My brain and my heart are still VERY FIRMLY in a hotel in Gatwick airport, basking in the most insane and most wonderful memories ever made!
As always, there will be a write-up, this one will be MADNESS (because this time around I have VIDEO from all the panels (THANK YOU @siren-events-uk for that wonderful option!)) and the THINGS that happened away from the panels are so crazy, they'll be stuck with me forever!
As of now: pics! Enjoy!
(and yes, that DJ hug pic IS indeed signed as well but it feels too freaking personal to share right now *shrugs* it's weird, it's probably not even that deep or anything but to me it's special so I'll keep it to myself for a while!)
Im still flying so fucking high, you won't believe it!
These people and this fandom are fucking outstanding - there's nothing else in the world that comes even CLOSE to what just happened this weekend!!!
I am so full of love for every single person at this con, and I would do it all again in a fucking heartbeat!
Last November was already great but this?
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I think one day it storms at the cottage, a huge, heavy thunderstorm that makes the air feel charged even before the rain starts. It picks up energy as it moves across the lake until the atmosphere inside and around the cottage is affected, electric. The wind whips the trees and pushes on the windows and yanks at Ilya's hair and steals the breath from Shane's lungs as they bring in the last of the chairs from the patio, right before the sky opens up. They shut the sliding door quickly, but theyâre not faster than the pelting raindrops that splatter the windows, their feet, the floor. Shane laughs, feels breathless and wild, wants for a moment to run out into the rain and yell back in an answer to the thunderâs daring roar. But then he sees Ilya, storm-blue eyes and thunderbolt grin lit up in the gloomy gray from the lightning outside, the flash of a photograph, a perfect memory for Shane to keep.
âYour feet are wet,â Shane says, grabbing a towel left out after their swim earlier in the day. He goes to his knees, a job to do. Ilya's skin is cool to the touch, but the towel is dry and Shane's hands are warm like theyâve soaked up the last bit of sun before the storm. Shane lingers at Ilya's feet, presses a kiss to his ankle, his shin, his knee, looks up to see Ilya illuminated by yet another crack of lightning, and this time heâs not a memory but a god, some powerful deity who brought Shane to his knees in supplication. Shane turns his cheek into Ilya's thigh, feels blessed by the touch of Ilya's hand in his hair.
The storm outside throws its tantrum, angry to see Shane on his knees for Ilya instead of it. Shane hardly notices. He has Ilya's hands in his hair and Ilya's heartbeat on his tongue and Ilya's groans in his ears. Shane's eyes take in only Ilya, the full unholy reality of him: not a memory or a god but a living, breathing, pulse-pounding man, moaning and shuddering apart on Shane's tongue, more honest and wild and beautiful than the storm that rages outside.
Through a wild, unavoidable and Bizarre set of circumstances, Ilya Rozanov is outed as a Bisexual man. Before he has an entire line of hopeful suitors throwing themselves at the Canadian tire center, he announces that he is spoken for. Actually, very very spoken for (as seen by him showing up to practice Mauled.)
The Internet then looks for who could possibly have the Great Ilya Rozanov locked down? Which is great news for Ilya Rozanov, who comes to work looking Mauled⢠everytime someone makes a wrong guess. It is not great news for Anybody Else.
Svetlana Vetrova! Someone cries before she posts herself kissing Rose Landry with a middle finger towards the camera.
Cliff Marlow! Comes the next call as the man denies vehemently. Ultimately leading to a Twitter post citing 'please stop saying Roz and I are a thing his actual boyfriend will kill me'
Victor StSimon! Some try again only to be met with a similar answer.
Troy Barret! Some try enthusiastically, only to get lambasted publicly by The Ottawa Centaurs official acount.
Carter Vaughn! Was the next try only to get the reply of, 'do y'all want me to get turned into paste on the ice? Hell no'
Scott hunter? Some say without much conviction. They get flamed by both Scott and Kip Hunter-Grady for their effort
Hayden pike? Comes an even weaker call. They get blasted by Rozanov himself. 'you cannot be my fan anymore if you think my beautiful ŃОНнŃŃкО is fucking Pike.' This person was until recently a Shayden shipper, but no one makes any connections there.
Meanwhile Shane Hollander, whenever he's spotted in the background of other's social media during this debacle is seen to be Seethingâ˘
Ilya and Shane clearing the centaurâs gym because they keep staring at each other down and making eyes during workouts and making it very weird. Luca Haas just trying to get in a few reps but he accidentally picked the bench between Horny Thing 1 and Horny Thing 2.
