#dear-prudence

1) The Anti-Masker was obviously suicidal before talking to your brother-in-law.

2) The Anti-Masker did not care if she killed your brother-in-law.

“After I realized at the beginning of the year that many of my students were having trouble concentrating, I started keeping a stash of healthy snacks near my desk. The costs add up quickly, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it helps my kids focus. ...I began noticing [the snacks] disappearing dramatically between the time I left each afternoon and the time I clocked in the next morning. Because I rarely stay late enough to see the night staff in person, I started leaving notes on the snacks, stating that they were for students... They were still being taken. I weighed my options and realized I was either going to have to stop buying food for the kids or tell someone, so I mentioned what was happening to our head of facilities. Unbeknownst to me, our head of security hid a camera in the classroom, caught the custodian who was stealing, and promptly fired him. My students’ food is no longer disappearing, but now I have another problem: All my co-workers hate me! ... apparently I broke some unspoken rule about tolerating food theft. Was I wrong to report it? I’m seriously considering quitting because so many people are suddenly being hostile”

Prudence responded...

...while you’re not personally responsible for the collective social failure that’s led to so many of your students’ and colleagues’ food insecurity, I do think it’s important to “tolerate” food theft inasmuch as it seems to me an act of desperation that requires additional support, not punishment, and certainly not unemployment. Your former colleague was already struggling with hunger (or supporting a hungry relative) while working; now he’s got joblessness on top of that to contend with. You say the administration installed cameras and fired the man “unbeknownst to [you],” but you could reasonably have anticipated that reporting would lead to such a consequence, so I think it’s important to acknowledge your direct, intentional role in this man’s firing.

“I told my parents to just go without me and, while reluctant, they would like to go just to smooth things over. As we get closer to Christmas, I am getting depressed at the thought of being alone for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I could go to my friend’s house, but that seems pathetic. Please help!“

Q. My husband’s affair partner talked to my daughter: My husband, “Ted,” had an 18-month-long affair with his co-worker “Angela.” The affair began when I was pregnant with our first child, “Lois,” and ended six months ago, when I found out. At the height of the affair Ted would take our infant daughter to the office on the weekends to give me a break. I have since learned that Angela would meet him (at the office or hotels) and they’d have sex while Lois slept in another room. I am eight months pregnant with our second child and could not have afforded to leave Ted before the pandemic began; I certainly can’t now. Ted, to his credit, has done a lot to begin to rebuild my trust in him, including being an open book. He and Angela could both lose their jobs if their employer found out about the affair, so I don’t want to expose them and lose what financial security our family has. At the same time, I made it clear Angela is to stay the hell away from Lois. She used to fawn over Lois when we visited Ted at work, and the memories make my skin crawl. I have spoken to Angela only once in the past six months, and that was all I said to her.

Ted now works from home. On Friday he had a Zoom call with his team, which includes Angela. While I was making Lois lunch she wandered into Ted’s office, and when I went to grab her, I caught Angela asking Lois questions: “How old are you? Are you excited to be a big sister?” I grabbed Lois without saying anything, gave her lunch, went to our bathroom, and burst into tears. I am livid at myself for letting Lois wander away because I can’t afford to be angry at Angela. Ted tried his best to comfort me, and he agrees Angela was out of line, but he doesn’t feel there’s anything he can do. Lois was in Ted’s office for less than two minutes:. Is it a violation of our previous agreement that Angela talked to Lois? Or was she just being a polite co-worker? I don’t know anymore.

Can we start a GoFundMe to get this woman and her children away from her absolute garbage bag of a husband? What an absolute monster.

Oh yes this guy definitely sounds like he’s mature enough to handle children.

I want to hear more from LW2 because who fucking cares if you share your anniversary with another couple? I don’t expect anyone other than E to care about our anniversary, and he’s the only person I’d want to celebrate with. I suspect there’s more to this than an old lady getting married on a Wednesday that happens to be your anniversary. I want to know what it is. FWIW: I don’t think my MIL even knows when we got married so I could see her planning something for the family for that day and being oblivious but understanding if we declined so we could celebrate.

Our anniversary is October 1, 2010 (10-1-10, which is kinda fun).

1.) When my cousin and his now-wife were setting a date she made him call me to ask if I would mind that they were getting married October 2, 2011, which would mean one year and a day after us. I asked why on earth would I mind and he said, “I don’t know...she was worried it would take away from your anniversary or something?” I told him not to sweat it, book the church and venue, and I’d only be mad if we didn’t get an invite. E and I had a fantastic weekend in SF and went to a wedding we didn’t pay for. Highly recommend.

2.) When one of my friends (I introduced her to her now-husband, and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding) was ready to set the date, she asked if I minded that their wedding was in October. Three years after we got married. I laughed and told her I don’t own the entire month.