āSoā¦ thatās itā¦ two years, and all I get is a phone call?ā
āWould it have changed anything if I had flown back to Texas to tell you?ā
āYes, Arman! Yes, it would have!ā Arman screwed his eyes shut as the heaviness inside of him grew worse, like tar just sitting in his stomach as he rubbed at his chest as if to alleviate the guilt that he knew he deserved.
āIām so sorry, Davidā¦ā He breathed, hanging his head as he listened to the soft sniffling from the other end of the line. It broke him. It absolutely broke him.
They sat in silence, just listening to each other breathe, not knowing what else to sayā¦ when no words were no longer needed. It was over. They were done, and nothing was going to be able to mend the bridge that Arman so recklessly set on fire.
āI should have knownā¦ā David admits brokenly.
āOh god, David, I didnāt plan this-ā
āBut it was inevitable, Armanā¦ Donāt you see? You were never going to get over him. I-I was always just going to be second place in your eyes!ā
āI loved you!ā Arman hissed, defensive when he knew he had no right to be. Not right now.
āI know you did.ā David offered weakly, and just like that, all of his anger and vitriol subsided. He heard another soft sob from the other end of the line and Arman wanted nothing more than to hold him. Get on his knees and apologize.
David was a good man. He was kind, and soft, and he had eyes like riversā¦ Arman had loved him, they both knew thatā¦ but it would have never been enough. Never enough to hold a candle to the raging hearth he held for another.
They were doomed from the beginning.
āI thought Iād be able to deal, you know? Even with half your heart already given to someone elseā¦ Arman, you manage to love more than most people can ask for in a lifetime.ā And David still manages to sound awestruckā¦ but mostly resentful. Arman doesnāt blame him.
Another silence before Arman manages to croak:
āYou deserve someone who loves you with their whole heart.ā
A scoff from the other line.
āI deserve someone who doesnāt cheat on me with their ex boyfriend.ā A dagger to the heart. Arman presses his lips together, phone still pressed to his ear as his eyes move to the door leading to his bedroom. The bedroom Rahiās currently sleeping in.
His life. His whole life.
āHeās there now, isnāt he?ā Davidās tone is icy. Armanās shame is just as cold.
āNever call me, Arman. Do you hear me? Lose this number. Iā¦ I was so wrong about you, you know?ā The hurt was palpable, one that ripped through Armanās chest as David so ruthlessly sneered into the speaker.
āYou arenāt a good person, Arman.ā He hisses, and another piece of him crumbles.
āI knowā¦ā He breathes out, hands shaking as he presses it against his forehead.
āAnd when he leaves you? Because he willā¦ heāll remember just how small Houston can be compared to the universe, just how small you are compared to everything around himā¦ when he does, I hope no one comes to pick up the pieces like I did. Because it wasnāt worth it to love someone so broken.ā and then the line dropsā¦ and Armanās blood is still in his veins and his head is in his hands.
And for the first time in a long time, he takes a deep breath and fills his lungs with air.
