazy people. You know, the typical Bikram crazies that say it's NEVER hot enough and do doubles every day and really just want to come into the room to burn 203957 calories in 90 minutes (impossible, FYI) and for the most part they look like they need to stop working out RIGHT NOW and sit down and eat a sandwich.

Yes, it was full of THOSE people.

Sometimes I avoid this class as well as those similar to it because being surrounded by crazy on all sides tends to give me a panic attack. (I've recently learned the word 'agoraphobia'! Look it up, it's a good one!) But today I really wanted the challenge of a hot class.

Also, this class happened to be the latest class I could take and still get to my afternoon teaching gig in time. So there was that.

Anyhoo.

I go into the room, 12 minutes early and it's already packed. I walk right past the corner full of Heat Seeker Crazies and into the middle, and I"m about to set up shop in the front corner (love me a corner!) when I feel a tap on my leg and someone calls my name.

Aiiieeeee by some random happenstance it's one of my favorite spin teachers! Hooray! Someone who is not crazy taking this class with me! So I set up my mat in the spot in front of her and she's like "OMG thank goodness now I'll have someone to watch because I'm so bad at this!"

And I was all, "Ummmm, have you ever seen me ride a stationary bike."

Which of course she has because I take her class. And you guys, I am TERRIBLE on the bike! I mean, I can hold my own for the most part, but as soon as we start riding fast with low resistance, my legs gewt confused and stop working and the bike takes over and whoooaaaaa look out, I am a nightmare. 

So we chat for a bit about fitness instructor stuff, then class starts, and dear baby jesus is it ever hot in there. Skin burning lung scorching body dripping sweat like a faucet HOT. 

But all I could think of was how I was acting as the example for this girl behind me, and how I could not Not NOT give up on myself, for her sake. If I panicked, she would panic. And I did not want her to panic! 

Also, I was kind of excited to prove that I'm a whole hell of a lot better at Bikram than I am at spinning. What can I say, I am a proud proud lady! So I stayed strong, I worked my tail off, and I held it together. And it was a pretty great feeling to be able to do that. 

So even though it was hot and hard, this class was AWESOME. I worked so much harder knowing someone was depending on me, riding on my energy! Funny thing is, our energy ALWAYS has that much impact on the people around us. We just don't always connect with that idea. Today I did. I remembered what it felt like -- it felt GREAT!

When we practice we really are a community. It's good to remember that. Also, it's good to take class with people you like! And so often, in trying to stay strong to inspire others, we more importantly find that we inspire OURSELVES.

So here's something about me: I am GREAT about being on time when I teach, and I am TERRIBLE about being on time for pretty much everything else in my life.

I mean, I'm not the worst. If it's a class or event with a definite start time I usually skate in JUST at the last minute. Sometimes a minute or two before. But it's always a mad dash to get there and considerably more frantic than it needs to be. If it's an outing with friends, dinner, drink thing, etc? Just forget it. Five to ten late is a given. Sometimes more.

Tonight I was over an hour late to dinner with a  bunch of other yoga teachers. I was so late, I missed the guacamole. WAHHHHH.

Why was I late? Ohhhhhh because while I am awesome at showing up for other people (teaching), I am A NIGHTMARE when it comes to showing up for myself.

Hence, this challenge.

And so there I was today, skating in the door JUST as the class was to start the breathing. My worst fear was realized when I found the back row completely full, and the only available space RIGHT up in front. Reluctantly, I took the front center spot, knowing it was my penance as "the last one in". 

Fine. Whatever. I detest the front row but I'll DEAL.

Except. I ended up next to some dude that I have not-so-affectionately nicknamed 'Snarfy'. Why? Oh I think you can guess.

Ok granted it is winter in NYC. It's cold out. Also, this was an incredibly hot and HUMID class. So yes, there were some noses running. But man, GO GET A TISSUE or something, stop sniffle snarfing coughing hacking in my ear! Yargh. 

It was a little irritating in standing, but once we were on the floor? OMG it was a snarf-a-thon up in that front row! And it got worse once Sir Snarfs-a-Lot started struggling in class. 

Ok. It's hot. You're having a tough time. I get it. But for the love of all things holy...

STAY ON YOUR FREAKING MAT AND STOP WRITHING AND ROLLING AROUND AND FLAILING YOUR ARMS TO THE SIDES AND FLINGING SWEAT ON ME AND OMG EEEUUUWWWWW.

