#dead herring

The chapter starts with the follow-up to Bella meeting the Blacks and Charlie from the end of chapter 11. And… nothing happens. Charlie doesn’t learn that Bella’s seeing Edward. Billy doesn’t learn that Bella’s seeing Edward. Jacob does learn that Bella’s seeing Edward, but he laughs it off and is unaffected by the information (knowing what happens later in the series, this is hilarious). Oh, and Bella doesn’t crush Jacob’s delusions when she has the chance. Everyone leaves the reunion in exactly the same position they entered it.

Bella even lampshades the pointlessness of the scene in her narration when she claims she almost completely forgot about it when she wakes up the following morning.

Before Bella goes to bed though, Charlie talks to her and tells her that he’s planning to go fishing with some police buddies on Saturday, but if Bella needs a companion for the trip to Seattle he’s willing to cancel. Bella says that she doesn’t mind being alone, in order to keep him away so Edward can take her somewhere unknown without her father noticing.

That was the only part that mattered in their discussion, and it sickens me to write it down like that. But that’s what happened: Bella lied to her father so that she could see a boy behind his back and let him take her somewhere she’s never been before, and explicitly not the place her father thinks she’s going to be.

The next day, Firday, Edward drives Bella to school for a third day in a row. After a reminder that it’s still Edward’s turn to ask questions (the dick), it cuts to lunch and… without warning, Edward says he should have let Bella drive to school herself. Because he and Alice are leaving right after lunch so that Edward can feed before his date and, with him and his car gone, Bella won’t have a ride. Bella says that she can walk home. Edward objects and says that Bella’s truck will be in the parking lot by the end of the day. Bella thinks that there’s no point since she left her keys in her pants on Wednesday and they must be buried in the laundry room; there’s no way Edward could find them even if he broke into her house.

Of course, after Edward introduces Bella and Alice to each other and he leaves with his sister, the rest of Bella’s day is glossed over and she finds her truck where Edward parked his car this morning, with the key. And a note written by Edward that only says “be safe”.

Aside from Alice’s formal introduction, this whole business about Bella’s truck is pointless. It only serves to hint at Edward’s… visiting, and chapter 11 already did that with the CD player. Oh, and Edward’s… visiting gets hinted at again later in the chapter, which doubles the pointlessness of it.

Don’t believe me? After Bella gets home from school in her truck she makes a big deal about choosing an outfit for her date tomorrow. The following morning she greets Edward at her doorstep, and guess what?

Edward’s wearing a matching outfit! What a coincidence!

Except it’s very much not a coincidence, because Edward saw Bella’s date outfit overnight and dressed accordingly. Edward only had to leave school early because that was the only way he could feed without giving up watching Bella sleep. He doesn’t need to sleep himself, after all.

One hint could mean anything. Two hints are enough to make a logical deduction. Three hints?

That’s mind-numbingly obvious and insulting to a reader’s intelligence.

If the business with Bella’s keys were omitted, and Bella drove to school on her own and met Edward at lunch where he’d bring up leaving early to feed before the date, then there’d still be enough foreshadowing for savvy readers to predict Edward’s… visiting without being obnoxious about it. Especially since the truck business is the only one with a dead herring in Bella thinking there was no way Edward could locate her keys.

Also, in between lunch and getting to bed, Bella tells Mike (during Gym) and Jessica (over the phone after school) that she cancelled her plans to go to Seattle with Edward but still won’t go to the dance. These moments are pointless too since Bella’s ultimately just swapping out one lie for another; nothing is gained or lost by leaving Mike and Jessica under the impression she’s going to Seattle with Edward. These moments do have Bella reflect that it’s getting easier for her to lie to people, but that’s a lie in itself since we’ve seen her lie effortlessly from the very beginning.

What of consequence is left in the chapter, at this point?

Charlie’s plans and Alice’s introduction still matter, as pointed out earlier. And Bella getting to bed on Friday night. And Saturday morning, which is just Edward showing up with a matching outfit and giving directions to Bella to take her to a clearing in the middle of the woods at a dead end in the road, ending right as Edward’s about to step into the sunlight and show Bella his sparkling.

And all of that could be cut shorter since it’s littered with the gushing I explained at the beginning of the review. Mostly in regards to Edward on Saturday, but interestingly enough Bella considers Alice just as attractive. Even though what little we do get of an objective description - tiny with messy black hair - leaves the impression that Alice looks like a child who doesn’t know how to take a shower yet.

Maybe it’s Bella’s deeply repressed motherly instincts coming to the surface and wanting to give this dirty little girl a bath. It would be more interesting than her “relationship” with Edward as it is now, at any rate.

