Carl: Yeah I got good at frogger because my mom locked me in the basement anytime my dad's friends came around because she didn't want me around them... why are you guys looking at me like that?

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Carl: Yeah I got good at frogger because my mom locked me in the basement anytime my dad's friends came around because she didn't want me around them... why are you guys looking at me like that?

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*When Katia first joined the royal court*
Katia: Why does the Ai call you baby girl?
Carl: Katia, do me a favor. Why don't we stop talking for a little while?
Book 5 Spoilers:
Okay so you know when Carl rips the nipplering out of Iota and the mongolienses licking his feet. I just imagined the Ais jaw dropping to the floor literally and it made me laugh.
*Katia on the fourth floor*
Katia: That was so fucking insane I can't stop shaking!
Carl: I could really go for like a dr.pepper and takis right now.
*Mordecai when he found out Stalwart punched Chaco*
Mordecai: YEAHHHH!
*Mordecai when he found out Odette made Donut her champion*
Mordecai: NOOOOOO!

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*Carl opening door to Mordecais room*
Carl: Hey Mordecai, I Ieft a bag of bird seed on the counter do you know where it -
*Opens door fully to see Mordecai eating the bag of bird seed.*
Carl: I knew it-
Mordecai: You saw nothing.
Katia: Hey Mordecai, why is Carl in a harness?
Mordecai: I saw him muttering to himself about something and I didn't hear what it was and I didn't want to deal with whatever it was so he's in a harness until I'm ready or he drops it whichever comes sooner.
Samantha's tinder profile would be insane.