#dearestalec

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the atmosphere of the hunter’s moon was in its usual state, with people chattering away and laughing with their peers by the tables, and a handful of others were by the bar, either drinking quietly or making their conversations with other strangers who found solace in their company. as she made her way around the bar, she looked around for maia, the beautiful bartender that she usually talked with whenever she comes in to drink. she remembers thinking how easy it was to talk to that girl, and how quickly it was for them to hit it off and become friends. she needed that same warm feeling that maia brings with her, but that night, she realized that her favorite bartender was nowhere in sight.

“whiskey on the rocks, please.” she said to the other available bartender, who nodded as they tried to serve countless others who were also requesting their own drinks. 

while waiting for her drink, she tried her best to distract the aching feeling that’s been tugging on her chest that night. she scanned the place for anything particularly interesting to look at, and her eyes caught on two figures laughing and teasing by the pool table. she frowned as she noticed one of them was a tall man with a large tattoo on his neck, who took a break from the game to sip on what appears to be APA. curiously, she let her gaze fall towards the other figure with him, and she saw another man, very well-dressed, with a spiked-up hair and a few rings that graced his fingers. the two men looked to be enjoying a competitive game of pool against each other, and their laughter and radiant energy somehow drew her full attention, only to be interrupted with the arrival of her drink. she turned her eyes back towards the amused bartender and mumbled a low ‘thank you’ as she handed them her payment and tip. the bartender replied with a smile and a nod, then they left her alone again to her enjoy lonely night. 

the night went on without much excitement to distract her, except for the drinks she ordered and that time she overheard a few drunk people arguing over something ridiculous that made her chuckle for a bit. however, every now and again, she finds herself glancing back to the two men she saw earlier, who eventually left the pool table and migrated to the other side of the bar. they seemed to be deep in a hushed conversation, with their earlier fun and cheerful aura replaced with something else—tension, nervousness, doubt, and little bit of awkwardness. these things were all too familiar for her, and it was then when she realized that it might’ve been the pair’s first date. the realization made her smile to herself as she reminisced her very first date with her girlfriend, although the happy memories didn’t last long as her heart started to crumble on her chest as thoughts of her lingered at the back of her mind. 

with a sigh, she chugged down the remainder of her drink and decided to leave. when she stood up, the bartender glanced to her immediately, to which she said, “can you tell maia that i dropped by?” with an expectant look on her face. the bartender nodded, and she flashed them a smile before she turned around and walked away towards the back of the bar that leads to her home. she walked past the two men on her way there, and she unintentionally overhead the spiky-haired man say, “—but right now i’m here, with you,” in a reassuring voice as the tattooed guy appeared to be stunned with whatever he heard from his date earlier. 

i hope things work out between the two of you, she found herself thinking, subtly glancing back to them  and silently wishing them the best before she disappeared behind the back doors of the bar, into the shadows of the night. 

______ 

“i heard you came in here last week,” maia said with a smile that could light up the entire room. “i’m sorry i wasn’t here when you did. something came up with luke that day and i—” 

“maia, it’s fine.” she reassured her, finding herself smiling brightly at the woman in front of her. 

that night, she found herself slipping back inside the hunter’s moon again after a tiring day of working on another job she recently got. when she came in, she was glad to see her favorite bartender back at the bar, and maia immediately greeted her when they locked eyes in the always-crowded room. after giving each other a tight hug, both of them settled in their usual spot, and found themselves lost in their stories as they tried to catch up with each other. at some point during their conversation, she brought up about maia’s gorgeous outfit, and teased her about having a date. to her slight surprised, maia blushed shyly, before quickly mentioning that she’ll be hanging out with a guy named simon later that night. she chuckled at maia’s adorable reaction to her teasing, and she genuinely wished her luck, silently praying that this simon guy will be nice and treat her right. 

