#deaddance

Feel My Love

By Jessica Carden

Twitter: @jessielolita

Tumblr: deaddance

I looked out the window at the evening snow falling softly to the ground, like angels cascading gently from heaven. I missed you more and more with each passing snow flake. "I'll be home in time, love. I promise" I heard Niall's words play in my head. I wrapped the wool blanket around me tighter as a futile attempt to make up for the Irish arms that were not around me. I slipped away deep in memory, "Babe, don't be sad. The US tour will be over soon and I'll be back in your arms before you know it", his soft accent spoke as the cold Ireland winds blew. His blue eyes buried with regret and excitement, I knew it was a bitter sweet experience. This was all apart of what comes with the title of dating a pop star. And every time I looked into those two blue pearls, I saw so much more than that and less than that at the same time. He was my angel and yet the regular man I fell so in love with and I knew he respected that about me. I could see him for who he really was. I felt the hot tears build in the back of my eyes as he hugged me tightly, his hands wretched in my hair as if trying to take in every touch. He pulled away cupping my face firmly and stared deep into my eyes, "I can look into your eyes and see home. See where I am meant to be," he said. Then he brought my lips to his, no tongue, just a sweet passionate good bye kiss. I shivered as a single tear dropped down my face, Niall's hand wiped it away. In that symbolizing all the pain he wiped away in my life; losing my dad, never feeling good enough or pretty enough, my mom's cancer. Niall could wipe all that away and he was where I was meant to be. He slowly separated and turned to board the plane, I turned and walked away.

    "Rachel! Are you getting ready?", I heard my friends yell. With that I was snapped back into the cold lonely reality, that no car would pull up carrying my most precious cargo tonight. "The party is gonna start!", Jess came up and told me. "I know, I'll be down in a minute", I replied quietly still looking outside. "He will keep his promise", she assured as she went back downstairs. I pulled myself up out of the window sill and got dressed, my birthday party wasn't going to be the same without him there. I had prepared myself for the possibility that he wasn't coming and every second that passed it became more of a reality. Slipping my black dress and my red pumps, I headed downstairs. "Foxy mama!", Jess and Lili yelled. I smiled smugly and shrugged. They just wrapped their arms around me as we exited the cottage Niall and I shared. It seemed so empty without his hearty laugh or obscene burping after one of my dinners. The country side car ride was abruptly silent as no one really knew what to say. We pulled up to a pub and I sighed heavily, "Fucking hell". Jess and Lili just laughed, "You got this". 

Music was booming, it was surreal that all this was for me. I still couldn't get used to it all. Suddenly another memory came flooding back to a birthday before. Niall always loved to surprise me whether it be with gifts or a short getaway, anything to get my jaw dropping. I knew it couldn't have been easy because I always caught on to things in the beginning which he quickly understood. Causing the surprises to be extravagant, one time in particular he asked me around November, "If you could go anywhere, where and why?", to which I replied, "Ireland". And oh man, the smile that blew up on his face, like a kid on Christmas. I hadn't caught on at the time to his devious plan. In what I thought was a routine flight to England to meet him for a few days turned into much more. He had arranged a small plane to pick me up and me flying I hit the Z's. I slept the whole ride, once landed I gathered my luggage and entered the little cab. Usually I would have arrived at a high class airport in which I would have left in a limo or high class car, but I rubbed it out as Niall being lame. Looking back I felt completely dumb, I didn't even pay attention to the change of scenery. We pulled up to a small cottage in the middle of no where, I found Niall standing outside grinning enormously. I looked around completely lost, exiting the cab I asked cautiously, "What's going on?". "Silly American girl, you're in Ireland! And this is my home!", Niall laughed as he ran up to me and picked me up to spin me around. He let me go and stepped back, "Shut up! No way", I screamed. I turned around and took in all the greenery and mountains and hills and the fresh air. "I love you, Niall James Horan!", I yelled as I buried my face into his muscular chest taking in his musky, fresh scent. I felt him giggle slightly and whisper, "Anything for my sweet American Girl". He was always calling me that, 'American Girl' and I didn't mind because I was his American. And that's all I ever wanted to be was his. He brought me out to Ireland to his home, to meet his family, to experience his life away from the flashing camera lights and away from the stage. There he was a normal guy, with normal chores, and a normal life. No one in Mullingar saw him as a member of One Direction, they saw him as the boy who had grown up there. It was refreshing to be able to walk down the street with him like a normal couple, being all cute and affectionate.

