#deartim

It feels so surreal that it’s already November, it feels like it was September just last week and I really want to have a do over of October because I didnt do as many Halloween things as I could have. I mean I only watched Halloween town once out of the whole month of October. And now its November and applications are basically over with???? I think this is enough ranting for now that November is here.

I love and am very proud of my family’s origins (mothers side is Ecuadorian and Spanish; fathers side is Salvadorian) however it is very annoying a lot of the time because to many people including family members I'm not hispanic enough and my skin color is light to them and don’t like to talk to me because I'm ‘too white’. At the same time I am being told that I'm so dark and look/act like a too hispanic person (i don't even know what that mean). Ever since i was a little girl I've been discriminated against by my own family because I am tan and was told things like I'm ugly, i need to wear more sunblock, and that I need to marry a white person when I'm older so that my kids aren’t dark like me. For a long time i was in this limbo of I don't know what to do since I didn’t feel like I fit in any where because on onesie I'm being told I'm too white and not a real Ecuadorian or Salvadorian cause i have a lot of recent Spanish blood then on the other side I'm being told I'm too hispanic/dark. I never showed that it upset me when I was little and would laugh it off or say some smart ass remark but it alway hurt me when i was little. however as I’ve grown older I’ve realized why the hell am I letting people get to me, I know what I am and I love it and no one can belittle what I am just because i don't fit into their perfect little mold of what I should be. 

I am tired of people telling me or other people that they aren’t ‘real Hispanics’ or a real anything. I mean, who are you to tell me who they are? You do not know how they live or who they are. Just because people do not speak a language perfectly does not make them any less connected to their culture. I am Ecuadorian and Salvadorian, and i do not speak the perfect Spanish but I do practice a lot of my cultures traditions since a love my culture and am proud of being latina. lastly just because someone or you may practice more traditions of you culture or speak the language of your people does not make you a ‘better Hispanic person’ and it does not give you the right to tell some they are less than you.This is enough ranting for now though sooo....

I’m literally up at 3 am and I’m ready to go and do stuff cause it Halloween but it 3 AM. Why am I up?!?!?!?

Who new that trying to express your feeling would be so hard. I honestly sit her for at least 10 minutes try to figure out what to say. But I can do it and I know not only will this eventually be interesting to other but it also help me. I have yo start getting ready for school tho so byeeeeeee