just as they were laughing about a funny story that happened to her a few days ago, she noticed maia’s attention flew past her for a moment as a man came through the front door. she followed her gaze and watched as the man approached the bar and gracefully sat at one of the seats beside her. he looks oddly familiar, she thought, looking at his face closely. the man had a spiked-up hair and black eyeliner around his eyes, and was sporting a goatee. his fingers were full of rings, and his wrist had a few bracelets around them. a few seconds later, she realized that she might’ve stared too long and glanced away as quickly as she could. she turned and saw maia giving the man a welcoming smile, then the bartender excused herself from their conversation, to which she just nodded. she sipped on her whiskey rocks and tried to look around the place, but somehow her attention was drawn back to him. she felt frustrated—she saw him before, but where?—but she tried to not let it bother her too much. the man beside her quietly thanked maia as he slipped a hundred dollar bill on the table, and she watched as maia tried to tell him, “on the house for my best tipper,” while pouring the martini on the glass. she tried to tune out the rest of their conversation, but bits and pieces of it still made its way to her ears—“what do you got there?” “a gift.” “is it from someone special?” “i think so.” 

it was after processing everything when it all finally clicked on her mind. this is that guy, she thought with a smile as she remembered seeing him with the tattooed man last week. the man stood up with his martini and went ahead towards the other side of the room, and she finally looked up and saw maia coming back to her. 

“i assume he’s frequent around here,” she said, nodding towards the man’s retreating figure. maia smiled, and nodded. 

“yeah, magnus is one of the best customers i’ve ever encountered here,” maia replied, holding up a beer mug as she looked for any spots she might’ve missed while cleaning it. “he’s a really generous guy, and a great friend—it’s always nice to see him around here.” 

not knowing what to say to that, she quietly hummed in response while also taking note of the man’s name. she thought about how magnus responded to maia’s inquiries earlier, and she smiled as she realized that the special someone is most likely the man he was with last week. with a deep sigh, she shook her head lightly and quietly chuckled at how ridiculous she is from speculating a bunch of strangers’ romantic endeavors. get yourself together. you don’t even know them, she reminded herself. after gathering her thoughts properly, she took a sip of her drink and quickly slipped back into another conversation with maia, which the bartender gladly entertained with a laugh. 

______ 

the rain finally stopped that night, yet the brisk wind that came with it stayed around for a while, much to her annoyance and dismay. she hated the cold weather—no, she despises it—and she felt utterly helpless as there is no other thing she could do about it. with a defeated sigh, she wrapped the large blanket around her shivering frame, and she shuffled towards her kitchen to make herself some nice warm tea to battle the cool temperature. 

she could’ve went to the hunter’s moon again that night, but as she was about to enter earlier, she stopped dead on her track as she saw the words closed: private party in bold letters plastered on the front doors of the bar. utterly confused and curious as she always was, she sneaked a peek at the windows and saw a few familiar faces mixed with unfamiliar ones. she spotted luke at the middle of the crowded room, holding out a bottle of champagne as everyone laughed and cheered along with him. she also saw simon standing at the side with a glass in hand, and she could make out maia’s curly locks as she stood with her back facing the door. they all seemed pretty busy celebrating, and after thinking that she probably looked bizarre standing there, she decided to head back home just as the rain started pouring down on the pavement.

she stood at her kitchen, leaning back at the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil. while waiting, she tried to distract herself by picking on her nails—a nervous habit she acquired through the years. after a while, the silence became quite deafening for her, and it reminded her more of the happier times when it didn’t. she looked up from her hands and her eyes directly stared at the chair she used to sit on, and the knowledge of not seeing her there still pains her, even after a year of living without her.   

before her thoughts wandered into deeper territory, the kettle whistled—signaling her that her tea was ready.

she grabbed her tea and made her way towards her little office, where she left some of her paperwork for the other job she had that day. a frown settled onto her face as she realized that her neon lights sign was turned off, and she huffed out a tired sigh as she made her way to the other end of the room where the switch was. with a simple flick of her finger, the lights outside buzzed to life, showing a mix of pink, purple, and blue glow that illuminated some parts of the dark alleyway. she stared fondly at her sign from the window, and a proud smirk found itself on her lips at the sight of the brilliant color choices she’d made. before she went back to her table, she saw something moved from outside. 

she went near the window and noticed someone emerging from the back door of the hunter’s moon. as the light hit the figure’s appearance, she was surprised to see the familiar face of the neck-tattooed guy—alec was his name, as maia pointed out to her before. from her view, alec appeared to be anxious as he started shaking away his nerves from his arms. she watched as he turned back around just as another figure emerged from the shadows of the door, and she instantly recognized the other person—it was magnus. 

