#simultaneous anon

rabbit anon

Hi! Can I ask you something?

So, i had a friend group of 7. One of my friends is homophobic (let’s call her Rabbit). She’s a huge homophobe. We all know about it because she keeps talking about how gross it is, etc.

But one night during a sleepover another friend of mine came out (let’s call her Cat). I already knew about her sexuality, so i wasn’t shocked. Other people in the group also knew. 3 didn’t, but we weren’t too concerned about them because we knew they weren’t a threat. We were mostly waiting to see Rabbit’s reaction, it felt like we were holding a grenade or something.

Cat was incredibly brave to come out after fifteenth years of friendship. She’d been scared of Rabbit’s reaction this whole time. But surprisingly, Rabbit was supportive! She said something like, “Okay, good for you.” And then we never talked about it again. I expected her to avoid Cat or act weird around her, but she didn’t. She still hangs out with us, and even though she remains openly homophobic in general, she’s never been that way toward Cat.

I’m confused by her behavior. As a straight person who has a lot of queer friends and considers myself an ally, I’m wondering: does this make Rabbit an ally too? Or is she just being supportive of Cat?

It’s confusing because she still says she doesn’t like same sex relationships, yet she stays friends with Cat and the rest of us. She didn’t mind when Cat brought her girlfriend on vacation, and she even befriended her.

Thank you!!

Hi!

No, in my opinion, that doesn't make her an ally at all. It makes her a hypocrite. I also kind of wonder if she's truly supportive or if she's just keeping her opinion to herself.

I also feel like I need to give you a tough truth here: if you're not calling rabbit out on her bullshit, then you're not being a good ally to Cat. The thing is, by being friends with rabbit and accepting her for who she is, you're enabling her homophobia. As a queer person myself, I probably wouldn't see you as a safe person, BECAUSE you associate with someone who's homophobic.

I know it can be super hard to call people out, especially when it can affect your social life and can cause drama. But I think if I were you, I would think about my friendship with rabbit, and what that means.

I'm sending you lots of love. I know this isn't easy, and I'm proud of you for thinking about difficult topics like this!

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simultaneous anon

Do you have any tips on how to come out as trans to your family when you simultaneously want them to know but also don't, if that makes sense?

I think that makes sense!

What if you focus on your presentation, and not the actual words? Like what if you tell your family you want to dress more feminine/masculine, but don't tell them you actually are a boy/girl? If they take that well, you could even ask them to use different pronouns for you? That way it's kind of...a soft launch? I hope I'm making sense <3

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frog stuffie guy anon

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation right now <3 I hope you know I'm here if you need to vent. I'm sending you so much love!

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wise anon

(I already have an anon name so don’t feel pressured to give me a specific anon name, I’m just a little embarrassed to admit what I’m gonna say 🫶✨)

I might sound stupid, and very very self centered, so I’m pleading with you not to think of me as arrogant or selfish:

I feel so wise. I’m fairly young, I know, but I feel SO wise. Wiser than some adults I know, and because of my culture, people my age are like, tolerable, but when the adult simply does not want to listen they believe they can just, deny the child an opinion and talk over them, override their existence, and it makes me feel so under appreciated, because I know so much.

I’ve been being so self aware as of late. I’ve been taking accountability, being honest with myself when it’s scary,

I’ve been looking at everything from new perspectives and have been trying new philosophies.

Jack of all trades, master of none, I can play 2 instruments, do many mediums of art, I have a wide variety of books and movies I consume to educate myself, I get top grades in everything, I’m good at acting, I’m grounded in my body and existence,

I’m trying to be kind and honest to myself and others and I feel like I’ve been succeeding.

I just, don’t know how to articulate this, and I don’t even know who to articulate this to. I just feel smart and wise and good enough. And people around me always bulldoze over me and tell me there’s constantly room for improvement—

Which I know!!! I know I know I know! I know that, I know other things, I just know SO MUCH. Why can’t they just tell me that I’m fine as is?

Why do I just have to keep going? I want to keep going in life and in my mind but it feels hard to do so if I feel that the moment I take a break of feel satisfied, nobody’s proud of me anymore.

