#deathshroom

Charlie wouldn't say he liked anyone.

He had May, of course, but his attachment to May was involuntary. Xe worked for her out of both obligation as her nephew and out of necessity for a place to live, but there was nothing more behind it, just a simple mutual respect (and, to be perfectly fair, fear of her temper). 

The only other person in his life was not even worth mentioning. Their attachment to her was completely irrational, selfish, and moronic, and was not even worth acknowledging due to its complete irrelevance in his life. Their partnership was one of– well, not quite business. He wasn't sure how to describe their relationship, but it was completely divorced from the attachment he had with them. It didn't matter how idiotic Kasey Waters acted, nothing was going to change that.

Charlie wouldn't say he liked anyone. At least not out loud.

Xe was pondering the meaning of this irrational attachment when the bell of the deli rang, signaling the door opening. Kasey wasted no time climbing on the counter, right next to where Charlie sat behind it.

"Whatcha doooing?" he singsonged, like a toddler.

"Working. Clearly. What are you doing?" 

"Isn't it obvious? I'm hanging out with you." He punctuated this by squeezing the tip of Charlie's nose. Charlie swatted their hand away.

"Fine. What were you doing while you were gone?"

Kasey's only response was a loud clatter as they dropped something on the counter. 

Charlie looked over and immediately swiped the gun off the counter. It flew across the room, hidden under the stock cabinet.

"Jesus, Kasey! Keep the weapons hidden, we are in public!"

"Charlie!" May hissed from across the shop.

Kasey only shrugged. "It's five minutes until close, we'll be fine. If someone comes in now, May will throw them out."

Charlie rolled xyr eyes. "Still. We can't be too careful."

"I think we can. I think you're too careful, sweetie pie." Kasey pinched their cheek. 

Charlie swatted their hand away, flushing red. "Shut up, you idiot. Don't make me use that gun."

May came back to the counter with an empty crate that had once held bags of dry pasta. "Get blood on my floor and you will see for yourself that there is a god, il mio fungo piccolo." She plopped the crate on the counter. "Take this out back and I'll close shop. La stellina can help me."

Kasey turned to Charlie. "She means you," he clarified.

He grunted as he stood, both of his knees cracking at the same time, and swept the mushrooms that had grown on his lap into the trash. He took the crate off the counter and headed towards the dumpster in the back of the building.

As they broke down the box, Charlie found his cheek burning where Kasey had pinched it. Why was this stupid attachment so strong? His head spun as he tried to think about it logically, but he found no words in his rather extensive vocabulary to describe what he was feeling.

He dropped the box unceremoniously into the recycling and went back inside to find Kasey and May speaking in hushed voices. The mop lay abandoned on the floor.

"Uh, hello?"

Kasey practically jumped into the air at the sound of his voice. "Oh, hi, Charlie, we were just…" 

Charlie raised an eyebrow. It was odd to see him this… speechless. For once, Kasey Waters was at a loss for words, scrambling to come up with an explanation.

"You know what? Whatever. I'm going upstairs." 

And so he did.

...

Charlie wouldn't say he liked anyone.

Xe stared at the ceiling of his dingy living room, repeating this to himself like a mantra. You don't like anyone. Not May, not that cretin, nobody.

He turned over on the sofa, huddling further under the scratchy wool blanket. Still, his heart beat fast in his chest, the pinching of his cheek repeating over and over in his head. Xyr cheeks flushed red at the memory, and he groaned, hiding his face in the cushions of the sofa.

The door to the apartment opened with a creak, and Charlie heard footsteps as Kasey entered the apartment. They heard the opening of a couple cabinets and a clatter of dishes as Kasey looked for something to eat.

"Have fun shit talking me?"

Charlie found himself saying this without much thought or consideration. It left his mouth effortlessly, on its own accord.

There was a loud clang as Kasey dropped the pan they were holding.

"What? Charlie, we weren't shit talking you. Why would we be doing that?"

Charlie scoffed. "Don't patronize me. I know exactly what you were saying about me." He turned over, staring at the ceiling. "I know I'm not the most likable person."

"Charlie…" Kasey put the pan back in the cabinet and walked over to the couch, sitting on the end. He found himself scrambling to sit up, uncomfortable with laying down next to her.

"Charlie, we weren't shit talking you. I'm not sure why you think we would."

He rolled his eyes. "Why wouldn't you? I may be an asshole, but I'm not unaware of my own faults." He brought his knees to his chest. "I know that there is a lot to criticize, and I am not mad at you for confiding in someone else."

For once, Kasey's voice was deathly serious. "Charlie. We weren't shit talking you."

He turned to look at them, and found his expression to be completely void of even a hint of sarcasm. "We were talking about something else."

