#deadromance

The world his boundless playground and we are toys available for his amusement and disposal.

Do you truly love me?

Or is that feeling simply desire?

At this point love seems like to me a elusive fantasy,

A fallacy humans foolishly entertain yet never quite fully attain.

Bubbles float up higher and higher And I watch them go Like they’re mine. I’m not sure if the wave  Of remorse that comes next is because I let them  Leave in the first place or  Because they seem to be doing just as well on Their own.

I’m far below, Way further down than you would ever dare to Go. My conscience laughs at that coincidence but My heart beats slower, unaffected, like it had pieced The puzzle together before you brought it home  From the store.

Don’t be silly, I see your mouth say but the words are Drowned out by the distance. There’s  An odd comfort in knowing that we are separated By intention and not ambiguity (Like yesterday).

I wish you were  Obsessed with me like you once were, The way your fingers would hold Mine like they were prison guards Or an infant’s desperation, the way Your eyes would linger when they thought I couldn’t see.

But now you leave the  Room and take your dark soul, Your faded spark, and My empty glass with you.

So I’m sat here drinking tea and feeling miserable and angry all at the same time. I’m miserable because things fucked up again and angry because I let it happen, I’m so angry at myself!  

Things with my part-time lover is officially deceased, today he completely avoided me and and refused to speak one word to me as if I never existed or we were never friends like I’m invisible.

I tried to keep things professional, but I was disregarded like I wasn’t even present or worthy of conversation!

It’s fine of he wanted to end things but don’t treat me like I was never a friend or colleague, Jesus we still have to work together!  The atmosphere now is really uncomfortable, he used me and told me sweet little lies and controlled me to now make me feel like the evil bitch, when I was the one fooled yet again! 

This time I am older and stronger, and you all I have to say is FUCK YOU, FUCK WHAT YOU’RE ABOUT AND GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! 

It feels so good to write that down!

I’m keeping myself busy…plus new tattoo next week!! It’s time for a new me, and baby, Satan has saved you a place in the pit.