#daysixtyeight

I woke up randomly at 05:35 and couldn’t sleep again.

I slept for 7 hours before that, so maybe that was just my body’s way of telling me I’d slept enough. So I got read some fanfics and got lost in the cheesy romance of it for a while before formally starting the day.

I had a tiny breakthrough with my Mandarin comprehension skills this morning. I ordered McDonalds for breakfast and the driver got lost trying to find my place. But when he asked me how to get to my apartment in Mandarin, I actually understood him! Of course, I still didn’t know how to respond to him back in Mandarin, but I knew what he was saying and recognized the words and sentences. Just maybe, I’m gradually getting over my anxiety of not understanding Mandarin when Chinese people speak to me directly.

After breakfast, I deleted old files on my laptop to make it run a bit faster before heading out to meet C, AS, CI and SH for a barbeque in Shanghai. I was a bit bummed that we didn’t end up taking the speed train, but the drive up was nice.

I didn’t gorge out on nearly as much meat as I initially thought I would, but what I ate was still delicious. And there were live bands that played rock music too. A lot of the singers kinda sucked, but the drummers and guitarists shredded like it was nobody’s business. I low-key crushed out on one of the guitarists and vocalists who had long, blonde hair and was sporting these kickass brown cowboy boots that drew my eye from the get-go. I can’t explain it - I just liked his vibe and his confidence.

Not that it means anything.

I can perv and flirt till the cows come home, but it doesn’t change the turmoil and heartache deep inside my chest. Even the two women who registered the five of us for the event were pretty and engaging. But they were also way too perky to be acceptable for 11am and Filipino, so that was never gonna work out either.

Still, I had a good day and jammed out to some good tunes. I even drank beer, which I usually avoid because it tastes gross.

I felt a little melancholic during the ride home, which is how I usually get when I’m alone with my thoughts for too long. But I decided to give my new punching bag another go before deciding whether to keep it or send it back.

And it actually worked a lot better tonight! C dropped by briefly to give me my new plushie: an eye-smiling dog that I’ve decided to call Katie. I think I might keep this one for a long time.

After C left, I switched on some rap music and started hitting my punching bag repeatedly with my boxing gloves. I was pretty uncoordinated, but it felt good to get rid of some of my frustration. It felt like I was aiming at X somehow, or just the ghost of her while I slammed my fists again and again into the punching bag. I was exhausted afterwards from all that dancing around, but it was a good kind of exhaustion.

I wanted to write tonight, but I’m too tired and preoccupied. I still have no idea how to prepare my students for the Speech Contest at the end of the month. They’re being willfully ignorant in class lately, which is driving me nuts. Hopefully inspiration will hit sometime before my lessons on Monday.

I’m meeting up with my ex-classmate and friend, AW, tomorrow for coffee. It’ll be nice to see him again after nearly a month; I haven’t seen him since that week when I first broke up with X. I just hope I can get enough rest tonight.

Maybe I’ll just take it easy tonight and read some more fanfics or Webtoons before going to bed. I find myself gravitating towards romance and love in stories and games lately.

I don’t know if that’s a sign that I’m ready to move on from X.