#delayed posting

I’ve cried my way through the first viewing: started on Vormir and didn’t really stop until the end! And went full on bawling and ugly sobbing in the last 30 minutes or so.  It got better with every time but in the end I was always in tears, sobbing (not so) silently into my scarf.  Here are some random and not in order thoughts, gathered through the last four times. 

- the first moments where Hawkeye loses his family were terrible, and my heart ached for him. 

- HEARING Sam in the earpiece made me all mushy and squeey and there might have been noises. “On your left” will forever make me all teary eyed from now on! 

- seeing all these portals opening gave me all the goosebumps: that was one hell of a fucking epic entrance!!! 

- as was the Ladies’s Squad moment! So fucking incredible! I cheered so much!! 

- CAROL!!! The HAIR! Her “Hi, Peter Parker” She’s the fucking cutest, and I love her so much!!! 

- Peter freaking Parker!!! As little screen time as he had, it was perfect. And he finally got that fucking hug!!!! And it was a damn good one!!! *clutches heart* 

- Tony Fucking Stark!  My beautiful, flawed, very human superhero! My darling darling heart. God, I can’t even type this without tearing up. 11 years in the making, he’s made the final sacrifice, gave us the ultimate proof that he’s got the biggest and softest heart in all of history!!! I had a bad feeling going into the film,  I feared it would end like this. Yet, it was perfect, the only way I could accept it.  I’m just glad he’d got at least a few years of peace and happiness. Im so proud of him, leaving behind one hell of a legacy in form of his wife and his lovely (and probably clever as fuck) daughter who will carry on her fathers heart and soul inside of her! Im sure she’ll be doing some GREAT things!!! 

- Family Stark! Soft cuddly cardigan wearing Tony,  sweet understanding Pepper, cute kid who’s just as cheeky as her Dad!! *clutches heart*  Im sure there’ll be a shitload of fic covering those five years and I’ll be reading them all!!! 

- Pepper. Gosh, that woman. In the past, she made me want to smack her around the head, tell her to either have patience or just leave him (alone). Yet she stuck around, and for the very first time she actually UNDERSTOOD what her man’s doing. In the end she understood. And she let him go which broke my heart into a million pieces. She loves him. And there it shows. She’s always tried to keep him save, and upon realizing that she couldn’t, she gave him the peace and love he deserved and needed. And in the end, she’d let him go. He can rest indeed now. *sobs violently* Even after a fourth time seeing it (and making it through most of it without crying), that fucking sentence is my undoing. Always. 

- all the tiny callbacks to 22 movies - such a beautiful love letter to everything the MCU achieved and continues to do. The elevator scene, Bucky’s goodbye in the end, Tony’s last line.. all those tiny things (thankfully fresh in my mind due to recent rewatches!) are so lovely and wonderful and I love them all for doing them!!! Such attention to detail - one of the many reasons I do love the MCU so much!!! 

- fucking CHEESEBURGERS!! Never thought some simple food will be the reason for more violent and very ugly sobbing! 

- PEGGY! JARVIS! HOWARD! The Ancient One! All those ‘old’ faces, that was so cool!!! And very unexpected so that was an amazing surprise! 

- the fucking END CREDITS!!! The OG 6 getting their special moment!!! That was soo beautiful and made me sob all over again!!! 

- Cap!! As y’all know he’s NOT my fav (and even though he was a tad OOC in this (LANGUAGE, Cap!), he won me over in this. I loved the quips (”Yeah, I KNOW!”)  tho, and also LOOOOOOOOOVED him wielding the fucking hammer!!! God, that was incredible!!! I wished I could see this for the first time again and again! The entire cinema exploded into cheers, it was amazing!!! (Which naturally leads to me wanting to know whether he faked not being able to move that damn thing back in AoU or if he’s grown worthy during the last few years…)  Im seeing loads of people not liking the ending, feeling that it’s not what he would do. Seriously??? That man’s saved the world/the universe soo many time, sacrificed so much to keep everyone save, and you still think - given the chance - he wouldn’t go and FINALLY have the happy ending he deserves? I mean, I’m not a comic book person, I can only go from the films but honestly, it was the only way they could’ve ended Cap’s storyline. He knows everyone’s save, there’s nothing left to do for him (cause you can bet your ass that Tony made sure EVERY SINGLE THREAT has been eliminated with that damn snap!) why wouldn’t he pursue some happiness for himself after all these years. 

- 3 hours have never felt this short!!! There was barely a lull in the storyline (after my third viewing i would choose only two scenes to run to the loo and they’re pretty early on so…), the pace is incredible, the plot’s tight and well thought through.  Yes, the time-traveling isn’t perfect but honestly, that’s not the point. It’s about the people, the OG Six and their relationships, built through the years, about love and respect, about the trauma they all went through and how they dealt with it. It’s all about the people, the plot for once is only secondary. And that’s fine. It works when you don’t think about it too hard (just don’t, you’ll only get a headache from it). And even if, there’s a few explanations out there already, and I can totally live with that. I don’t need this explained in the smallest detail. It works perfectly (for me), that’s all I care about. 

- I also wonder about a few things: just read that Hollands lines might have been altered and now Im dying to know whether that’s true. I wouldn’t put it past the Russos to have him say something else entirely and then did ADR with a gazzilion lines only to throw him off.  Same goes for everyone else: did they KNOW they were filming Tony’s death and his funeral? Or did they film more and differently and didn’t tell them what as actually happening? When did they tell RDJ that he was going to die? And how? Was he allowed to have a say in it? SO MANY questions. I NEED ANSWERS!! 

- Tony’s speech in the end!!! That was not only Tony speaking, to me that was also RDJ, saying goodbye (finally able to actually LISTEN to him w/o sobbing  too loudly). And that makes it even more wonderful and sad and heartbreaking and lovely!´I will miss him so fucking much. He’s been MY hero from the start; and even though there have been more over the years to adore and worship, when it comes to choosing one over the others, I will always chose Iron Man! .. .no, I will always chose TONY STARK! He’s been my first superhero, I’ve been with him all the way, and I will always remember the time when he was Iron Man, ready to die for the world, hell, the universe, sacrificing all he had for the lives of everyone else. Which in the end he did without hesitating. 

All in all it was the perfect homage to the Original 6! A perfect ending, coming full circle after 11 years! Everyone got their arc closed, their story told. There’s new blood now, Carol and Scott, Shuri and Valkyrie, Strange and Spidey, and more, they will keep everyone save! 

So yeah, seeing it four times (with a fifth one in the works (on Sunday) and perhaps a sixth with a friend along the line), I’m still loving every damn second, and it’s still the best and most epic and perfect film in the entirety of the MCU!  I will miss Tony, his snark, his biting sarcasm, his huge heart, his looking after everyone whether they want it or not.  But the MCU is in good hands, I have the feeling Carol will be taking over that part (the sass is already there!), and I’m sure the rest will do pretty damn great!  You can rest now, Tony <3