You guys I have had some really hard really hot really awful classes where I have been certain I was going to die. So I really do understand. But part of the practice is dealing with that. In fact, I would argue that how you deal with the challenges is what defines your practice! I know it's hard. But so is life. And this brand of yoga is meant to prepare us to deal with life, where the challenges are SOOOOO much greater.

So when it gets CHALLENGING in the room… I think of it this way: You move through the challenge of the class (the heat, your exhaustion, thirst, etc.) the way you WANT to move through the most intense challenges OF YOUR LIFE. How do YOU want to move through your life? By flailing around creating drama? Or by taking a moment, resting, breathing, detaching from your circumstances, and reminding yourself of your own infinite strength? 

I mean, I know which one I would choose.

I know it isn't easy. I sooooo get it! And maybe this is just Snarfy working through the practice in his own way, and if it is THAT IS SO AWESOME, and I'm super happy for him.

That said, it was still goddam annoying. 

If you've ever taken a Bikram yoga class before (which I'm guessing you have or else why in god's name would you be reading this ridiculous thing) you know that often, the hardest part of the whole damn thing is just getting into the hot room.

Partly it's about making the time of course. I mean 90 minutes, plus time to get to the studio and change into your yoga outfit, plus time to shower, get dressed, dry hair, stop sweating and make yourself presentable somehow at the end, well… it's a lot of time to carve out of your day. And let's be honest WHO has that kind of time on the regular?! You have to REALLY be the master of your schedule and MAKE the time for yourself. 

But beyond the time issue, it's just that… well… it's just so HARD to  be doing Bikram yoga! And it's so EASY to NOT be doing Bikram yoga! Sometimes it's hard getting on your mat because you're just too damn comfortable NOT being on your mat. 

Thursdays are rough for me. I teach early in the morning in Long Island City. I'm talking, I am the one who opens the studio EARLY. I get there at 6:30am, teach at 7am. Soon this is going to get ever narly-er, when the class switches to 6:45am, and I'll have to get there at 6:10am. This means i will need to leave my apartment around 5:45am. Still not my earliest morning of the week… but not the funnest time ever. After that class ends, I have a 90 minute break, then I teach another class… then I have a FULL DAY BREAK. That's right, my next class after that is at 8pm on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. OOOOOF, talk about an awkward break!

So typically I go home, plan to go to class, but instead take a nap, have breakfast, nap more, tell myself I'm going to go to class, but then actually just nap MORE instead… and finally leave around 6:45pm to teach my 8pm. Ummmm… SO FREAKING LAZY. 

Well maybe not really LAZY because I work a lot and honestly my body probably needs the extra sleep. But still, there is really no excuse for not finding 90 minutes in my really long awkward break to take a Bikram class.

So today, after procrastinating ALL day on it, I did! It was a triumph in many ways, because I saw that my commitment to the challenge was really the ONLY thing that got me there. HOORAY for the 30DC! 

I took the 4:30 class. It was super hot. Super humid. The teacher had some super funny and interesting things to say. And I felt SUPER better about basically everything after it was over. 

It's now 1am and I have to finish readying 'Mockingjay' before I go see the movie this weekend (OMG OMG OMG OMG) and I know I feel sooooo much better right now than I would had I not taken class. And YAY for that!

So guys! Little tip from me! When in doubt, just go to class.* You will always always ALWAYS feel better afterward! 

Day 5 is tomorrow -- LET'S KEEP IT ROLLING!

Ommigod. Ok. You guys. I started practicing Bikram yoga roughly four years ago. Not that long ago right? And definitely not in a galaxy far away! I'm still at the very first studio I started at! So then why Why WHY is it all so  different now?

Not to get all 'your grandpa' on you right now, but back in MY day the teachers were TOUGH! There was DISCIPLINE in the classroom! People weren't fidgety or moving around! They were still on their mats! Because the teacher made it IMPORTANT to be so! It was crazy and weird and AWESOME to see so much discipline among free-willed adults!

But now… well… I feel like 'discipline' has become a dirty word and we really just want everyone to have a good experience and it's YOGA so you know, just do whatever you want anytime and NAMASTE it's totally cool!

WHAT?! NO. 

You guys, part of what makes Bikram BIKRAM, is that there's a discipline to it. It's regimented. That isn't just to be strict or torturous, it's because the discipline gives you strength, teaches commitment, and also gives you a grounded base from which you can grow, move forward, and feel more free! 

