#default anon

rabbit anon

Hi! Can I ask you something?

So, i had a friend group of 7. One of my friends is homophobic (let’s call her Rabbit). She’s a huge homophobe. We all know about it because she keeps talking about how gross it is, etc.

But one night during a sleepover another friend of mine came out (let’s call her Cat). I already knew about her sexuality, so i wasn’t shocked. Other people in the group also knew. 3 didn’t, but we weren’t too concerned about them because we knew they weren’t a threat. We were mostly waiting to see Rabbit’s reaction, it felt like we were holding a grenade or something.

Cat was incredibly brave to come out after fifteenth years of friendship. She’d been scared of Rabbit’s reaction this whole time. But surprisingly, Rabbit was supportive! She said something like, “Okay, good for you.” And then we never talked about it again. I expected her to avoid Cat or act weird around her, but she didn’t. She still hangs out with us, and even though she remains openly homophobic in general, she’s never been that way toward Cat.

I’m confused by her behavior. As a straight person who has a lot of queer friends and considers myself an ally, I’m wondering: does this make Rabbit an ally too? Or is she just being supportive of Cat?

It’s confusing because she still says she doesn’t like same sex relationships, yet she stays friends with Cat and the rest of us. She didn’t mind when Cat brought her girlfriend on vacation, and she even befriended her.

Thank you!!

Hi!

No, in my opinion, that doesn't make her an ally at all. It makes her a hypocrite. I also kind of wonder if she's truly supportive or if she's just keeping her opinion to herself.

I also feel like I need to give you a tough truth here: if you're not calling rabbit out on her bullshit, then you're not being a good ally to Cat. The thing is, by being friends with rabbit and accepting her for who she is, you're enabling her homophobia. As a queer person myself, I probably wouldn't see you as a safe person, BECAUSE you associate with someone who's homophobic.

I know it can be super hard to call people out, especially when it can affect your social life and can cause drama. But I think if I were you, I would think about my friendship with rabbit, and what that means.

I'm sending you lots of love. I know this isn't easy, and I'm proud of you for thinking about difficult topics like this!

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simultaneous anon

Do you have any tips on how to come out as trans to your family when you simultaneously want them to know but also don't, if that makes sense?

I think that makes sense!

What if you focus on your presentation, and not the actual words? Like what if you tell your family you want to dress more feminine/masculine, but don't tell them you actually are a boy/girl? If they take that well, you could even ask them to use different pronouns for you? That way it's kind of...a soft launch? I hope I'm making sense <3

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frog stuffie guy anon

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation right now <3 I hope you know I'm here if you need to vent. I'm sending you so much love!

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wise anon

(I already have an anon name so don’t feel pressured to give me a specific anon name, I’m just a little embarrassed to admit what I’m gonna say 🫶✨)

I might sound stupid, and very very self centered, so I’m pleading with you not to think of me as arrogant or selfish:

I feel so wise. I’m fairly young, I know, but I feel SO wise. Wiser than some adults I know, and because of my culture, people my age are like, tolerable, but when the adult simply does not want to listen they believe they can just, deny the child an opinion and talk over them, override their existence, and it makes me feel so under appreciated, because I know so much.

I’ve been being so self aware as of late. I’ve been taking accountability, being honest with myself when it’s scary,

I’ve been looking at everything from new perspectives and have been trying new philosophies.

Jack of all trades, master of none, I can play 2 instruments, do many mediums of art, I have a wide variety of books and movies I consume to educate myself, I get top grades in everything, I’m good at acting, I’m grounded in my body and existence,

I’m trying to be kind and honest to myself and others and I feel like I’ve been succeeding.

I just, don’t know how to articulate this, and I don’t even know who to articulate this to. I just feel smart and wise and good enough. And people around me always bulldoze over me and tell me there’s constantly room for improvement—

Which I know!!! I know I know I know! I know that, I know other things, I just know SO MUCH. Why can’t they just tell me that I’m fine as is?

Why do I just have to keep going? I want to keep going in life and in my mind but it feels hard to do so if I feel that the moment I take a break of feel satisfied, nobody’s proud of me anymore.

Everyone around me occasionally tells me I’m wise or prudent or articulate and “sooooo mature for [my] age” (which is also partially another thing entirely), so why don’t they say it more often?

I’m just rambling really. I know what this is and what I’m feeling, but knowing doesn’t equate to fully processing, and the act of knowing doesn’t change things.