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ILYAÂ ROZANOVÂ WEEK:Â DAYÂ FOUR
FAVORITE TRAITÂ Â
⪠HIS EMPATHY AND KINDNESS đĽşđ
âWhen our childhood homes are chaotic and dangerous, we learn that the way to stay safe is to always be on alert â hypervigilant. Our nervous system never calms down because itâs constantly on the lookout for the next bomb that is going to explode [...] As the show goes on, we will learn that underneath Ilyaâs extremely hard shell is the heart of a squishy teddy bear wrapped in a warm blanket, but it takes YEARS for Shane to see it.
When we look at Ilya through the lens of what he learned as he grew up, it makes sense why he behaves the way he does. We can even have empathy for the level of hypervigilance and fear he lives with. I like to lay things out this way because itâs usually a hell of a lot harder to give ourselves that same grace. We have an idea of who we âshouldâ be in our heads, and when we donât live up to that we assume itâs because weâre a failure, a useless waste of space. None of that is true: we are behaving in ways that make complete sense when we understand how our nervous system was trained to respond to our environment.â â Reading Ilya Rozanov through the lens of trauma.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I love your brain and your heart so much! I look forward to reading your posts every single day. You've become my favorite person on this hellsite.
Super angsty ficlet prompt: a catastrophic event is underway. Hudson and Connor spend the last days of the world together.
thank you for the prompt! i'm getting back to them now :) I de-fanged the angst from this one a bit, hope you don't mind! đť
orbital, 1405 words
âHey, did you hear the worldâs ending?â
The hotel TV has a big yellow breaking news banner: APOPHIS ON COURSE FOR EARTH with a dinosaur-killing asteroid graphic. Aika snorts, jamming another clip into his hair.
âYeah, sure. Iâll believe it when they stop showing ads on on TV.â
Hudson picks up his phone, scrolling the news. Doom and drama and gloom. Most people think itâs just hysteria. But NASA are being kind of quiet. He looks out at the sky, the usual LA smog, but is there a kind of orange tint to it today? A kind of end-of-the-world filter?
Best not to think about it. Gotta schmooze with the great and good of Warner Bros tonight, repair the relationships after the last box office boom. Aika has done her magic as usual. He gives her an air kiss in the mirror.
âKnock âem dead,â she says, pulling his chair back.
âYeah, just call me Asteroid Apophis. No? Too soon?â
Aika slaps him on the arm.
Everyone at the studio dinner wanted to talk about the asteroid rather than his flop movie, so in some ways a win, but on the way out his car gets stuck in traffic. Thereâs a bunch of people yelling in the streets, holding up signs about the end of the world. Christ. He tells the driver he doesnât mind walking, he knows this area. There are a lot of people out tonight, a kinda weird vibe in the air, like the last night of a festival. He pulls out his phone and texts an old number.
Hey. Did you hear the worldâs ending?
Haha, is a strangely prompt reply. I just saw it on the news. Do you know whatâs weird, I was about to text you the same thing.
Thatâs our soul bond at work. He pauses, a little too drunk to walk and text, leaning against a boarded-up store. You in town?
For the end of the world? You know it.
Iâm here too. You still at your place in weho?
Yes :) He watches the little blue dots dance. Come over?
Hudson sends back a heart, turning around and crossing the street.
âBeen a while,â Connor says, grinning. He feels the same though, warm and hard and soft all at the same time. Longer and longer between their meetings now, and Hudson breathes him in. He smells different than he used to, but so much has changed in the last four years he canât keep being surprised by it.
âYou should come visit.â
âYou should tell me when youâre in LA, you mean.â
âIs this not me telling you?â They break apart. Hudson pinches Connorâs cheek, plump from his smile. âLooking good, baby.â
âYou too. No change there.â Connor lets the door shut behind them. Outside sirens blare in the street. âSo are we gonna get high and watch this asteroid plow into earth, or whatever?â
Hudson grins. âWouldnât have it any other way.â
He helps Connor carry some blankets and hummus chips to the roof, where some old lawn chairs camp out by big metal vents. The air is weird, Hudson can see it now; even though itâs 1am the horizon burns with a kind of blurred orange light. They catch up, the requisite small talk: are you busy, howâs the family, you still seeing that guy, did she give you the ring back in the end? Hudsonâs left hand ends up in Connorâs lap, fingers entwined. They pass the joint back and forth between them, the world mellowing to that golden-orange haze. The sirens keep coming, which is kinda unsettling. The sound of crowds chanting tugs at the edges of his hearing.