Yoga is about becoming the observer of yourself. NOT the observer of the poses, but the observer of yourSELF--inside AND out--as you interact with the poses. By doing the same sequence, in the same way, with the same level of stillness and steadiness EVERY SINGLE GODDAM DAY, we begin to be able to look past the postures and all the bullshit on the outside, and truly see ourselves against the backdrop of the sequence. Does that make sense? In other words...

BY DOING THE SAME THING EVERY SINGLE BLOODY DAY, WE SEE HOW WE OURSELVES ARE DIFFERENT.

Know what I mean? So when the teacher gets all up in your piece about when to drink water and how still to be between postures, PLEASE know it isn't because he/she wants to control you and thinks bossing you around is FUN in some perverse way. It's because they want you to get the full benefit of the practice!

Sheesh.

So basically, this has been a long way of saying that today's class was seriously lacking in the discipline department and everyone needed to STOP talking back, quit being distracted, actually freaking listen to what the teacher was saying, put an END to the lame excuses for wanting to leave the room (i.e.: "I'm scared of heat!"… perhaps you should have tried one of the eight million variations of NON-heated yoga that exist on this planet?), and freaking GET YOUR SH!T TOGETHER, stand still, and be ok with being a LITTLE uncomfortable as you move through the postures for a mere 90 minutes.

YEAH, it sucks sometimes… but this practice isn't here to be a freaking cakewalk. It's here to teach us about ourselves and about how to move through something CHALLENGING, while maintaining our composure, moving with grace, with ease, connected to our breath, and trusting in our strength and our SELVES. 

Ugh. You guys. It's winter. Like, legit WINTER here in NYC. It was 30 degrees this morning when  I got up to teach my 6:30am bootcamp class.

Granted, teaching a 6:30am on the Upper West Side of Manhattan means that I have to leave Astoria on the 5:17am train, which means I need to get up no later than 4:15am. So YEAH it's freakin cold at 4:15 in the morning, but still… it was easily 15-20 degrees colder today than yesterday. And I am at least 15-20 degrees more tired! So that did not make for a great combo when the alarm went off this morning.

Still, I made it! You know, because it's my JOB and stuff. But dear sweet LORD, will there ever be a time when getting up this early is easy? Does your body ever catch up? I've been teaching early mornings 3-6 days a week for the last six months or so… and it has NOT gotten any easier. If anything, it's grown more challenging!

But I digress… We're here to talk about BIKRAM! And my newborn 30 Day Challenge.

So this was Day 2. I taught my 6:30am, then headed over for the 9am Bikram class. Excited! Because as I mentioned yesterday, I don't teach Bikram. So every time I show up it's like AHHHAHAHAHA THIS IS ALL FOR MEEEEEEE!!! But also, more often than not, it's like AHHAHAHAHA BUT I AM SOOOOO TIRED!!!! So that was today.

But I made it there, got dressed, got on my mat, it was sooooo nice and toasty in the room. Class started. All was good. I tried to drop into my meditative state of feeling good and breathing deep… But I just could NOT relax. For the LIFE of me. Stress and uncertainty kept gnawing at my mind with terrible horrifying annoying little mouse-bites, until I couldn't ignore it.

You see, when you teach fitness for a living, your job and income are not, how you say… DEPENDABLE. It's a rare moment when you feel stable and secure. There's always shifting of schedules (yours or your clients or studios), last minute cancellations, last minute sub requests, issues with management, etc. It happens everywhere and it's the nature of the beast in this industry, particularly in NYC where fitness instructors are a dime a dozen and generally expendable in every way. 

The worries are real in every moment: what if no one comes to class? What if my numbers aren't' good this month? What if my client cancels? What if I say no to this new class they want me to sub / teach and they get annoyed and never ask me to sub / teach anything again? What if I don't have time or money to keep up with all the ridiculous administrative demands, paperwork, filing of forms, etc. all necessary just for the privilege of being 'self-employed' and paying an extra 7% in taxes every year?

What if I develop an anxiety condition from worrying about all of this so much and I don't have insurance and I have to sub out my classes to take care of it and of course I don't get paid when I don't work because we don't get sick days and HOW am I going to afford my therapy sessions which I am DEFINITELY going to need when all of this is over?!?

YOU GUYS. It is not good to have all of this in your head while you're trying to do a camel pose. Especially when the sole intent for doing said camel pose in the first place is to give you a little freaking peace of mind! 

Womp womp. Yoga fail. 