  The loud music of the pub had once again yanked me back from my pleasant reminiscing and I hadn't been paying attention to anyones birthday wishes and the stack of presents hadn't even pinched a nerve of excitement. Out of nowhere I felt a cold draft meaning someone else had entered the pub, I thought this strange because everyone I knew was already throwing back pints, I was only missing one person. And then it hit me, I raced to the entrance, but was met with disappointment. I turned around and was shakenly surprised, there was a familiar purple coat hanging on the coat rack. I turned around slowly and there he was, "Come here often?", Niall asked nonchalantly. I did my best to remain cool, "No, just waiting on my boyfriend", I smiled sarcastically, "he'll be here any minute". He chuckled and I felt my knees get weak, "Oh a boyfriend is it? Then I guess I better snatch ya up while I can", he winked. With that we exited the pub and he opened the door to the waiting cab for me. "How was America?", I asked curious about the place I once called home. "Oh it was ahh, good." he smiled as he placed his hand on my naked knee. Just the touch of his skin sent me in to cardiac arrest. We had been an item for almost two years and he still gave me butterflies in my stomach like a first date. I could still look upon his face and smile because he was so beautiful to me, it was like every glance I found something new to fall in love with; a new freckle or a new dimple or even a new facial expression. I gently laid my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his long arm around me and in that moment I realized that a stupid wool blanket could never replace this. The car ride was silent and yet there was so much we could say just being in eachother's arms and that was a blessing.

We came to a slight stop as we pulled up to the cottage, I saw some glimmering lights flash from inside and I wondered if I left a light on before we left. Niall helped me out of the car and pulled me in to him to protect me from the nightly winter winds. Our steps in sync as we made our way to the door step and before we entered Niall removed a black scarf he had been wearing and tied it around my eyes, "No peeking, love", he demanded and I didn't argue. We entered the toasty warm home and the scent of vanilla and other winter favorite scents flooded my nostrils taking me to a place of coziness and warmth. "Mmmmm it smells so good", I said transfixed. He just giggled as he removed the blindfold to reveal a small table set for two and a candle lit dinner accompanied with wine. I gasped and brought my hands to my face in shock, "Oh my God, Niall!" He pulled out my seat and gestured me to sit down, followed by him taking his spot from across the tiny dim lit table. "Niall, I don't know what to say. This is all so wonderful and I missed you so much", I graciously thanked him. "You're a sweetheart, my sweet heart, who deserves the world. I just hope for the chance to provide it", he smiled. I felt more moisture build up behind my eyes. Niall rose up and came over and knelt in front of me, "My American Girl shouldn't be crying, she's too beautiful", he whispered and kissed me on the cheek. "Now, love, lets eat. I am starving!" he growled. I just laughed through my tears because some things just never change. And if they did, it would only mean Niall's hunger grew. We ate and he told crazy stories about the boys on tour. About how Harry streaked through a hotel hall way naked, about how mad Liam got at Harry. How Louis and Zayn pranked all the guys, all the mischief they got into and Paul chasing them. I thought about Harry and what him and Jess were doing this Christmas. She was leaving tonight to England to meet him. Niall and I had laughed the whole time while he stuffed his face. One thing I had never had to worry about when we ate were left overs, Niall always ate his weight in food. I envied him because he never gained a damn pound.

Once we were done eating I rose from the table and began cleaning up. I was washing dishes when I felt two hands squeeze my waist then a hard body pressed against me. Niall rested his chin on my shoulder, "I have more planned". With that he picked me up bridal style and I jumped from the sudden change of standing to being in the most amazing place on earth. I turned my head to face him, his eyes gleaming with excitement and lust and I could smell the hint of wine on his breath. My heart racing with wonder, Niall's strong arms engulfed me. He stepped up the stairs to the bed room with ease. I felt as light as the snowflakes that fell from the night sky. He gently sat me down on the bed and put a finger up to me for me to wait a minute. He disappeared into the bathroom, I looked around waiting for what could possibly be coming. I heard a click and suddenly one of my favorite Irish jams came on, "When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you!", with that Niall burst out of the bathroom in his shamrock boxers with a snap back. He galloped around the room shaking and grinding to the song. I had never laughed so hard in my entire life. He came over and grabbed my hand and slid down his chest raising one eyebrow at me. I blushed uncontrollably and turned away, he was too much sometimes. I closed my eyes because I couldn't laugh anymore, it hurt too bad. The song ended and when I opened my eyes Niall was standing in front of me smiling shyly. He pulled me up so we were face to face and brought his hands to the back zipper of my dress. I immediately felt the release as his hands came down and with the greatest ease the dress fell off. He sat me back down and reached for my shoes not once breaking eye contact, then removing my shoes. I felt like Cinderella. I backed up to the top of the bed on my elbows as he crawled on his knees toward me. Straddling me he reached over and pulled a rose from the flower vase sitting next to the bed. "Close your eyes", He commanded, I obeyed my pulse racing even harder.

