living with ADHD is being stuck in a Matrix of your own making, and forgetting you made it
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living with ADHD is being stuck in a Matrix of your own making, and forgetting you made it

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Fanfic update <3
It's slowly getting there!!
I only feel comfortable posting it once it's fully complete just because I don't want any delays and I myself *love* binging fics
Here's another teaser (this time from chapter two!)
“That’s good to hear, my dear.” He stared at her long, soft blonde hair, his fingers itching to run through it. Oh, oh that was new. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair now did he? Such strange things this woman does to him. Surely everyone thought that when he saw her, yeah that’s it, there’s something about her that draws everyone she meets in, like a siren. It wasn’t just him that thought this.
Al
my poor sweet summer child
denial is a river in egypt my boy
and you seem to be drowning
JOMP BPC || July 6 || Contemporary: I don't read a lot of contemporary books but here's the two freebies I lucked into yesterday!
Fictober Day 2 - It's been a long time
Prompt: "It's been a long time"
Logan had a very busy day in store, so he stopped by the coffee shop to caffeinate before his meetings
~~~~~
My second fanfic for this event! More crossover work, this time Sanders Sides and A heist with Markiplier. Set in the same universe as the last one, in fact it's the next morning from a different character's perspective.
No warnings or triggers this time, more generic fluff, with a tiny bit of shipping if you squint.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Deja Brew Part 1: Unbeanownst
8:54:16
Johnny's alarm rang through the darkness of his bedroom, piercing the early morning silence with its obnoxious cacophony, effectively jolting him out of a dream that faded from his memory before he could even think to try to remember it. He groaned in protest as he slapped uselessly at the alarm until fate intervened and his hand managed to hit the button that cut off the noise. With his ears still ringing and his brain foggy from a lack of sleep Johnny Bannerton practically rolled out of bed, leaving his sheets in disarray as he shuffled down the hall to his bathroom. A splash of cool water to the face and suddenly his big brown eyes were wide open and staring at the mess that was his bedhead in combination with the beginnings of five o'clock shadow his developing dark circles under his eyes. Johnny let out a tired little huff and practically jumped into the shower, not even bothering to let the water warm up. He gave a little shudder at the cold water but ignored the temperature in favor of slathering his hair in shampoo. He closed his eyes quickly when the water hit his soapy locks, washing the soap out towards his eyes. As soon as he was clean, he shut off the flow of water and began toweling off. Johnny examined himself in the mirror for a second before deciding that speed took precedence over shaving properly and bustled into his room to throw on a t-shirt and his work jeans. One glance at his offending clock and the beginnings of sunlight in the sky had him scrambling for the door and sliding down the ladder from his loft down into his father's autobody shop. He picked his way through the parts and tools scattered around the shop and shook his head at the mess of beer cans, fish and chips, and poker chips that were the remnants of his father and uncles' poker night. One look in the fridge was all he needed to decide to grab a snack at work as it was filled with beer and old pizza. Johnny made his way through the shop once more to where his truck was waiting outside. He pulled on his old black leather jacket and jumped into the truck. The old girl rumbled to life with only a slight protest and soon he was speeding through the streets to the center of town where a quaint little coffee shop was nestled between a boutique and an old office building. Johnny slid into his customary parking space and trudged into the store, his body seemingly more uncooperative with each workday leading up to his day off. As he walked through the back foot he was greeted by the cheery pop music that meant Rosita was already here. He yawned as he walked into the front of the store and was met with giggles in response. When he had finished his yawn and was finally able to take in the half set up coffee shop, he was also met with an indulgent smile from his pseudo-mom and boss Rosita. She was a short woman with ample mom curves and short blonde hair that was a sunny as her disposition. Wordlessly she turned to the espresso machine as Johnny she’s his jacket and slipped on his apron and nametag. By the time he was actually ready to start his shift, Rosita has made him the largest latte they serve and handed it to him with a sympathetic look. “I know it’s early honey. But let’s get to work.” She cheerily patted his shoulder and inwardly Johnny marveled at her ability to smile at this early hour. Deciding to suck it up for the woman who had given him a second job and was the most understanding and motherly figure in his life, Johnny forced out a smile. “Sure thing Rosita. Ah’ll set up the seat in’ area.” He croaked our a little hoarsely before finding his smooth voice under the lingering sleepiness. “Super!” She chirped in response and practically skipped to the back of the store as Johnny took a large gulp out of his cup of sweet salvation. “S’gonna be a long day.” He mumbled to himself and got to work taking down the chairs.