I was annoyed because I really wanted to bliss out! I wanted that feeling of AHHHHH everything is great I am doing YOGA and HOORAY! But I didn't feel it. I'm not annoyed with my circumstances. Or with yoga. I'm annoyed with myself for not being able to let go of the dumb worrying. I mean, when there isn't anything you can do about something, WHY worry about it, right?! UGH.

My dad likes to use what he calls the "old block of ice theory". Which is to say, he reminds himself when things get tough, that eventually the whole world will be nothing more than a big block of ice. And when that happens, NOTHING we're all so concerned about right now will really matter.

And I suppose that's true. None of this really matters. If the worst happened, I know I would find a way out of it. I'm strong, I can handle it. We all can. So maybe it's better to think of this, which I seem to recall hearing via some form of social media at some point:

A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking. Because her trust is not on the branch, but on her own wings. 

Ahhhhaaaaaaaa. Good to remember.

Ommigod. You guys. Is anyone still reading this?! I mean, you probably shouldn't be, since I haven't written in it for like 2039571987 years. Or something. But if you ARE reading this… HURRAH! I'm happy to see you! 

My life has gone crazy bananas since the last post… I've left my full-time desk job and have been teaching yoga and fitness full-time since roughly April? I don't remember for sure… time flies, you guys. 

I teach yoga, hot yoga, and a yoga/bootcamp combo class at a swanky fancypants studio in NYC. It's the most rewarding experience OF MY LIFE, OMG I LOVE TEACHING SO MUCH!!! 

That said, I've been doing soooooo much of it, and at soooooo many odd hours of the day (everyone wants to practice before work and after work, hence early mornings AND late nights), I've been burning the candle at EVERY end, neglecting my self-care because WHO has energy for THAT?!, and am generally burned out, run down, and exhausted. 

I mean, it's gone from, "Hmmm I'm a little sleepy this morning I'll just pound a Starbucks venti on the way to class" to me having panic attacks because I haven't slept more than four hours at a time for a week, and haven't had a day off for two months. Stuff like that. 

In the wake of all this, teaching has still been AWESOME but my personal practice has suffered. I still do yoga, I still do fitness things, I'm pretty much OBSESSED with Soulcycle, but I've been so burned, it's been tough to get on my mat, on the bike, in the room, etc.

I've been super good about showing up for everyone else, but terribly terrible about showing up for myself. And YO, we can't teach what we don't practice, ammiright?!

SO. I'm coming back to where it all began (or where this blog began anyway)… BIKRAM! And I'm committing to 30 Days In A Row. I need it. 

THIRTY DAY CHALLENGE, BABY!!!

Today was Day 1. I decided during class. And it's my challenge, I make up the rules, so it counts. Today reminded me why I like Bikram, and why I've been at it for nearly four years. 

It's the same every time (I love the consistency, and knowing exactly what I'm getting into).

It's warm and toasty (we're having winter here in NYC).

It's meditative, but it's not MEDITATING (I'm an intense person, I am bad at staying still, even when I'm doing something chill it has to be INTENSELY chill).

It's gentle yet thorough on the body (no jumping around, pumping weights, furious pedaling, but is still HELLA challenging).

It's slow (you can FEEL your breath move through your body--NEAT!).

You don't have to think (just follow the words).

It's non-gimmicky (no candles, no bass thumping music, no fancy light effects, nothing extraneous).

It's calming (because of the nothing extraneous--see above).

It just makes me feel GOOD (no further explanation required).

But above all, I think what I like the best about going to Bikram--especially right now--is that I'm doing something for ME. Not for anyone else in my life. When I take a Bikram class, it's all for me. Which is why, though I love the practice, I'll never teach Bikram. I selfishly want it all for myself.

Because we should all have something, right? Just ONE thing… that's all for us. Where we can show up and test ourselves, challenge ourselves, push our edges, get to know our strengths and not-so-strengths, learn to meet ourselves on our mat and find a radical form of acceptance for who are where we are in every moment, that ultimately makes us feel more grounded, more calm, more strong, and more peaceful in every moment.

Yeah, it's good to have that thing.

I'm looking forward to this 30 days, to having to show up for myself even when it's hard. Because I know it's going to change me. Yoga always does! It's going to force me to make myself, and my self-care important. It's going to teach me to show up for MYSELF, not for anyone else. And right now, you guys… I NEED that change. And I'm excited about it.

