#deaf parent

(2/2) I also want the daughter to be against it (and win the argument). Having her own idea about the world and knowing that she doesn’t need to change anything, that her life is her own and she hasn’t spoken in her life yet and she doesn’t want to start now. But I’m hearing and idk if this would be offensive or insensitive at all. (Or if written well maybe it wouldn’t be) I have an alternate idea that’s a similar fight but I wanted an opinion on this.

Generation Differences in Minority Communities

This is a fantastic ask, and you’ve hit a very prominent nail on the head. In communities that have been othered and oppressed for years, it can be hard for older people to adjust to the new way of life. My uncle still doesn’t like Pride because he can’t get over the internalised homophobia from all the stuff he went through, and my “fuck ‘em” approach makes him nervous. I personally would love to see a story like this carried over to the d/Deaf community.

In writing an arc like this, be it for play, screen or book, it’s really important that you share the opinions equally between both parties and remain as impartial as you can be. I know how annoying it is to hear your older relatives yapping on about “in their day”, but when it comes to sensitivity and minority issues the situation is a lot more complex.

As in the example of the generation difference between myself and my uncle, being angry at him for his hesitation would be a shitty thing to do. As a young queer person living in the UK in the 21st century, I have protections that he could never have hoped to have. In the case of your characters, the father would have gone through experiences that the daughter couldn’t understand. The world today is a far cry from perfect, but it’s still one hell of a lot better for people living with disabilities than it was ten years ago - let alone sixty! The element that should be shown as wrong is the unwillingness to listen to what the daughter wants. The mental trauma that the dad would have gone through is a reason - a fact - but doesn’t mean he has any right to force his daughter’s decisions.

As for you being a hearing author writing this, I think that you’ll be fine. I know I always say that specific stories shouldn’t be told unless you’ve gone through them yourself, but parents trying to live vicariously through their children is so, so common. It’s a broad enough issue that it doesn’t really belong to anyone in particular, and so long as you show each side of the argument in sensitive balance you’ll be fine to write it.

The key takeaway is: focus on the issue as being generational differences, rather than Deafness and language. In your scene, Deafness and language is just a catalyst that sets off the issue, and hopefully, your audience will have experienced the “You should do [X] because I didn’t have it growing up and want the best for your” schpiel from their parents enough to understand.

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