it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong

so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing

Shane, post-outing, is insatiable. He is cornering his husband in the equipment closet at the Cens arena, crowding him into the wall, “Jesus fucking Christ your cock in these sweatpants, baby, I need a taste,” sinking to his knees and swallowing Ilya’s dick before he’s even all the way hard (which lasts like half a second lol.)

Ilya and Shane walk into the locker room 10 minutes later, Ilya looking slightly dazed and flushed and Shane’s hair not fully back in place, the slightest smirk on his face.

Shane is drifting awake wrapped around Ilya like an octopus at 2 a.m., face nestled in the hollow of his throat, warm weight like a balm to his nervous system and Shane is so fucking happy and content he can’t help but stim a little bit, shivering and rubbing his face against Ilya’s neck and jaw, stubble sharp but in a good way, and rubbing his legs against Ilya’s like a little cricket and then he’s grinding against him, Ilya blinking awake to an armful of snuggly sleepy Shanya who needs to be full, please, Ilya, needs his cock so bad.

Shane is making a rule that they go home for lunch when they can because the chance to have Ilya alone for 45 minutes in the middle of the days is irresistible. Sometimes it’s stumbling through the door and quick, desperate handjobs on the couch, and once in a while when the team is just reviewing tape that morning, Shane will prep and plug himself, murmuring to Ilya on the way in the door that he “got ready for lunch a little early.” Ilya is painfully hard for four fucking hours, losing his train of thought every time he sees Shane shift the slightest bit in his seat, awkwardly carrying some papers and files in front of crotch to try to disguise what’s happening.

When they get home Ilya rims him until he’s crying and then fucks him through at least one more orgasm, maybe 2 and if they’re a couple minutes late coming back, well, traffic was bad, okay? Yes, Bood, the 1 p.m. on a Wednesday rush hour specifically in the three miles between their house and practice arena, no I’m fine I’m not limping, just tweaked my back at practice yesterday.

The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.

And like there was no permanent cast, all these celebrities seem to have gotten a scene or part of a scene to do (i’m not sure exactly, I did not ever watch Quibi and thus haven’t seen this yet), and then they just… recreated it as best they could. At home. Under quarantine.

So like, you had Jennifer Garner in a blanket cape playing Princess Buttercup AND the Booing Old Woman with a crowd comprised entirely of stuffed animals:

Or Taika Waititi paying Westley off a badly-drawn Inigo on a piece of cardboard held in front of someone’s face:

And it’s all just delightful.

But my absolute favorite part of this thing that I’ve sadly never seen but assume is probably absolutely hilarious and a treasure and I want to find it some day and watch the whole thing… is that Carey Elwes is in it.

As Prince Fucking Humperdink.

Here ya go

Hollanov + Hands™️

Shane’s surprisingly quite relaxed. He’s confident in their relationship, excited to be married, and knows that even if something goes wrong, it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day he’ll be with Ilya.

Ilya is stressed. He keeps crying. This is the best day of his life. Shane deserves better, why would the greatest man on earth want him. He’s never been happier. Something’s gonna go wrong, he knows it. Bood, Troy, and Sveta have to keep calming him down and reminding him that Shane loves him and they deserve to be happy together. He locks himself in the bathroom.

Shane’s getting dressed with Hayden, JJ, and Rose, sipping champagne, feet up as he waits for the ceremony to start.

Once they manage to coax Ilya out of the bathroom, David comes in and does his canon speech about Ilya being his second son. The waterworks start again.