#dear jay

Present Day

“ Don’t die on me– Please. ”

His plea was half-whispered as he leant forward and reached for her hand, careful not to dislodge the cannula out of the back of it as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. His lips lingered for a moment or two longer before gently placing her hand back down onto the bed beside her. Not entirely letting go.

Jay remembered reading somewhere that people in comas could hear what was going on around them, and people talking to them. He didn’t know if it was true; he wasn’t a doctor, but it was worth a try, and right now, he was willing to try anything to get her to open her eyes and wake up.

‘’ I need you to wake up for me, ‘’ once he started, the flood gates opened, and he couldn’t stop. The words were pouring out of him.

‘’ So I can….so I can tell you how much you mean to me. You saved my life once. And I know you said to me that the debt had been paid. But I still feel like I owe you. You’ve saved me in more ways than I can put into words since then. You’ve become my best friend, and I don’t think I can imagine my life without you….’’

I’m in love with you….

He didn’t say it, though. He wanted to, but he didn’t want the first time he told her he was in love with her to be while she was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, unable to answer him, unable to tell him how she felt. He just hoped that he did get that chance.

As he lightly drew circles on the top of her hand with his thumb, he gently brushed a few errant strands of hair from her face with his other hand. He wondered if she could feel it, if it was soothing for her at all.

Her parents had been informed and were flying into Chicago. Jay would be picking them up from the airport once they landed, which would be in the next couple of hours.

Will had offered to contact them for his brother, and Jay appreciated the offer, but he had decided it would be better if he were the one to inform them. They had never met before, but she had told her parents all about him without going into explicit detail.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine what they were going through right now, the worry about what they would find the moment they landed. He didn’t want to have to tell them the moment they landed that their daughter had died mid-flight.

‘’ Your parents are on their way; just hang in there, okay. ‘’

No one had come out and said that she was dying. Connor had said they were cautiously optimistic but that she was still in a critical condition. And Jay knew that things could go either way and at the moment, there was no way of adequately predicting whether she would make it or not.

He hoped she did; he wanted her to pull through and survive this. And not just because of his feelings for her. She had other people who cared about her as well, including some of the staff at Med.

He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting, maybe for her to open her eyes. But he hoped that hearing that her parents were on their way would help. Instead, it seemed to have the opposite effect. However, he didn’t know if that was purely a coincidence or because he had mentioned her parents.

But one minute, the room was silent, and the next alarms were filling the room. He was on his feet in seconds, ignoring the pain that the sudden movement caused his aching ribs and moving out into the hallway to call for help.

‘’ HELP…please, I need help in here…’’

Seconds later, the room was filled with medical personnel, leaving Jay to stand in the doorway and watch as they worked to save her life. Connor - who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere - was issuing orders while doing chest compressions.

Jay stood there in the doorway out of the way. Not wanting to watch but unable to tear his eyes away. It was almost like time was standing still. Blocking out everything else that was going on around him—and Instead, concentrating on what was going on in the room in front of him.

Usually, he was more aware of his surroundings - a skill he had used while in the Army, and one he used every day as a cop - but he was so distracted that Will was able to come up beside him without him even really being aware of it. However, his brother's hand to his shoulder - giving it a gentle squeeze - startled him a little.

‘’ What happened, ‘’ Will called over his shoulder as he moved quickly into the room to offer help.

‘’ I….I don’t know, one minute she was okay, and then….’’

He trailed off, unable to finish the rest of his sentence. Connor and Will would have some idea of what was going on with her. Why she suddenly crashed.

He knew things were bad the moment they started shocking her. Once. Twice. Three times. And it felt like they’d been at it for nearly an hour. Of course, in reality, it had only been a couple of minutes. But he watched as they tried to get her heart started again.

And then Connor was saying those three words Jay had been hoping he wouldn’t. Jay's stomach dropped. This was all his fault.

‘’ Time of death….’’

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