6:24:07
The doors to the coffee shop opened at exactly 7:30 am and when Johnny came from the back of the shop at 7:25 and saw the short white haired man in a pinstriped suit standing impatiently outside the door, chewing someone out on his cell phone, he knew it was gonna be one of those days again. He was aimlessly wiping the counter waiting for the clock to change when the knocking on the glass started. Johnny reluctantly looked up at the man who was glaring at him through the glass of the doors as he demonstratively rapped on the glass and gestured to his expensive wristwatch. Johnny quickly looked away and wiped the counter with more vigor, focusing on the counter like it was the only thing in the universe. His background of calm cafe music that Rosita usually played was punctuated by increasingly annoyed sounds from the front doors which escalated from tapping to yanking on the handles of the door as if they would magically open with some force. Johnny’s dread grew as the minutes ticked by until it was finally 7:30 and he slowly made his way through the maze of chairs and table to his worst nightmare in customer form. As soon as the door was unlocked, the personification of impatience shoved his way into the coffee shop and immediately began ranting about how late he was for work, how important he was, and how Rosita would hear about Johnny’s behavior. Johnny just let out a long-suffering sigh and followed the man over to the counter where he was once again tapping his foot impatiently. Before Johnny could even open his mouth to ask the man what he would like to order he was snapping out his demands. “Black coffee. Large. And let’s be snappy about eh kid?” He smirked at Johnny’s frustrated look as he rang in the order. “Of course sir, That’ll be $2.45. Will you be paying with-“ He started rattling off in his customer service voice, desperately trying to remain polite in the face of douchebaggery. “Cash kid.” He triumphantly slapped down the exact total in change and Johnny’s mood absolutely plummeted. He grumpily snatched up the money, cashed him out and then went about making his black coffee. All the while he could hear the man in the background barking orders into his phone or clacking away at the keys of his Blackberry. No matter how hard he tried to drown it out with the coffee machines and jazz, somehow the man broke through. Finally, his coffee was done and Johnny was handing it over, every fiber of his being anticipating the moment this man walked out of his life, hopefully forever. But then the unthinkable happened. He just stood there…sipping the coffee…and jabbering away. Johnny stared at him in awe and slowly leaned back against the counter, his exhaustion taking him over again. All he could think was that he would pay money to disappear into the ether at that moment. And they had only just opened.
4:44:12
As their morning rush finally got into the swing of things and the other employees started to arrive, the stress of the early morning was starting to wear away and Johnny was getting into a groove with the espresso machine where he didn’t have to interact with customers but rather take comfort in the machine and save his charm for his turn on the cash register. When the time finally came for him to switch he found himself next to Rosita who was happily manning the other register, chatting with each customer and giving them her signature twinkling smile. Ultimately it made him feel bad for his customer-smile and customer-voice but his awkward charm and good looks seemed to be gaining him points with the women in line. He had just finished an order from yet another soccer mom in yoga pants and a visor when a ball of glitter and sheer energy hit his register like a comet coming in for a landing. He had to blink a few times before he could discern that it was actually a man in a gold sequin jumpsuit with a long blonde ponytail and a smile so enthusiastic that even Rosita flinched a little. Johnny knew he was in trouble the moment he looked over to Rosita and saw that she was avoiding his eye contact as well as that of his customer. Rosita, the ultimate bubbly people person, did not avoid someone unless it was serious. With a shaky smile Johnny turned back to the man and started his lines, or rather tried to, “Hello, What can I-“ “Ya! hello! I haffe seen you here before but ve neffer get to chat. I teach Zumba down zee street und I loffe zis coffee. It giffes me zee zing in mein step nein? Nein other coffee place can compete vith zis one. Did you know zat Rozita comes to mein clazes so she giffes me ein discount on coffee? She is such ein sveetheart. Ein saint. One time she-“ The man rambled off with such speed and such a thick German accent that Johnny found himself scrambling to follow, and it was only a couple seconds into a story about Rosita dancing in a sparkly unitard that he realized that their line was growing and he still had yet to take this man’s order. “That’s nice sir. Would you like to place an order?” He grabbed a coffee cup, ready to write down the order as it flowed from the mouth that moved a mile a minute, but once again he was swept up in a tirade that seemed inescapable at this point. “Ja ja zat sounds goot. Can I get ein uh… Caramel macchiato. Light ice. Not heaffy. If it’s heaffy I can’t drink it. Und do me ein favor. Tell zem to put ein little bit of soy in it. Not ein lot, just enough for me to taste it und go… oh, boy! Three whips. Take zat third whip tozee top of zee lip so I can take ein sip. You got it?” The man stopped and looked expectantly up at Johnny who just gaped back at him, the coffee held loosely in his hand, marker at the ready, and smoke pouring out of his ears from his overworked brain. “So…a caramel macchiato?” Johnny asked in a small voice.