the two men stood a few feet apart, rocking on their heels as they waited there silently, soaking in each other’s presence like they haven’t been together for a while. from where she stood, she could tell that the air surrounding them was tensed, with both of them looking worried—and dare she say, terrified—as they try to find their composure. a tight-lipped smile from magnus was all it took for alec to dig up his courage to speak up, and she wondered what he said that made magnus cross his arms on his chest—as if he was trying to hold himself together. she sensed the vulnerability of the two as they bared their souls to each other, but there was also this strong want—this urgent need—to be together, to crash into each other’s arms, to say fuck, i don’t think i would want to live without you. she could tell these things from alec’s determined yet gentle expression as his eyes shined under the neon lights, and it was also evident in the way magnus glanced up with this mix of surprise and fondness as the realization hit him hard on his chest. 

these two love each other so much, she concluded, taking another sip of her tea as the scene outside her home began to slowly unfold before her eyes. these two reminded her so much of the love she once had, and it warms her heart to watch them experience this—this once in a lifetime kind of love that left you breathless, but also full of passion and life. 

inch by inch, the two lovers moved closer as a few more words escaped their lips. she assumed their exchange was a good one, and it was confirmed later on as she saw both of them finally relaxed as the space between them slowly grew smaller and smaller. she felt that the earlier tension between them got swept off with the cold wind, and was replaced with a lighter tone as she saw them share a quiet laugh. not long after that, she smiled into her cup as the lovers melt into each other when their lips crashed into a soft and sweet kiss, and their connected bodies were drenched with the colors of the neon lights as well as the illuminated lanterns that graced the top of the alley. her smile grew bigger as she saw the two decided to leave the celebration early with their arms around each other, and she quietly wished them luck and happiness as they went farther away into the night.   

yup, i think i’m good for tonight, she hummed, taking another sip of her now cold tea before going back to her table with a huge contented smile on her lips.

Not even 2 days after Jace met him, he had to go and get himself kidnapped by the vamps. And then he'd started calling Clary every 5 fucking minutes like she didn't have anything better to do than to talk to him.

And then of course, he shows up on the doorstep in Raphael's arms, dead.

When Raphael told Clary the 2 options, there was ever any doubt in Jace's mind. For some reason, even though he could barely stand the idea of Simon Lewis living forever, the first thought in his mind was "I need more time." That shocked him. More time for what? More time to yell at Simon, to groan and growl every time he got his ass kidnapped? More time to watch how he talked with his hands when he started rambling on about something or another, or how he looked at Clary and how Jace wanted Simon to look at him like that...

Yea, Jace beat that train of thought into the ground with amazing speed.

Anyways, Simon turned into a vamp and somehow had become 10x more annoying than when he was just a regular Mundane.

Shadowhunting-wise, life had calmed down. Valentine was still fucking shit up with astounding speed, but now they knew how to deal with it, and with Aldertree essentially kicking him out of the institute, Jace didn't have much to do with his days anymore except for go to Hunters Moon and flirt with Seelies until they came back to Magnus' with him.

Jace is very good at ignoring that all of the one he brought back had brown hair and brown eyes.

Life was easy for a while there. Of course, a while in Shadowhunter time is like, 3 days, so Jace honestly should've seen the oncoming shitstorm that was about to hit.

First Clary hooks up with Simon, and while he's trying to tell himself that is Simon he's jealous of, his mom throws a fucking axe at his head. Great. Just another Tuesday. The rest of the party goes pretty well, with the exception of the cheating bastard that is-was-his father, so Jace checks it off as a night that wasn't wholly terrible.

Clary goes into "hiding" with her boyfriend, and Jace is amazed at just how incompetent this guy is, and also at how nice his abs are-

Once again, whack-a-mole-with-thoughts comes out in its full raging glory, and it isn't until Clary's hand starts turning black that he can actually fully focus.

So now they have to go find this Madzie kid, and Jace really didn't want Simon to come because he's already having enough trouble and driving around New York with a guy you definitely are not interested in but also like to admire from afar does not sound like how he wants to spend his evening. But of course he comes, and of course he trades Jace's leather jacket for some ribbon that might not even be hers, and of course he's right.

He's always infuriatingly right.

So, the rest of the evening goes off without a hitch. He see his piece of shit dad again, gets the kid back to Clary, and boom, they're done.

That is until Clary gets pulled to God knows where by that little kid.

Jace probably could've stopped her. He should've stopped her. But his mind was preoccupied with "Thanks...for everything." What is everything? Because the only thing the vamp should be thanking him for is saving his girlfriend, and he already did that, so what is everything?