Oh, and Alice shares a name with the protagonist of Alice in Wonderland while Bella’s one letter away from Belle, the protagonist of Beauty and the Beast. They’re both named after Disney princesses. Was that intentional? Maybe. Is that Sue-ish? Definitely.

Regardless... it’s settled. Mike’s too good for Bella and he has Jessica anyway, so I’m on Team Alice for the moment.

Shame though, because Alice is apparently the only Cullen that supports Edward’s courting of Bella; everyone else is confused right now. And Rosalie in particular seems to hate the idea outright what with the glare she gives Bella in the middle of Alice’s introduction.

As for the introduction itself, it was a good idea on Meyer’s part; isolating Alice and introducing her to us on her own sends the signal that Alice is special among the Cullens and that she is going to be particularly important down the road. And considering how vital Alice’s power is to the story as a whole and how Alice is the Cullen that Bella bonds with more than any other except Edward himself, those signals are well-placed.

Enough about Alice, though. The only thing left I really want to talk about is Bella getting ready for bed. She’s apparently quite restless and can’t get to sleep without taking some pills.

So Bella drugged herself to sleep because of pre-date anxiety.

I’d say this was an effective display of Bella’s anxiety and a decent character moment, but the problem is chapter 9 exists. Bella was almost gang-raped and later on got her entire worldview shattered due to Edward going into detail about vampires, and she didn’t need drugs to fall asleep after those. Because of chapter 9, Bella using drugs to fall asleep before a date comes off as melodramatic and Bella getting weaker because of Edward’s abuse. And that’s not the impression Meyer wants to be giving me.

So at last we’ve come to the end of chapter 12. Basically nothing happened aside from laying the stalker foreshadowing on too thick and saying hello to Alice. A whole lot of this chapter could have been cut and nothing would be lost. Even with the intention to end a chapter on Edward about to sparkle, this whole chapter could have been condensed and tacked on to the end of chapter 11, which already ended on a cliff-hanger.

I have to say it's marginally better than chapter 1. Mostly because Bella doesn't whine quite as much.

But less whining only makes her inherent bitchiness more apparent. When Bella first reads her email and learns that Mom is very worried about her? She responds by lying, saying everything's fine when everything isn't fine. One could make an argument that Bella was trying to ease Renee's suffering by telling her things are okay, but that's not the impression I'm getting. With her other actions in the previous chapter and this one, I find it's more in-character for Bella to lie to her mom because she doesn't trust her mom with her problems. That or she's too proud to accept anyone's help. It wasn't an act of altruism in either case.

Actually, being honest is something that just doesn't come to Bella as an option most of the time, despite Bella thinking that she's a bad liar. Case in point: Mike Newton. Bella's starting to get fed up with Mike constantly giving her attention, to the point that she's comparing him to a dog, but she never even considers just telling Mike that she doesn't like it when people hover over her and asking him to give her some space. No; instead, she only reacts to situations that pop up to avoid him, like the snowball fight, rather than the direct, proactive approach. She even accepts Mike's invitation to his party at La Push out of “politeness”, when she could have just said no to get out of a trip she wouldn't want to go on. Speaking of which, poor Mike. He clearly thinks he has a chance with Bella and enjoys every minute they spend time together, yet unbeknownst to him Bella is imagining him with a wagging tail and being more concerned with Edward being absent than paying attention to the people that are right in front of her. I hope this doesn't become a trend...

The only time Bella tries being honest is with Edward... and I got the impression it was more because Bella was too afraid of Edward to try her usual tactics than anything else. I know how this story ends so I'm not going to go on a massive rant about it here, and my hopes would be dashed anyway, but if Bella weren't such a bitch I'd be on Team Mike Newton.

That aside, there is something new that's made apparent about Bella in this chapter: she projects her own opinion on everyone else and despite being aware she doesn't see things the same way everyone else does, is convinced the world works the way she sees it. Two things pop out at me the most to drive this point home. The first is that Bella can't fathom the possibility that people as beautiful as the Cullens could have trouble being accepted, and assume they must isolate themselves by choice. While she is sort of right in this case, her reasoning is faulty. As she thinks here:

“With their remarkable good looks, the style with which they carried themselves, they could have worn dishrags and pulled it off. It seemed excessive for them to have both looks and money. But as far as I could tell, life worked that way most of the time. It didn't look as if it bought them any acceptance here.

No, I didn't fully believe that. The isolation must be their desire; I couldn't imagine any door that wouldn't be opened by that degree of beauty. (Twilight chapter 2: Open Book)”

She simply does not consider the possibility that there are some privileges that beauty can't access. Which ought to be obvious, given how common “looks can be deceiving” and “don't judge a book by its cover” are as Aesops, but it isn't for Bella for some reason. As of now, I've come to the conclusion that it isn't obvious to Bella because Bella values physical appearance more highly than usual. It is the only apparent reason she liked Mike and didn't like Eric in chapter 1, after all; they act more or less the same, just look different.