2:39:41
It took about fifteen minutes in the break room and a couple hours working the drinks rather than the counter for Johnny to recover from the debacle that was now known as the Caramel Macchiato Disaster. He was calling drink orders when he noticed a neglected looking tea still sitting in the window waiting to be claimed. He remembered the girl who had ordered it: a small, mousy girl with messy blonde hair and large glasses. She had been fumbling with a messenger bag full of notes and a laptop when she ordered and was still sitting in the corner of the shop typing furiously on her laptop. Johnny grabbed her tea, remade her a new one as her original had gone cold in her forgetfulness, and headed over to where she was stationed. The rush had lulled substantially so he was confident that the drink-making station wouldn’t fall apart without his help. As he walked towards the girl, Johnny found himself musing how pretty she looked in a bookish sort of way and for a moment he wondered if she might have any interest in him. Though his timer had yet to go off, he still found dating women and showing them a good time in the meantime pleasurable. When he finally reached her table, Johnny cleared his throat and put on his best charming smile. She looked up from her work with a startled look plastered on her face and Johnny proceeded to place her drink on her table next to her work. “I think ya fergot about summit.” He smiled charmingly and though she gave him a grateful look and a quiet acknowledgement, there wasn’t even a hint of a spark. Sensing the lack of mutual attraction between the two of them, Johnny nodded and turned back to his station, completely missing the grateful look on the girl’s face or the slight smile as she sipped her tea. While he may be a serial dater at times, his mother had raised him right. Johnny was a gentleman that knew a no when he saw or heard one.
1:54:53
The bell above the door tinkled just before the lunch rush began and Johnny quickly assumed the position at the register, abandoning his cleaning routine. What he saw made him quirk an eyebrow in interest but did nothing to smother the welcoming smile on his face. The woman that had walked into the coffee shop was wearing dark eye makeup, had white and brown striped dreads and was dressed in full punk rocker gear. She was clutching a pile of fliers in her arms and as soon as she spotted him she made a beeline for the counter in a prowl that made a part of Johnny cower slightly. “Hi. Can I get summit for ya today?” Johnny asked but the girl just blew a large bubble of gum in response. For what seemed like an eternity he awkwardly watched the bubble grow until it nearly covered her face. Without warning it popped and any trace of gum disappeared into the girl’s mouth. “Yeah sure Pretty Boy. I’m having a show at the theatre this week and I’m goin’ around passing out fliers.” She finally spoke in a bored tone that somehow only served to make her more interesting. “Sure. I can pass out some fliers or ya can put one up on the bulletin board.” Johnny gestured to their colorful notice board on the other side of the restaurant, which was absolutely plastered in fliers, ads, and public notices. The woman looked at him with a new sparkle of respect in her dark eyes as she headed over to the bulletin board, her boots clunking on the tile and echoing through the near empty cafe. Johnny watched her go for a second and considered following her to strike up a conversation or learn more about her show but, as if sensing his thoughts, she turned back and gave him a glare that clearly demanded her leave her to her business and wipe any romantic thoughts from his head. At the same time, his stomach did a strange little flip and any attraction that he may have felt for the women in the shop seemed somehow wrong. Shaking it off as hunger for his lunch break, Johnny shook his head and resumed cleaning the espresso machine for the rush.
0:00:00
By the time he finally got to take his break, Johnny was exhausted and badly in need of another dose of caffeine. He made himself another coffee in the biggest size they had, grabbed a muffin and sat down in the corner of the cafe where he had a perfect view of the counter in case he was needed. He was munching on the fairly generic muffins that they ordered from a company, his headphones blasting John Legend, when he saw Rosita bouncing around the corner, followed by a nervous looking girl. She looked up from across the room and somehow her blue eyes found his for just a few seconds. Johnny felt his mind simultaneously stop and light up with action as he took her in. She was tall, almost as tall as him, with rich mocha skin, curly hair and the biggest blue eyes he had ever seen in the world. He felt a distinct tingling on his wrist and he rubbed his tanned skin in annoyance in an attempt to quell the feeling and focus back in on the woman that made him feel confusing new feelings. He found himself unable to keep his gaze away from her, no matter how many times he tried to turn it back to his phone or his music. Finally, in frustration with himself he gathered up his things and went over to the counter to say hello. She was lingering there with Rosita as the small woman chattered to no one in particular about her ideas for fresh pastries. The girl glanced up right as he approached, her eyes softening and her cheeks reddening in a way that made his mouth go dry in the weirdest way. On top of that, he suddenly felt like he was going to see that muffin again as his stomach rolled and his stupid wrist practically burned with an insistent itch. He opened his mouth to say something, determined to work past the funny things her shy smile did to his stomach, when a shrill voice echoed out from behind him.
