Everyone’s a human au where Donut is a beauty pageant kid and Carl is fighting Beatrice for custody, Mordecai is his lawyer and the dungeon ai is the judge who wants to fuck Carl
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Everyone’s a human au where Donut is a beauty pageant kid and Carl is fighting Beatrice for custody, Mordecai is his lawyer and the dungeon ai is the judge who wants to fuck Carl

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I have a no dungeon au where Donut is a human child kicking around in my brain and I need you all to know that Carl, master of repression, is jumping through the most intricate and ridiculous of mental hoops to avoid referring to or thinking of Donut as his kid. Nobody fucking buys it. But they also clearly both have some wild abandonment issues so everyone seeing this man lie to himself with all the skill of a drunk donkey is kind of like okay. Saying something now is probably a bad idea. And they're both happy as how things are so? The child doesn't NEED to call her father figure dad for them both to love each other very deeply as their family.
AU where Bea made one good choice in her life and didn't fly off to Florida to cheat on Carl and Donut still gets out that night. She follows him out there cussing him out, complaining about poor Donut's delicate constitution and how her poor baby was going to get mats from being in that tree when The Collapse happens
Beatrice follows Carl into the dungeon clinging to his arm begging him not to leave her alone, she didn't want to go down there, but he was the one with the cat in his arms, and he was going.
And the dungeon proceeds to go out of its way to murder her the second Carl and Donut get popular. The AI's in on it, Mordecai's in on it, the moment Katia meets her she's in on it, and it Is subtle at first as she's literally only a hindrance and fucks up everything by standing there freaking out and blaming everything bad on Carl
But as this goes on and progresses and Carl gets more family and support around him, Donut hatches a plan behind his back when she realizes through something I haven't worked out yet that Carl never knew about Asher before the Hydra
she gets to blow up at Bea like in the book about how Carl was Always there to take care of her and Carl had never tried to leave anyone behind
And yeah, Carl's family absolutely gets Beatrice killed one way or another. (I like to imagine Elle and Imani were very insistent on spearheading this but Donut wouldn't allow anyone to overrule her.) Not sure which floor or details, but it happens, and it feels so good.
I'm so obsessed what Carl and Donut would have seen if they'd stayed in their AU apartment, and I have two theories;
A; Carl would have walked in and seen Marjory's dilemma and taken her gently in his arms and comforted her. He was meant to be with her all along, not Beatrice, and they would have had a good life together while Donut and Gravy Boat cuddled on the back of the couch
B; the Dungeon AI gives Carl the most Fucked Up universe it can possibly think of and there's banging on the door. Marjory's friend shouts at Carl to go away, and they're calling the police. Carl has turned into a raging psycho on Marjory for taking in Donut who got out that day, and Beatrice and him are a toxic AF couple who poison everyone around them. Carl's turned into his father.
I hope beyond all hope the book swings back around and gives us more of what that scene was meant to be and this isn't just left as a hanging plot thread!
I have a vague idea for a Tam Lin (as in the Scottish fairytale) flavored Mordecarl fic but not much in the way of actual plot so my notes look something like this:
Mordecarl + Tam Lin = delicious angst with a happy ending setup
Mordecai is a shapeshifter (The Thing voice) It's Tam Lin Time
Carl and Burd Janet are like. Patron saints of Not Letting Go Ever. Perfect. Start holding on tight boxer boy.
System AI in narrative role as the faerie queen
AU or retelling?
Or neither and just flavortext?
Plot???
??????
Post to AO3

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming