#deeaaan

And every single fan girl just keeled over and died.

only 2 minutes into supernatural and i'm already a mess. 

I'm not going to make it through this episode.

Shit. What if the reason dean seemed so upset when Sam started saying that John was a "good man" after john dies was because he identified kinda as the good son, or at least the one who defended him, even subconsciously... and it came off as jealousy because it wasn't Sam being unreasonable or Sam suddenly changing his opinion... it was Sam taking away part of Dean's identity I mean no matter how wring or subconscious that was what Dean believed of himself, and since he had so little identity in the first place (he sees himself as a grunt and stuff the meta I'm reading explains better but you know) it tore away what little dean thought of himself and forced him to rethink all of his opinions on the matter which did not match up to what he thought he should think. That is once the identity was gone The restrictions and illusions there went with it Hence him later revealing that he knew how abusive his father was and did harbour hostility towards him (Of course he felt guilty with that perception of himself too that's why he got defensive and angry when Sam first started trying to make repairations) ((And Sam at the time of course was trying to grow as a person by letting things go and trying to see the other perspective blind)) Like for Sam to grow up he thought he needed to let go of his malice But Dean needed to admit that there was cause for malice and he was allowed to blame someone who wasn't himself So not only did Sam accidently break deans identity But he also promoted the opposite of what dean needed to here (Which ironically lead to him developing his own opinion which led to his development) ((However he had to do that secretly from Sam (can't have him see that there's more to dean than the good son - parental figure - a hyprocyte to everything he's said earlier (he did the best he could yadda ydadda) so he had to make that transformation all of his own. So therefore this makes dean even more internalized and this is one of the reasons I think dean is really lonely)) Also fuck this is long And I could go on forever and ever The point is that Dean.