oh god I feel like Iām going insane but I needed to finish this thing. Meet Hyacinth, theyāre like primarily based off of the matamata turtle (personal fav turtle). Gentlest soul you could ever encounter like ever.
This is already extremely comforting to me I might get obsessed
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while weāre being vulnerable. does anyone else experience the mental eelness thought pattern of: āI must be feeling this way/experiencing this symptom because of [circumstance/experience/life choice]ā and then being sort of meta-disappointed to consider that actually when circumstance/experience/life choice were different, I also felt this way/experienced this symptom. I canāt even stress out correctly
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out of all my self ships i think **** would thrive so much doing the farming part of the day to day life .. he would help my grandpa w the cows and chickens ..
TIMING: 2 December - 7 December
PARTIES: Jenny @whimmortal (but mentions Henri, Baz, Rosemary and Metzli.)
SUMMARY: Jenny writes in her diary
CONTENT WARNING: Terminal illness
2 december
Dear diary,
Iāve tasted blood and I want more.
Jesus. What a dramatic way to start this entry. Thereās so much to say. I donāt even want to do it.Ā
ā
Iām going to though. Sorry, went to take a little break. Sitting in bath for an hour staring at the wall didnāt help. Should try and write it out.
Okay, so the beginning. letās start there. I went to mistwood the other night and fell and skinned my knee. Henri came and helped me out but then this monstrous thing attacked us because of my smelly blood and its tongue lashed me and ripped up my shoulder and at that moment the poison entered my system and okay long story short, Iām going to be a vampire but a really ugly aggressive one with a massive tongue.
[Thereās an attempt at a drawing of an upior, but itās really bad.]
Well, that. google images is not fukcing helping.
so I spent the night at Henriās after he patched me up and weāre gonna try to find a cure but I didnāt want to just rely on him. so I went to Baz.
3 decemberĀ
Dear diary,
I couldnāt finish last night. I dont wanna think about it. do I even need to record it? whatās the point? we talked about it when it happened. itās all done and handled. I can move on now.Ā
I reached out to some people for help. that guy Emilio and Metzli. what a fucking embarrassment to have to ask those people after all the ways I broke off contact with them. they must think me so desperate and useless. I wonder ifĀ they think they deserve it.
talking to Metzli about this has been good though. I guess.
stuff with baz was so bad. I donāt want them to ever be scared of me. but maybe I should say this here and nowhere else, but their blood tasted so good.
we also didnāt get to talk about thanksgiving. I donāt think weāre going to pick up our almost kiss where we left off now. What with me being doomed to become some kind of horrible thing if we donāt find a cure.Ā
iām going to watch this kids show someone online recommended.
love, Jenny
4 december
Dear diary,
I feel so alone. I only go out for Edward walkies and itās fine but I miss going to cafes and cute shops and getting out and about with people.
but I canāt do it. I canāt go out. And I canāt invite someone over. because what if what happened to Baz happens again?
Henri is being the nicest heās ever been which feels twisted. everything feels so wrong.Ā
I donāt feel very sick though. But I canāt sleep. I just lay awake and feel tired and a bit clammy.
the sun is horrid though. Like itās way brighter than usual but that canāt be because itās fucking november in maine.Ā
5 december
So what if itās not so bad?
just hear me out for a bit, diary. like, what if it isnāt so bad? What if I can find a way to live with this? Maybe we will find a cure and I can try to become a normal vampire but Iām not being super optimistic right now with the lack of results.
so, what if it happens? I will be immortal. so that is great. And yes, it will be horrible to have such a weird and bad tongue, but it will be manageable. Maybe I can do a diet of blood bags! or maybe I can just readjust and sometimes kill people. like thatās terrible, but maybe thatās inevitable and maybe I just need to prepare for that. maybe thatās just the new reality. right? how bad can it be?Ā
but I will be immortal. and I can sort out so much with all the time Iāll have. And maybe there can be something about it, you know. body horror. blood. maybe it can be okay. maybe I can make it work.Ā
ā
I wrote that at 3am and I dont know how i feel about all that. letās not unpack that.
Iām asking Rosemary to come over tomorrow to help with a cure
Iām canceling my plane tickets for christmas. regardless of what happens I think I just need to stay here and I can always book something last minute if everything turns out okay and human. but I canāt even begin to think about being around those little clumsy tikes.Ā
I don't want to hurt them.
December 6
dear diary,
Rosemary is going to help. she seemed very determined but itās not her area of expertise. I should have befriended more witches maybe. but Iām so glad she came over. it was just good to be held for a bit. and I didnāt even drink any of her blood.Ā
I hope she can figure it out. I feel kind of bad asking for this big a favor. but itās for the best. I can repay her a hundred times. sheās just such a good friend. dont know how I got to deserve that. but Iāll take it you know?Ā
iāve been chainsmoking and am all out of vape pods. they donāt doordash or instacart those so Iāve asked henri of all people to bring them. which he did.
so saw two people in one day. now just me again. Iām getting cabin fever. at least Baz has been video calling a lot.
I drank my own blood last night. It tasted like shit. but it worries me that it still tasted better than these blueberries I got.Ā
December 7
I want to drink blood. accidentally scrolled past this fancam on tiktok that had blood and now my mind has been focused on nothing but that. Iāve been pulling at the hangnails at my fingers and I just canāt stop thinking about it. not even blaring music helps. itās just all blood blood blood in my head. itās a miracle thatās not all Iām writing. Imagine that, my diary just being scribbles of blood blood blood. Henri would eat that shit up.
no way heās gonna read these though.
I miss being around people. I wanna call Ash but idek what to say to her.Ā
I guess itās kind of like Iām terminally ill, right? but with the hope of a deus ex mechina cure? yeah. I guess thatās it. I guess Iām dying. and Iām withering away in my living room watching stupid kid shows and blooper reels and I just canāt do this. I want to see my family. thatās funny, huh? the way I want them now. not mom or dad, but def Ash and Nel. their stupid kids. Grandpa. I just want one of them to hold me for a moment. Thatās how it supposed to be when youāre terminally ill. your family should be there. my friends. But Iām just sat here. and itās not like my life is going to end if this cure doesnāt come, Iāll still be alive, but still. my body is definitely not right at the moment. I just feel so alone.
I wish I could invite Baz. but I canāt risk it. I canāt risk any of them. Maybe Metzli but I canāt cope with the thought of them in my house even if my blood probably tastes like shit now. itās just too much.
