#debating team

Podcast Episode 42 | Starts / 10:40 minutes | 2 December 2014

Chapter Four // The Unfair Sex?

On starting secondary school I knew the only way to impress the ladies was to throw myself into projects such as the school magazine, chess club and the debating team. 

At twelve I became the youngest ever student representative on the school council. In this revered post I was responsible for bridging the gap between student body and teaching staff. This unique position of power made me something of an enigma to the opposite sex. They were rarely brave enough to approach me, but often groups of them would point, giggling affectionately with shy embarrassment. 

Their ability to master their feelings was commendable. Throughout my three year tenure on the council, girls  continue hanging out with boys who’s hobbies included grafitti and spitting, two habits I abhore to this day. But they were right, declaring their love for a council member would have been a conflict of interests and inevitably lead to suspicion of unfair influence, even foul play.

But these suppressed feelings didn’t go unnoticed by the lads they hung round with. Jealousy, ignorance and poor discipline on their part, and an absolute lack of any wrongdoing on mine lead to conflict. My weapon was words, a blade I still wield to this day.

Once, whilst waiting for a Humanities lesson one of my nemeses approached asking “do you want a smack?” and quick as a flash I replied “no, I’m not that kinky”. I had won the battle but not the war. As soon as I regained consciousness I made straight for the headmaster to lodge an official complaint.