#daysixtyone

I finally did it.

I sent X back her stuff. It only sucked at first because I spent a shit ton of money just to prove that I’m a decent human being.

Apparently, getting closure does have a price tag on it.

But then the tears came later and I’ve been crying on and off all day.

First, I shed tears because I threw away my Katie plushie away. It was an impulse buy and not that comfortable to cuddle with, so getting rid of it made sense. But my heart still ached because it was like losing Katie all over again.

And then I shed tears over losing Christie. I don’t know where X got her from, but her stuffing kept coming out and I had to keep sewing her up and putting her back together. And now I’m not gonna do any of that anymore and it just sucks.

I know that Christie was just a teddybear. But she was more than that to me. She was a symbol: a representation of something good and wonderful that happened to me. And now all that goodness is gone and I just hate everything right now.

I sent X a message to let her know that her stuff is en route. I know that she won’t bother replying and that hurts even more.

Sleep wouldn’t come when I tried to nap this afternoon. So I gave up and went around the city looking for a pump to inflate the portable punching bag that C loaned me. I finally found a pump, so I guess I’d better get to work on blowing up this bag.

And once I’m done, I’m going to put on some boxing gloves and whale on that bag like a domestic is in progress. Because everything I’m doing and thinking feels pretty pointless right now.

I looked at some of the residential buildings in my city and they’re always lit up so beautifully every night. I had an epiphany: there’s always a little bit of light amidst all the darkness.