Everyone around me occasionally tells me I’m wise or prudent or articulate and “sooooo mature for [my] age” (which is also partially another thing entirely), so why don’t they say it more often?

I’m just rambling really. I know what this is and what I’m feeling, but knowing doesn’t equate to fully processing, and the act of knowing doesn’t change things.

I know that my love language is words of affirmation and nobody around me likes to give me that, so I always kind of have to beg.

I know that I know things and that doesn’t equate to my worth, and that I’m worth slightly more than just my knowledge,

I know that this self-actualization has come from years of unaddressed mental issues and trauma

And I know that I could really use some good human connection. Not from my family, but a good deep conversation with someone I’m not afraid of (people who aren’t family members, existing friends, etc.)

I just feel so stupid. A part of me is angry at myself for even saying anything and is trying to suppress all of this.

I just want to feel adequate, I guess

Nobody makes me feel adequate.

And when it comes to adequacy, I don’t actually know if I’m adequate. If enough people just don’t bother to figure out how to like, make me feel adequate I don’t know if I deserve it? It’s not that I get my worth from others, I just get connections from them. And connections don’t feel good when they’re one-sided really.

Aughhhdhshdhshsakckdjdfjjj

This is all from the recesses of my mind. I know what I’m saying is selfish. Very selfish. I guess I just needed to get it out.

Sorry for being self-centered. Your blog is super cool 🫶✨

Hi <3

I don't think you're being wise or arrogant or self-centered! I think you want acknowledgement for all that you've accomplished so far, and there's nothing wrong with that. I was also a 'mature for their age' person, so I get it.

I'm going to be truthful with you, because you seem to want the truth, and you also seem self-aware enough to be able to understand. I'm hoping you don't take any of it as like...an insult? It really isn't <3 I just think sometimes adults don't take the time to actually explain things, so I'm going to try.

Looking back as an adult now, I think sometimes teens (I think you're a teen?) who are mature for their age have this like....dissonance? Because they ARE super smart and want to be treated like an adult, but adults won't do that. So you feel like you're caught in the middle of adulthood and childhood, and it's frustrating. And adults get nervous to give you too much responsibility because they don't want to overburden you or for you to take it and run and make big mistakes. They think you aren't ready- sometimes they're wrong, and sometimes they're right. And then there's the fact that most kids your age ARENT that mature, so connections are hard. It's like a limbo of feeling so fucking ready but being held back.

I can't pretend to understand you, personally, but I can look back and know what *I* didn't know at your age, and it's this: You ARE adequate. You are good enough. You're educated and self-aware. And you're definitely super mature. You're ready for more than adults think, but also, you might lack experience, and that's the scary part that adults see. But You still deserve to have your opinion taken into account, and your feelings should be valued.

But don't forget that books, movies, etc only teach so much. Would the adults in your life be willing to let you try to go out in the world and get experience in the things you want to learn about? Could you volunteer? Get a job? Work with kids? I feel like those kinds of thigs would be so much more rewarding for you and also...you're smart enough to do them. You seem grounded and responsible enough to actually do things like that, and the more you do things like that, the more adults take you seriously.

But remember that no matter what anyone says, you ARE worthy. And I believe in you!

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default anon

hi default anon here!!

when you started off with 'i know this probably isn't going to be helpful' while answering my last ask just know you were right 😭

okay idek if u remember asks but like i'm just sending this u dont have to answer if this is kinda confusing idk

sorry

but yeah bro im crashing out literally htis is so confusing i cant wait it out and see how ti goes like i literally cant. plus probably nothing si going to happen anyways so theres not much to see how it goes

and i know i probably should just see and not worry about this now and i know this is extreme overthinking but like idk okay

pls helpp ugh sgjsfkjhgjfshg

:(

anyways i hope you're having a great day ty for doing these advice asks <3

hahahaha the beginning of your ask made me laugh.

yeah, it's a lot easier said than done to just...not overthink.

What if you keep writing down your thoughts? You can send them all to me if you want. Like after you see her, just write it all down to get it out of your head?