I know that my love language is words of affirmation and nobody around me likes to give me that, so I always kind of have to beg.

I know that I know things and that doesn’t equate to my worth, and that I’m worth slightly more than just my knowledge,

I know that this self-actualization has come from years of unaddressed mental issues and trauma

And I know that I could really use some good human connection. Not from my family, but a good deep conversation with someone I’m not afraid of (people who aren’t family members, existing friends, etc.)

I just feel so stupid. A part of me is angry at myself for even saying anything and is trying to suppress all of this.

I just want to feel adequate, I guess

Nobody makes me feel adequate.

And when it comes to adequacy, I don’t actually know if I’m adequate. If enough people just don’t bother to figure out how to like, make me feel adequate I don’t know if I deserve it? It’s not that I get my worth from others, I just get connections from them. And connections don’t feel good when they’re one-sided really.

Aughhhdhshdhshsakckdjdfjjj

This is all from the recesses of my mind. I know what I’m saying is selfish. Very selfish. I guess I just needed to get it out.

Sorry for being self-centered. Your blog is super cool 🫶✨

Hi <3

I don't think you're being wise or arrogant or self-centered! I think you want acknowledgement for all that you've accomplished so far, and there's nothing wrong with that. I was also a 'mature for their age' person, so I get it.

I'm going to be truthful with you, because you seem to want the truth, and you also seem self-aware enough to be able to understand. I'm hoping you don't take any of it as like...an insult? It really isn't <3 I just think sometimes adults don't take the time to actually explain things, so I'm going to try.

Looking back as an adult now, I think sometimes teens (I think you're a teen?) who are mature for their age have this like....dissonance? Because they ARE super smart and want to be treated like an adult, but adults won't do that. So you feel like you're caught in the middle of adulthood and childhood, and it's frustrating. And adults get nervous to give you too much responsibility because they don't want to overburden you or for you to take it and run and make big mistakes. They think you aren't ready- sometimes they're wrong, and sometimes they're right. And then there's the fact that most kids your age ARENT that mature, so connections are hard. It's like a limbo of feeling so fucking ready but being held back.

I can't pretend to understand you, personally, but I can look back and know what *I* didn't know at your age, and it's this: You ARE adequate. You are good enough. You're educated and self-aware. And you're definitely super mature. You're ready for more than adults think, but also, you might lack experience, and that's the scary part that adults see. But You still deserve to have your opinion taken into account, and your feelings should be valued.

But don't forget that books, movies, etc only teach so much. Would the adults in your life be willing to let you try to go out in the world and get experience in the things you want to learn about? Could you volunteer? Get a job? Work with kids? I feel like those kinds of thigs would be so much more rewarding for you and also...you're smart enough to do them. You seem grounded and responsible enough to actually do things like that, and the more you do things like that, the more adults take you seriously.

But remember that no matter what anyone says, you ARE worthy. And I believe in you!

---

default anon

hi default anon here!!

when you started off with 'i know this probably isn't going to be helpful' while answering my last ask just know you were right 😭

okay idek if u remember asks but like i'm just sending this u dont have to answer if this is kinda confusing idk

sorry

but yeah bro im crashing out literally htis is so confusing i cant wait it out and see how ti goes like i literally cant. plus probably nothing si going to happen anyways so theres not much to see how it goes

and i know i probably should just see and not worry about this now and i know this is extreme overthinking but like idk okay

pls helpp ugh sgjsfkjhgjfshg

:(

anyways i hope you're having a great day ty for doing these advice asks <3

hahahaha the beginning of your ask made me laugh.

yeah, it's a lot easier said than done to just...not overthink.

What if you keep writing down your thoughts? You can send them all to me if you want. Like after you see her, just write it all down to get it out of your head?

brie anon

hey, its brie anon, sure has been a while huh?

my life is going to shit, I’m barely keeping it together. so for context my parents have been separated for around à year and a half now, my dad just started dating this woman and my mum had a bit of breakdown. so thats been shit, and then just as things were getting better my dad announced that he and this new woman were going to a festival together. the festival is on the grounds where my aunts funeral was held, so it’s already not really ok to mum, and also it’s the weekend of what wouldve been my parents 20th anniversary. So it’s been shit for my mum. But it’s been spilling over a lot, there’s a lot of shouting and I’m really stressed. Also it’s about to be summer break, so I won’t even have school to escape from it. I’m really scared.

