first of all, straight up 14 minutes spent staring athis stupid eyes. what are eyes? squishy orbs with holes in them? dunked in saltwater? connected to a bunch of vermicelli? ludicrous. they don't even know how to stand up straight. duymass orbs standing upside down all day relying on the brain to make sense of its wonky projections.
i'm staring at salty upsidedown spheres for too many minutes. ims o anrgy
THE EARRING IS UNMOVED. UNCHANGING. STARING AT ME WITH ITS BEADY SALTORBS. mocking me. this is its everyday. this is normal. you twine that obsidian with the mundanity of the 9-5 grind and i just fume at you. STOP MOCKING ME
WHEN THE HFIOK WAS HE ALLOWED TO EXPOSE SKIN? WHO PULLED DOWN HIS SHIRTT?
evil puppyfan whispering in my virtual ear: are those scratches on his back?!?!
me: NO THEY AREN'T, THEY ARE JUST DECORATIVE BRUSH STROKES LIKE THE ONES USED FOR BLUSHES
IF THOSE WERE SCRATCHES THEY WOULD BE A HELLUCA LOT DEEPER AND ANGRIER BECAUSE THIS SNAKEY BITCGHJ AINT GETTING OFF WITH JUST A WARNING
wait hold up a minut
who pulled this thing down. doesn't he have a rather tight collar around his neck? there's no way someone could so easily just drag his entire torso's worth of clothing down past his shoulders--
*checks my notes*
DID THEY ONLY GIVE HIM HIS SECOND LAYER ? WHERE'S HIS SHIRT? i don't see any of that telltale white-
ok, well, there it is,? so, he's wearing it after all, but HOW DID THEY PULL DOWN THE UNDERSHIRT SO EASILY
IS IT BAGGIER THAN EXPECTED?
bruh i don't THINK so the waay that silk vacuum-seals to yakumo's skinnyarss chest in his regular sprite
DID THEY TEAR IT APART?!?!?!
just ripped at the neck. he can sew. he can fix it later on his own time. we got shoulders to expose here
WAIT. WHY IS HE WET? WHO THREW A BUCKET OF WATER ON HIM?
other evil fan whispering in my alternate earhole: oh, they're ALL wet in their bday pics. don't worry, fish. it's like misting the vegetables in the grocery store--
me: I AM NOT MOLLIFIED BY THIS NEWS. WHY IS HEWET!!!!
way too godadam wet..... downright sopping😡
actually, that's a mighty fine bow. i wonder who tied that. it's a picturesque bow. i can never get my bows to look so perfect irl. very even. no lumpy sides. honestly, i wouldn't put it past eiden or olivine with their crafty hands to be able to pull that off--
EXCUSE ME WHAT THE TFOKF
WHO UNDID HIS PANTS
W H A T
HE ALREADY HAS BARE SHOULDERS
THAT'S AS SLUTTY AS IT GETS FOR THIS EXCESSIVELYBUBBLEWRAPPED SPAGHETT
NOW YOU'RE PULLING HIS PANTS DOWN?
HIS HIPS ARE GONNA GET COLD
stupid fkin hipbone on the bonyffikin snaek i'm gonna rip[ his greeater trochanter clean off his pelvis
you slap that thing and it's gonna shatter......couldn't even afford basic padding......economy-fare-level-buttmeat gotdamt taunting me with its fragile slappaibility
WHEN will this hoe learn. he beteter put those ankles away befroe he LOSES them i am THIsc lose to BITING THEM OFF his SNAPPABLE fibula PUT SOME SOCKS ON YOU WHORE
stupid anime legs. makes no sense. too frghign long couldn't even be contained by the border of the image. got cut off by the edge because his frivolous stilts had to stretch beyond reasonable restraints. surrender your left kneecap to customs. punishment for your femur hubris.
HOW FAR DOWN HAVE THOSE PANTS BEEN PULLED IVE NEVER WANTED TO SUCK A------
you're barely even tied up you dweeb there's nothing tethering you here if you stood up i bet the whole thing would unravel and you'd be completely unencumbered by that lightweight ribbon. i bet if we turned you around we would only see the ribbon loosely draping across your chest like a celebratory sash . congratulations on your self-contained imprisonment you wibbly reptilian beansprout
GOD HE DOES NOT STOP WIBBLING EVEN HIS ACCURSED LIPS ARE 〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜
UGH HE IS ALL NECK I'M GOING TO ROAST HIS SPINAL COLUMN AND TURN HIM INTO GRAVY
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OK SO. Today we had a great convo on the server abt what hairstyles the dunmeshi cast would have if they were black and I really wanted to draw that and I also wanted to draw @3v3rl4stingbr4in s design of Marcille!!! Two birds with one stone
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My brain needs to chill with latching on to something and then spinning it to such a skewed and quite untrue story. Like it just goes haywire.
My boyfriend asked me, "why does that matter?" When I brought up something that honestly, he was right, why does it bug me?
I have an idea why, I basically was trained to basically find the answers to some, not so great, people in my life and if I didn't then I wasn't useful.
Also my brain has a hard time not being... invasive? Or maybe... understanding boundaries is the better term? What to ask, what not to ask. I have had problems with that all my life and I honestly don't know why.
For sure it was jarring because when he said that, I asked myself, "no really, why?" It shouldn't but as mentioned above, I am dealing with how I am useful to people. And it shouldn't be a matter of how useful I am.
I am not a tool and honestly sometimes I don't know the answers and should really just take a step back and keep quiet. It is ok to not know the answers.
I had to be a 'friend' to my dad (when honestly I just needed a father) and the two main friends I had growing up knew I was bullied and alone and desperate for friends. So they used me as they saw fit and... it still fucks me up.
I'm allowed to not have the answers, and I am not friends with people because of my usefulness. I am friends with people because they enjoy my company. We mesh well together. Real friends don't see the other as a tool and... I am trying to unlearn that.
And you know what, some people might not like me, either just in general or not to the extent I want. And that is ok. If I push to hard then it will definitely be option 1.
Covid really threw me for a loop and made me have to deal with all my inner toxicity as well as make me realize just how mistreated I was and the damage it truly caused.