It runs like a broken record in his mind all the way up until Valentine's got an arm around Simon's neck because he's so infuriatingly stupid and selfless and why the fuck did he have to go and fall for a guy that puts his neck on the line every 5 fucking minutes-

And then he's gone.

--

Jace runs on autopilot all the way until Dot tells him that if he touches the Sword, it'll destroy it and take him with it, and he'll be damn if that isn't best news he's gotten all week.

Luke takes him to the Institute after promising 101 different ways that he won't touch the Sword but doesn't intend to keep them, and for some reason Clary is there when they get there. And Raphael’s got her by the neck. And this is going to get very bad very fast if they don't do something right now.

Luke convinces them to let Clary and Magnus (why is he here too?) go, and since everybody is so keen on hearing what the fuck Clary has planned, Jace isn't really listening when she says what happened until the words "Simon" and "hurt" come out of her mouth. Honestly, he's not surprised, but they way she said it made his stomach fall out from under him.

And then she tells him what Valentine did, and Jace sees red.

Everybody seems to be "concerned" that Jace won't convincingly pull off Clary with the shape shifting rune, but he doesn't hear any of it. Right now, the only thing he pretty much wants to do it tear the Institute doors from their hinges and slaughter every single fucking Circle member in there.

He makes it in, and there’s a guard on either side of him and then Valentine is stepping out from the shadows and Jace? Jace has never felt more pure, unaltered rage than he did in that moment. He just wants to see Simon, he needs to see Simon because Jace cannot live with himself if Simon dies without ever knowing how much he's screwed Jace over and how much he loves him for that.

Valentine says something about being too late, but the only thing Jace can hear is the roaring of blood in his ears and heavy breathing of someone who is very, very angry.

--

They take him to Aldertree's office and when they open the door, the floor falls out from under Jace's feet.

Simon is covered in blood. And he's been covered with blood before but not like this. Never like this. It's pulsing out from his throat and staining his lips and hands and arms and everything and for 15 seconds, all Jace can do is stare.

Then the coppery tang hits him dead in the face and he runs over to the desk where there's a knife and slits his arm, hoping, pleading, praying that he's not too late.

And of course, Jace had to go and fall for the most kindhearted guy on the planet because even as a vampire who's bleeding out, he still refuses to drink. And goddammit Jace will not let his kindness get in the way of his life so he shoves his arm up against his mouth, barely feeling the tiny huffs of air that are escaping, and Simon finally, finally drinks.

Of all the Seelies in all the world, Jace thinks,  I would give them all up for another moment of this.

Because Simon drinks, and as Jace arches into what feels like the best make out session/sex ever, he feels a tear roll down his (Clary's?) face because holy shit. He knew that being bitten was like injecting an aphrodisiac straight into your veins, but this...this is almost a religious experience. Jace can feel the blood leaving his arm and travel down Simon's throat, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down and he is gone. His eyes roll back in his head because he thinks that if he looked at Simon right now, covered in blood and sucking the life from his arm, he'd probably rip it away and kiss him until it was just them and the couch and the dim lamplight, Valentine be damned. Dimly, he can feel Simon grabbing his arm as he goes deeper and deeper into his vein, and Jace's vision is completely shot at this point because the only thing he can see in his minds eye is Simon on his arm, Simon taking everything from him, Simon being the opposite of who he normally is and he is loving every single millisecond he spends on his arm. There is not enough time in the world nor words in English to describe exactly how Jace was feeling, but the 2 closest ones would have to be fucking orgasmic.

And then its over. Jace feels Simon being pulled away from him and he slips back to the couch, breathless and tired and absolutely ready for more. He feels the rune slipping him back to his actual body, and when he looks up at Simon with lidded eyes and sagging hands, the thing he sees is horror.

They get out of the office with minimal difficulty, and as they travel down the hall Simon just keeps talking. And he won't stop. He's babbling on about how he's felt blood thirst before but "never that bad" and how he's "really sorry" and if that isn't just the end of his patience.

"I would've killed you."

"I would've let you."

Because he would've. Jace didn't, doesn't and still does not know exactly what this vampire did to him but what he does know is that if Simon were running out of blood Jace would be the first one in line because the thought of Simon dying is something that sent ice crawling through his veins, and he almost lost him tonight and when Simon pulled away Jace swore to himself that he would never, ever let it happen again.