#defoo

We’re sleeping with this one 🛹💤

[1:21:24 AM] Taryn: if you dont say anything

[1:21:27 AM] Taryn: he will be like

I have always tried to be mature, independent, and objective.

However, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and grossly under-prepared for the transition to adult-hood.

I have always had a rocky relationship with my family, but to make a long story short, I function almost completely independently from them at this time. With the current exception of my grandmother, whom I live with (a double-edged sword, as I am grateful for her hospitality, though accept it with much chagrin as it inhibits my complete deFOO), although she does not buy me anything nor does she provide food for me to eat.

I am 20 years old, and have just applied for a credit-card with my bank. I will receive my Mastercard next week or the following week. I have set up online banking to pay off the bill straight from my savings account.

I do not have very much in savings, in fact, despite living with my grandmother to save on rent (and to save money so that I can eventually leave to live on my own again), I live paycheque to paycheque.

I don't want it to be this way, and it cannot go on this way much longer, because my hours have been cut at work and it looks like I will be going from a $600 paycheque every two weeks to a $400 paycheque every two weeks.

My boyfriend and I each smoke, and though we split the cost of cigarettes between us, we have been smoking more and more as of late. I would estimate the cost of 1 month's worth of cigarettes for both of us at $400.

This leaves little to no wiggle-room, especially if you consider the food and recreational drugs we purchase.

I like my job. I work a comfortable amount (5 days a week), with room to sub-in for people if they cannot work their own shifts for whatever reason. However I only get paid minimum wage, tips are ludicrous ($15-$25 a week), and my hours are being cut further.

Getting a second job would be very smart, considering I have basically no "skills" and entry-level jobs rarely give you tonnes of hours. But I don't know if I'm ready to take that step into the double-working world. I already often find myself exhausted. On the other hand, I wouldn't have a chance to spend my money if I was constantly making it.

I'm not sure what to do - I also find I already don't have the time to do things that I want to (like take care of my body, do laundry, ... play video games).

But getting the fuck out of my family is a huge priority for me. Saving money is a huge priority for me. Hanging out with my friends and boyfriend is a huge priority for me. I want to have fun and go on adventures! But I also want to be practical and smart about the way I use my time.

I think I know (and you can probably see it too) what I have to do, but it's going to be a hard-won battle with my lazy, hedonistic heart.