I felt the cold petals trail my face and I took in the scent of him and the rose completely. The cold flower slid down my body tickling every nerve I ever possessed in my being. I felt the sensation all the way to my core where it began to get warm. Then I felt Niall's lips, on my lips, my neck, my breast. He kissed his way down my body following the exact steps the rose had. I felt his hot breath right above my panties and inhaled slightly. His hands gently peeled off my lace underwear revealing the very center of my ecstasy. Niall spread my knees apart and lifted me up to his face, his lips softly massaging my entrance. It tickled, but in a sensual way to where I felt myself get more excited. He laid me back down and I felt his tongue tease my wet core. With a sudden burst his tongue pushed past and slid into me dancing inside. I inhaled sharply, "Oh my god yes!". I felt a finger massage my clit as he licked me up and down. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold back my climax until his finger slid into me replacing his tongue. With that I let go and came, "Niall!", I screamed as the wave of pleasure crashed on to my body. He brought his body equal to mine, eyes locked, "When you scream my name, you have no idea what it does to me. Let me make love to you, I want this to be special". He slid his boxers off so quickly I hadn't even realized. His hard staff pressed against my entrance, he rose up on his knees and pressed it against me even harder, teasing me. Rubbing it against my entrance in a circling motion. "Make love to me, Niall", I begged. That was all she wrote, he slowly pushed forward letting my body get used to him. "Shit", he cried as I felt my walls tighten around him. He fell forward and our lips crashed together. My hands wrapped up in his blond locks and his hands under my arms grabbing my shoulders as he thrusted long and slow into me. I felt his stomach breathe in and out heavily from lust and I arched my back in sheer pleasure. His hands came down and he easily undid my bra. I moaned at the sensation of the cold air stiffening me. Chest to chest I felt the second orgasm rise in me, my core throbbing, Niall gasping feeling the pleasure as I came again. He picked me up on to his lap breaking the kiss for some much needed air, "God I love you, Rachel. I love you more than anything", he said between gasps. I returned the comment by kissing him again. At this point air wasn't needed. I grinded on to him as he moaned out loud, "Fuck!". His hands rubbing down and up my back, massaging my head, he tilted me back revealing my naked chest.

I felt his rough finger tips tease my stiff nipples as we grinded in sync to eachother. Breathing heavily Niall thrusted hard and quick into me. I pulled myself back up because I knew that this was it, the ultimate climax. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me close to his body. I felt every muscle of his contract from pleasure and his sweat melted on to me. We were one for a second in time and this was all that mattered. His thrusts became more hard and long, I felt him pulsate inside of me and we both screamed, "UHHHHHNNNN!", as we climaxed together. His warm liquid rushing into me, I collasped in his arms as he laid me on the bed. I was in sheer perfection. Niall rested next to me, I turned and buried myself into his body. Drifting off to sleep I heard him say, "There's nothing I won't do to make you feel my love. Happy Birthday, my sweet American Girl..." I didn't dream that night, I think it was because a dream is a wish that your heart makes and anything I could wish for was right here. I woke the next morning to find Niall sound asleep, completely dead to the world. His soft skin met with long curly eye lashes, his tousled hair from the night before, his breaths even and deep. I carefully got up and wrapped a blanket around me and retook my spot on the window sill and watched the morning snow fall. I gently cracked the window to take in some fresh air, it was a sharp chill, but still ever so wonderful. It was completely white out side, you couldn't even tell there had ever been greenery before. A single snow flake drifted in and landed on my nose, I quickly brushed it off. "White lips, pale face, breathing in snow flakes", I heard my angel hum from behind as he sat down tiredly next to me with his guitar and we silently watched the morning snow fall as he played sweet melodies. In that time I realized no one would ever mean to me like he did. He was my snowflake that I wanted to watch forever. 

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