#dazed thinking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz1XNaIwdJw

‘‘i hope we’re still friends, yeah, i hope you dont mind..!’‘

but..i just. i want an angst fic where dream/dreamed is having flashbacks of who he was before, and he remembers a time where sapnap and george were fighting him..and sapnap had said ‘‘WHO ARE YOU ANYMORE?’‘ while george was crying next to him...and hearing that yell echo, dream/dreamed snaps out of it and just cries and hopes he can see his friends again

thinkin about holding them! thinkin about beind held by them!

thinkin about going on walks with them! thinking about..just them lmfao.

little like!!! context under the cut!! might be long so thats why theres a cut

im sad! im so sad! but then it lets up, i become neutral! but then ill sink back down again!! choose a side GOD DAMN.

i feel so unloveable and useless! nobody likes me, and clearly nobody wants 2 hang out with me today! everyone around me seems upset and down too so theres no way im wasting their time by wanting to distract my own bullshit!!

i miss armel!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss glitch!!!!!!!!!! i miss my kibby! my wafer kitty! my kibbedy!!! im sitting here one second away from a sobbing fit, but without the sobbing bc my autism said: naur, you cant let out tears. naur.

im so sad!! i should just go back to sleep!! nobody wants 2 hang out and thats that! i have no right to ask or complain, nobody wants 2 hang out with me and thats nobodys fault but mine! i just want company! i just wanna feel useful! i wanna be of good use!!

but im not. and im not sure when ill ever be.

im sick of sitting here in my room all alone. im sick of being alone.

im sick of being on my own. all alone. nobody here. nobody to care for. nobody to care for me in return. im alone. im alone. nobody is there. theres nobody. nothing. im at my wits end all over again. then ill go to bed at 6 am. and then everything will restart.

i dont wanna fall asleep alone. i dont wanna sit here caged.

IDK nhjrmkenj i like my personal tumblr a lot and kinda. feel safe-ish here?

idk if like venting/ranting is a good idea BUT IM DOING IT ANYWAY.

sometimes i really wish i didn’t figure out that i was on a aroace spectrum.

im roseromantic and feasexual.

roseromantic = someone who wants/enjoys the idea of romance, but after a while loses feelings or becomes romance repulsed

feasexual = someone who feels sexual attraction but goes away or turns into disgust when acted upon

it makes sense as to why i could like someone, and then just. not.

but it hurts really bad because..am i just not cut out for dating? am i just. that undatable? or unloveable to where i had to be aroace?

i wanna be with someone, i want the idea of dating to be a thing! but i always end up going through a question circle of ‘‘yeah i like them like that’‘ but then ‘‘nah, just close’‘ . and it bothers me so much.

maybe im just. so not cut out for love that my body had to show it by making me aro. it just really hurts and i feel so horrid with myself.