You guys! It's been SO LONG, I know! Are any of you still here? Hello???

Ok well here's the deal: YES I am still doing Bikram all the time! Nearly every day! BUT… and this is the reason I haven't been writing so much… I'm also teaching. TONS. But NOT Bikram. 

I teach vinyasa, hot vinyasa, and a class called 'PXT' (Pure Cross Training) that's a crazy synthesis of hot yoga and HIIT-style bootcamp! It's AWESOME. And intense and hard and really made for the hardcore fitness person who also likes the mind body benefits of YOGA!

Anyway, my class just got an AWESOME review on Rate Your Burn, a big-time NYC fitness blog… They anonymously take classes around the city and then write all about the class and instructor so potential new students can see and know in advance what they're in for! And they came to MY class! I didn't even know until the review came out! Annnd….

IT WAS REALLY GOOD. Click here and have a look! I'm so proud and so grateful that I get to make a living doing what I LOVE. 

If you're in NYC and want to check out a class, send me a message! I can get you in ;)  Thanks for reading guys! And stay tuned… I'm planning on writing a LOT more in the near future! 

That's right! I'm going to be teaching PXT, a brand-new hot yoga / boot camp fusion fitness class, at PURE Yoga here in NYC!

And to kick it off, I'll be doing a series of FREE classes especially for non-members of PURE! Come enjoy this AWESOME studio and take NYC's hottest new fitness class, with ME!

First FREE class is this Saturday! March 15 at 2pm at PURE West (77th between Broadway and Amsterdam).

A little more about PXT...

PXT (Pure Cross Training) is a 60-minute total body workout that combines yoga, high intensity cardio intervals, strength training, and core work. Using free weights, gliders, a step, and a core ball, we move quickly through a series of compound exercises, working all the major muscle groups, challenging and transforming both body and mind!

The weights are heavy, the room is hot, the exercises go FAST. This thing is a challenge on ALL levels, but hey--it gets RESULTS!!! And it is SO WORTH IT.

Interested? Please join me!!! Shoot me a message, let me know you want to come, and GET READY TO SWEAT!

GET PUMPED. RISE TO THE CHALLENGE. LET'S DO THIS!!!

Yup, that's right. While this blog has remained relatively quiet lately, if you've been following along on the facebook and the twitter (I like to say "THE facebook" and "THE twitter" just for the sake of drama), you know that a LOT has been happening. Most notably...

I'M IN A YOGA TEACHER TRAINING!

...and...

NO, IT IS NOT FOR BIKRAM!

It IS for hot yoga though! No, not that weird Bikram-esque hot yoga that's just a rip off of the 26 and 2 done in a hot room without the dialogue and sometimes smooshed into 60 minutes (how?!). This is a 100 hour advanced training specifically for hot power vinyasa (you know, the kind of yoga where you do Down Dogs and Up Dogs and Yoga Pushups aka 'Chaturangas'!). And you guys, I FREAKING LOVE IT.

As you may or may not know, I did my 200 hour vinyasa TT in fall of 2008, and taught pretty regularly for the two years immediately following. Then I took a bit of a hiatus. And spent lots of time, as they say, "doing the work". By which I  mean "getting my shit straightened out".

LOTS of things happened. Particularly in the last year and a half. 

I lost my vinyasa practice, I found a Bikram practice, I found a hot power vinyasa practice, I found some spirituality along the way, I hung out in the rainforest with a shaman, spent a week in the desert, swam with sea turtles, read a LOT of spiritual / new age / self-help texts and paid a LOT of attention to the phases of the moon, burned roughly two tons of sage, tried to understand Human Design (I'm a 'Projector'?), danced a lot, and generally leapt out of my comfort zone and into a crazy new way of being where uncertainty became the norm and choosing the challenging option was the default.

It's been pretty cool. And also really hard. I've learned a LOT. And grown in big ways. Which is, you know, THE POINT OF IT ALL, if you ask me.

ANYWAY.

Here I am, finally feeling ready to teach again. Ok, to be honest I don't think I'll ever feel REALLY ready, but let's say I'm feeling 'ready to explore the option' at least.

I stumbled onto this training almost by accident...

I didn't know either of the teachers leading it, and had really only heard of the studio and taken a couple of workshops there. But... I don't know how to explain it... it just felt RIGHT. It was a totally feeling-based (definitely not reason-based!) decision that a year or two or three ago I would NEVER have made.