"Something you can't talk about with me?"

"Yes."

"And what can you not talk about with me, besides my general shittiness?" He turned away again. "You tell me everything. Much more than I'd like to know. Why would this be any different?"

Kasey sighed. "I can't tell you that yet."

"And what is stopping you, besides a fear of hurting my feelings? Don't lie to me, I know I am shitty. You can't hurt my feelings on this."

Kasey inhaled sharply. "Okay, I am not a therapist, but one, you aren't shitty, and two, even if it was about you being shitty, you're not this impenetrable fortress with no emotions. Just because you can be a bit of a hardass doesn't mean you don't have feelings."

"It doesn't matter how I feel. I would much rather you shit talk to my face so I know what I am doing wrong."

Kasey sputtered. "What– of course it matters how you feel! And we've been over this, we weren't shit talking you–"

"Then what you were talking about?!?" Charlie's voice rose to a roar.

"How I'm in love with you!"

Charlie's eyes widened, and they shifted away from Kasey on the couch. Kasey looked away, eyebrows furrowing. "I'm in love with you, Charlie Parker. And I knew May would rather I tell her first."

"What– no, you're lying." Charlie ran a hand through his hair, tightening his ponytail nervously. "You're lying, there's no way that's true, you can't love me, you can't–"

"And why not?" Kasey's voice was low and quiet, as if trying to soothe Charlie's panic. "You're kind, and a deep thinker, and stubborn, and way too smart for someone who was kidnapped when they were 16. I love you, Charlie Parker." He scooched towards them on the couch and took his hand in theirs. "Do you… do you like me back?"

Charlie's eyes danced across Kasey's face, searching for the smallest hint of sarcasm on their face, searching for answers. "I– I don't know, I–"

Oh no.

Oh no.

Something in Charlie's brain clicked. The irrational attachment, the desire to be close with him, the uncontrollable blushing, the fast heartbeat.

"Oh god," he cried. "I think I do."

His stomach heaved, and he bolted towards the kitchen. Xe just barely made it to the sink when xe vomited. Kasey quickly followed behind him, filling a glass of water and handing them a paper towel to wipe their nose. He gagged at the gentleness of the gesture, at the concerned look in their good eye, at the tentative hand on their shoulder as they heaved up more vomit.

They wiped their nose with the paper towel, staring forward at the wall above the sink, at the garish decor May had chosen when the apartment was still hers, at anything besides Kasey.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"What?! No, don't be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm sorry, I can leave now, I–"

Charlie whirled around and pulled Kasey into a tight hug.

"Please don't leave." His voice was quiet, desperate. "I love you."

The words sounded so right as they left his mouth, and as Kasey sank into the embrace, he found his vision blurring with tears.

They stayed like that for a while, rocking back and forth in each others' arms. A couple tears fell from Charlie's eyes, but he didn't dare wipe them away lest they notice he was crying. When Kasey pulled away, Charlie cleared his throat, wiping his eyes and straightening his glasses.

"I mean, you're an idiot, and way too confident, and annoying. But unfortunately, it seems I have an irrational attachment to you."

Kasey raised an eyebrow. "You're in love with me."

"Well I wouldn't– I wouldn't say that, it's more like–" He rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I've grown fond of your moronics."

"Awww, someone's in looove!" Kasey sang, pointing at him teasingly.

"I am not in love– I take it back. You are insufferable."

"Aw, it's okay. I love you too." He pecked Charlie on the cheek. Mushrooms sprouted where their lips once were, and he brushed them off with his thumb.

"Tu stronzo piccolo–" He swatted away Kasey's hand, vision clouded by the mushrooms that quickly overtook xyr face. "I will kill you, and I don't care that May will kill me in return for getting blood on the floor."

Kasey giggled. Charlie turned away, sweeping the mushrooms off his face and into the garbage.

"Don't bother. I have a feeling that I'll make a lot more mushrooms grow tonight."

Charlie's eyes widened, and he clawed at his face, breaking off the mushrooms as fast as they grew. "You arrogant, insufferable fool– shut the FUCK up–"

"Or what?" he teased. "You'll shoot more of your cute insults my way?"

His hands worked even quicker at sweeping off the mushrooms. "I am not cute, and you will not refer to me as such, or I will–" He struggled to come up with a solid threat, and instead just looked at the ceiling and groaned in frustration. Kasey tilted his head, smirking.

"Go brush your teeth and wash the vomit out of your mouth so I can kiss you already."

Charlie sputtered insults the whole way to the bathroom.

...

Charlie wouldn't say he liked anyone.

But as he laid with Kasey Waters asleep on his chest, their breath slow, snoring softly, he would say one thing.

He loved someone.

He loved Deadpool.

He loved Kasey Waters.

...