#dearfirstlove

My feelings was real and genuine, yours may not had been but all the I love yous, all the lovely cutie things I said to you when we was friends and than in the relationship was real love real feeling from my heart .what I felt for you I never felt for anyone ever , I love you regardless of your many flaws and faults and love you for them too, I would had choosen you over anyone to be in a romantic relationship with. I loved you rather you loved me or not . I know from the beginning of how it all would get but I tried my best and hope for the best while expecting the worse the very worse (and you did exactly what I expected ,it all end the way I expected which was crappy) even now after all the b.s and know everything you said to me, the feelings I thought or almost believed you had for me was just pretty little lies I still want you to be happy rather I am happy or not I’m still rooting for you to have a happy life even though I don’t want you a part of my life and I know I’m absolutely noting to you.

I’m glad you are happy even though I’m not doing too well in my life currently.

Hi? Mabasahan mo ni ayhan? Of course not! Hahahahaha. Hays. Wala lang gusto ko lang di ihambal tanan. Pwede diri tanalang ka istoryahon? Kay syempre, no chance naman nga magstorya pata. Hahahaha kag never na siguro. Hays. Tuod man gid nga nag chat ta nanligad haw? Hahahahaha Indi koto kapati. Hahahaha nahuya na ko simo. Damu2 na ko sala kag nahuya2 nagid ko. I know kabalo kana diba? Hays. Indi man gusto nga abi mo na karon gapalapit lapit ko sa imo. I know allergic kada. Hahahaha sorry. Ahay. Unfair lang bala nuh? Hahahaha ngaa palangga taka, pero kabalo ko wala kagid ya labot sa akon. Hays. Hahahaha ako ya isa na ka dagat ang gina hibi ko pero kabalo ko nga wala kagid ya labot. Hays. First love never dies. Tani, pwede mana nga indi talang ka malimtan pero pwede mana nga wala na feelings? Hehehehe gusto ko man tani magstay forever in love sa imo pero indi man ayhan unfair or selfish if gusto ko palanggaon ang taho nga palangga man ko? Hays. Indi bi nami nga may gusto ko nga gustohon kaso indi ko siya magustuhan fully kay ara ka. Yeah, ara ka pero wala gid ya eh. Hehehehe pero keri ni ha? Kabalo ko madula man gid ni? Hehehe hays, gabaha naman akon mata ho. Maluoy ka. Trankaso naman ni gwa sini. Hay pungiii pls!!! Hahahahaha ka funny sa akon nuh? Hahahaha Kon mabasa mo ni guro, mairita kagid sa akon. Inang feeling bala nga tani ma dula ko isa lang ka pitik nga daw bula kay katalaka sa akon. Hahahahahahahaha who wouldn’t feel bad diba? If ang ga admire sa ila indi kaaya-aya ang chura like me. Hahahaha sorry again. Sorry kay gin gusto taka. Kag asta sbng? Basta ah. Happy ko nga indi na paryos sang una. Okay man indi taka makita. Okay man makita taka. Kay siguro, ang pangayo ko man sa Ginoo nga nasakitan na ko kag kon pwede nya na ni makuha. Hehehe damu2 na bi na learn ko.

Kabalo ka? Never taka pilion. Hahahaha tuod! Kay ngaa? In the first place indi taman ka pwede pilion! Indi pwede eh. Hahahaha funny. Pero dibaaaaaa? Hahahahaha. Happy kana da? Hehehe I really wanted to know you are happy with your life. I know happy ka. Indi ko na pag i-insist akon self. Hahahahaha amo na nga budlay gid ko guro mag storya na sa imo. Hahahaha nahuya na ko. Hahaha gusto ko lang ipabalo sa imo nga indi ko ya maglagas ha? Hehehehe if ever magasugataay kita sa dalan, maga dungan ta lakat or ano. Tani, ma okay lang bala wala awkward kag eerie feeling, basta ha? Hehehe wala ko plano maglagas. Hahahahaha para man bala klaro. Kay abi na karon amo na. Hahahaha. I will always love you. Pero hep! Sorry! Huo ah. Nainchindihan taka. Dulaon ko nani. Amat2 lang. I know daw masuka ka sakon. Hahahaha promise. In God’s perfect time.

By:  Rania Naim

I heard the news today and it took me by surprise. Not because I still care, but because I didn’t think anyone would ever make you want to settle down.

I want to see what she looks like in person and what’s behind this half-hearted smile I see in pictures, I want to see how she talks and if she is as eloquent as you always wanted me to be. If she smiles when she wants to laugh because laughing obnoxiously in public was something you never approved of. I want to know if she sips her coffee without spilling on herself and I want to see if she listens to people and understands them or she just wants everyone to listen to her.

I want to hear her stories, where she came from, what she did to get to where she is, and if she’s ever intimidated by you. I want to know if she will know how to handle my deep questions and still be so politically correct or will I see the vulnerability in her eyes when she speaks about the things that matter to her and the ones who hurt her.

I want to know if your friends like her and if she can get their jokes without getting offended, I want to know if they think she’s right for you or they think she just resembles you. I wonder if they will tell you to bring her with you everywhere you go because they love her company or will they tell you to come alone because they don’t know what to talk to her about.

And I want to see her with you. I want to know if she’s kind or if she’s bossy and demanding, I want to see if you will ever be with someone you can’t control. I want to see if you make her insecure about her quirks too or if she knows how to put you in your place because she can point out your flaws — something I always failed to do. I want to see the way you two look at each other, is it deep andgenuine or is it shallow and cold.

I wonder if you talk about things passionately and spontaneously or are all your conversations planned and scheduled just like your lives.