(redacted)

I’m so tired, all the time. I just dont know if it’s even worth trying. I don’t know. I’m sorry.

thank you cas

Hi! It HAS been a while but I remember you!

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Remember that I'm here for you and I care <3

I also want to remind you that your mom's problems aren't your problems. I know it's hard, but try not to let your mom's struggles consume you, you know?

I forget, do you have an adult you can talk to? Someone who understands and can be there for you, especially when those urges happen?

My inbox is always open as well <3

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midnights anon (CW- SH mention)

Hi!

Don't worry, you're not sending too many asks <3

Honestly, it sounds like your parents don't have a very good understanding of mental health. The way your dad talked about the noodle situation wasn't cool at all! You're right- there's nothing wrong with having the food you want if you're hungry.

Also, with what your parents said about SH...that's really frustrating. I'm glad you're clean but it's sad that they don't realize they're making it so it's hard to talk to them.

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad and off...I really hope the writing thing and the teen hangout help you build the community you deserve <3

Sending love!

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frog stuffie guy

hi!

Have you considered finding a doctor/psychiatrist that might be able to give you something to help? I just get nervous if you say you're using that to help solve a problem, you know? No judgement at all, I just know in the past you said you were nervous about addictive tendencies.

<3

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@0bsessedwithdeadgayswizards

Hi <3

I'm not sure if you will see this or not but I just wanted to send you some love and tell you you have people on here who love and support you. Things won't always be this way and remember, you are so valid! <3

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default anon

me bcs shes very pretty and smart and good at sports and nice and lskdfjksdjf

but

am i gaslighting myself into thinking i like her because i dont want to die alone rip

or am i gaslighting myself into thinking i dont like her because i dont think ive really liked anyone before and why now

pls send hlpe

-default anon

also i hope ur having a nice day <3

Hi <3

rainbow hearts anon

hi cas rainbow hearts anon

summer break is just a week away and my promotion is an 2 days hooray. my parents have now started to argue more about my dad because like I said before with the Parkinson's he does nothing all day other than watch tv and every now and then make food. obviously this upsets my mom especially now that she needs a new job and my brother going off to the air force or military or what not. i felt so much excitement for the summer cuz I'm going to reread only the brave and all my faves but it's slowly died out with all the negativity I'm seeing. I just feel like I'm in this constant loop of good things and I'm having the time of my life and then awful thing after awful thing after awful thing and it's so hard to just get up and keep trying to be happy. I'm still looking forward to summer because nothing can take that from me but it feels like how disappointing Christmas has been. pretty short update for me but thank you for making a platform that feels so safe to be myself and talk about things I have no one else to talk about with. 🩷💗🤍🖤🤎🩵🩶🧡💚💜💛💙❤️

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that you have all that negativity going on. I'm not sure that I have any advice to really change that, but I CAN say that it's important to enjoy the positives when they happen, if you can. I know a lot of people who experience positives and are like "well it'll end soon" or "well x,y,z sucks" and they don't realize that they're ruining the good things, you know? That doesn't mean IGNORE the bad, just make sure to soak up the good. I hope that makes sense? I know it's so much easier said than done, but yeah.

I also hope more good things happen! <3

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@teasiswriter

Thank you so much for the reply to my last ask!

the thing is though, that the “boring jobs” you recommended are the jobs that I really REALLY want. I’ve either applied and they haven’t responded, or they don’t hire people my age, or they have no more room.

I want to work a regular boring job at McDonalds or Goodwill of anything but no one will hire me. The only jobs left are the “entrepreneur” jobs that are a big load of nothing, and even those haven’t replied

The jobs I mentioned not wanting are the jobs that basically tell me nothing about the work and responsibilities, other than “We cultivate and promote ourselves to clients while fostering good work experience” and all that jazz

But the ones I want? There’s the library, who rejected me and mislead me since they gave me the wrong location, there’s my local thrift store, who said no but also maybe, there’s like, the tens of other stores I looked at (bookstores, etc.), who only hire people older than me, there’s the local ice cream store, who also only hire people older than me.

I just want any job that actually tells me what they are, y’know? But none are getting back to me and it just makes me want to sob

Hi <3

Yeah I get what you mean. I remember having similar experiences. Everyone wants college-aged kids. What about babysitting or dog walking or mowing lawns or tutoring? I know I'd pay a local kid good money to mow my lawn once a week if anyone was willing. Again, none of those jobs are glamorous but...do you have neighbors who might need help with any of those things? Then if you do that, you have something to put on your resume, too!