-0:05:27
"Hey there cutie-pie why don't you take my order?" he normally would have considered her voice sweet, but suddenly it was too high pitched, and her attractive features seemed off, not exactly right. Nonetheless he gave the new girl an apologetic look before turning his charming smile on the girl. She was leaning over the counter in a way that made her cleavage nearly pop out of her tank top and she was fluttering her eyelashes so much that if he didn't know she was flirting he would think she was having a stroke. "Sure, what can I get fer ya?" he asked, trying desperately not to glance back at where he knew Rosita and the new girl were chatting about baked goods. "Oh don't be so formal honey. I'll have a skinny latte, as big as you can make it." She winked laciviously at him and licked her lips in what was supposed to be an enticing way. Increasingly uncomfortable with how this interaction was going, Johnny tried to maintain his smile and quickly wrote down her order on the cup and charged it. As she was handing him her credit card she purposefully brushed her hand against his, smirking at him as she did. Johnny's smile wavered slightly and he sped through finishing up her order and shifted to the espresso machine in hopes that it would rid him of the uncomfortable advances of the woman. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he looked up over the machine and found himself face to face with the woman who was scanning him up and down like he was a piece of meat. Johnny quickly looked down and speedily finished up her drink, taking a moment to glance at the clock to see if it was 2:30 yet, his stomach sinking when he found that it was just barely 2:00. Once he finished her drink he realized that he didn't even know her name for the drink. He frowned and looked around the dining room until he spotted her, leaning casually up against the wall playing on her phone and twirling her hair with one finger. Reluctantly he stepped out from behind the counter, berating himself the entire way for forgetting to ask her name and putting himself in yet another uncomfortable social situation with this woman. He cleared his throat awkwardly and shifted from one foot to another. "Um excuse me? Miss. I'm sorry I forgot yer name but... anyways yer latte is ready." He mumbled slightly and smiled reflexively when she looked up with a huge grin. "Oooo. Well aren't you sweet for bringing this over to little old me." She took the coffee from his hand and pulled out a sparkly business card from her purse. She leaned forward and tucked it into the pocket of his apron with a seductive smirk. "Here's my number cutie. My timer still has like a year on it but I'll be your soulmate for a night." She pecked him on the cheek, leaving a sticky lip gloss mark on his cheek before sauntering out the door. As soon as she was out of sight Johnny wiped her lip gloss off his cheek and went back behind he counter to wait out the remainder of his shift.
-8:06:35
Johnny collapsed with a prolonged groan that echoed through his darkened bedroom much like his alarm clock had that morning. He rolled over just enough to glare at the offending clock but it just glared right back, taunting him with its proclamation of the late hour. He had spent the rest of his day struggling with an old clunker of a Jeep that absolutely refused to be fixed and it wasn't until his father pulled him out from under the car, forced some food down his throat and then ushered him up to bed did h officially give up. And now he was still in the same position he had been for the past half hour, his mind fighting sleep as it tried to puzzle out whatever had been bugging him the entire day. Maybe it was the fact that he had literally worked from sun-up to sun-down, but he could not get to sleep. It felt like he was missing something, like he had forgotten something important. His wrist tingled and he itched at it insistently while he puzzled over what he could have possibly forgotten. He had his phone, his car was parked and locked outside of the garage, he had eaten, he had checked- Suddenly his stomach sank to his toes and he shakily rose his wrist so that he could look at it. There, printed on his wrist, just like every other person on the face of the planet was a timer. A timer that told him the exact moment, down to the second, when he would meet his soulmate, the person he was destined to love and be with for the rest of his life. And his timer, the one he had been watching for every single day of his life, on the one day he had been to busy to look at it, had hit 0. "Shite"

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rough little animation im working on.
What a wonderfully strange day! First some higher up comes into talk to me, asking if I felt happy in my station, what ever that means. Then Dylan came to visit me out of the blue!
I don't know what that District suit wanted with me, I'm just a 2nd Level after all. He was...creepy. I know that's rude, but he was just...I don't how to describe it? Intense? Shady? All of those and more.
I don't know, it's not as important as Dylan! Mi amado~! He showed up at my door with two Baristas I don't know.
I haven't seen him since Lillian caught us visiting each other after I got transferred to Deja Brew. That was a terrible night, she tried to drag Dylan away and well..I may have got a little too physical with her.
But I'm soo happy Dylan reached out to me, I missed him so much. He doesn't remember me much but I'd be fine teaching him about us all over again. It was a great end to my day!
-Milo the Barista
Throwback to when we were Will Toledo’s backing band @carseatheadrest