#daypost

i am going to give this therapist a shot but ooooh she fell so far down in my estimation when she said with her mouth, in response to me saying my mom did her best, "and i know with foster kids - and i don't know all of your situation, but i know foster kids often have a lot of behavioral issues, because of stuff that happened before--" and i cut in "because of trauma" because yes, i'm familiar, hi, i literally just told you i came through the foster system and so did almost all of my siblings, you are not telling me anything i don't already know. and i hate the way she phrased it regardless but i DO understand what she meant so i'm withholding judgement, right

and then she proceeds to be like, "so it was probably very hard for her"

and i'm like. :))) i'm aware

and she kind of laughs awkwardly like she realizes she misstepped and moves on with the next topic, and i'm in my head like. i am going to find you and i am going to leave several dozen legos in strategic locations on the floor in house. and a few in your shoes.

like.. i understand it was an attempt probably at active listening and trying to say something sympathetic about my mother since i'd just said something sympathetic, but... ew? that's me and my siblings you're talking about? you're saying it was hard for her to raise us because of our behavioral issues? with your mouth? that we were difficult kids and it's our fault she struggled with parenting? with your Mouth?

there's a 0% chance she actually meant it like that, but that was how i heard it, and like. ew??

to go to the doctor or to not go to the doctor: that is the question. i feel like... i'm not really having a problem-problem as such, this is the tiniest version of the problem, but it's also the longest-running problem i've had since july so i'm like. hey! what gives! we were supposed to have medicine for our bones that would make this not happen!

but then again it being the tiniest version and having different effects i'm sort of like. is this even the same problem yknow. is this caused by something different that should be treated in a different way. because like. ugh

i dunno dude i don't want to make an appointment in a few days and then i'm fine, yknow what i mean? like. that is obnoxious. all they do is go 'well u seem fine right now, have u considered [basic intervention that OBVIOUSLY ive tried]'

which is the most annoying and frustrating shit ever

like yes obviously i have tried pain relievers yes multiple kinds yes multiple times a day over multiple consecutive days. and yes obviously i have tried sleeping on my back OBVIOUSLY i have tried giving the arm a rest man i even tried the topical pain reliever bullshit and it did fuckall. of course ive tried stretching. in previous times ive tried vitamins, yes. ive taken ye olde bone juice for the ghosts that live in my bones consistently ever since it was prescribed, as well. i have even tried using a little rubber ball to work any possible knots or anything out of my stupid little muscles. none of that has particularly helped. despite all of my attempts it has for the last week not fully gone away at all until today because the universe hates me and does not want me to be able to demonstrate the problem even though it has been around to a lesser degree for two weeks in total and i am mad about it. fiX it or at least IDENTIFY it so future me in like two days or two months or whatever will know what it IS when it comes BACK

a list of little tricks i can do:

w sit (hurts one of my knees a little after a bit/more when i get up, but otherwise v comfy)

also lie down in that position for a while but that hurts after a few seconds

bend just the tip of my fingers keeping the middle joint locked (i call them dino fingers bc they look like a longneck)

the finger stack! i call them staircase fingers bc. looks like staircase

finger stack but in the opposite order. looks even more like a staircase

u know the vulcan salute? that but inverted so ur middle 2 fingers stay together and the outer 2 stretch outward. not sure if this counts & i did have to work at it a little but not too much & other ppl seem to have trouble with it so

in general easily make my fingers be shape?

bend one (1) pinky back 90°

if i lie on either side i can lift one of my legs up to make an almost 90° angle

touch my palms behind my back/reverse prayer pose

make pretzel arms so both wrap around my chest to grab my shoulder blades, if that's anything? like hugging yourself but a slightly more extreme version. i never see other ppl do this but it might be easy and just not Socially Normal ig

sometimes i can wrap my left arm all the way around my neck to touch my left ear. not always though. im usually just shy of touching it, it's hard to get my wrist at the right angle

make my shoulder blades stick out funny by moving my arms in certain directions

sort of.. scrunch my toes so the first joints make 90° angles?

move my big toes up on their own while standing with the other toes flat

cross second and third toe over big toe

put my arms out in front of me, elbows down, palms-up, and twist my arms & wrists so that i end up elbows-up & palms-up again? or, well - nearly. my hands are at a bit of an angle and i have to physically pull them to get them flat, but most of my sibs have trouble w even that much, so i consider it a fun trick anyways

touch the bottoms of my feet together with my knees locked which i thought was typical but the internet says it isn't

press my toes flat to the floor with my knees locked except to do that i need to shift so my knees and toes point inward which im not sure counts. definitely can't do it with my knees fully straight! simply Cannot reach the ground

oh! when i tug on my fingers it makes lil gaps near the knuckle and i feel a lil click when i let go and the finger goes back

fit most of my knuckles in my mouth which once made my sister do a 404 error lmao

like. still do not believe i have eds specifically bc i most of what i have read is Very Unrelatable, and i dont meet the criteria at All (beighton score of 1 my dudes...2 if u count the few times ive managed to barely touch my thumb to my forearm, which i don't), but like... since hypermobility is still a thing outside of it? & i can do a lot of other things that r supposed 2 be signs of hypermobility?

that Could be another plausible explanation for my shoulders feeling Stuck sometimes like smth is catching/clicking when i try to move them

may or may not be a bit hypermobile. possibly. hrm

and this woman tells me she's evaluating me for adhd after speaking to me for like. 25 minutes max. and then takes me through literally the smallest adhd screener u can find on the web. fills in 3 of the answers FOR me based on her observations + things i've already said. and goes Yeah u have adhd

and then after one (1) session of talking about the trouble i'm having at work goes hey have u considered adhd meds? i'm going to hook u up with a psychiatrist who can talk to u about meds. and then an hour later i get an email about scheduling and an hour after that i have an appointment and like