I have been sick, I am sick, im recovering

I spent 9-10 years gooning and watching porn from a young age, this fucked me up and it got worse over time as more of my identity was based around sex and this past week, well yknow I became a full on fetish account. My affliction is as I call it, bimbofication.

I'm on day 2 of sobriety and still am not feeling me of course. There's so many thoughts I've had that I'm not even sure are my own. And I dont know what they will be once I'm not only clear of the funk from my system but also have discovered what makes me, me.

But i did have a thought today

I looked upon my naked self, a situation that usually conjured up feelings of lustfulness viewing myself and my existence as porn. Or viewing my self as flawed because I didn't look like a porn star doll. My brain started to live the idea of inflating my boobs butt lips and all the sexy features and tightening the others with plastic. But today I saw me, I looked cute I looked pretty I looked sexy even but I also looked real, I looked deep, I looked like me. And than I looked at my brain what I had at one point wanted to shrink and melt into a bimbos soup but now I wanted it to blossom and grow.

I felt good in a real way.

This is not lula or bambi, this is louisa