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silent anon

I’ve come to the realisation that my life would be much easier if I stayed silent

I make comments and show enthusiasm for things and get made fun of by so many people

By getting excited about things I get mocked by people I care about which only makes me miserable. I feel so lonely all the time, I want to show emotion without the fear of getting laughed at

Hi <3

Very gently, it sounds like you're hanging out with the WRONG people. You deserve to be heard and valued, and if these people aren't doing that, it's a THEM problem, not a you problem. You deserve better <3

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Grounded anon

Please don't apologize to me! <3 You have no reason to be sorry!

As far as your mom...well, Idk if you have a reason to apologize to her (you really don't) but it was probably a good idea to do that if you want your phone back. At this point, the best way to get what you want is to just kind of...kiss up to her, you know? it seems like she's not very willing to see logic or reason.

I hope you get your phone back before you move!

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default anon

hi cas, default anon here

idk why im sending this ask i hate talking but i really want to talk

like this year was way better than last year yk when they have like a glow up and fix their life and shit. but not really. like i used to be insecure about my appearance a lot, tihs year not as much. i think with friends last year i had all these invisible boundaries and i just couldnt be close with them but i moved schools and that helped. also i didnt used to take care of my health but now i do more. idk

i used to cry all the time. i feel like i'm always arguing with my parents and i would cry every day, but recently i firmly decided not to and then i didn't. and i know it isn't good but whatever. but a few days ago i started crying now every time something happens i start crying i fucking hate this

and i have a relatively good life but i just feel like im not doing enough. i don't really have that many hobbies and i'm doing terrible in school. i got into a selective school/specialised high school or whatever, the one you have to do a test to get into, and i guess im pretty smart. but i don't study, i don't do any of the work im failing like half my classes.

and im just really scared that when i grow up i'm going to be one of those millionares who has everything they could ask for but theyre still depressed (minus the millionaire part haha) and idk.

idk why i'm sending this ask in i guess i just want to talk but i don't talk to my friends. i could if i wanted to but i just never do this kind of shit so idrk.

Hi <3

I mean it sounds to me like you kind of know what the problem is- you need to talk more. I'm not a professional (I'm also being SUPER hypocritical rn) but the crying/not crying, the feeling unsure, the not talking...that all seems like signs that you have some stuff to work through. And that's not bad at all! It just means that, imo, you'd probably feel a lot better if you started talking about it.

You're welcome to vent to me anytime <3 But it might be a good idea to think of some irl people to talk to, as well. The good news is, you're young and it sounds like you're already making amazing changes by taking better care of yourself. You can keep making good changes with the support of some positive people in your life, and then you can be a HAPPY millionaire, you know?

flirting friend anon

Hi Cas I don’t know if it’s just in my head or if one of my friends is flirting with me!

He has been a lot more touchy with me recently, like when I put my hand up for a high five he’ll just like grab my hand? It’s in a sort of odd way though.

Sometimes I jokingly pretend to stroke his arm (not actually touching him because I know he doesn’t like that sometimes) and he’s said “that’s weird you can actually stroke my arm yk I don’t mind” (he usually does not like psychical contact)

Also there’s a more lowkey prom coming up and when he heard of it (we were with one more of our friends) he turned to me and asked if I wanted to go to queer prom with him (instead of also asking the friend as well, like he actively turned to face me)

Also he has been so much nicer to me recently. He’s helped me past points where he usually would’ve given up and has just been nicer to me. Usually I don’t really talk about my interests (the marauders) around my friends but he asked me about them and even made serious sirius jokes.

(Reading this last paragraph back this just seems like he’s being a good friend but this behavior is odd for him)

I truly have no idea though, and it’s just sort of… a whole mess I guess. I think I just wanted to get this off my chest because I can’t talk to any of my friends about it lol

Hi!

Okay so I think I somehow got your asks out of order. You might be the same person I write to yesterday? BUT

I mean yeah this feels like flirting? It's always funny when people ask me about this stuff because I am the LAST person to know. But I think the thing you said about it being new/odd is important. Like it's a good indicator that he is flirting, you know?

Are you guys actually going to queer prom? Because if so, I NEED an update.

