#dec30

meaningful days \ taehyung

note: we’re so lucky to have you. ✨ wolf!bangtan seokjin | yoongi | hoseok | namjoon | jimin | taehyung | 2 | jungkook

Happy Birthday, Kim Taehyung! ✨(Dec 30)

Pondering my thoughts and actions lately, I can say I am slowly becoming toxic towards Stephen. I am slowly sabotaging our relationship. I don't want to go that way because Stephen is a good guy; he is a nice guy, and I love him.

In one instance, I thought he didn't want to videochat with me. So what I did was tell him I'd stay distant and detach myself from him. The next day, I did not talk to him the whole day and restricted him on messenger. I deleted him from my Instagram's bio and archived all our photos and highlights. I removed our messenger's nickname and theme. All at once. Toxic, I know :( I didn't know that silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and isn't healthy. Despite that, Stephen still sent me constant updates on how his day went and sent photos of their Christmas party. Eventually, we became okay afterwards.

Another thing I noticed about myself is that I am so sensitive and would easily get hurt and annoyed with whatever Stephen would say. For example, he said something that was supposed to be a joke. But I took it seriously, and that caused another fight. which, in the first place, should not happen.

I also find myself overthinking and looking at his social media, who he was following on instagram and his reactors on facebook. I am slowly becoming the 'Toxic Girlfriend' And I don't want that. I want the chill gf Mimah. I think staying at home whole day whole night with nothing to do gives me a lot of time to overthink and it's not healthy. I read some posts on reddit and how people said that this is a toxic behavior and their partners should run from someone like this. I wanna change. Change for the good and for the better. I wanna claim my life back. I wanna be busy again. I don't want my world to revolve about Stephen.

I also happened to see a video from tiktok about anxious attachment, and I think I have this type of attachment now :(

I can relate to Very clingy, negative self-view (I think I had this when I failed my board exam), emotional sensitive, tends to OVERANALYZE.