2024 June 08
Can I be honest with you? I’m having a really difficult time right now. Even with my meds and good sleep I can’t concentrate, and I feel so extremely delicate emotionally, all the time.
Today I turned in my lab at the literal last possible minute (02:59am!) and it’s already getting a 20% late penalty. It wasn’t my best work at all. I did what I could for the points that I could salvage.
Not doing my best is really difficult for me and triggers all sorts of other stuff. I took the day off work tomorrow because I knew I’d have to do an entire week’s worth of algebra in one day again, and catch up on biology. Things are moving so fast. I’m ashamed of how I’m doing academically. I’m ashamed of how little time or effort I’m putting in, how distracted I am when I study, how my work has been sub par the last week or so. I feel like I’m wasting all my time and money just by not putting in enough effort.
I lit my new BTS inspired candle and watched some of the FESTA content released and felt so much love and comfort from them that I desperately needed. Even when I’m behind on content, it’s nice to know they’re always there for me when I need them the most. I’m hoping I can recover from this burnout without letting my grades slip too much. Work is not helping!!!