So I guess THAT'S progress right there, being able to trust my intuition and go with my gut feeling? Knowing that there are no mistakes and that the universe is constantly re-calibrating based on my choices and will present me with exactly the right thing at exactly the right time? Having faith in divine time and knowing ALL is in perfect order? Eh?

WHATEVER.

Point is, my intuition was right. This is the BEST thing I could ever have done. The teacher / mentors are AMAZING, the program is fantastic, and even though the looooong hours are killing me a little and making me sleep-deprived to the point where I cry for no reason, it's all SO SO WORTH IT and I love it SO MUCH!

I'm being challenged in exactly the ways I need to be, pushed and supported where I need to be. I've found some awesome people who are not only great teachers but great PEOPLE (important!). And I've discovered that I really REALLY love teaching.

While I have a couple of years of teaching experience under my belt, I'm being pushed now to take it to the next level, to share more of myself, to bring not only knowledge but my own authentic voice to the table, errr.. hot room.

It's a bit of an internal street fight. As Brene Brown said: "Vulnerability pushed and I pushed back!" (SO much pushing!!!) But I'm working at it! And if nothing else, I'm growing. Little bits, all the time! And for that alone, this was the BEST thing I ever could have done!

The training is about halfway through. We have two weeks to go. How will it all turn out? WHO KNOWS. But I will leave you with this... which I learned through little over a year of HARD HARD inner work:

We are not here to be perfect. We are not here to achieve. We are here, in these human bodies, merely to have experiences. We're here to make huge, horrible, beautiful messes. And we're here to FEEL. To feel EVERYTHING: joy, happiness, sorrow, pain, fear, loathing, ecstasy, anger, and everything in between, in the most human way possible. Because to be able to feel so much lets us know we're alive. And what an amazing GIFT that is!

Hey you guys! This is awesome! And I’m doing it! And you should too!

What is it?! Well, it’s an opportunity—challenge, really—to find joy, happiness, and a little magic within the mundane of the everyday!

What do you do?! First, click the link above to sign up. Oh yes this is a real thing, not something I just made up. Then find something that makes you happy! Take a picture of it! Post it somewhere with the hashtag #100happydays ! Repeat for the next 99 days! THAT’S IT!!!

I love this idea on so many levels… We’re so accustomed to looking for problems, things that make us stressed, angry, or sad. It’s become so easy to see the negative. This challenge offers us the chance to create a new habit, a new paradigm for living, where we actively seek out what makes us HAPPY every single day! By the end of the 100 days, I’m willing to bet we’ll all be re-programmed to search for JOY! And because we’re searching for it, we’re bound to find it!

THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is your YOGA IN ACTION!!!

Here’s the thing: we see what we want to see. If I’m convinced I’ll see stress, anger, irritation, and pain, YUP, I will see that. But if I switch gears and convince myself that I’ll see JOY, the universe will show me joy. That’s how it works! So for this next 100 days let’s ALL commit to seeking out JOY!

It's a crowded Bikram class, just about to begin. The teacher steps onto the podium to give the welcome spiel to the two brand new students in the back.

Teacher: Mary, Jennifer, welcome to Bikram yoga. Let me take a moment to address a few things you might have heard about us... YES, we are a cult.

(silence)

I'M KIDDING!!!

Seriously you guys, every day I grow more and more certain that New York City has the best, most incredibly candid, authentically honest, not to mention hilarious and non-self serious teachers of any place on the planet. And I absolutely freaking LOVE it. 

But SERIOUSLY, if this is a cult, someone bring me my Kool-Aid. It's hot and I'm getting thirsty in here!

We're doing the second set of Standing Bow and I'm kick kick kicking my life away...

Teacher: ALISON!!! Stop turning out, you look like Swan Lake!

Ok so at first I was like 'OH CRAP I better turn my hip down!'

But then... I mean I know it wasn't a compliment but...

I was still weirdly pleased.

I mean, after ALL those years of ballet, working, suffering, starving ( ok not really), TRYING to look like Swan Lake, and I could never really do it! But finally, NOW, at this most inappropriate time 15 years later, I DID IT YOU GUYS! Success!!!

No wait, actually, FAILURE.

But whatever... I'll take it! Better late (and at the absolute worst possible time) than never, right?! I'LL TAKE IT!!! If you need me I'll be lacing up my pointe shoes and working my fouettes. Now somebody hand me my tutu...

(Swan Lake version of Standing Bow. SO PRETTY!!!)