âLike, itâs not real, right?â Hudson asks after a moment. âI shouldnât be booking a flight home or something?â
âNo,â Connor says. âWell, actually, I donât know. But I donât feel like the universeâs energy is giving mass death and destruction today.â
âWell, you would know.â
âAre you sassing me, Hudson Williams?â Connor says, giving him a mock-affronted look. Hudson snorts, thumping his hand in his lap.
âNo, I mean. I do actually trust you. If anyoneâs in tune with the universe itâs you.â
âDo you have any regrets?â He says it on an inhale, smoke curling around his nostrils. âI mean. Letâs say the worldâs ending. Any big ones?â
Hudson looks up at the hazy sky. Wishes he could see the stars under the hazy clouds. Wonders what the asteroid might look like coming close. âHmm, well. Maybe proposing was a mistake, in hindsight.â
âNo, donât say that.â
âWell, one non-refundable venue deposit says otherwise.â Connorâs expression is unreadable, and Hudson moves on quickly, because they donât need to dwell on those details. Connor, unusually drunk and animated, leaning close to his ear. I donât think you should marry her, and I donât think she wants it either. He clears his throat. âUh, also those matching tattoos I got with the cast of Horse Face. That was stupid.â
Now Connorâs laughing. âOh, man. That was a bad movie.â
âRude.â He leans in, lets Connor put the joint to his lips. He looks at him through the smoke, eyes red. Feeling a little mixed up and nostalgic. âMaybe not convincing Jacob for season 4.â
Connorâs smile is far too sweet. âOh, yeah? And what would the plot have been? Shane and Ilya Get a Divorce?â
âNo, Shane and Ilya Stay Together For The Kids,â Hudson corrects. They both burst into laughter, big bubbles of it bursting from their lips. Connor leaves the joint in the ashtray, pulling Hudsonâs arm closer. Hudson wants to be next to him on the sofa, hands scratching through his hair, holding him close. But they donât really do that anymore. âYou,â he asks instead. âAny regrets for the great Connor Storrie?â
âNo. I try not to.â They eyes lock for a long moment, before Connor ducks away. âWell. Maybe just one.â
âThe worldâs literally ending, Connor. No point keeping it in now.â
Connor looks at him again, closing both his hands about Hudsonâs. âYou. I always thoughtâŚ.well. Maybe someday. But it never really seemed to. You know?â
Hudsonâs heart thumps in his throat. Time slows, a light breeze blowing through their hair. âYeah. I, uh. Yeah. Me too. Sort of.â
The moment stretches. Hudson doesnât have the words. Maybe he could say, I called off my wedding for you, in the spirit of end-of-the-world-truth-telling. Maybe he might say, I spend every day thinking about how to find a way to be with you. Or even, I think every guy you date is a clout-chasing loser or I miss getting paid to kiss you or even worse, I think about that night we fucked almost every day like itâs burned into my fucking brain.Â
âOh, look. Look!â Connorâs head jerks up. The orange glow in the sky burns bright, like the midnight sun, and for a terrifying second Hudson thinks fuck, itâs real, itâs real, itâs over; but then as soon as it flares up itâs gone, a brilliant flash leaving purple spots in his vision. Hudsonâs heart drums wildly, his hand clammy in Connorâs. They look at each other again. Connor looks like heâs seen god, so beautiful in the low city lights. Hudson decides not to overthink it.
âConnor,â he says. When he turns his head Hudson leans in, and the press of their lips is like home. He tastes of smoke and the last thing he remembers before his whole life changed.Â
âYou know,â Connor murmurs, when their lips break just long enough for him to catch a breath, âif that really was the end of the world, you missed your cue by like. Ten seconds.â
âMy timingâs always been kinda slow,â Hudson replies, smiling. Their lips brush, a barely there kiss. âBut I always get there in the end.â
âExcept with Horse Face. You were not right about that.â
âOkay, asshole. Letâs get that asteroid back, Iâm done with you.â
But theyâre laughing, and then Connorâs in his lap, back pressed to his chest, hands over Hudsonâs around his waist as the clouds clear for a moment, stars lighting up the night. The weird orange light has gone, the sirens quieting down, and in a way it is kind of like the world ended. Hudson gets to wake up with a new one, and this time not alone. This time never without Connor again.