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sofia isella anon

cas cas cas

so this artist i like (her names sofia isella, you should check her out if you haven’t already) posted this yt short that was just like “everyone’s hot” and it was a bunch of hot women lip syncing to her song (great marketing btw) ANYWAY so its just all these really pretty women right

and then

randomly

there’s just this random person

cosplaying james potter

OUT OF NOWHERE

imeanimnotcomplainingitwasjustreallyrandom

and like. i truly appreciate the thought process of this woman. like this is what we need want: hot women and james potter

that’s it

thank you for coming to my ted talk

(here’s the short if you’re interested https://youtu.be/KKISf6G2NNo?si=7ulxDb9HcGm-4zIV)

Okay first of all thats so fucking cool.

Second I wish you sent this like...a MONTH ago because I was at a show she played at and I didn't watch because I didn't know who she was! Now I have regrets...

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guava anon

Hi cas!! How are you?

It's guava anon here, though what i want to ask it's completely unrelated with that

So, i used to have this best friend that we were like sisters. But then, three and a half years ago she started distancing herself from me and saying that she can't go out with me and then posting photos of her with our other friends.

Anyway, that year, even though all of that happened, i invited her to my birthday party and she came (and i must note that she was the last person to leave so kudos to her for that).

But then, we were in different classes and started drifting further apart until we just weren't talking other than "hi"s or interacting when we were in the same group.

We stopped wishing each other for our birthdays, and those last three years she didn't have a party, but i didn't invite her to mine.

Yesterday, after all that, her parents and her new best friend threw her a surprise birthday party and i got invited (tho idk if she'd have invited me if she had thrown it herself). But at first they had said it was gonna be on the afternoon, and i had an obligation then, so i said i couldn't go. And to be honest, i wasn't keen on going because of all that has happened between us. Like we haven't wished each other happy birthday in two years and we barely talk. I'm more of an introvert and i am awkward with people. But then, the party got hosted on the evening which i could go to, but i wasn't feeling up to it and i just wanted to rest.

Today, i feel bad that i didn't go, because I wasn't busy, but my mum told me that after what she's done to me i shouldn't feel bad. But idk.

Can you tell me your opinion on the matter please?

Hi!

Honestly it doesn't sound like you had any obligation to go at all. Like first of all we don't even know if she KNEW you were invited, so she might not even know that you didn't go. But even if she did, she hasn't gone out of her way for you....so you're not letting her down or anything. I don't think you should feel bad at all. There's not a precedent set of going to each others' recent parties, you don't talk much...it's nice to be invited but there's no reason to feel like you have to go if you don't want to. I wouldn't feel bad if I were you!

<3

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default anon

CAS HI HI

sorry this is an advice ask u dont have to reply idfk

but yeaj

i think i'm bi!!!

i was literally confused for like YEARS and just ignored it even tho i reeally wanted to figure out what my sexuality was. but. yeah i think im bi. like earlier i thought i was aro ace or something along those lines cause i'd never really liked anyone BUT i think im bi

like i feel like my old friend was weird about this kinda stuff i didn't really liked it but ever since i moved schools it's been way better so i think that also helped

i mean i still dont know 100% obviously but yeah!

i hope you have the best day!! <3

default anon

(im soryr also i havent done this in a whiel idk if ur still doing these asks or if this is fine augfjd so sorry if liek this is not yk)

Hi! I'm still here :D

Congrats on figuring out more about yourself, that's awesome! It's definitely a great feeling! Remember that even if you figure out you're something different in the future, that doesn't make this feeling any less valid, and it's okay to change your mind as you learn more about yourself and grow! I'm proud of you for being you!

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grounded anon

Hello again!

I survived through Sunday (no kisses D:)

But anyway it was so much FUN

Basically we seam in my pool (she looked so pretty in a swim suit I was dying) I was BELTING out EPIC with her and it was so fun. My dogs kept trying to fight eachother tho (they didn't, thank God my dog has a good scruff on her neck)

And whe we went inside we were basically cuddling on the couch (I was leaning on her arm) and we were watching tiktok.

Anyway all in all I had a good day. My mother has not tried to pick any fights and Crush doesn't know she is being crushed on by her bestfriend. 3 more days of school and I'm out!

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it

-grounded anon

Okay, I'm gonna be vague, so no identifying details are accidentally given.

You need to figure out your identity in your own time. It is not anyone else's decision who you are or when you come out. You can show your pride however YOU are comfortable, and if someone tries to dictate that, you have my permission to kindly tell them to fuck off and remind them that your identity is NONE of their business unless they are interested in you as more than a friend. Also I am so sorry that people are making a big deal of this because it should be on your terms.