As for the second one, in chapter 1 Bella assumes that Jessica must have been jealous of the Cullens to give them dirty looks. That's her first thought for when a girl does something even remotely negative; they must be jealous. Yet in this chapter, Bella tells Jessica off for looking at Edward and even, using the book's terms, contemplates violence if Jessica didn't stop. It's made apparent both before and after this that Bella is too scared of Edward to look him in the eyes. And here we have another girl who isn't, and Bella actively works to undermine her attempts to do so, and even thinks about assaulting her. From those actions, it seems to me that Bella is jealous of Jessica being confident enough in herself to look the Cullens, Edward in particular, in the eyes. So her assumption that Jessica must be jealous sheds some light on Bella's own character, namely that she tends to get jealous and projects that tendency on other girls.

The alternative is Bella was trying to get Jessica to stop purely so she doesn't attract Edward's attention with her eye-balling him because of how scared of Edward she is. Which sheds a rather different light on Bella's character...

Also... I know New Moon wasn't originally intended to be part of the story, but I'm going to take this part here as foreshadowing, authorial intent or lack thereof be damned:

“When I came here as a child, he would always remove the bullets as soon as he walked in the door. I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose. (Twilight chapter 2: Open Book)”

Charlie's Gun doesn't go off from my understanding, but Bella attempting suicide didn't come out of nowhere either.

At any rate, that little blurb is a probably unintentional example of, to me, the biggest problem with this chapter: what Mervin over at Das Sporking calls Dead Herrings. It's what happens when a development tries to be a red herring, but is so obviously a red herring it ruins the suspense and ends up only pointing toward the development it's trying to steer the audience away from, and it's a hallmark of bad writing. Every time Edward's absence comes up, Bella thinks it couldn't possibly be because of her; Bella is most definitely NOT the reason Edward isn't coming to school!... You know, the sort of lines Marik throws around in his obviously poor disguise Malik Blishtar in Yugioh Abridged, just played seriously rather than for laughs. So of course Edward isn't coming to school because of Bella. Way to ruin the surprise, Meyer.

What's worse is that there's actually a plausible red herring that could have avoided that mess. Wanna know what that is?

Edward was sick.

His unusual behaviour in chapter 1 could have been him reacting to the first symptoms of an illness, and he was taking time off school in order to get it treated/cured. The other Cullens don't take time off with him because their father is the town doctor and they trust him with being able to take care of their brother. Everything is covered up nicely, and it doesn't spoil the reveal that Bella's the reason Edward is skipping.

Speaking of Edward, there's one point that Bella asks him if he got contacts. Edward says no. His eye colour changed, Bella noticed Edward's eye colour change... and he doesn't go with the obvious cover-up answer of yes. So Edward, on top of repeatedly scaring Bella so far... is an idiot that doesn't know how to cover up his tracks. How he managed to stay in school long enough to get several college degrees without giving himself away is beyond me.

Lastly, my question regarding why Bella moved to Forks is answered here... and I find myself scratching my head at it. She says she moved to Forks because her mom remarried to Phil and Phil's job requires that they move around a lot, so Bella decided to “spend quality time with Charlie” as an alternative. Though she hasn't tried to spend quality time with Charlie at all, really, or even ask around about what he does or try to get to know him better. It's something that bugged me about chapter 1 too; Bella's father is the Chief of Police. Chief Charlie Swan ought to be almost as much of a household name as Doctor Carlisle Cullen in the area! It's a given that the school would be interested in his daughter, something she even brings up mentally in chapter 1, but Bella never uses this as a springboard for conversation. In hindsight, it seems off that Bella would be so anxious about fitting in at school when she as a tool she can use to create a network of friends rather easily. She has a connection that gives her a head start; most new kids don't have that luxury. And Bella doesn't even try to use it.

Hell, there's a way Bella moving to Forks could actually make more sense, and even make Charlie's job have a more significant impact on what's going on: have Bella want to become a police officer. It's a job that involves putting herself in danger to serve the people, so it's right up there in the “selfless” job category that any author could give their protagonist to make them look good, which I'm sure Meyer wants Bella to be like in spite of my own impression that she's an ungrateful bitch, and it also gives Bella a proactive motive for moving to Forks even though she doesn't like it there; namely, to learn about the trade from her father. Even after she becomes a vampire and wouldn't reasonably be able to pursue that career, she could still use her super human powers to protect the innocent and those weaker than herself from the shadows, being able to still help people on a frequent basis despite what she's become! She could be the Batman to her dad's Commissioner Gordon!