#dayfiftysix

Meh, there's not much to tell.

It's Monday and I woke up feeling pretty tired. Class went ok and I managed to finish most of my class materials. I gave my students lots of instructions and used different techniques to quiet them down when they got too noisy.

I mostly just went with whatever happened in class, I'm beyond caring now.

I'm getting annoying sinus headaches which is making me grumpy. I just got over my rhinitis, I thought I was out of the woods.

I'm thinking about X on repeat, mostly about the bad stuff in our relationship and how she broke my heart. I think it's time I started listing all the X triggers that make me go bonkers:

- The Philippines

- Filipino women

- Mondays (X and I broke up on a Monday)

- the night X and I broke up and she told me she stopped loving me a year ago

- sad songs

- romantic songs

- romance in general

- any song really

- the idea of falling in love

- anything that makes me remotely happy

- X's stuff that I keep in the study out of sight

- photos of X on my phone that I haven't deleted yet

- mermaids (X really likes them)

- my grey backpack with the pink bunnies that X has too

- just...anything to do with X really

Sometimes, I feel like I'm genuinely losing my mind. Some days, I'm really worried that the sadness in my heart is finally going to overtake me and I'll plunge head-first into an abyss of depression that I won't be able to climb out of.

So I just keep running as far away from it as possible.

If I had my way, I'd run away from this heartache forever.

Eventually, I'm gonna have to slow down and stop to catch my breath.

But not today.

I need to get back on the job-hunting horse now that Golden Week is over. I want to keep writing more of my new story, but I'm too tired tonight. Maybe I'll do some more writing tomorrow if Dr. Jekyll decides to visit me again. I'm with Mr. Hyde now and he's being a grumpy, cynical bitch.

I'm definitely gonna have some ice cream tonight.

I finished reading 'Big Little Lies' last night and it was awesome! I'm definitely going to download the TV series in the next few days. I guess we all lie to ourselves, whether they're big lies or little lies.

Believing the lie is easier than living with the truth sometimes.