I wonder if your dates are planned a week in advance and your phone calls are set to a certain hour of the night. I wonder if this relationship has any room for impulsiveness or is it robotic and predictable.

But the main reason why I really want to meet her is to see how different she is from me, how we are nothing alike and how we could never fall in love with the same man.

I want to know that she is the exact opposite of me and how I could never be or wish to be the person she is, I want to see that we have nothing in common and we can’t even carry on a simple conversation. I want to know that she disagrees with everything I say and that I can’t stand anything she does.

I want to know that her and I can never love the same man. That the man she loves now is the man I thought I loved. That the man she’s about to marry is the man I’m glad I let go.

I want to see her to reassure myself that you never understood me and you were never right for me. I want to see you two together to realize that you and I never belonged together. I want to see her to thank her for being a testament to the fact that your excuses were all a bunch of lies because you thought I wasn’t enough for you.

This is an article By  Joseph Elas,  I Lost You, But Gained Something More Important

I remember every feeling I felt when my days still revolved around you. I remember how much I want to be with you all the time, every need to see you every minute of every day, even the fleeting moments of carnal bliss. Those are the moments when I felt I am reborn, moments of breathless delight, moments when all the pains of the previous failed attempts to forever are all forgotten. I felt every fibre of my being pulled into your gravity regardless if it’s wrong or right.

Somehow, those days were everything. I felt whole, complete. I was lost in the moment of you and me and in that universe we created. There is nothing but you and me and our spur of the moments. I was unconscious that as I was losing the people around me, I was also losing myself in the process.

But when I lost you, I remember how messed up I was. I felt how my heart skipped a beat because with every beat comes with so much agony, I remember how I would grip the sheets of my bed because the pain of losing you is equivocal with the pain of being hit by a hundred trains all together. I felt each cell in my body turn ice-cold and my brain couldn’t process my bodily processes anymore. I died.

But when I finally opened my eyes and realized that my life is not contingent with yours, I started the agonizing process of moving on. I threw all photos we’ve had, I deleted every single text messages we exchanged, I stopped listening to songs we used to enjoy, I cleaned my room, I started to jog in the morning and I started living like how I used to before you. It was a hard reset and it involved a lot of reuniting and catching up with things and people I lost along the way.

But in between, thoughts of you would always pop, one that would remind me of sunny afternoons at the park or at the beach; the waves crashing on the shore and the seagulls flying over the dancing blue ocean. It made me realize that no matter what I do to get over you, there’s just no way to speed time. Time has always been thought of as an enemy. At the back of my mind, I am reminded of that line on a Taylor Swift song.

And time won’t fly it’s like I’m paralyzed but it, I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it.

All these things gave me nothing but scars to display. Scars that will always remind me that there was once a time in my life that I fought and I got bruised and wounded. But I am not just a scarred person. I am a person who has overcome one of the painful moments a human being can feel. I am now one of the many brave soldiers of love; scarred by experience. I count myself as strong and courageous because I am able to handle the pain equivocal to a million speeding train crashing in on you all together. I am no longer nursing a fresh wound for it is now an almost-healed wound. And this will be my badge to show everyone how resilient and strong I was and can be. A lesson learned.

Dear First Love,

We’ve been talking for a while, and it’s all quite surreal to me. Our story was always anything but simple, and for a long time, I thought it would be left unfinished.

When we met, 13 years ago, I was a kid. You were a teenager. I liked your friend. You were like a brother to me; the best friend I always needed. I don’t think we knew then, that I’d eventually become your girlfriend, but I know that I’ve always sort of liked you.

I liked you even more when you told me you wanted to marry me because I was your best friend. The fact that I was graduating from High School probably factored in the excitement of it all; feeling grown up for the first time, feeling like I was someone, because somebody out there thought I was worth spending the rest of their life with.

Then, I loved you, and you loved me. You were over there, and I was over here; there was distance and time zones, but they didn’t matter when we chatted and spoke on the phone, and we forgot about them all when you flew in to see me, almost a year later.

And, then, I got scared.

You were in the Army. You wanted me to move. It dawned on me then that I loved you too much to find the thought of losing you to war was bearable. You offered to quit, but I refused to let yourself stop pursuing your dreams, while I was free to pursue mine. 

So, I left you. You didn’t understand; neither did I. I just knew then that it was the best thing for the both of us.

The following three years made us numb to each other. We fought so much, I think at some point we both forgot why; we just wanted to hurt each other. In that whole mess, I learned you had cheated on me before I left you; and I had a boyfriend who was here who didn’t get why fighting with you was still so important to me. But it was, because it was the only way I got to talk to you.

Fast forward to when I was in college, at a dinner with friends, and Facebook was finally popular. I heard one piece of news that made my heart stop for a second. Or a few seconds.

You got married.

I knew then, that getting past this numbness would only leave me facing no one, because you were gone. All my attempts of talking to you afterward just went up in flames. I didn’t matter enough for you to carry on conversations.

We’re now 10 years after I started dating you. 

Just last year, I remember still crying about it. Crying for you? No. Not anymore. Maybe for the younger version of you, because the current you was a stranger to me now. But, you had gone up the ranks in the Army, and I landed my first job, so, the one thing I knew was that I had done the right thing, despite the fact that it cost me...you.

When you wished me happy birthday, this year, on Facebook, it gave me hope. So, this Summer, I messaged you. And we had our first fight-free conversation in 9 years. I wanted to be your friend, but I know you didn’t trust me.

I told you I’d never talk about my feelings unless you asked me to, and I told you we didn’t have to talk about the past. It took you a few months to understand that I wasn’t that person you once knew who got out of her way to hurt you, and when you did, you told me about two things: your failing marriage, and your affair.